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Joey-Justin #2 - college Justin hefted the last bag out of the hallway and into the tiny room, tired and sore and ready to just flop down on the bed for a while. It might have been nice if someone had been around to help him get settled in, but he was a long enough way from home and he was on his own now. He left the door wide open as he did, in fact, take a nose dive over the bags and onto the mattress. He looked up in surprise a moment later at the soft "hey" that came from that direction. And that belonged to a pretty, curvy, friendly-looking girl. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, a little louder, blinking at what Justin was sure was his fairly haggard-looking face. "Did I wake you?" "Nah," he said, giving her a smile. "The mind is alert, the body's dead." He looked her up and down and hoped that she would at least introduce herself, since she was standing in his doorway and all, and wasn't that the polite thing to do? She giggled and weaved her way around the bags covering his floor gracefully, even without being invited in. "Hi," she said again. "I'm Britney. And you're going to think this is just *awful* of me ... " "Hi Britney," he said, getting the sinking feeling that whatever she was about to say would involve him getting off his nice, comfortable bed and doing her a favor. "I'm Justin. Nice to meet you." "You, too," she smiled, and giggled again in a way that Justin was quite sure was calculated. "So this is my problem," she sighed, sitting heavily down on the bed beside him and touching his arm. Casually, but again -- probably calculated. "My brother just left. He was helping me move in? But he forgot to set up my stereo, and I'm just *worthless* at all those wires and things. So ... " "So you want me to hook up your stereo for you?" he finished, smirking just a bit at the way she was going about asking him. He stretched his arms out over his head then sat up. "Yeah, I think I can handle that," he said. It wasn't gonna kill him, after all, and it beat messing around in his room on his own. "Just lead the way." "Oh, *thank* you," Britney smiled, squeezing his bicep a little and standing back up. "I'm just down the hall. I saw you unpacking your stereo, which was why ... " She laughed and didn't bother to finish the sentence. And Justin wondered if she knew how transparent -- and not terribly creative -- she was being. "I *still* can't believe they have co-ed dorms. My daddy wasn't so sure about that." "Well, don't worry," said Justin, practically herding her out of the room to get this done so he could relax again. He got the feeling Britney was *quite* happy to be in a co-ed dorm. "You're perfectly safe with me, that's for sure. Your daddy didn't come and help you move in?" She giggled again. "Oh, no. He was here too, but mom was able to drag him away. Finally." She flashed him another grin. "This is so sweet of you. I promise I felt bad bothering you, but I just *have* to be able to listen to music while I unpack. You know?" Justin nodded. "No, that's cool, I understand. Stereo very important. Did you want to learn how to do it for yourself, or did you just want me to take care of it?" He had to ask, even though he was pretty damn sure she had no interest in being able to take care of things herself, not when she could get a big, strong man to do it for her. "Oh, that's okay," she said breezily as she let him in to her room, confirming his suspicions. "This way I get to have the pleasure of your company again when it's time to move out. Even though I'm sure we'll be great friends by then." Justin looked around the room at the Laura Ashley bedspread and what seemed like 800 pillows and stuffed animals and rolled his eyes to himself. "You're just absolutely saving my life, here." "It's no problem," he said, wincing as he crouched down to hook it up for her. It was about a five minute job, tops, and frankly one she could have easily done for herself if she'd taken the time to learn. Or even just look at the diagram. It was hard for Justin to respect someone who couldn't do that for themselves ... but he also had a seldom-acknowledged soft spot for people who couldn't take care of themselves very well, which had spurred him to come here and do this in the first place. Probably came from helping to take care of his little brothers -- but Britney was hardly a child. "There, done," he said, standing up and brushing his hands off, even if though they didn't really need it. "Go ahead and try it out." "That's great, you're really *good* at that," Britney exclaimed brightly. She bounced over to a box and grabbed a stack of CDs. "Is there anything you want to hear? What kind of music do you like?" She shoved a handful at him, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and went back to reach for another. "Um, I should really get back to my room," said Justin awkwardly, holding onto the CDs but barely glancing at him. It wasn't as though he didn't know how to deal with this -- it wasn't the first time he'd been flirted with by someone who didn't interest him -- but he was tired and sore and Britney had just *so* much energy. "I have all this stuff to unpack, you know ... " "Aww, come on," she smiled. "I bet I'm the first person you've met. Look, I've got a coke here; we can get to know each other a little. Your stuff isn't going anywhere." She put on some godawful music that Justin didn't recognize and didn't *want* to recognize, and walked over to sit cross-legged on her bed, looking up at him expectantly. Justin closed his eyes for a moment. She was right, she *was* the first person that Justin had met. And with a personality like hers, she was probably going to have 50 new friends by the end of the week, friends that she would introduce Justin to. And with 50 people ... well, there was bound to be someone in there that he had common interests with, right? And it wouldn't really be using her; Britney seemed like a nice enough person ... "Sure, I can stay for a bit," he found himself saying. "But don't let me lose track of time. I really do have a lot of unpacking to do tonight." "Great!" she smiled again, and patted the mattress next to her. "So. Justin. Where're you from? What're you studying?" She laughed. "Those are the questions I'm supposed to ask, right?" Justin sat down next to her, carefully not touching. The last thing Britney needed was to get the wrong idea at this point; there'd probably be no stopping her. "I'm from Tennessee," he said after a moment. "And you don't have to ask the questions you're supposed to. Just ask what you want to know." He hoped that would encourage her to think for herself, but he doubted it. She did look a little taken aback by that, probably not expecting that kind of deeper thought from someone she'd obviously pegged as being a pretty face, obviously thrown off her game a little. "I'm from Louisiana," she said, a little stiltedly, then recovered and flashed him another smile. "See? Already something in common. Sort of. Right? And I think I'm going to study psychology. But I haven't decided." She paused. "Do you like to go out?" "Yeah, sort of," said Justin, smiling and a little impressed that he's managed to get her flustered. That his comment had had any effect at all. "I don't know what i'm going to study yet. I'm just trying out things until I find something that feels right." He paused and almost ignored the last question, but figured she deserved something at least. And maybe he was reading it wrong. "Do I like to go out where?" Britney laughed like Justin'd made the funniest joke she'd ever heard. "You're cute," she giggled, then frowned a little when he kept looking at her expectantly, like it hadn't been the rhetorical question she'd assumed it was. "You know. *Out.* Like ... dancing. Drinking. Meeting people? I met a couple of people downstairs who heard about this keg party tonight." Just mentioning that seemed to make her grin. "Keg parties! And we just GOT here!" Justin smiled again. "Well yeah, sure," he said. "I like to go out and do stuff sometimes." Though not nearly as often as Britney, apparently. "When I'm not busy studying or whatever. Which I'm not, yet, I guess." "Oh, *studying*," Britney wrinkled her nose. And it was cute, he had to give her that. "No, we definitely aren't stuck doing *that* yet. So?" She smiled and touched his leg. "How 'bout it? want to come with me?" Justin hesitated before answering, considering how to approach this. "Sure, that would be fun," he began, nodding his head. "We should take advantage of this time before we get too busy. But ... you don't mean like a date, right?" He looked at her and tried to look like he wasn't disinterested in *her*, just not interested in dating. *Again* Britney looked taken aback, but again she recovered nicely. "Of *course* not," she grinned. "We just *got* here. I'm sure *neither* one of us wants to look taken, right?" She rubbed his knee a little more firmly, still artfully casual. "There'll be plenty of time for that, anyway. I hear you're supposed to take dates to the football games." "Good," said Justin, even though it wasn't, quite. There was a definite implication that dates would be in their future. "Because I don't, you know, date girls, really." He paused after that, figuring she might have something to say. Britney narrowed her eyes a little, considering. Justin figured she was catching on. And thankfully not as clueless as she acted. "Is it the dating part that's the hangup? Or ... the girl part?" She didn't look offended, or disgusted. Just a little surprised. And curious. "The girl part," confirmed Justin, figuring from the look of her that she'd already pretty much guessed that. "Sorry." He wouldn't add insult to injury by saying if he *was* into girls, he would have dated her; she didn't need to hear that. "We're still gonna go out, right?" "Definitely," Britney said quickly, her inflection and intonation completely different. She flopped back onto the bed and grinned over at him. A real grin. "Don't be sorry. In some ways this is better. *You* still want to, right?" "Oh. Yeah," said Justin, smiling back in obvious relief. "I wasn't kidding when I said we should take advantage of these next few days, before the real work hits. After that I'll probably be buried in books for the next, oh, eight months or so." He couldn't quite put his finger on what was different about Britney now, but he liked it. "No kidding," Britney groaned, stretching out on the bed and tugging on Justin's arm until he relented and laid down beside her. "Thanks for being up front with me," she said after a moment. "That's cool. Um ... you were pretty much basically laughing at me, flirting with you, huh?" "No, not laughing," Justin promised her as he lay down. Britney's bed was as good as his, at this point. "Just ... flattered. And a little worried about hurting your feelings, too, I think." He smiled at her, actually grateful for the company now that he had nothing to be uptight about. "So ... just out of curiousity, could you have put the stereo together faster than me if you had to?" She laughed unapologetically; like her grin, it was real this time. "Maybe not *faster*," she admitted. "What? You were cute. And you have to admit, it's not a bad way to pick up a guy. At least I'm not so bad that I'll unhook it after you leave and find someone else to do it all over again." She reached out comfortably and tugged on one of Justin's curls. "My best friend in high school was gay," she said, and Justin was still a little taken aback by how open she was. "Do you have a boyfriend?" Justin paused; he hadn't been expecting that question yet, though he should have been. "Not anymore," he said softly, thinking about the guy he'd left behind to come to college. Thinking about how they hadn't been able make any promises to each other, and had decided to say good-bye instead, while they could still be friends. "You think that stereo thing might work for me, too?" "Shit, sugar," she drawled. "Like you need anything beyond those baby blues. You and I, we're gonna be a force to be reckoned with. We've got the entire male population of this school covered, and they won't know what hit 'em." She gave him a comforting smile, then, and Justin realized that the 'have a good time' part of her act wasn't as fabricated as the rest of it. "You got a type in mind? Since I have such a limited amount of time to work in, here, before you apparently turn into a pumpkin when classes start?" "Oh, hell," said Justin, laughing. "I'm not sure I'm ready for someone new *that* fast. But ... if I *was* ... I dunno. I like nice guys. Smart guys. Guys who know how to treat you right. Guys who aren't afraid to be who they are." He shot her a sheepish grin. "Guys who won't worry when I disappear into the books for days on end, guys who might come looking for me when I do to remind me that there's a whole world out there that I'm missing." Britney whistled, and pretended to look offended when Justin looked surprised. "What? I can wolf-whistle, too, but too loud to do it inside. All I'm sayin' is that's a tall order. What's your type, then, when you're just lookin' to have *fun*?" "I've never just been with someone for fun," admitted Justin, rolling over into his stomach and resting his head on his arms. Britney was turning out to be pretty cool to talk to, after all. When she wasn't trying to pick you up. "I don't know. Whatever, I guess. He's just gotta be nice. But what about you? Well, I guess I've got *some* idea what your type is," he admitted with a slight flush of remembrance. "Right," Britney laughed and nodded. "I like 'em tall," she said firmly. "That's all I really care about. Tall and good-looking and I have a thing for eyelashes -- don't ask -- and ... well, like you said. Whatever!" She giggled again. "You *know* that's the first thing we gotta do, now. Let you try being with someone just for fun. And if it can't be me," she sighed exaggeratedly, "at least I can help you find the lucky guy. And you can help *me* find the lucky guy." "Sounds like a plan,"Justin had to agree. Maybe he *should* just go for it with her. College was all about trying new things, wasn't it? And wasn't that what Lance had said to him, too? "But first ... " He gave his own dramatic sigh. "Unpacking." "Gross, right," Britney frowned. "Although it *will* still be there later, I guess I really should let you get back to it." She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Wanna swing back by here at, like, 10? And we can go? And that way," she winked, "you can approve my outfit first." "You seem to assume I have some kind of fashion sense," joked Justin as he forced himself up into a sitting position again. "But yeah. I'll be here." And he wasn't feeding her a line, either -- he was starting to look forward to getting out. It was something he'd never done much of before, but he was starting to think that hanging out with Britney was going to turn him into an expert. --- JC smiled when a plastic cup, already dripping with condensation, appeared over his shoulder. "You're too good to me, coming to these things," Joey told him, hopping up next to him on the railling and taking a deep swallow from his own beer. "Do you really think you owe me that much, or are you just a glutton for punishment?" "I'm a masochist," said JC, sipping at his drink politely as he watched the room. "And possibly a little slow. I keep coming to these things with high hopes." He gave Joey a bemused look and a cocked eyebrown when he snickered. Joey was on his fourth beer already, which for him when he was at one of these things was known as 'just getting started'. "What?" he said. "A boy can hope, can't he? One day my Prince Charming is going to burst through those doors and sweep me off my feet." "At a keg party at a fraternity, this is going to happen," Joey replied dryly. "Chasez, I think you've been cooped up in that lab for too long; the gamma rays from the computers are affecting your brain." JC snorted at that; if the "gamma rays" were affecting JC, Joey was no less susceptible. "You gotta learn to take what you can get at these things. Save your 'high hopes' for when we go to that club. You know the one." "I always have high hopes," said JC, sipping at his drink again. The club in question was good for a pick-up, yes, but not much else. "You never know when your true love is gonna come along and smack you in the ass, honey." On that note he thought about giving that cute boy across the room a little wave, but Joey was right. It *was* a