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Link: index: Pet Connection Blog Link: start: Green lawn ... dead dogs? Link: prev: Stories most veterinarians would probably rather not tell... but I will Link: next: 2010's first roundup requires protective eyewear Link: canonical pet connection * home * about * blog * article search * dogcars.com * bookstore * pet gear * appearances * contact [IMG] Love me, love my pet dander ... or don't do either By Gina Spadafori January 3, 2010 One of my relatives is a yellow Labrador retriever named Duncan. He lives a nice suburban life with a nice suburban family, that being the one with my brother the firefighter, his school psychologist wife, their two kids, a large and well-appointed ranch home, two Volvos and an F150, college savings and retirement accounts, church, community and lots of nice, normal friends and family. For Christmas I visited this nice, normal life, grateful as always that it belongs to people who couldn't be happier with it. And even more grateful that after dessert I got to go home to my decidedly abnormal life as a writer and (I hope) future small scale farmer. I didn't visit Duncan, though, because he spent Christmas in a kennel. Why? Because a member of the extended family invited to Christmas dinner is "allergic" to pets. He won't take medications for his condition, but insists instead that people accommodate his "need" for an animal-free environment. After all, they're "just animals," right? Sending Duncan to the boarding kennel is the nice, normal thing to do, I suppose, which means there no way I ever would have done it. Not in my house, and not for an in-law who won't even try to make a situation work. It's either no pets or no him. Hmmmm. Honestly, I was tempted to rub myself against him, figuring I was probably carrying enough fur and dander on my clothes to ruin his holiday, but since it would have ruined everyone's holiday, I let it go. After all, I was a guest there, too. And he's nice enough otherwise, and I'm probably wrong to imagine him as the personification of all the anonymous pet-hating wackjobs who send me so much hatemail. No matter: Had the gathering been at my place, the cats and dogs would not have left. I have crated pets for occasions, but send them away? No, no and not ever. This is their home, too, and I don't change that for someone who won't even take an antihistamine. rooOf course, no one would expect me to send away the critters. Because ... well, I'm not like my nice, normal brother and sister-in-law. That's why I get presents like this one, from Pet Connection regulars Nadine and Russell Long, who hosted a lovely reading for me a couple years ago at the Del Norte county library in Crescent City, Calif. I was pretty surprised to get a box from them, and I laughed out loud when I unpacked my "rooster." His normal place is now on top of the TV cabinet, but it seemed like the chicken yard was the perfect place for a photo session. He doesn't yet have a name, but I can tell you that the ladies think he's pretty hot. One of the New Hampshire Reds (either Rebecca or Hazel, I'm not sure which) got herself into a suggestive pose in front of the fake rooster, which suggests she is either not very bright, is very desperate, or both. The rest of the hens (and Bernadette the Duck), checked him out thoroughly and then went back to doing what they were doing before - looking for worms.But here was the scene when I first set the fake roo in among the real birds: . hens . Can you imagine what the pet-hating in-law of an in-law would think of me out in the fog taking these pictures? Sure you can, and I so can I. And if you're one of our regulars, you're probably getting a smile just thinking about it and especially at the thought of watching him squirm at the very idea that my dogs and cats share the bed. And maybe you're even less "normal" than I am, and you would have rubbed dander all over the man at Christmas, perversely enjoying seeing him dive nose first into a box of tissues. Maybe next time I will. For Duncan. Who missed his Christmas dinner with his family because they are too normal not to be so nice. Share and Enjoy: * del.icio.us * Technorati * Digg * StumbleUpon * Facebook * Twitter Filed under: Pet-lover life, animals: pets - Gina Spadafori @ 1:04 pm Comments (42) 42 Comments >> 1. Most of the people I've met in my life who say they are allergic to pets just don't like them....a little Benadryl or stay home I say..and yes..a great big hug loooooong would have been in order! Comment by Carol V - January 3, 2010 @ 1:43 pm 2. This is my suspicion with this fellow, too. Either doesn't like, or has a phobia. Comment by Gina Spadafori - January 3, 2010 @ 1:53 pm 3. I would have at least considered bringing a couple of my rain day dog towels (unwashed of course) and placing them in the bathrooms. Comment by Eric