frat party, and he needed to be just a bit more subtle than that. Joey growled and leaned over, pretending to bite JC's neck. "You know what it does to me when you call me honey," he warned, then threw a much more casual arm around JC's shoulders. "And also ... you should know by now that I can fucking *sense* when you've spotted someone. Give over. Who is it?" JC pointed discreetly across the room at the dark-haired man he'd been watching, leaning playfully into Joey's side as he did. The casual affection Joey showed him just about anywhere and everywhere was one of the best parts of their friendship. "Ooh, or maybe *that* one," he amended, changing his mind as someone new walked in the door. "Damn. You *know* I've always had a thing for curly hair. What do you think?" "He's a baby," Joey snickered, but JC didn't miss the lingering look he gave him, and smirked a little himself. "And I don't know about Prince Charming. He looks pretty friendly with that ... hel-LO." Joey's jaw dropped a little as he finally got a good look at the girl that had come in with him. "Shit. *That's* not right. Don't you think a chick like that deserves better than some freshman meat?" "A chick like that?" repeated JC, giving her a good look. She was pretty, and flirty, and would probably be a really good time. For Joey, not for him, of course. She didn't look like she was out to find anything serious at all, which was a good sign. "I don't know. That freshman 'meat', as you so delicately put it, is a fiiiine specimen. You think you're better for her than that?" He looked at Joey with that same smirk on his face, and winked. He'd pit his gaydar against Joey's any day, and there was no way that guy was here 'with' her, anyway. Joey glared at him, and if JC didn't know better, he would have thought Joey was actually offended. "JC," he said stiltedly. "Here I thought we were *brothers*, man. Why you gotta play me like that?" He turned and looked at the guy again, narrowing his eyes. "I could take him," he said finally. "He's not *that* much better looking than me, and I've got the homefield advantage." Hopping off the railing, he turned around and leaned over JC's knee. "What do I get if I win?" he asked in a husky voice. "My undying admiration and a blowjob that'll curl your toes?" offered JC with an amused grin. "From me *or* from him, I'm sure." He pressed his hand against the small of Joey's back, turning him. "Go for it," he said. "Work your magic, big boy, and she'll be yours. But for heaven's sake, get her a drink first this time. Have a little class." "*Him*," Joey snorted, obviously not as convinced as JC about their boy's preferences. "Right. And as for *you,* I've been waiting for this blowjob of which you speak since we met, and ain't got shit to show for it. Tease." He ran a quick hand through his hair and pretended to grab JC's drink. "A drink, huh?" he mused. "You done with this?" He laughed and ducked out of the way of JC's hand. "Okay, I'm going. Be right back with her *and* her little boy. Just for you. Because I love you like that." JC blew him a kiss. "You'd have to wine me and dine me for that blowjob," he reminded him, like he always did, "and we both know you don't have the patience for that." Not that JC would have gone for it anyway; their friendship was far, far better than any relationship between them could be. When it came to Joey, 'relationship' was a pretty loose term. "Now go. Carry through on that promise of yours and I'm yours forever." "You're gonna be on your knees before we're done tonight," Joey sang, then laughed and worked his way through the crowd over to where the girl and her "date" were looking a little lost. JC watched fondly, and not a little bittersweetly, as Joey sidled up next to them and winked over their heads at him. It was a sight, surely: seeing Joey lean into the chick, whispering something in her ear, even as he placed a steady, sure hand on the boy's back. JC sipped his drink again as he watched. Odds were that Joey was going to end up with her tonight, though the guy was still in the running at this point. Especially if she didn't seem interested, but from where he sat the interest was definitely going both ways already. He gave Joey a sly but encouraging smile as he looked up in his direction, beginning to lead them that way. And without too much resistance, either. "Little Britney here," Joey said to him as they approached, gesturing to the blushing girl, "was asking about you, man. And before I could even *say* anything, Justin -- this is Justin -- cuts in and goes: 'nuh-uh, he's gay, honey'." Which made Justin blush even more than Britney, and Joey waggle his eyebrows at JC. "Kids, this is my friend JC. Say hello." JC waggled his fingers at them, his smile evening out. It wouldn't do to have his prissy face on when he was meeting new people after all. "You need to learn to have faith in my gaydar," he admonished Joey, giving Justin a knowing look. "When *will* you learn?" He was even cuter up close. If JC had *actually* been looking for a pickup for that night, this would have been it. As it was, he might have someone to keep him entertained while Joey made his move on Britney. Justin seemed to relax a little and nodded his head at JC, glancing at Joey out of the corner of his eye before looking at Britney. "The same goes for you," he said with a quirky smile. "But I'll let it go because you haven't had much time to figure that out." "I didn't *doubt* you!" Britney squealed in protest, but she was smiling too, and obviously basking in the attention. "Hi, JC," she said. "I'm Britney. Joey said that you might try to keep me away from him but that I shouldn't listen to you." JC rolled his eyes and Joey laughed, helping Britney up onto the railing beside JC. "Way to be subtle, sweetheart," he told her, mouth quirked into an all-too-familiar grin. "You're not supposed to *tell* him you're in on the secret." "Everyone's in on *that* secret, honey," said JC, rolling his eyes in amusement at his friend. Yes, he definitely knew where Joey was taking this now, and Britney looked like she was enjoying every minute of it. Justin too, though he was being quiet and kind of hanging around in the background, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to be noticed or not. JC caught his eyes and patted the railing next to him, cocking an eyebrow at him, but Justin shook his head and looked down shyly. "Hey. Me honey, or her honey? 'Cause I *know* I told you about you calling *me* honey..." Joey said, then got obviously got distracted by the way Britney wrapped her bare ankle around the back of his knee and leaned in closer to her. "Thanks for the drink," she giggled, holding her cup with both hands and raising it to her lips. "You're a lifesaver. I was worried I was gonna go have to *ask* someone for one." She looked like she couldn't think of a more horrifying prospect. "You know you're my only honey," said JC, winking at him then laughing as he realized Joey was barely listening to him now. His usefulness here was at an end, it seemed, and earlier in the night than it usually was. "Justin," he said in a stage whisper. "Come here and keep me company. I think I lost them." Britney, at least, spared them a glance before turning back to Joey -- checking to make sure Justin was okay, or maybe just didn't ditch her -- but Joey was predictably focused on one thing only. JC could barely make out what he was saying, but it took no time for him to start playing with her necklace and whispering things into her ear. JC patted the railing next to him again and this time Justin took him up on the offer, hoisting himself up and turning his eyes toward Britney and Joey. "I bet you five dollars the next thing he does is touch her hip and probably compliment her outfit," he said under his breath as he sipped his drink again; it was only half gone at this point and he intended to make it last. "Is that his modus operandi?" murmured Justin, his hands restless in his lap as he watched them. JC realized he didn't have a drink and figured that would be their next stop, once the Joey and Britney show lost its entertainment value. True to form, Joey did move closer between Britney's legs, chuckling and tugging on the hem of her halter top. "This is nice," he murmured, grinning. "Out to get you some attention tonight, hmm?" Britney shot Justin a little bit of a sheepish smile, then ducked her head under JC's more concentrated gaze. "Why, is it working?" she bantered. "Oh, it's working all right," mumbled JC, intending to only be overheard by Justin. "Work it, sister." She had Joey absolutely captivated at this point, and with any luck she'd keep him that way. At least until morning. "I take it I approved the right outfit, then?" said Justin. He tried to cock an eyebrow like JC had, but failed, and JC struggled not to smirk in mild amusement. "I'm not usually so good with 'get attention'." "Maybe," Joey smirked at her, leaning in even closer. "And you've got the other trick down, too ... make sure you smell good, so once you've *got* their attention, they don't want to leave." Still absolutely unconcerned with their audience, Joey nuzzled Britney's cheek a little, then ducked to whisper something in her ear that made her blush. She playfully pushed at his chest, but JC had to roll his eyes when it turned into more of a caress once she had her hands on what JC knew all too well was warm, firm muscle. And she still had her leg wrapped around his. "Stop," she giggled. "Does it mean I get another beer?" "Yeah, from the special keg in his bedroom," snickered JC, though he knew Joey would never be quite *that* obvious. "I said *a* drink, Fatone," he said louder, obvious about getting Joey's attention. "I didn't say get her liquored up." "She seems to like to party, doesn't she," said Justin and it was hard for JC to tell whether Justin was talking to him or just to himself. "How did I end up here anyway?" "I made a wish on the first star tonight," said JC, leaning back toward Justin and giving him a teasing wink, "that I would be sent a pretty boy to keep me company while Joey was on the prowl. And look, here you are!" "You worry about yourself, Chasez," Joey retorted with a cocky grin, wrapping an arm low around Britney's waist while she still sat on the railing. "Speaking of ... what were you saying about class, earlier? looks like your boy there is a bit empty handed." JC watched him watch Justin for a moment, and couldn't tell if he was disappointed that the chick wasn't going to be a challenge for him after all. Before he turned back to Britney, he grinned at JC and mouthed "you OWE me" at him. JC rolled his eyes at Joey and shook his head, turning back to Justin who had turned a particularly interesting shade of pink. "I was teasing, hon," he reassured him. "You're probably jailbait anyway. And yet, I'll still serve you alcohol. Would you like a beer?" Justin nodded and was obviously trying to his his embarassment. "Yeah, I think I could really, really use a beer right now." JC thought that was pretty obvious, too. Poor kid probably had no idea what he was getting into, leaving home for college, and a beer wasn't going to hurt him any. Joey whispered something else in Britney's ear, and she nodded, and let him lift her down off the railing, leaving a possessive hand on her back for an extra second. JC watched her approach Justin hesitantly and ask him -- with only a little bit of embarrassment about the obvious nature of what was going on -- if he was going to be okay. Joey, for his part, crept up next to JC and rested a possessive hand on *his* back while he watched the two freshman. "See you at home," he said, under his breath. "And don't forget. Undying admiration and toe-curling. I may hold you to it this time, hot stuff." "Only in my dreams, honey," said JC with a grin and a wistful sigh. "Have a good night, and make sure *she* has a good night, too, would you?" He gave Joey a significant look that he knew wouldn't be misread, but also knew wouldn't be commented on. "I'll see you later. He turned back to Justin, who was nodding his head and giving Britney a quick peck on the cheek. "Ready for that beer?" he asked him. "More than," replied Justin fervently, gravitating closer to his side again. "About two minutes from now you'll officially be the only person I know at this party." "Well then," said JC, unable to hide his amusement this time, "I'll just have to show you a good time." --- "Oh. Hey. ...JC. Have you ... seen Joey" JC cringed a little when he looked up from his paper and coffee, sitting in his bathrobe in the kitchen of their apartment, to see a sleep-touseled, slightly lost, but fresh-faced Britney standing there in one of Joey's tee shirts and not much else. And he knew -- not like there'd ever been a question -- that his friend had pulled his typical act: leaving early in the morning to go work out, or to the lab, leaving JC to do his dirty work. Britney rubbed her arms and looked a little shy about how much of her legs were exposed. "Um. I heard you moving around out here and thought it was him." JC looked her up and down, but not dirtily, and gestured at the chair across the table from him. "You want some coffee, sweetie?" he asked, stalling for time, very tired of having to do this. Especially to someone who looked as nice, and frankly as innocent, as Britney. "I just made it fresh." "Oh. Um. Sure," she said, still looking around as though Joey was going to appear any second, tugging on the tee shirt awkwardly before sitting down and curling her legs up under her. "Thanks; that's super sweet of you." She yawned and blushed, before apparently remembering what she had asked in the first place. "Is he here?" JC got up and poured her a cup of coffee before answering, setting it on the table in front of her and sliding the milk and sugar closer. "I'm sorry, hon," he said with a sigh as he sat back down, shoving the paper aside and cupping his coffee mug in both hands. "He's already gone." "Oh," replied Britney, tucking her chin. JC was thankful, at least, that she seemed smart enough to pick up on what that meant. "I see. Well ... I should leave you alone, I guess then," she said, standing up without having touched her coffee. "I don't want to bother you." "You're not a bother," said JC soothingly as he sipped his coffee, watching her. She looked pale and shaky and still a little bit lost, and he didn't want her leaving like that, not when he could do something about it. "At least have your coffee and maybe some breakfast, okay, sugar?" "Okay," she said softly, sitting back down eagerly enough that JC knew he had made the right move. "You don't ... seem very surprised," she said a moment later. "That I'm still here. And that ... he's not." JC sighed again and wished that just once Joey wouldn't make *him* feel like the prick. "I've known Joey for a long time," he said, figuring that would answer the question well enough. Britney seemed like a pretty sharp girl. "He's probably at the gym if you want to find him ... " he offered slowly. He knew Joey wouldn't be particularly please to see her show up, though, and didn't want to set the poor child up. "But I ... I wouldn't recommend it," he finished. "I'm sorry, hon. You can do better than him." Britney bit her lip, and JC felt awful all over again. "Yeah, okay," she whispered. "I guess that expecting to find a note when I go back in there, with his number, is probably too much to ask too, huh?" She shrugged and sighed. "Well. Welcome to fuckin' college, right?" "I'm sorry," JC said again. He always found himself saying sorry over and over again on these mornings. At least Britney was being an adult about it, unlike some of the people that Joey brought home. "Joey doesn't ... do that," he added lamely. He could have given her an hour-long lecture on why, too, but that obviously wasn't what she needed to hear. This *was* a lousy start to college for her, and he started to feel bad about letting her go with him last night, but she'd honestly looked like the type that would maybe leave before even Joey got up. The kind that wanted the same thing. "Yeah, I get that," Britney exhaled, then finally gave JC a weak smile. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to bitch at you," she told him, even though it really wasn't what she was doing. "and it's not like I was really *expecting* anything else, when I met him. He just ... seemed nice. And treated me really well when we got here. And ... " she trailed off. "And I'm sure you don't need to hear this. I should've listened to Justin." "It's okay," said JC, still apologetic. "I don't mind." He paused considering what else she'd said, and considering how to phrase his reply. He didn't need to watch his words, with Joey, but this was a different situation entirely. "Joey's not a bad guy," he said finally, needing to defend him, if only that much. "He's just ... pretty thoughtless sometimes, is all. So what advice did young Justin give you, anyway?" "Oh, nothing," she said breezily. "Whatever. The typical. Not to do anything I didn't want to do, and if I did want to, not to expect anything. I kinda get the feeling he didn't think much of Joey. Even though he was the one that noticed him first." She looked up suddenly. "Wait. *He's* not here, is he? You two didn't ... ?" JC laughed, both at the thought and at the expression on her face. "No, we didn't," he assured her. "I got him home safe and sound last night, where he's probably sitting up waiting for you, if what I gathered about him is right. It seems to me that Joey wasn't exactly his type, though." He tapped his fingers against his mug as he mused about that for a moment, still watching Britney's reactions carefully. "He and I are in the same boat, sweetie," he added after a moment of silence. "Looking for that perfect man that never seems to fall into our lives. Well, except for the fact that young Justin once though he had that perfect man and let him get away." He clucked his tongue. "He'll learn soon enough that if it *is* the perfect man, he won't let you go." "That's good advice," Britney said softly. "And Justin's ... I'm not sure he knows how drop-dead gorgeous he is. Or maybe he does, and doesn't care; he just doesn't seem inclined to use it, is all." She sipped some more of her coffee. "So can I be really nosy and ask why you guys *didn't* hook up? I mean ... since Joey isn't his type, and it seems like you and Joey are total opposites. And plus ... well, look at *you*. How come the first two guys I think about hitting on at this school are gay?" "You obviously have very good taste," said JC with a knowing smile as he sipped his coffee again. "And I'm not really in the market for anyone right now, or you're damn right I would have snapped him up right then and there. The boy really doesn't know how fine he is, and I would have wanted him safely in my bed before someone clued him in." Britney even laughed a little at that. "You should've seen the tricks I was using to try and get him to go for me," she admitted. "I know he was laughing, even though he said he wasn't." She sighed and rested her chin on her fist. "You're really nice," she said. "I'm a little surprised you and Joey are such good friends. I mean, he's nice, but ... well." JC nodded. "I know, honey, I know," he said ruefully. "But he's Joey. And we have a long history. And ... well, there's a lot to him, I guess. That he doesn't show very often. Well, obviously." He gave her another apologetic smile. "Justin has my number," he added. "If you wanted to stay in touch. I wouldn't mind." Britney nodded and stood up, probably realizing that line of questioning didn't need to be pursued any more. "Thanks for the coffee," she said softly, tugging on the tee shirt and giving JC a chaste kiss on the lips before squaring her shoulders. "This is why they call it the walk of shame, huh?" she joked weakly. "Oh, sweetie," said JC, standing up and giving her a hug. She, more than just about anyone else that had passed through those doors, didn't deserve this. "Take care of yourself, all right?" "Oh, I'll be around," she replied, hugging him back tightly and giving him a real smile. "And I'll tag along with Justin every once in a while when he comes to see you. Which I know he will. He likes me, but I think he's in need of some ... intellectual stimulation, let's say. Which isn't my strong suit." She kissed his cheek and let go. "And I'll be cool. Around you-know-who. I'm not a stranger to how this works." "You're good people, Britney," he said as he tied his robe a little tighter around his body. "I'm looking forward to seeing you again. Not to mention young Justin." He gave her a smile and a wink at that, and she grinned back knowingly. "I'm just going to take a shower, okay, sweets? Since I know how awkward this is." He kissed her cheek this time, and patted her arm on his way past. There was no need to prolong this now; he knew she would be gone by the time he came back out. --- Justin stepped out of the classroom into the busy hallway, hoisting his backpack up on his shoulder and pushing his glasses up his nose as he's jostled by at least a half dozen people. He'd been ready for some serious work after the first couple days of class, but even *he* hadn't been expecting how much there really was. His head hurt and his eyes hurt and he just wanted to get back to his dorm room and kick back for an hour or so before diving in. He got about halfway to the stairs when he spotted a new-familiar face leaning against the wall next to the bulletin board and drinking a Coke. He paused right where he was and tried not to let the feeling of disgust overwhelm him. He had two choices, really: he could ignore him, go on downstairs like he'd never seen him, or head over there and give him a piece of his mind. Justin headed over. He had to get right next to him, practically, before Joey turned from the two girls he was chatting with to even notice Justin. When he did, though, Justin had to give him credit: an easy smile appeared on his face, and it seemed genuine. "Justin!" he exclaimed, clapping him on the back. "You have math in here, or something? Can I introduce you to Missy and Lena?" "Hi Missy, hi Lena," said Justin, not even looking at them. "These the latest chicks you're gonna fuck and desert, then?" he asked bitterly, holding Joey's eyes. He was looking for some sign of guilt, some sign of remorse, and his disgust grew as he saw none. In fact, Joey didn't even seem embarrassed about being called on it in front of his fresh meat at all. He just smiled and cocked an eyebrow at Justin in a blatant challenge. "You want to maybe have this conversation with me someplace else?" he suggested. Justin crossed his arms over his chest and tried to look at least somewhat menacing. "This won't take long. I just wanted to let you know what kind of scum I thought you were." He hadn't really spoken to anyone like that before, but he'd never been in quite this situation before -- on his own and feeling justified in defending someone who had become a friend, someone who had come home in tears after spending one night with this man. Joey rolled his eyes at the two girls before saying "I'll see you ladies later, okay?" Getting them to giggle, but more importantly, to leave. "Okay," he said more slowly, in a deeper voice, leaning in *way* too close to Justin. "What's your problem? Is this about your friend? Britney, right?" "Yeah," said Justin, trying not to let himself get flustered. "What do you *think* it's about? I can't believe I thought you'd be a nice guy." There was still no sign of remorse in Joey's eyes, his manner or his voice. "I'm a nice guy," Joey protested with a casual shrug, wrapping an arm around Justin's shoulders and leading him out into the courtyard. "Look. Kid. I know you just got here, and maybe you don't know these things, but ... that's what college is about. Plus ... she knew what she was doing, what she was getting in to. And I don't think she needs you to be playing daddy for her." "Don't patronize me," said Justin, ducking out from under his arm and facing him again, walking backwards in the thinning crowd. "She was *crying*. Don't you tell me that's normal. Don't you tell me that's what to expect." Joey cocked his head, obviously surprised at Justin's vehemence, probably less so at the news of how upset Britney'd been. "I'm *not* patronizing you. I'm just telling you how it is. If it was news to her, too ... well. I feel a little bad about that. But it would've happened sooner or later, with one guy or another. And if it had to be someone ... I promise, I'm not a bad guy." He squinted at Justin. "You like her, or something? I thought you were ... " "She's my friend," said Justin, his own eyes narrowing. "You couldn't have treated her a little better, her first time at college? You couldn't have even stuck around to say goodbye to her in the morning? That's just ... there's something wrong with you, man. I mean it." He stopped and held out his hand to stop Joey, too. He would have thought Joey would say sorry, or something. He might even have let it alone if Joey had even just said sorry, but he hadn't. "Hey," Joey frowned, starting to look a little intimidating, like his patience for Justin's insults had just about run their course. "Like I said, this is how it *works*. And I treated her plenty well, when she was with me. Enough so that I can basically guarantee you she wasn't complaining about *that*." He shook his head at Justin and looked like he was about to leave. "You seem like a cool kid," he said. "So don't piss me off." "If you think that's how it works," said Justin, taking a step back so that Joey could get back if he wanted to, "then I feel sorry for you. I *pity* you. And I pity the dozens of other women you're gonna have to go through before you realize how fucked up you are about it all." He was pretty proud of himself for not backing down about this, for actually approaching him in the first place, and even though he was still feeling upset and disgusted by what he'd done to Britney, he felt like he'd maybe said what he wanted to. "You *pity* me," Joey echoed, disbelieving. "Do I *look* the slightest bit unhappy with my life?" he asked. "You need to get fucking *laid*, kiddo. 'Cause it seems like you've forgotten what it's like." He paused and smirked. "If you ever knew, that is." Justin backed up another step, but he was still pretty close. "Fuck you," he said. "I think you *are* unhappy. You ever had anyone really like you, Joey? You ever had anyone *love* you? I don't think you have. Otherwise you wouldn't be satisfied with screwing people over week after week, that's for damn sure." He thought he saw a dark look cross Joey's face, but it was hard to say the way his face was shadowed right then. "You get all that from one-and-a-half coversations with me, and hearing your little girlfriend's side of a story? Man, you're *good*," Joey sneered sarcastically. Justin could tell he *had* hit a nerve. "Get out of my face, kid. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and even though I'm generally a pretty easy-going guy, you're pissin' me off." "Hmm, if you were so happy with things, would you be getting pissed off by me saying this?" said Justin, and he didn't back away this time. He wondered just which part of that he'd gotten right. "Maybe I'm better than you think." "Maybe I just don't like punk little naive freshman getting in my face," Joey retorted. "And you're not going to goad me into, like, saying anything to you either." But Justin did realize that Joey didn't look like he was going anywhere, and even stepped a little closer once Justin stopped moving away. "You treat everyone you meet like this?" "Only the ones who fuck my friends and then desert them," said Justin, "and so far that's only, hm, *you*." He studied Joey again, but it didn't get him any closer to knowing what his deal was; it was absolutely inconceivable to him to treat someone like that, and Joey clearly thought it was something normal. Common, even. He had to frown when Joey just started laughing again, after a moment of seeming to size him up, too. "Okay, Justin. You're made your point; you got your little confrontation. Defended Britney's honor, or whatever, so you can run back to the dorm and tell her you told me off. I'm sure she'll be very, *very* appreciative. A little advice? Try it. You might like it." Justin gave him a brief look of disgust, not at the thought of being with Britney, but at the arrogant assumptions that Joey kept making. And at the not-so-subtle dig at his being both young and gay, like he didn't know what the fuck he wanted. Whatever. He got enough of that back home, he certainly wasn't going to take it from *Joey*. "I'm not doing this to impress her," he said, his eyes narrowing again. "So obviously I *haven't* made my point. Learned a few things, though. Learned that people like you aren't worth my time. Look me up when you grow up a little, Joey, then maybe we can try this again." Even that insult, said more cockily than Justin maybe felt, didn't seem to phase Joey. It was as if that one comment Justin had made hit home somehow, and Joey could just turn it off after that. "Well, *that's* something to look forward to," he grinned. "Since I can't tell you how much I enjoy being called 'scum' by pissy little boys." "Yeah, like I said," Justin pointed out, rolling his eyes. "When you grow up a little. I wouldn't have to call you scum if, you know, you weren't. I can't believe JC puts up with you, since *he's* such a great guy and all." Joey's eyes narrowed a little again, and his smile looked a little thinner. "Yeah, well," he said, looking over Justin's shoulder. "Just more evidence that you don't know me as well as you seem to think." He focused on Justin again and looked more serious than he'd seen him yet. "You better not be getting any fucked-up ideas about trying to get back at me, using Jace. You do *not* want to try that." "I have no interest in getting back at you," said Justin. "Like I said, you're not worth the time. Don't be surprised to see me around, though. Me and JC, we seemed to hit it off pretty well, you know ... " Joey didn't seem to impressed with that, so Justin smiled. "So if I come by, well, you don't need to go thinking it's all about *you*." "You're breaking my heart," Joey muttered, but couldn't completely hide his relief. "I'm gonna go home and cry myself to sleep over the fact that you've so cruelly demonstrated to me that I'm not your type. There go all my dreams about us living happily ever after." He rolled his eyes. "We done?" "We were done before I got here," muttered Justin, waving his hand at him dismissively. This was certainly going nowhere fast, since Joey didn't even seem to want to acknowledge he'd done something wrong, let alone apologize for it. And how fucked up was *that*? "Go fuck something, Joey. Yourself, for instance. I'll see you around." "Only if my prayers are answered!" Joey gushed in a mocking lisp; still eyeing him challengingly. "Oh, and tell Britney 'hi' for me." Justin glared at him, then turned around without saying anything more. He tried not to be dramatic about it, but Joey's snicker told him he hadn't quite succeeded. "Asshole," he muttered, but it took a few more moments before he could quite make himself actually leave. --- JC looked up from his textbook as soon as he heard the door to the apartment slam, a smile automatically appearing on his face -- but fading quickly when he didn't hear Joey's typical "hey, honey, I'm home," and Joey didn't come in to his room to see him first thing. He crawled off his bed and walked down the hall, peeking around Joey's half-open door, flinching a little when he saw him throw his bag against the wall, mumbling under his breath. "Bad day?" he ventured quietly, leaning against the doorframe and resting one hand on his hip. It wasn't often that Joey let anything get to him, but when he did? It was usually pretty big. JC just hoped they weren't dealing with another fun little trip down to the clinic, like last time. Joey looked up, his face dark for a minute, then softening a little. "Naw, I'm okay," he said. "Had a little run-in after Walters' class, guess it's still bugging me a little. I didn't mean to bother you." He crossed the room and rubbed JC's head. "Wanna sympathy-binge with me?" "Always," said JC, reaching out to rub the back of Joey's neck; it was tight. "You gonna tell me about it?" He knew that the first answer was gonna be no, the next was gonna be no, and after that Joey would spill. Probably for a while. It would save time if they could skip a couple of those steps, but a ritual was a ritual. He let go of Joey's neck and smiled at him expectantly. "Nope," Joey smiled back, and leaned over to kiss JC gently, right in front of his ear. "You're such a peach," he murmured, and led the way into the kitchen to grab some beers out of the fridge. JC was relieved it wasn't anything harder -- that was a good sign. "Tell me what you've been up to, instead. Get that bug worked out in your program? See that cute guy you were mackin' on after