Goebelbecker - January 3, 2010 @ 2:20 pm 4. I'm allergic to cats. I will not take medicine to supress my body's defenses. However, it would be silly for me to expect my cat-owning friends to send their cats away - because it's rude and because it would do ZERO good. That stuff is in the DNA of the house. I laugh when they tell me "Oh, I vacuumed for you." Dude, it's in the fabric of the curtains and couch and etc. Don't bother! If I absolutely had to spend the night, I might bring my own pillow or something equally fussy. Comment by Mary Mary - January 3, 2010 @ 2:21 pm 5. Yeah, I would have done the rubbing dander thing. I have a relative like yours, and again, the assumption that everyone will cater to their whim has always annoyed me. Comment by David S. Greene - January 3, 2010 @ 2:24 pm 6. I hope they sent him the kennel bill. He should have to cough up something for the pain and suffering he caused others in an effort to relieve his own. Comment by cheryl - January 3, 2010 @ 2:42 pm 7. Curious: is this extended family member otherwise likable or is he a tyrant in other ways, too? I'm also allergic to cats - but I cannot imagine asking any host or hostess to evict a cat from his home just because I'm there. If I'm allergic and choose to be a guest in their home, the allergy is my problem. Comment by Susan - January 3, 2010 @ 2:47 pm 8. I can't really say. He seems fine, pleasant enough a fellow but just a little ... particular. A fusspot overall, my impression. Christmas was probably only the third or fourth time I've seen him, ever. And obviously I'm not in a big hurry to see him more. Comment by Gina Spadafori - January 3, 2010 @ 3:02 pm 9. Ah the concept of "entitlement" at work. If pressed, I am sure the in-law would have said something like this; "When will you guys learn that human beings are above dogs in every and all situations, not the other way around." Comment by Anne T - January 3, 2010 @ 3:02 pm 10. My club includes several cat owners, a smaller number of dog owners, and various people who are either allergic to or dislike one or the other or both. When we have a club gathering at a home with pets, this information is included in the announcement-and the people who are allergic/phobic/whatever are expected to make their own choices. Pets may be confined (given the number of people who will be going in and out the doors, especially during the summer months when we may be grilling out back as well, it's safer), but no one expects the resident animals to be sent away to accommodate the club members who have a problem with them. Not exactly the same as a holiday family dinner, of course, but basically, my feeling is that anyone who says "it's me or them" needs to be told, "so sorry, we'll miss you." Comment by Lis - January 3, 2010 @ 3:04 pm 11. I certainly would have made sure my dander laden coat was next to his in the closet. Kirby the ankle biter and Orbit the fearful are sent to the basement or the dog run when non-doggy people come over, but kenneled? I don't think so. The allergic, simply aren't invited. No way I could de-dander this place. Too bad. Comment by schnauzer - January 3, 2010 @ 3:10 pm 12. I am actually thrilled to pieces that because we have 4 (used to be 5) dogs, that my `in-laws' would never consider coming to our house. I never need to do the Grand Cleaning to satisfy their need for floors and furniture you could eat off of. (And you could eat off of mine if you didn't care about some extra fiber...) Comment by KateH - January 3, 2010 @ 3:26 pm 13. I gave a cast party a while back where a woman who had become a BFF during rehearsals walked in, saw my dogs and said she was allergic to dogs. I offered to put them in a bedroom, but she graciously told me not to. They lived here, their dander was already here whether they were around her or not. She popped a few drugs, legal ones, I believe, and we all had a lovely time. The man is an ass. Comment by Jan - January 3, 2010 @ 3:27 pm 14. All my allergic friends medicate before coming over. If you're really allergic, even if you put the dog in another STATE, the house will be full of dander. It's absurd. Comment by Christie Keith - January 3, 2010 @ 3:29 pm 15. Wow, I hope this isn't really an example of "normal" families, because if it is, I haven't met any yet. But why be angry at the guy who said he was allergic? He's not the one who boarded out the family dog. At least put the blame where it belongs: on the people who did the deed. Comment by Perri - January 3, 2010 @ 3:40 pm 16. I LOVE the pictures of the hens. Have you got any images of Duncan? x Comment by Elaine - January 3, 2010 @ 4:02 pm 17. But why be angry at the guy who said he was allergic? He's not the one who boarded out the family dog. At least put the blame where it belongs: on the people who did the deed. Comment by Perri - January 3, 2010 I'm not "angry" at