class the other day, again?" "He was suspiciously absent," said JC as he sat down in a kitchen chair. "I'm worried it has something to do with the other cute guy he was talking to last time. So what happened? Something go wrong with the project you were working on?" That was an innocuous place to start, even though he knew the chances of the problem being something academic were slim to none. "No, no," Joey waved him off, then surprised JC by actually hinting at what happened a lot sooner than he expected. Which maybe meant it *was* bothering him a lot. "Just ... let me know if you decide to invite your little freshman boy Justin over anytime soon, okay? So I can make myself scarce." JC cocked an eyebrow at him. "You have a problem with Justin?" he said, tapping his fingers on the table and giving Joey a calculating look. "Justin's the sweetest boy I've met in ages. How can you possibly have a problem with Justin?" Of course there was one distinct possibility, but JC wasn't going to be the one to broach that subject. Joey scowled. "He's not *sweet*. He's a little punkass who came up to me in front of Missy and Lena and asked me if I was going to, and I quote, 'fuck and desert' them. And then wouldn't fucking shut UP about it once I was able to get him alone. He's a whiny baby and a tightass and whose side are you on anyway?" "There are sides to take now?" asked JC, reaching out his hand expectantly. He certainly wasn't having *this* conversation without a drink in his hand, and if beer was all there was, beer would have do to. There were precious few things he could say right now that would both be honest and not set Joey off. "I'm sure he though he had a very good reason to confront you, honey. Now are you gonna sit down and tell me what's got you all in knots about it?" Joey slumped into a chair obediently and handed JC one of the bottles. "I don't get why he cares so much," he sulked. "*You* saw what happened that night. And plus, Britney's not dumb, and *she's* obviously over it. So what made him feel the need to make, like, a scene in the middle of the math building." He took a long drink of his own beer and smiled a little. "And *yes*, there's sides. There're always sides in psuedo-dramas like these." "Yeah, I *did* see what happened that night," agreed JC, remaining somewhat vague. "Same thing that happens every time you have someone over. So tell me ... why do you care so much about what Justin thinks of it, hm?" He sipped the beer and made a face, coaxing another smile out of Joey. Which hasn't been his objective, but it was a nice side effect. "I *don't*," Joey insisted. "I just don't think it's fair that he bitched me out in front of all these people for doing something that everybody else here does. And *then*," he went on, obviously getting worked back up again remembering, "and THEN, this kid has the nerve to tell me that he thinks I did it because nobody's ever loved me." He paused, and JC knew that he knew JC would understand the significance of *that*. And so the mystery of why Joey was upset was solved right then and there. Unfortunately, what to do about it was another story entirely. "Not everyone," JC reminded him gently. "Not everyone does that. But you're right ... he crossed a line there." He sipped the beer again, then pushed it away and gave Joey a wry smile. "Though, if I know you, you crossed a few yourself before the conversation was over." "He started it," Joey pouted. "I might have -- *maybe* -- told him he needed to get laid. And *possibly* suggested he try Britney." At least he had to good grace to look ashamed at that. "And, um, if you were still interested in hooking up with him, there's a chance I messed that up, too." He sighed and looked up at JC with his practiced puppy-dog eyes. "Is it time for another lecture?" "He started it?" repeated JC, and couldn't help letting out a chuckle. "Welcome to junior high. Honestly, Joey, were you really expecting him to be nice to you after that?" He sighed and rested his chin on his hand. "Drink your beer, sugar. This could be a long one." The slightly apologetic expression was a start, but the root of Joey's whole problem ran a lot deeper than that and JC didn't think things could be fixed with a few well-placed apologies. As always. Joey smiled impishly. "Well, no. I didn't think he'd be nice to me after I said all *that*." He got up and tried to squeeze onto JC's lap. "Okay. Hit me. What'd I do wrong *this* time, and how can I fix it." Joey might not always think, before he acted, or before he spoke, but he honestly did usually want to make it right after the fact. JC gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Where to start, where to start," he mused. "You do know that you didn't treat Britney very well, right?" he suggested after a moment, holding onto him. It wasn't the most diplomatic way to put it, but he knew it would get through to him. "Jace," Joey sighed, closing his eyes. "What. What did I do that's so bad? I was nice to her. I didn't do anything she didn't want to do. She spent the night; it wasn't like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type thing." He bit his lip before continuing in a much softer, more timid voice. "Better her than me, in any case." "Joe," said JC gently, squeezing him. "It's not going to kill you to wake up with someone one day, you know. Britney was a nice kid, she would have treated you good. Probably would have even made you breakfast or something." He kissed his cheek again and pushed his own beer toward Joey's hand. "You ever thought about letting someone in, babycakes?" That was even pushier, but Joey seemed to be more receptive to it than he normally was. Maybe it was time to talk about it. Joey didn't reach for the drink, and wouldn't meet JC's eyes. "What do you mean? I let *you* in. And sure, Britney was sweet. But I didn't need her hanging around, either, getting all ... attached. Nothing good comes of *that*." Joey really *did* seem a bit off; he wasn't moving out of JC's grasp at all. "You know what I mean," said JC, caressing his side and trying to catch Joey's eyes. "And you wouldn't be feeling this awful about the whole situation, if you weren't starting to think about it, too." Joey's brief twitch was all the answer he needed. "You could have at least said good-bye to her yourself, Joey. That would have been a start, at least. Do you think that's fun for me, cleaning up after you?" He wasn't trying to make Joey feeling guilty about it, just to make him think about it for once, when he might actually put the right pieces together. "No," Joey admitted, sounding very young. "I'm sorry. I just ... wake up, and I have to get out of there. I don't know if seeing someone in the morning just ... reminds me too much, or something, but I can't do it." He sighed again and leaned his head back on JC's shoulder. "You remember what I was like when we met. You can't tell me you want to see me like *that*, again." JC didn't, but he thought maybe it was time for *this* to stop, too. "No, honey," he said, kissing his cheek again. "You know I don't. Just give it a little more thought, okay? Not everything ends up like that, is all I'm saying. And it's been a long time." He gave Joey another squeeze once he saw his mood was degenerating even futher. "Listen, I'll get Justin to lay off a little if you promise me you won't antagonize him any more, all right?" "I'm not going to antagonize him," Joey replied. "Because I'm not going to see him. I'm serious. He totally lit into me, Jace, and it was way over-the-top for just being worried about his friend, or whatever. He's a little diva, and you can *have* him." He snuggled into JC's arms a little. "When *I'm* done with you, that is." "You don't know what happened when Britney went home, Joey," he reminded him gently. Joey was like a big baby in his arms, but he didn't mind. "Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing. You don't know him. You *know* you don't know him." Personally, he thought that Joey probably deserved every word Justin said, but Justin was probably deserving of a few of Joey's too. He sighed and shook his head and just gave Joey's cheek a kiss. "You're both impossible little boys." "Britney's *fine*," Joey sighed, finally sounding a little exasperated. "She knows where to find me if she needed to, and if she was really all that bent out of shape about it, I bet your boy Justin wouldn't have been as candid as he was. He was just trying to ... I don't know. Show off, or something?" He snorted. "Whatever. I'm over it." And of course, he sounded anything but. "If you say so, sugar," said JC, playing with Joey's hair and frowning slightly. If Joey wanted to believe that, Joey was going to believe that and there wasn't much JC could say without proof to back him up. Not that even proof was going to change Joey's mind once it was made up. "Justin doesn't strike me as the type to show off like that, though. Actually, Justin doesn't strike me as the type to be confrontational at all. But if you're over it, then we don't need to worry about it, now do we?" "Well, he *was*," Joey insisted, then growled and leaned over to bite JC's ear. "And I don't much appreciate you comparing me to him. *And* you're patronizing me, and you know I hate it when you do that. C'mon. I got a whole mess of ways you could make me feel better that would be way more effective." He bit JC's ear again, a little less teasingly, a little more intently. JC shoved at him playfully, starting to get uncomfortable with Joey on his lap. Not because he didn't like the attention, but because he did. "Have another beer, sweet thing," he said, grabbing Joey's chin in his hand. "You know you want to." Because if Joey was drinking then he wouldn't be biting JC's ear and making him think a lot of things that he shouldn't. That he really didn't want to. "There are no blowjobs in your immediate future. At least, not from me." "Who said anything about blowjobs?" Joey asked suggestively, still looking at JC, turning his face in his hand to lick at JC's thumb. The point things had to get to, before Joey would stop -- or JC would make him -- was never at the same place, and it seemed like this afternoon it would be a little farther than most. And the thing that made it worse was that JC knew Joey would make good on it. Seemed to want to. JC kissed Joey's lips gently, then held his face away between both his hands. "I *know* you," he said with smile, trying to read Joey's intention this time, his reasons for pushing their boundaries. "I know you way too well." "Too well for what?" Joey asked, seemingly distracted by trying to pull out of JC's hands so he could lean closer again. JC thought he knew what that was about; in one way or another, any time what had happened with the girl in Joey's past got brought up, Joey went looking for affection. And any time someone made him feel bad about who he was, Joey went to JC. Sometimes those things happened to coincide. "Too well for us to do anything more than this, honey," said JC, letting go of Joey's face so they could kiss again if he needed them to. "And I know you know that." He let his hands rest on Joey's shoulders and sighed softly, wishing he could do more for him. But there were a lot of things about Joey that he just couldn't fix. "Jace," Joey closed his eyes, kissing him again, the touch more familiar , more welcome, than it should be. And all of a sudden the conversation turned serious, and all-too-familiar too. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't be like that with you. You have to know that." "You're my best friend," said JC, resting his cheek against Joey's neck and hugging him again. "Everyone needs a best friend. That's what we need to be to each other." He knew Joey knew that, too, but sometimes it was a hard thing to remember, when they felt closer to one another than to anyone else in the world. "Besides, come tomorrow morning you'll be ready to look for someone new, anyway." "I wouldn't," Joey said softly again, but they'd finally gotten to "that" point, and he got up and walked over to his own chair. As if JC needed another thing to love about Joey: he always could read when JC truly needed him to stop. "One of these days you're going to say yes, you know," he teased fondly. "Yeah, and one of these days you're gonna wake up with someone and stay there," says JC, leaning back in his chair and relaxing again. "And I'm guessing *that* is going to happen long before you and I would have gotten together." He gripped the edge of the table with his fingers and studied Joey again, then tension was almost gone from his shoulders but hints of it remained. "Don't count on it," Joey replied; smiling, but dead serious. "There's you; and then there's the girls, and the occasional guy. I don't need anybody else, for anything else." He finally grabbed the rest of JC's beer and chugged it, before pouting beseechingly. "Are you mad at me about Britney? You seem like you kind of are." "Not mad," said JC, shaking his head. "You *know* I can't stay mad at you. Just ... disappointed." He gave Joey a smile and a shake of his head. "She was a real sweetie. More than most. It was hard to tell her what was going on." Once again, there was no accusation in his voice -- he hoped -- just a statement of fact. "You're such a hopeless romantic, C," Joey shook his head right back at him. "If anyone's ever gonna be the one to get me over *her* -- if I ever want anyone to *try* -- it won't be some hot piece of freshman ass I pick up at a frat party." He got up to get another beer. "That said ... I'm still sorry you had to talk to her. I forget sometimes that the new ones don't always know how this works." "She understood just fine," said JC, tapping his fingers on the table again. "She was still sad. I think she thought you would at least say good-bye, Joe. But ... I told her you don't do that sort of thing, then we had some coffee and she went home." He paused. "You could have asked, you know. If she made it out okay." Now *that* was a bit more pointed; he wouldn't make Joey feel bad about how he dealt with people, but he could at least show some interest to *him*. JC could see Joey bristling; it *was* rare that he criticized him so blatantly. "You would've said if she hadn't," he pointed out. "What do you want from me, JC? Seriously. You don't want me, but you don't want me to get hurt by someone else, but you won't let me do things the way I do them so I *won't* get hurt. Where is that supposed to leave me? Fuck." He started peeling the label of his beer. "You and that dickhead Justin *plan* this, or something?" JC winced and backed down. "I'm sorry, hon," he said, closing his eyes for a moment. "But you know that's not true. I'm not saying anything I haven't before ... that maybe you don't have to hurt other people, just because you're afraid of being hurt." He opened one eye again; Joey generally didn't react well to him saying that. But he was thinking maybe it needed to be said again. It had never changed things before -- and it probably wouldn't this time -- but it was something he needed to say, if only for his own conscience. "*I* know you're a great guy. Other people should get to know that, too." "What for," Joey said, sulking. "They'll all be just like Justin, assuming the worst anyway. Besides ... what I do only hurts people if they let it. I don't make promises I can't keep, and *you* should know *that.*" He sighed, looking pitiful, and probably intentionally. "And I'm not *afraid.