anyone. But in my opinion, they were being exceptionally kind and accommodating - and he was taking advantage of that. There are people who truly are so highly allergic or phobic they cannot share space with pets. But it has not been my experience (albeit in a world of mostly animal-loving folks) that people like this routinely expect family members to be booted for them. Instead, most I know would suggest alternatives - if out of respect for the expense of boarding alone. That means dinner elsewhere, out or the person taking a pass on the gathering. Comment by Gina Spadafori - January 3, 2010 @ 4:29 pm 18. The FAA has a wonderful explanation of why this guy is full of it on their website: I have severe allergies to pet dander. How can I be sure that there is no pet dander on my flight? You will still be exposed to pet dander on every flight, even without any pets in the passenger cabin. This is because most allergens are carried into the cabin on the clothes of other passengers. http://www.faa.gov/passengers/fly_pets/cabin_pets/ A visiting professor once complained vociferously when he saw Lilly on a down-stay in the graduate lounge of my former university. He would die if exposed to her toxic dander, doncha know? Trouble was, it was April. He'd had an office that was fifteen feet from my little carrel since September. Lilly spent several hours a day in there, four or five days a week. And he was still alive. Had never noticed that my quiet, well-trained, heavily shedding pup was there. I pulled the crime/security card. The department poobahs knew full well that the neighborhood was dangerous and the building poorly secured. They did not want to Go There over the female grad student forced to work alone late at night, without her trusty German shepherd for protection. As far as I know, that neurotic, controlling, high-maintenance whiner survived the rest of the school year, despite her continued polluting presence. Comment by H. Houlahan - January 3, 2010 @ 4:32 pm 19. My in laws have very peculiar allergies. The cat hair and dander only bothers them when it is on my husband and I, never when it is on the baby. When it's a matter of holding the baby, their allergies seem to disappear. Comment by The Other Lori - January 3, 2010 @ 4:33 pm 20. Wow. When I first read Gina's account, my first reaction was WTF! Then as I read the other comments, my thought was that had I known he would be there, I'd have made it a point to brush the dogs and then take their fur and rub it all over his coat and whatever other clothing as I gave him a nice, big hug. I go along with Lis, so sorry, but it's the dog's house, not your call. Also agree with Perry. Why would your brother and his wife let him determine what goes on in their home and who gets invited and the dog gets kicked out. Comment by VJ - January 3, 2010 @ 4:34 pm 21. I have to agree with Perry also, your brother & sil should have put the dog in a bedroom during dinner. The dander is all over the house & people anyway. I am allergic & simply take a daily antihistamine,I would never consider not having cats & dogs. I do have a bil & sil who are VERY allergic,we simply invite them during warm weather for bbq's. I can't imagine how you kept yourself from rubbing all over this guy ! I would have brushed all of mine & brought a baggy full to leave in his coat pocket ! There are also pet wipes to help control dander,maybe these would be a nice late gift for your family ? Comment by Leslie K - January 3, 2010 @ 6:09 pm 22. After reading this, I feel very lucky that my family allows me to bring my entire menagerie with me when I travel to their home (one dog, one cat, two doves). My brother is allergic to air in general (meaning, everything and anything you can possibly be allergic to) and my mom is probably allergic to my cat. But that doesn't stop them from petting my animals and allowing them to come with me. I guess they figure at this point I and my four boys are a package deal. Comment by anecdote - January 3, 2010 @ 6:16 pm 23. My brother and sister-in-law are really nice people who likely didn't want to spark a family ruckus. They love and care for their dog, who was fine at the kennel - he doesn't know it's Christmas, after all, nor does he care. I would NEVER take my own pets to the home of someone who didn't want them there. But I would also NEVER remove my own pets from their own home to suit a visitor. But we all do what we think is best, and that which minimizes the degree of family annoyance. Which is why I think it's perfectly reasonable for my brother and sister-in-law to choose to accommodate the in-law who won't accommodate at all - and why I think it's also perfectly reasonable for me to make a different decision in the same circumstances. Comment by Gina Spadafori - January 3, 2010 @ 6:48 pm 24. I had a friend with severe allergies, even taking