* Just ... risk-averse." "Yeah, that's my Joey," said JC with a fond smile, watching him again. He watched Joey a lot; it was the only way to really learn anything about him. "You wanna sleep with me tonight, honey? We can do each other's hair and nails and talk about boys. How about it?" He knew that Joey would realize that behind the teasing was a genuine, sincere offer. Joey pretended to look at his nails. "I do need a manicure," he mumbled before standing up and wrapping an arm around JC's neck. "Promise not to bring up your crush on Justin, and you got yourself a deal." "It's not a *crush*," protested JC, but he didn't push it further than that. They'd achieved a fragile peace again, and he wasn't going to shatter that over someone he barely knew. "Go ahead and have another beer, sugar. We'll be staying in tonight." --- As soon as Britney caught sight of him -- still painfully hot, gay or no -- she was torn about whether to go bother him. But he *had* invited her to visit whenever, and seemed honest about them keeping in touch, and she would feel *awful* if he happened to see her drinking her coffee and she *hadn't* gone over there. And there was still the hot part. Because it couldn't hurt being seen talking to a guy that looked like *that*. "JC?" she ventured quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder and grinning when he looked up at her with a pencil between his teeth. "Working hard?" "Always," he mumbled around the pencil, then sheepishly took it out and set it down next to his notebook. He looked both surprised and pleased to see her, which was certainly a relief. "How are you doing, sweetie? You have a second to sit down?" "For you? Anything," she giggled, sliding gracefully into the chair next to him, wrinkling her nose at the stack of papers and books and notecards. "Okay, so not only are the first two guys I think about hitting on here gay, but they're both nerds who study all the time? That's just not right." "Spend about five minutes in one of my classes and just try and tell me you wouldn't be studying your cute, tight buns off, too," said JC, reaching for his coffee and making a face as he sipped it. "Cold. I wonder how long I've been here? Oh well, it's not important. So how *are* you?" "Good," Britney nodded, switching JC's coffee with her own, wondering if he'd even notice. "I'm good, really. My roommate's fine, my classes are fine, I've only gotten one teary phone call from Mom, and haven't lost my fake yet. These are good things." She bit her lip, knowing what JC probably meant, and not quite sure whether it was something she wanted to bring up. JC grinned at her and Britney thought maybe she saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes for a moment before he just looked genuinely amused. "Well, those are all the important things after all," he said, sipping the coffee without comment. "How's Justin?" "Good," she said again, happy that JC was going to let the rest of it remain unspoken. "He's good. You haven't seen him? I guess I'd kinda hoped that at least some of the time I go by his room and he isn't there, it means he's out visiting friends or doing something fun." She shared a knowing smirk with JC. "Guess not, though, huh." JC chuckled. "Have you checked the library, honey? I'm sure he's pretty intimately familiar with it already. So no ... I haven't seen him lately. I guess Joey did, though, but it was only for a couple minutes. Or so I gathered from the rant that followed." He sipped the coffee again, and Britney began to suspect that he was running on pure caffeine. "So what have you been up to? Any more wild parties, or have you hit the books too?" "I've been good," Britney replied, blithly avoiding a real answer to the question, knowing she wasn't fooling JC. But obviously there were much more interesting things to gossip about. Like this conversation that apparently Justin hadn't been the only one complaining about. "Joey told you what Justin did? You know I didn't put him up to that, right?" "Well of course you didn't," said JC, nodding at her knowingly. He didn't look skeptical at all thought, and Britney thought that maybe he knew exactly how she felt about it, that the last thing she would want to do was call attention to what Joey had done. "Justin's a little spunkier than we predicted, I guess. Somehow in between the library and class he managed to piss Joey off something good." "*Really*," Britney replied, actually taken aback just a little by that revelation. "Huh. Justin seemed to think it didn't bother Joey at all. In fact, I think that's more than half of what had him so worked up. That he tried to get through to him somehow, and nothing he said worked. Or ... at least, that's what he told me." After she had bitten his arm to get him to let go of the basketball he'd been bouncing incessantly off the cinderblock wall of his dorm room, annoying everyone on the hall. "Oh, he got to him all right," said JC, rolling his eyes dramatically and gesturing with one hand. "The guy couldn't shut up about it until I got him good and drunk, once I got him going. And on beer, no less. I swear, he has no taste, I don't know *why* I put up with him." "I *know* you're not asking me to defend him," she said, a little snarkishly, the one instance of bitterness she was going to allow herself about the situation. She'd already talked herself into getting over it. "That's so weird, though. I mean, he was going ON and ON about how he didn't give a shit; how he was just laughing at him and wouldn't take him seriously, blah blah blah. It was like he was more upset than I was." "That's how Joey deals, when he's around people he doesn't know. Show no fear, and all that silly macho stuff," JC confided in her, lowering his voice. Britney wasn't particularly surprised by that -- she knew all about macho boys -- but it was interesting to hear JC talking about it anyway. "And then he comes home and blabs on and on about what a pissy little brat Justin is, and all that. And then saying he doesn't care." He sighed. "Boys." "Mmm," Britney agreed wordlessly, letting herself revel in a little bit of vindictiveness that *something* had made Joey feel bad. "All I know is, as much as I don't feel like seeing Joey again yet, I'd *love* to be able to see what happens the next time they're around each other. I think Justin was a little surprised he told Joey he should fuck himself and didn't get a punch in the face for his trouble." "He told him *what*?" laughed JC in astonishment. "Oh, honey, that is *priceless*. Joey never told me that part of it." He was still chuckling when he sipped the coffee again, shaking his head and looking very, very amused. "I know, I don't know where he got the guts to do it either. I don't think *he* does," Britney grinned back. "But I think Joey had some things to say in reply. Justin wouldn't tell me, but I can guess." She cocked her head and decided to ask about something that had been eating at her, since Justin'd told her about the confrontation. "He *did* say that Joey was really, like, totally protective of you. Like, almost possessive. And it just made me think ... I mean, I didn't know if he, or if the two of you ... " "Nope," JC interruped quickly. "Not ever." But the look on his face told Britney there was a bit more to the story than just that. "And as for what the infamous Joey said, in his own words 'I might have -- *maybe* -- told him he needed to get laid. And *possibly* suggested he try Britney.' So ... I can imagine the poor boy was a little miffed." JC looked apologetic, but still somewhat amused. "I can't decide if I should be flattered by that or not," she said tightly, not really sure why JC told her that; that Justin had probably had the right idea by keeping it to himself. She didn't need anything else to make her think less of Joey. "But at least we agree on one thing: Justin *does* need to get laid. I thought you might try to take care of that?" "Oh, honey," said JC, shaking his head. "Justin's just about the cutest thing on two legs, but I'm not looking for anything right now. And Britney, sweetheart, you know know that little dig of his had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Justin, right?" He reached out and toyed with a lock of her hair. "I've never seen anyone get under his skin like Justin did." Well, at least *someone* could. It meant he wasn't entirely heartless. But it was still strange that it was *Justin.* "But if he wasn't being nasty about me, why did he think that would make Justin mad?" she asked curiously. "I mean, unless it was just making fun of him for being gay. Which doesn't seem like something Joey'd do. Even if he's straight, he obviously respects *you*." "Joey'll do whatever it takes to push someone away sometimes," admitted JC, looking down thoughtfully for a moment. For a second Britney thought he was regretting saying too much, but then he looked up at her again. "If he thought making fun of him for being gay would piss Justin off, he'd do it." He frowned for a moment, thoughful again. "Justin must have breached a couple barriers, that's for sure." "Oh, I wasn't aware there *were* layers to Joey," she replied breezily, apparently not done with being bitter after all. "At any rate, I'm sure Justin will be happy to hear that *something* he said got a rise out of him. Maybe he'll even know what it was." She sat still for a moment, both of them obviously lost in thought, before speaking up again. "Do *you* know?" JC visibly paused before answering. "Yeah," he said after a moment, "but I'm sure it's not anything you'll want to hear about, sweetheart. Oh dear, did I just drink your coffee? I'm *so* sorry, you should have said something ... I get my head up in the clouds sometimes." Britney laughed and leaned over to kiss JC gently. "You were supposed to," she smiled. "Not that I really should be contributing to your lack of a healthy diet or good night's sleep, but." She *did* want to know about what made Joey act the way he did, about what Justin could have possibly reminded him of that made him so upset, but she also knew there wasn't a chance in hell JC would tell her. "Unless by contributing to your lack of sleep, I could somehow get you to change your mind about Justin ... " "My diet's just fine," said JC, sipping the coffee again and smiling at her in renewed amusement. "And what's with you pushing me and Justin together? What do you get out of it, dearest?" jawababes: "Nothing!" protested Britney. "Just, you know. If I can't have either of you, then you can have each other. Cause you're both too nice to have to deal with picking people up. And risk getting screwed over by Joey's gay evil twin. I guess we should all be happy he can only terrorize half the school." "Joey's bi," JC pointed out, trying not to laugh. "And he *is* my friend, no matter what kind of a creep he can be sometimes." Britney thought JC was going to say something more, but then he shut up and sipped the remains of the coffee and she was left wondering just what he might have had to add to that. "He's bi," she echoed, trying not to look as surprised as she felt, since she felt pretty stupid. And couldn't help but wonder if Justin knew that. "Why is that funny?" JC sighed, still smiling. "Because he's capable of terrorizing the whole school all by his lonesome, Britney," he said. "Not that he does. I'm awfully sorry about what he did to you, he's so bad with people sometimes, but he really isn't a terror, hon." Britney wished he'd just *stop*, she had no interest in feeling anything toward Joey but resentment. "I can't blame you if you don't want to believe that, though. You're a sweetheart, and he was a real prick to you." "Whatever," she shrugged, still trying to digest this new information, even more curious now about what JC hadn't said about their relationship and how deep it went. "I don't need you to defend him. But that whole bad with people thing? Is that why you two haven't ever gotten together?" she asked bravely. JC hesitated again. "You're a smart cookie," he said finally, after looking away for a few moments. "He's ... got some issues to deal with, before I'd think about it." Then he smiled mysteriously, and Britney knew the moment had passed. "And that's all you're going to get out of me, missy." Laughing, Britney stuck out her tongue. "Fine. But sometime you're going to have to explain to me why you let me leave with him in the first place," she complained. In a light enough tone that she knew JC would know she was kidding. "And I take it that's my cue to let you get back to your ...books?" She stood up. "I know, I know. Don't tell me. I'm a smart cookie." "When you're ready to ask, I'm ready to answer," said JC honestly, giving her a friendly wink. "You haven't started studying yet yourself?" he added, making a tsking sound. "Don't you come crying to me when mid-terms sneak up on you and give you a good hard smack on the ass." "I've been studying," she pouted, leaning over to kiss him again and grabbing her bag. "And now I'm going to class like a good little student. But I might come over sometime for that smack on the ass anyway." She winked, happy to leave things with JC on a good note, glad that it looked like they could actually be friends. "Do that," said JC with a genuine smile, blowing her a kiss. "I'll be counting the minutes, precious." Britney gave him a dazzling smile and a little wave before turning away and hurrying off to class. --- Justin pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket with a resigned sigh as he got into the elevator and puched the button for the 6th floor. He's spent another hour or so on the problem himself before finally giving in and admitting maybe he needed a little help with it after all. He wasn't the kind of person who really liked to ask for help. As he got off the elevators he scanned the numbers on the fronts of the tiny offices until he found the one he was looking for. He knocked on the door and pushed it open after he heard a distracted "come" from inside. And then froze, and waited, and was at least pleased to see the surprise he felt mirrored in the face of the man sitting too close to a computer monitor. "Please tell me this isn't round two," Joey said dryly. "I haven't grown up enough for you yet, I don't think." "You're my TA?" Justin blurted out. He looked at the piece of paper in his hand -- Joseph, room #633 -- then blinked a few times and scowled, turning back towards the door. "Forget it. I'll figure it out for himself." Just his luck, to have to go to Joey for help. To even have to see him again, to have to deal with all his arrogant bullshit. Joey's laugh stopped him. "You *are* lost," he said, and Justin could hear the amusement in his voice. "The TA for the 100-level math sequence is, like ... actually, I don't know *where* his office is. I never had to take that class. If you hold on a second, I can find out for you, though ... " "I'm not taking 100-level math," snapped Justin, turning back around, his hand still on the door. "Professor Davis told me Joseph, room #633, and unfortunately that seems to be you so save yourself the call and go back to looking at porn or whatever it was you were doing before I interrupted you." What the fuck was Joey doing in an *office* anyway? He was supposed to be taking all the slacker classes, and cutting all the time to prey on unsuspecting freshmen. Joey's jaw dropping as realization hit was at least a little bit vindicating. "Professor Davis? Shit, kid. What're you doing in this class? Me and Jace and some really ugly chick were the only people my year to take it as freshmen." He closed a couple windows on his screen and stood up awkwardly. "I guess I am your TA. If you have a question, you should let me try to help. Davis never shows up for his office hours." Justin hesitated, weighing the pros and cons of staying and going. "I'm the only freshman in the class," he said finally, taking a little pride in that at least. "And I'm sure if I spend a little more time on this I'll get it. I always have before." His fingers tightened on the door, but he didn't -- quite -- leave. "Sorry to bother you," he added grudgingly, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that pointed out to him that he was stalling. "Fine," Joey said shortly, sitting heavily back down in his chair, obviously ticked that his attempt to be helpful, if not friendly, was being blown off. "Don't let the door smack your ass on the way out. It's your best feature, you know." Justin bit his lip and sighed, deciding his pride wasn't worth getting a less than perfect grade. "It's the last problem, all right? I've spent fucking *hours* on it and it's not working ... " He turned his head toward Joey again, expecting some kind of smirk on his face. Or at least some condescending amusement glinting in his eyes. But Joey must've been a pretty good actor, or took his job really seriously, because he was just nodding his head and managing to look sympathetic but not patronizingly so. "Okay, c'mere," he said, waving to Justin vigorously. "Sit down; I think I know exactly what part's probably getting you caught." And proceeded to explain it to him efficiently and articulately and patiently, all things Justin would never have expected from him. "Okay, I feel stupid now," said Justin with a sigh, looking at the page of notes and calculations. "That makes total sense." Joey was really good at this, made it seem as easy as breathing. "Thanks," he added, and hoped it didn't sound as grudging as he felt. He tucked one leg up underneath him and studied the page again, resisting being impressed by Joey's neat, precise handwriting. It was bad enough he was already impressed by his intelligence. "No problem," Joey said easily, leaning back in his chair and linking his fingers behind his head, smiling at him like he'd forgotten who he was talking to. "You were totally smart to start on this early, you know," he told him. "I'm sure I'll get half the rest of your class in here tomorrow. And Jace makes me take the phone off the hook every night before a problem set's due." Justin smiled slightly. "I suppose we should both be glad Professor Davis didn't give me your home phone number then," he said. "Think of what a lovely surprise *that* would have been, for both of us." He tucked the page in with the rest of his notes. "Well, I'm happy to have this finished at least. Now for the translations I have due Friday. I'm sure *that* will be just so much fun." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. The last thing he wanted to be doing was *chatting* with this guy, after all. True to form, Joey raised an eyebrow at him and smirked a little. "Depends on who picked up the phone, I guess," he said. "JC might not've hung up on you. And thank god you reminded me you're still a punk freshman who has to take shit classes to fulfill language requirements. I almost forgot for a second." Justin's smile faded and he scowled again. "And here I thought you knew all the freshmen on sight," he said. "Crossing them off one by one on some big chart on your wall. How long before you get to 'Timberlake'? Just so I know when to conveniently be out of town." He untucked his foot, but didn't stand up, his gaze unflinching. "Oh, I don't do it alphabetically," Joey chuckled, looking pleased and even a little relieved that they were back in their established pattern of one-upping each other with insults. "It's a looks thing. So you've got plenty of time, kiddo." He leaned forward, elbows on the desk, and met Justin's stare. "And what exactly makes you think I swing that way anyway?" "Because I'm not that lucky," said Justin, snapping his book shut, annoyed that suddenly nothing he was saying was anything more than amusing to Joey again. "At least I know enough now to be able to resist your" -- he snickered deliberately, just to get a reaction -- "charms. I think we're done here." And still, he didn't get up. Joey reached out and placed a light hand on the top of Justin's book -- not really holding it there, but obviously doing it just to see how Justin would react. "I'm quite sure you *don't* know enough to be able to resist. *If* I swung that way. And if that would ever mean I'd swing *your* way." He grinned and looked practically devilish. "Interesting that's where your mind went, though, isn't it?" Justin's lips tightened, hating that he was right. "I always manage to get the losers hitting on me," he said, slipping the book out from under Joey's fingers. "It's my curse, and I doubt you'd be any exception. Are there any other TA's for this class? So I don't need to bother you again?" It was a stupid, childish thing to ask and he knew it, but it was a stupid childish game that they were playing. Not that that stopped him. "Aww, and I thought that had gone so *well*," Joey complained. "Regardless, the answer's still 'no'." He bit his lip and turned back to his computer, but not before Justin could see what looked like and *insulted* expression on his face. "But since I don't want to see you any more than you obviously want to see me, and Jace has some fucked-up soft spot for you, I bet he'd help you out with anything else you have problems with. Just try not to accuse him of hitting on you when he isn't, either. He'll probably laugh harder than I did." "Don't flatter yourself," said Justin. "I wasn't accusing you of hitting on me, merely pointing out that there's a limited number of students at this school, and at one a night -- maybe even two if you kick them out of be early enough -- you're going to get to everyone sooner or later." He finally stood up. "Thanks for the advice on JC, though. He's a good guy, I'd love to spend some more time with him." It might have been his imagination, but Joey seemed to tense up at that suggestion. "Don't flatter *your*self," Joey retorted, jerking his head back around to pin Justin with a glare. "If he helped you, more likely than not it'd be to do *me* a favor." He narrowed his eyes. "And I know we already had a little conversation about what I was going to do to you if you tried to pull any shit with him whatsoever. He's a big boy, and he can do what he wants," Joey admitted -- and it looked like it *killed* him to say it, "but don't fucking push your luck." "I'm not the prick," said Justin succinctly, keeping his smile entirely internal. He'd managed to get something out of him that wasn't indifference or amusement. Success. "If one of us is going to end up hurting him, I think we both know it's going to be you." He turned and opened the office door and had the funniest feeling it wasn't going to be the last time he was in here. "He's a good friend of mind and I'm looking forward to seeing him again, so unfortunately I'm sure I'll be seeing *you* around, too. Try not to get in our way, would you? Thanks." Joey sniffed and turned back to the computer; as quickly as Justin'd seen a reaction out of him, it was gone. "The fact that I take this job seriously is the only thing keeping me from throwing my stapler at your head," he said evenly. "Get the hell out. Maybe you'll hear from me when I make my way down to the 'ugly-as-sin' freshmen. Maybe." "So next week then?" said Justin as he stepped out into the hallway, trying to tune him out so he could get on with his day. Knowing that there was no way he was getting this encounter out of his head. "Sorry, man. I think I'm washing my hair." "Too bad," Joey yawned, tugging on his disheveled spikes. Justin wasn't sure whether he knew he wasn't still in the room, or if he cared. "Maybe I can find someone else on your floor who's ready for round two, instead." "With you?" said Justin. "Good luck. I think after their first 'round' with you, most people would rather have a root canal than go again." When Joey didn't even look at him, Justin finally walked away, muttering to himself about 'asshole' this and 'stupid' that and thinking that the first thing he wanted to do when he got back to the dorm -- for his own sake and to spite Joey -- was to call JC. --- "Jace!" Joey barked out, as soon as he closed the door behind him. "You home?" He didn't even make it to his room before heading for the beer this time, and didn't wait for JC to come find him, either. He was going to rant -- not like he hadn't been doing just that in his head ever since his office hours ended -- and JC was going to listen. It was his ... punishment for being nice to that snot-nosed punk. "Yeah?" called JC from his room, sounding distracted. If the bedroom door hadn't been wide open, Joey probably wouldn't have been able to hear him at all. "What is it, Joe?" "Come *here*," Joey hollered, about a step away from stomping his foot and throwing a tantrum. "I need you." He reached up into the cupboard and grabbed the martini shaker to fix JC a drink, congratulating himself on not being so self-absorbed at the moment that he would force him to have beer with him while he listened to Joey whine. JC appeared in his doorway quickly, looking way more rumpled than he ever would in public. "Is it urgent?" he asked, obviously not really looking closely at him. "I'm kind of in the middle of something here ... " "*Yes* it's urgent," he bit out, because it certainly felt like it to him, before clapping a hand over his mouth as something else occured to him. "Shit, man. Middle of something ... business? or pleasure?" If it was school, Joey wouldn't hesitate to drag him away. If JC had company over, for the first time in what seemed like way too long ... well. He'd feel bad about making him stop, at the very least. JC chuckled, though, which relieved him. "If it was pleasure, honey, I'd be doing it in the shower, like always." He was running his hands through his shaggy hair as he wandered into the kitchen. "So what's so urgent? Everything okay?" "No," Joey sulked, biting his lip in concentration as he poured the drink through the strainer and handed it to JC. "Fucking Justin. What is *with* that kid? Is he here just to drive me completely fucking batty? Cause if so ... man. He's, like, a fucking star at it." He dropped to his knees in front of JC and wrapped his arms around his legs, before wailing theatrically. "Please, oh please. I'll do anything. Just get him to g *away*." JC smiled into his drink. "Martini. This *is* serious." He hooked an hand under Joey's arm, and Joey was reminded that he was a lot stronger than he looked. "The first think you need to do is stand up," he said. "And the next thing you need to do is sit down and tell me how young Justin managed to get to you *this* time. Did he spread silly little stories about you? Dip your pigtails in the inwell, maybe?" "What the fuck's an inkwell, dude," Joey mumbled, heaving himself to his feet and then slumping down in a chair just like JC told him to. "And don't tease. Cause you're damn right, it *is* serious. He came in for my office hours today, for linear algebra. Who the hell knew he was *smart*? And then, like, acted like he'd rather eat dirt than let me help him. Or like maybe there wasn't any way I *could* help him. I couldn't tell which." "*I* knew," said JC, sipping his drink contentedly. "And I would have told you, if I thought you'd be interested. So, what, he wasn't particularly happy to see you as his TA? Well, I'm sure *that's* hardly a surprise." He paused. "You did help him, though, right?" Joey shot him a withering look, knowing that JC knew better than that, and not quite sure what kind of point he was trying to make by pretending Joey might've actually refused. "Yes," he said slowly. "I helped and I was patient and then he managed to say thank you, but only two seconds before he asked if there was another TA for the course so he wouldn't ever have to come back. Fucker. Like I didn't save his ass like eight more hours' worth of work." "And I'm sure you didn't say anything to provoke him?" said JC, rubbing Joey's shoulder. It felt good, and JC was right, fuck 'im, but he didn't have to sound so damn smug about it. JC sighed and put down his drink; a moment later he had both hands working on Joey's tense neck and shoulders. "So what if I did?" Joey grumbled, closing his eyes and trying to relax into JC's strong, soothing hands -- even though as he thought about it, he really *didn't* think he provoked him. And that was the second time JC'd criticized him, if subtly, for playing down to Justin's level. Joey would love to have been more mature about the whole thing, but it seemed like the second he saw Justin's cocky grin he was a slave to his own reactions. At least seeing Justin's scowl as soon as he was able to piss him off -- at least *that* made Joey feel like he wasn't losing the whole thing. "He came to *me*. And he *still* started it. Apparently, I'm not only an asshole to the people I *do* sleep with, now; I'm an indiscriminate slut who's just making his way through the entire freshman class. Oh ... god. Jace. Yeah. *There.*" JC started working out the knot in Joey's shoulder, silent for long enough that Joey started to get worried. "So do you believe what he's saying about you or not?" asked JC gently. "Because if you do, then maybe that's something you need to think about rationally. And if you don't ... then why are you so worried about what some punk freshman thinks?" Joey was a little shocked that JC wasn't just coddling him this time; he didn't want to have to *think* about this. "JC," he replied, trying to keep the wounded tone out of his voice, "I'm *not* a slut. I admit to doing the one-night stand thing, but ... it's not all that *often*. I'm picky about who I sleep with." He squirmed under JC's hands, not really wanting him to touch him anymore if he wasn't going to play along the way he was supposed to. "You know that better than anyone." "So then why do you care?" asked JC, his hands stilling but remaining loosely on Joey's shoulders. "He's just one guy. One kid. Why does what *he* thinks matter to you so much, hm?" "Because I don't like people not liking me," Joey snapped back, twisting to push JC away -- really, *really* not appreciating JC's paternalistic attitude when he was just supposed to commiserate and finish his back rub and then cuddle with him a little, and not knowing the right answer to his question in any case. "I don't care who it is. Just forget it." JC sighed and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Joey, I'm *tired* of this," he said, surprising him again. "No, you're not a slut and you never have been -- you know that, I know that and most other people know that, too. And I'm pretty sure Justin knows that, but somehow he knows exactly what to say to get to you. Just like you seem to have a knack for getting to him, too. You know, he's probably having this exact same conversation with Britney right now, and wondering what the hell *you* have against *him*." He shook his head and moved to put his hands on Joey's shoulders again, but Joey moved reflexively away. "People have gotten on your case before and it's never done *this* to you, so you don't have to feed me a line about needing everyone to like you. This is me you're talking to, not some well-meaning stranger, Okay?" Joey nodded and ducked his head, staring at his hands for a moment before leaning back in his chair so JC could touch him again. If he wanted to. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "You're right. I just ... I don't *know* why he gets to me. I guess knowing he's smart is actually kind of a relief -- like, he's smart enough to make an educated guess about what'll piss me off. Not that he can read me or anything." He sighed and ran his fingers through his own hair almost violently. "I don't get to him," he mumbled. "I mean, I might piss him off, but anything I say is just a comeback for some insult he throws at me. I don't manage to hit on all the things he doesn't like about *himself* in one sitting. If they even exist." JC leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Joey's head before beginning to rub his shoulders again. "Are you so sure you don't, honey?" he said, his voice returning to the normal, soothing tones that Joey had been expecting to start with. "How do you know he isn't saying all these exact same things about you? Wondering how you manage to make a clean sweep of all his insecurities in the space of one little conversation?" He made a brief, snorting noise, but Joey couldn't bring himself to turn his head to catch the accompanying expression. "Would it make you feel any better if he was?" "Yes," Joey said petulantly, turning his head to kiss JC's hand and then nuzzle his cheek against it. "It would, actually. If he had anything to be insecure *about*." He realized idly that was actually quite a compliment, but figured he'd risk making too much of a big deal about it if he tried to take it back. "And how do *you* know I get to him?" "I have my sources," said JC mysteriously, rubbing Joey's neck in all the right places and, for just a moment, stroking his cheek. "But if I told you then I'd have to kill you, darling, and we wouldn't want that, would we?" "Depends on whether you give me something worth living for," Joey sighed dramatically. As always, he wondered whether JC knew just how much he meant that -- he realized that JC valued their friendship as much as he did, and knew that made him reluctant to even try anything more, but he wasn't sure JC knew just how good for him Joey would try his best to be. JC had practically saved his life after what happened with Kelly, and Joey couldn't imagine anyone else ever knowing him and loving him the way JC did. JC leaned over again and bit Joey's ear lightly, then laughed and kissed his temple before standing up behind him again. "Take your shirt off," he said briskly, squeezing his shoulders. "Your back's a mess. Or maybe we should take this to the bedroom?" Joey wasn't sure JC realized just how suggestive he was being, but when he turned his head he saw a playful glint in JC's eyes and knew that he knew. And knew as well that he wasn't going to take this beyond a backrub, as always. "JC," he sighed, closing his eyes and twisting in the chair to pull him down onto his lap. He wanted to tell JC that he could help Joey, he could be the person to get him out of his established cycle, but he'd