prescription meds did very little and she was a fusspot about everything too. She was the type to ask you to remove your pet, and then whine about your home still not being suitable. She's since given up gluten and sees a holistic doctor. No more inhaler, and she has 4 cats! I thought she really did hate cats, I now know I was wrong. I'm certain she would never remove her pets for anyone's convenience, and she's still a fusspot, just over different things. Tell your inlaw's in law to consider giving up gluten, often allergies to the environment (animal dander, pollen, etc) go away when you remove food allergens from your diet, so so I've been told- and witnessed. Comment by RD - January 3, 2010 @ 8:13 pm 25. I had a similar circumstance, only my x MIL and family were too "polite" to tell me how dirty they thought "indoor" dogs were and instead insisted that everything was fine. It was fine until they slept over and locked one of the dogs in a windowless, pitch dark bathroom for 12 hours. I would have rather had them be up front so we could have dealt with the dog issue and the dogs weren't left unattended anywhere near them. Can you tell 9 years later I am still pissed? Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith CPDT - January 3, 2010 @ 8:24 pm 26. Russell says "I think `Roo' is a fine name for this hypoallergenic fowl of a Velcro persuasion. When we first saw Roo sitting on the shelf, he called out your name. Somehow I just knew you'd take him for a spin through the yard... Actually, that photo is rather beautiful. No one would guess! And instead of Where's Waldo: Find the Faux Fowl! New book title? Maybe you'll get lots of eggs if you put him in the window. :))) Comment by Nadine L - January 3, 2010 @ 8:38 pm 27. I spent Christmas morning with my golden having a big time with my uncle's Jack Russell, who has suddenly had a change of heart and realizes that he loves her. It's quite amusing to watch a 12 pound JRT court a 68 pound golden retriever that has no idea what the heck he's doing. Comment by retrieverman - January 3, 2010 @ 10:47 pm 28. I think the picture of "Roo" with the hens is beautiful, too, and that Roo IS a good name for the new guy. But if "Roo" is too short or not formal enough of a name, perhaps the could be "Rookus," as in causing a ruckus amongst the hens, or "AstroRoo," as in being, well, a fake.... Comment by Rori - January 4, 2010 @ 6:56 am 29. I developed allergies to cats when I worked for a shelter years ago. It doesn't stop me from owning them, nor does it stop me from handling the cats I know amongst my family, friends and clients. One of my very best friends on the planet is highly allergic to pet dander. She has undergone treatment for decades. It doesn't stop her from owning dogs, horses, goats, cats, chickens and other unsavory beasts, all of whom shed enough dander to put her into a coma. My family got the message early on. Don't like it? Don't bother. Be sure to vaccu-seal my email too, since it could possibly shed animal dander into your computer. But yet, they never complain about it when I make the effort to travel hundreds of miles to visit them in their homes, all wearing the same pea coat the dogs sleep on when they are in the truck, or the hat the Pointer carries around in his little games of keep-away with the Pug and the Lab. Koinky-dink? The guy is a schmuck. Comment by Linda Kaim - January 4, 2010 @ 7:32 am 30. I guess I have mixed feelings on this. My immediate reaction is no way would I do that! But then I thought about my trips home. My dad always takes his lab over to my grandparents house when we come to stay with our two Jack Russell Terriers. The three dogs get along okay, but it is a very full house with all of us there and the lab can be a bit territorial and we really have to watch them. I feel bad, who are we to get Ozzie moved out of his own house? I have learned that going to grandma's house for Ozzie is much like it was when we went as kids. Grandma makes special treats (Toast! Much to dad's dismay, grandma cannot be convinced to not share her morning toast, but we have convinced her to stop putting butter on it) and you can get away with murder (or digging in the flower bed in this case. I still feel bad, but I admit it makes my life a lot easier that my family is willing to accommodate our dogs by sending theirs away. Is it fair that my dogs get special accommodations? Is easier for Ozzie to go to grandma's and than it is for us to board ours? I don't know, but I think all of the dogs and people to do things this way. Comment by Dani - January 4, 2010 @ 1:30 pm 31. Wow that entire last paragraph is messed up, sorry! It should read: "Is it fair that my dogs get special accommodations? Is easier for Ozzie to go to grandma's, than it is for us to board ours? I don't know, but I think all of the dogs and people are happier since be began