done that the last time they'd started out talking about Justin -- and it wasn't fair to make JC be the one to stop them twice in a row. "Don't tease me today, baby. I feel like shit." JC kissed him gently. "I know you do," he said, and Joey opened his eyes just in time to see his expression turn serious again. "You need to stop talking about this now?" He reached for the drink he'd abandoned ages ago and took a tiny sip, obviously waiting for an actual answer. Joey had half-hoped the question was rhetorical, and that JC would make the decision for him. But there was more than one way to avoid responding to one of JC's questions that he didn't want to respond to, and Joey knew a lot of them. He carefully took the glass out of JC's grasp and set it down on the table, and cupped his hands gently but firmly on the sides of his face so he couldn't move. And kissed him; kissed him like they hadn't kissed in a long time. "Joey," said JC haltingly as they finally pulled apart. He was more surprised than Joey had thought he would be, his eyes wide and his wet, rosy lips slightly parted. "I ... " And he was also at a loss for words, something else Joey rarely saw. He waited a moment to see if JC would finish what he wanted to say, then moved one of his hands off JC's jaw to cup the back of his neck, pulling him against his mouth again -- forcing back all the twinges of insecurity and uncertainty he felt about doing this with JC. To JC. It was the best -- and only -- way he knew to show JC how much he meant to him. "Okay," said JC breathily after another long moment. "Okay, Joey, but just this." He shifted awkwardly on Joey's lap and Joey knew exactly what he meant; they'd been here before a few times, when he'd been in that car accident, when JC's grandfather had died. It would be comfort, nothing more. "I love you, too, okay?" "Mmmph," Joey agreed, burying his face in JC's neck briefly, and then lifting him up and setting him back on his feet on the ground, holding onto his waist tightly. Comfort they could definitely do. And Joey had to admit to himself that if they ever did take things further? He'd want it to be for some reason that didn't have anything to do with Justin fucking Timberlake. "Just this," he said finally. "But you promised the bedroom, too." "Right," said JC, his smile looking just a touch amused. "Just this ... in the bedroom. But later you *have* to make me go and finish that project, all right? You promise?" Joey didn't want to think about that, and figured that JC would probably just sneak back out to his room once Joey was asleep. The irony of that, given their current situation, was not lost on him. --- "Shhh," JC murmured soothingly, Joey's face nestled against his neck, his large body rising and falling with his slowing breaths. A few more minutes and he would be deep enough in sleep for JC to slip back out into his own room. The phone on the night table suddenly rang, breaking the peace, but he managed to snatch it up before the noise roused Joey. "Hello?" he said softly, his thumb absently caressing the short hairs on the back of Joey's neck. Joey made a quiet noise of protest and pressed closer, making JC smile as he waited for the person on the other end of the line to respond. "Can I speak to JC, please? This is ... um. A friend." The voice was familiar, but it was the strange pause that allowed JC to figure out who it was definitively. "Hey," he said, not wanting to say Justin's name aloud with Joey so close and still semi-aware. "This is JC. How are you doing, honey? What's up?" He had the funniest feeling, though, that whatever Justin was calling about, it would probably end up being an extension of the conversation he'd just had with Joey. "Oh, JC," Justin replied, and JC had to grin at the transparent relief in his voice, presumably because Joey hadn't been the one to pick up. Britney'd been right about that part, at least. "It's you. This is Justin. Hi. I was just calling to see how you were doing, how classes were, and all. It's okay that I called, right?" "Yeah," said JC, shifting just a bit so that Joey's body could comfortably curve against his. "Yeah, it's cool, I said you were welcome to, right?" His eyes flicked down to Joey, who was now sucking lightly at his collarbone in his sleep, and he couldn't resist kissing his hair lightly. "You been making out okay yourself, kiddo?" "Oh, sure, yeah," Justin replied, and JC grinned again at the breezy tone of Justin's words. Like he didn't know that Justin was probably overwhelmed with work already, especially if he was in that linear class, and like he didn't know what had happened with him and Joey a few hours earlier. "Fine. I even ... hey. Is this a bad connection, or are you whispering or something? I can barely hear you." "Yeah," said JC awkwardly. "I'm kinda ... " He strugged with how to explain the situation, then decided just not to. "It's a little difficult for me to talk on the phone right now. Did you want to just come by, have a martini with me? It'll do you some good to get out of that library for a while anyway, I hear." He smiled to himself at Justin's slight pause. "Or a beer," he added, "if you must. There's just no accounting for taste sometimes." Justin exhaled audibly. "Is that ... are you sure it's okay? I'm not ... interrupting anything? Or ... I don't know. Is that such a good idea? Don't you have roommates?" JC chuckled at the way he was dancing around actually asking if Joey was home. "He's sleeping," said JC softly, after checking to make sure that he was. "The door's open, just let yourself in; I don't think either of us want him to wake up, do we?" The question was, of course, rhetorical. "Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge, I shouldn't be long. I just need to ... finish something up, here." It would probably only take Justin a few minutes to get there, depending on whether he was at the dorm or calling from somewhere else, which was about how long it would take JC to extricate himself from Joey's embrace. "You still have the address?" "Yeah, no, I have it," Justin replied, after a pause, not commenting on the assumptions JC'd made about not wanting to run into Joey. Not that JC expected him to. "Thanks, JC. I'll see you in five minutes or so," he told him, and hung up. JC leaned over to put the phone back in the cradle, careful of Joey. He actually did feel a little twinge of guilt about having Justin over, but only because he knew how Joey would overreact to it, not because he felt like he was doing anything wrong. Joey's face was still buried against his shoulder and chin and he was reluctant to move; this was definitely a comfortable place to be. Joey mumbled something in his sleep and JC stroked his hair for a couple more minutes before starting to pull away. He knew Joey had had a rough day, not because of some little fight with Justin, but because somehow his fights with Justin were pulling up a lot of other things inside him, things that Joey had obviously pushed away and just never had to deal with before. He kissed his cheek softly as he crawled out of the bed and pulled his T-shirt back on, figuring that boxers were good enough for Justin. Might even shake him up a little, based on the perception he was sure Justin already had of him. He did pause in front of Joey's mirror for another minute, though, to make sure he hair looked all right and that his skin wasn't too mottled from Joey's kisses and from the pillowcase. Once he was sure that he was presentable, halfway stylish even, he carefully opened the door and slipped out of Joey's bedroom. Justin was sitting awkwardly in one of the kitchen chairs, playing with an unopened bottle of beer, looking a little uneasy about being there. JC had to give him credit for having the balls to do it anyway. He looked up just in time to see JC shutting the door gingerly, and his eyes got a little bigger as he took in JC's state of relative undress. "Hey," he said, and JC smirked a little that he was obviously consciously speaking quietly. "I didn't see a bottle opener, but I didn't want to go digging around in your drawers." "It's the drawer next to the fridge," said JC, still softly as he padded away from the bedroom door. He was a little less worried about that once he was inside the kitchen, though. His own half-finished martini was still on the table, and since it hadn't been *that* long since he and Joey had disappeared into the bedroom he decided not to let good liquor go to waste. "So what's up, Justin? Just ... bored, maybe?" He wasn't going to suggest outright that he knew exactly what was on Justin's mind, but the tell-tale smirk on his face was probably saying it for him. Justin watched him pick up the drink, his mind probably wandering a million different directions about what had happened to make him abandon it earlier. "Come on," he said, still barely louder than a whisper, even though JC had started to use his normal speaking voice. "You know part of the reason I'm here. Are you going to make me say it?" He yanked the drawer open, looking a little embarrassed about the vehemence he used when he did, and opened his beer. "Well, yeah," said JC reasonably as he sipped the warm drink, sliding gracefully into a chair. "If you came over to talk about it, then doesn't it make sense that you're going to have to say it, honey?" He ran his finger around the rim of the cup idly, pausing, but Justin seemed to have nothing to say quite yet. "Right now, after all, I only have one side of the story." "Great," Justin muttered, slumping into a seat next to him. "I can only imagine what he told you. Something about me being a stupid freshman, I'm sure -- he likes to remind me of that -- who couldn't figure out, like, the easiest problem on his homework. Oh, and how he managed to twist my words around so it seemed like I was accusing him of hitting on me? I bet that provided just hours of amusement." Justin looked absolutely adorable when he pouted, and it was hard for JC to conceal a smile. "Besides. That's *not* the reason I came over. The whole reason, anyway." It was interesting to hear just what Joey had used to fight back with, and it took all of two seconds for JC to be convinced that Justin wasn't the only one who'd hammered on the other guy's sore points. Joey had no idea just how deep he'd gotten. "So what's the rest of it then, so I have the whole picture?" JC raised an eyebrow at Justin as he sipped his drink, wondering what more there was to tell. "I don't know if there even is any more to it," Justin sighed. "Obviously, I didn't know he was my TA before I got there. And then he helped me, and then I guess I made the mistake of overstaying my welcome and actually trying to make conversation. I don't know *what* possessed me to do that. And he was nasty and rude and made fun of me. For no reason. Except that he's a jerk. Which I already knew, I guess." "He's not a jerk," said JC with a sad sigh, wishing he wasn't called upon quite so often to explain that. "He's just ... not really good with people." Which was about the lamest thing he could probably say, but anything else required him to actually talk about Joey, and that wasn't something he did very often at all. "What did he make fun of you about, sweetie?" he asked, knowing that would probably set him off again. Getting information out of Justin was hardly work at all; he was too used to dealing with Joey, he guessed. "Oh, he's obviously fine with people when he wants to be," Justin protested. "When he wants something out of them, I guess. He's just worthless when it comes to people he's *already* used. Like Britney. And people he knows he'll never have the slightest *chance* of using. Like me." Justin's cheeks were flushed with color, and JC wasn't sure he'd expected *that* kind of outburst. "And he made fun of me about everything. Being a freshman. Making the mistake of thinking he was hitting on me. He even basically told me that I was 'ugly-as-sin.' Nice guy." JC cringed inwardly and reminded himself to give Joey a good hard shake the next time they talked. There was defending himself again Justin, and there was attacking him, and that sounded like it crossed the line. Sounded like they'd *both* crossed the line. "Look," he said gently. "I'm not gonna defend how Joey treats the people he sleeps with because I don't agree with it, but I do understand it a little better than anyone else. And I will say that he never goes out of his way to hurt someone, but he'll lash back when he's already feeling hurt, himself." He hoped that wasn't giving too much away, while still giving Justin something to think about. And from the changing expression on Justin's face, he was. "But, JC," Justin said, a little more calmly, definitely sheepishly, "I *can't* hurt him. I try. And I know that's really awful and immature but he makes me so mad. I just want to get *some* reaction out of him. The only time I've ever even come *close* was when I - " He stopped and blushed harder, and wouldn't meet JC's questioning look. "When we talk about you. But that was, like, after he said all this other stuff to me; he doesn't *care* about anything else." "Yeah, you *can* hurt him," JC admitted to him, lowering his voice again. "Somehow you manage to do that, when most stuff just rolls off him. But ... hey, wait, what did you say about me that pissed him off, anyway?" Not that he really expected Justin to tell him, not if it was something bad. It was nice to be reminded how much Joey did care about him, though. "Dude, *nothing*, really," Justin replied, and looked at JC like he just remembered he was curious about what was going on there in the first place. "I just said I'd like to hang out with you again, and he threatened to kick my ass if I pulled anything, just like he did last time. And so then *I* said that if it came down to it, he knew that *he* was way more likely to hurt you than I was, and then he threatened to throw his stapler at me." He bit his lip. "I'm not *that* off, am I? He's into guys too, isn't he?" "Lord give me patience," said JC, closing his eyes for a minute and resisting the temptation to down the rest of his drink. "Between the two of you you're going to give me an ulcer, I swear." He opened his eyes again and pinned Justin with a look. "Well, first things first," he said. "I'm just about the only person that Joey trusts enough to be himself with, so telling him he's gonna hurt me is like stabbing him through the heart. Don't do it again." He didn't give Justin a chance to respond to that; it wasn't really up for discussion. At least Justin had the class to look ashamed of saying it. "And moving right along, yes, he's into guys, too. And he probably would have told you that himself if you'd just asked, Justy." "God, don't call me that," Justin winced, swallowing more of his beer more quickly than JC'd thought he could. "And it's not like I *care* whether he likes guys. It just ... makes more sense, why he's so defensive about you ... " JC leveled him with another glare, and Justin blushed and changed subjects quickly. "Um. Moving on. I just don't get what makes you think I have this talent for pissing him off. If I make him angry any other way, he's like the best actor *ever.