doing things this way." Comment by Dani - January 4, 2010 @ 1:32 pm 32. My Step-daughter is allergic to dogs, so when she and her son came over for Christmas Eve festivities, I put the dogs in another room. She takes a Benadryl before coming over and she does not complain at all. We wrap a box of tissue for her. LOL As for the man at the dinner, I would not have been as nice as you, Gina, I would send him a Christmas card with a lock of dog hair in it. Annonymous, of course. LOL Comment by Jill - January 4, 2010 @ 3:23 pm 33. My motto is "Love me, love my dog". My Cheyenne is a golden retriever mix who is VERY protective! I put her in my bedroom when she takes a dislike to people, but would NEVER send her to a kennel for anyone. It is her home, too! Comment by Bev - January 4, 2010 @ 3:31 pm 34. Exposing him involuntarily to dander is unlikely to have an impact if the allergy is a ruse! Comment by Barbara Saunders - January 4, 2010 @ 3:39 pm 35. There are no doubt a few people so allergic that they can't be in the same house as a dog (or cat) but as pointed out here, the house would need some sort of deep professional cleaning to make it tolerable for someone that allergic. Far easier for everyone to eat out. Not only wouldn't I exile my dogs (and cat) for the sake of one person, I couldn't afford to have the house industrially un-dandered. Comment by Susan - January 4, 2010 @ 4:05 pm 36. FAR kinder than I Gina. Had this person been invited over to *MY* house with these demands, I would have failed to mention the cat, kenneled the dogs and setup some nice cage displays of the furless kind. Snakes dont have fur or dander. ;) Of course I cant really remember the last time other than my Mother In Law someone from the family visited. Comment by Cindy - January 4, 2010 @ 4:25 pm 37. My thoughts on the idea of boarding my pets to please a fusspot visitor run pretty much in agreement with this passive-aggressive note. Comment by Janeen - January 4, 2010 @ 5:00 pm 38. I have mixed emotions. I have told people that their small children could not come into my house because I was worried that my one dog would bite the little suckers and I was not willing at the time to put her in my bedroom. This may be partially because I'm not fond of small children, either, and don't want to try to childproof. On the other hand, some cats can send me into severe asthma in about 10 minutes if I just go into their house - I don't even have to see or touch them. Inhaler helps, but it's not a total answer for me. If the house has been vacuumed lately, I may be good for a much longer time. I would never go beyond asking if people can vacuum, though, before sending my regrets. Comment by Judi - January 4, 2010 @ 7:51 pm 39. My allergies tell me this guy doesn't really have an allergy. I am allergic to cats, even with medication. I've stayed with friends who have cats who say "we vacuumed and washed the bedspread for you." I told them not to bother because they would need to replace the carpet and wash the walls too. I take allergy medicine before I'm going to be around cats and just deal with the symptoms I still have. But there must be a reasonable place to draw the line. I have crated my dog when my nephew was afraid of dogs. I haven't brought my super sneaky food thief dog to potlucks where she could get into trouble. I have put my snake in the garage when my snake-phobic mom came over. People have offered to put their cats in another room even though I always turn them down. May be reasonable compromise works. Comment by kb - January 4, 2010 @ 8:05 pm 40. A ride ride in my dog-mobile can work wonders too. No amount of cleaning (done once a year and then that is very iffy) can remove all the hair, dander and snot my dogs leave inside the car. Comment by Paul - January 5, 2010 @ 7:24 am 41. My dog is a service dog in training and most of the time, where I go he goes. The grand majority of people with dog allergies do not have deadly do allergies. I can't leave my dog at home for gatherings and most of my extended families excepts this, although they don't have to. Comment by thetroubleis - January 5, 2010 @ 8:31 am 42. It's possible for someone who's allergic to cats, anyway, to have a strong reaction to some, yet not to others. My stepfather is like this. Two of our cats cause him next to no trouble even if they get right up his nose, yet the third, if she tries to cuddle up, can have him wheezing in seconds. Vacuuming does help. So does mopping, laundering, washing the animals, and making sure they stay out of the guest room. My own hypothesis, though, is that all this helps not so much because it reduces the level of specific allergens, but rather the total load of asthma-provoking particles. Comment by Eucritta - January 5, 2010 @ 8:59 am RSS feed for comments on this post. 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