* Which would just totally figure, I guess." "Yeah, he is a pretty good actor," said JC, nodding his head and watching Justin for any signs he was coming up with another pointed -- if off-base -- comment. "Lemme guess ... laughs a lot?" he suggested. "Far be it from me to give away *all* of Joey's secrets, but you didn't think everything you said was actually funny to him, did you?" Justin's expression, though, told him he had. "Oh, Justin," he sighed. "You and Joey both have a lot to learn about people." "Maybe," Justin said softly. "And I just meant ... I dunno. You know I don't like him, even if he's your friend and all, but that doesn't mean I can't see why other people might. Does he have to be good at everything? I mean, girls obviously go for him, and he's funny, and good-looking. And he's good at keeping his feelings to himself? *And* he's smart? Smart like me, smart?" JC laughed, he couldn't help it, and Justin looked embarrassed at everything *that* revealed. "If I didn't hate him before I learned *that*, I do now." "So basically you're saying that you and him are pretty much alike?" asked JC, raising an eyebrow. It wasn't as though the thought hadn't occurred to him already, but he wondered if Justin would come to the same conclusion. He sure as hell knew Joey wasn't ready to. "Don't hate him, Justin, even if you guys can't get along. There's ... " He considered again just how much he should reveal. "There's a lot of stuff about Joey you just don't know." "Right, because he was burned before, or something?" Justin cocked his head, looking like he was trying hard not to sneer, but only because he was trying to make a good impression on JC. "Someone broke his heart and now he has to take it out on everyone else? I'm sorry, but that's a little cliche, even for him." He drank some more of his beer, and JC could definitely see the hints of the confrontational, hot-headed Justin that Joey'd become intimately familiar with. "And we're *nothing* alike. I don't treat people like that. I don't *use* people for sex, and I've never ever slept with someone I didn't care a lot for first." "Calm down," said JC, sipping his drink to keep from snapping at him and suddenly feeling a lot more empathy for Joey. "You *don't* know him, Justin, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop playing pop psychologist. You don't know what it was like ... " JC stopped himself before he could slip, even though he felt like he could trust Justin not to let it get around. The one thing he *couldn't* trust Justin not to do, was to throw anything he said back in Joey's face, and he couldn't risk that. Justin looked like he was torn between trying to defend his own behavior -- he *was* spunky -- and making nice with JC. What he ended up doing was something in between, but the last thing JC wanted. "What *what* was like?" he said, and JC gave him credit for sounded meeker, at least. "What it was like, after," said JC succinctly, trapped into saying at least something. "No one really does but me, I know that, but still ... He never pretends to love anyone, Justin. He never pretends that his one-night-stands are anything other than what they are. He never makes promises he knows he can't keep. I know you probably don't think you have any reason to respect that ... but maybe you should. He's honest about it, even if he doesn't execute it very well, a lot of the time." Which was an understatement, to say the least, and it was Joey's bad luck that he had to pull it on Britney. Though, when JC thought about it some more, he thought maybe it wasn't *bad* luck at all. Justin fell silent, and looked like he was really considering all of that. "I just don't understand that," he said finally. "I don't understand *him*." And it seemed like that was all he was going to say on the matter, and JC was left to wonder if it was going to make a difference. "Do you mind if I use your bathroom?" "I don't think he understands you either," said JC quietly before nodding his head at the hallway. "It's down at the end," he said, watching Justin as he got up and still trying to decide how he felt about where things stood. "Be quiet, though, Joey's still sleeping. I hope." "I will," Justin said dryly, standing up. "Getting along the way we do, I'm quite sure I don't want to see him cranky." He disappeared for a minute, then made his way back into the kitchen with such a strange look at JC, he was certain Justin'd figured out that it was Joey's room he'd been in when he arrived. "Um," he said awkwardly, picking his beer back up quickly. "Is there ... I mean, should I seriously be more, uh, respectful about what's going on with you two? I kinda thought you guys were just friends ... " "We are friends," said JC, stirring his drink with the tip of his finger. There wasn't much left and what there was he had no interest in drinking. "But there's no 'just' about it. Are we sleeping together? No." It was impossible to explain, though, just how close the two of them were, without it seeming like they were going out. "I told you, Justin, I'm the only one he trusts." There was a lot of history in that one loaded statement and he knew there was no way Justin was glimpsing more than the tip of the iceberg, but he was definitely grasping *some*thing. "We're not lovers," added JC, making that perfectly clear. "You would have known already, if we were." Justin nodded, seeming to accept that, but still looking like he didn't know what he thought about it. "I saw the way you were together, at the party," he said softly. "There was definitely a level of ... comfort, from both of you, about the way your friendship worked. That was the only reason I let Britney leave with him, even though I knew he wasn't straight, and even though I regret it like hell now. He didn't act taken, and you didn't act jealous." He bit his lip. "So that's it, then? I just have to accept the way he is?" "That's not what I said," said JC, tracing the rim of his glass with a wet fingertip, staring at it and not Justin. He wasn't called upon often to explain things, and it made him more uncomfortable than he expected it to, because he understood what they had and Joey understood what they had but it was hard to put into words for someone else. "If you want to try and change him, be my guest. Just remember that not everything is exactly as it seems, all right?" "What would I want to change him for?" Justin protested defensively. "I just wanted to know if you thought this was how he was always going to be, whenever I come over, or whatever. That I hadn't just caught him on really bad days." He reached over to touch JC's hand; what could have been a purely platonic gesture. And JC wasn't entirely surprised at the lack of spark there. "Why are you being so cryptic?" "There's just stuff I can't say," said JC, looking at Justin and giving him a wistful smile. If things had been different ... but they weren't. "About Joey, mostly. That it's not my right to share with anyone if he doesn't. I'm not trying to be cryptic, honey ... au contraire, I'm telling you just about everything I can. But until he tell you anything else, I'm at the end of my divulging rope." He'd tell Justin not to hold his breath, that had been his first instinct, but somehow that didn't ring quite true for him. "Who knows? You might get along one day. Stranger things have happened, I'm sure." Justin snorted. "Well. I guess I appreciate you being as candid as you were, at least. Especially since he's your friend and you don't owe me anything. I'm just ... not used to somebody like that. He's not like me, he's not like anyone I knew back home, he's not like anyone I've ever dated." JC looked at him sharply, but Justin went on, seemingly oblivious to what he'd said. "I don't see us getting along, no." JC smiled mysteriously and sucked the liquor off his finger, feeling a whole lot better about the whole thing suddenly. "Like I said, stranger things have happened, honey. So how come you haven't been snapped up already anyway? You've been here a couple weeks now ... cute thing like you? I know you have to have gotten some attention ... " If Justin's pout was adorable, his blush was precious. "No, not ... no," he stammered, tucking his chin. "Some girls, but ... *that* doesn't help ... and it takes me a while to warm up to people sometimes. I know that's, like, hard to believe," he grinned sheepishly. "Um. Can I ask ... do you ... I mean. Is there a place you go? To meet, um. Guys?" JC didn't think he'd ever seen a face as bright pink as Justin's right then. "Oh, you sweet thing," said JC with a soft, friendly chuckle, touching Justin's warm cheek impulsively. "Would you like me to take you out to all the good clubs? Because you better believe between me and Joey, we know them all." From Justin's bashful look, JC suddenly wondered if he'd even been to a gay bar before. "Now I *know* you've had boyfriends," he said thoughtfully, lifting Justin's chin. "Where did you meet them, then?" "School," Justin mumbled, still looking down, his eyelashes dark on his cheeks. "Or friends of friends, you know. That kind of thing. I'm not ... I mean, I go *out*, but I'm not really the type of person that can just go up to someone at a club." He sighed. "But I'm learning I'm going to have to be a little more proactive, huh? Unless that wishing-on-a-star thing you mentioned actually works." "Well, it brought me you, right?" teased JC, pinching his cheek before finally pulling his hand away again. Justin was absolutely adorable when he was being shy and bashful, which JC was realizing was how he probably was 99 percent of the time, just not when he was with Joey. "Don't worry, honey, we'll find you the right man. I'm good at that sort of thing. You should have *told* me you were really looking so we could have gotten started sooner." "Oh, I'm *not*, JC, I'm not." Justin shook his head vigorously, and JC had to chuckle again -- knowing that he was saying it to remind himself as much as anything. "I'm really trying to get started on the right foot, here at school, and I know I told you I'm still kind of getting over someone and ... it's not like I *need* some guy to make me happy ... " "No, of course not," said JC knowingly, whole-heartedly agreeing with him out loud at the same time as thinking that the lady doth protest too much. "But you want to keep your options open? Just in case? Don't worry, honey, *we* know all the clubs that Britney doesn't. I'll make sure you have some fun of your own." Justin chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Maybe," he said eventually, and JC smirked to himself, knowing that with 18-year-old hormones it hadn't even really been a question. "I mean, yes, I'd love to go out with you. I mean ... go out, like, *alongside* you. Not with you. You know." He blushed again. "But we'll see, about the guy thing." "I know what you meant," said JC, nodding his head knowingly again and trying not to look too amused. He thought maybe he'd *been* Justin once, when he was much younger. Younger than Justin was now, that's for sure. "So what's your type, honey? Tall, dark and handsome?" Justin barely reacted to that, and JC wondered if that didn't confirm some more suspicions right there. "Just ... nice," he said resolutely. "Like I told Britney, I don't have a type. Which may be why I suck at clubbing, who knows. And then she told me to be superficial, and I said lame things like nice smile and nice eyes." "You're looking for a nice guy?" said JC, whistling softly. "Good luck, there. I mean, I hear they're out there and all ... " He watched Justin's face fall a little and sighed. "I'm kidding, honey. You know I'm kidding. I'm sure you'll find ... the right person. And when the time is right. And until then? You and me will go out and have some fun." Because it wasn't like he got out enough himself, and the more he learned about Justin, the better he thought things might turn out, in the end. ---- "Do I have anything, anything at *all*, to offer you that would get you to do my calculus homework for me?" Britney moaned, walking straight into Justin's room, past where he sat at the desk, and flopping face down on his bed. "Why do you have to be gay? Or I guess a better question is: why do I have to suck at math?" "I'll trade you your calculus homework for my history paper," said Justin, crumpling up a piece of paper and tossing it playfully at her before pushing his chair away from the desk and swiveling to look at her. She looked absolutely beat, her face buried in his covers and her hair splayed everywhere. "Why do you have to be a *girl* anyway?" he teased her back. "I ask myself that question at least once a month," Britney replied, and picked her head back up to grin at Justin's disgusted grimace. "And every time I can't eat dessert because I don't have a guy's metabolism. And every time I get harrassed for something I'm wearing. And every time I get stood up, snuck up on, or slept around on." She smiled sweetly again. "Shall I continue?" Justin blew her a kiss. "Only if you want me to start in on how hard it is to be gay," he shot back at her, enjoying the way that changed he whole expression. "Seriously," he went on, "you need some help? Or are you just here to kick back and forget about it for a while? Becase after three hours of fighting with *this* thing?" He shoved his history books away. "Let me tell you, I'm *all* for that." Britney scooted over on the bed. "This is why it sucks that we can't have alcohol in the dorms," she sighed, holding her arms out for Justin to crawl into. "And thanks for the offer, babe, but I managed to get JC to meet me later and help. *He* at least will let me take him shopping, as payment." "I offered to let you take me to the bookstore," said Justin with a grin as he crawled onto the bed with her, leaving his frustration on the desk. She was pretty comfortable to cuddle with, even if she *was* a girl. "But JC's a way better teacher than me anyway. You, um, going to thei--his apartment? Or meeting somewhere else?" He winced as he realized just when Britney had last been there. "Heh. Coffee shop," she replied, but was still grinning, so Justin realized it couldn't have been that big a slip-up. Or she'd really gotten over it more than he thought she had. "And JC's a good teacher, hmm?" she teased. "Teacher of what? And how would *you* know?" "Britney!" he said, blushing and poking her, just to see her giggle. "You *know* we're not doing *that*." And of course she knew that, he realized, but she just liked to get a rise out of him. "I'm kinda, you know, using him as a back-up for my linear algebra class. Since things didn't work out so well between me and my TA." Brtiney rolled her eyes along with him. "I *still* can't believe he's a freaking TA," she muttered. "Can I please find some dumb jock to sweep me off my feet? I'm tired of all you smart, gay or somewhat gay freaks." Justin could feel her starting to tug on his hair, something she always did when she was distracted and he was close enough. "He graded your problem set fairly and all, right? I'm not sure I'd put that past him." "No," said Justin, biting his lip for a moment and tilting his head back toward her. "No, he was cool about that. I guess he's, you know, good at what he does." He snickered and blushed again as he realized what he said. "Um ... I think that came out wrong ... " Britney made a non-commital noise, and when Justin looked up, she just shrugged and looked guilty. "What? I didn't say anything." And then when Justin narrowed his eyes, she caved. "What? He is, okay? I may hate his guts right now, but I can't deny the truth of *that*." "Really?" said Justin, sighing inwardly. "So he's good at *that*, too. Figures. I was kinda hoping he was all slobbery and a quick shooter or something. You know, to make up for the fact that he's smart and gorgeous and witty and he doesn't fucking deserve to be." This time his sigh was louder and he shared a look with Britney. "Oh, no," she protested. "No, this is definitely one of those examples of how unfair life is. He was ... god. Let me just say that even though I've slept with my share of boys before, he is the first *man* I've ever been with. And leave it at that." She rolled onto her stomach and moaned pathetically. "And he was just so ... *nice*." *That* made Justin start, and he was still staring at her when she picked her head back up to glance at him curiously. "Wait. *Gorgeous*?" Justin groaned, hating to be reminded of that, even by Britney. "Yes, gorgeous, and you know it," he muttered, looking at her sheepishly. "*Not* that I'm interested in him or anything. He's a prick. And he hates me. And so I hate him back. And if he's such a man in bed, then life is officially Not Fair." He pressed his own face into the bed for a moment; he hadn't really meant to bring the conversation around to Joey, but now that he had him on the brain he wasn't going away. "I'm sure you're great too, sweetie," Britney told him, patting his back and giggling. "And I didn't think you *were* interested. I was just surprised to hear you say he was gorgeous. Or smart and funny, for that matter." She squirmed around a little beside him until she could get his arm wrapped around her. "Just like I bet you didn't expect to hear me say he was nice, huh?" "He's not nice," said Justin, giving her a wry, rueful smile to show he wasn't disbelieving her, just ... bitter. "You're mistaken about that. He brainwashed you with his manly sexual skills. And I never said he was *funny*, just, you know, witty. He has this arsenal of insults that you just wouldn't believe ... " He scowled again. "Yuck. Make me stop thinking about him." "Make *yourself* stop thinking about him," Britney retorted, grinning devilishly. "YOU brought him up. And YOU said he was good at what he did. I just agreed with you. Gave you a little more ammunition for your bout of jealousy." She shrieked when Justin reached over and pinched her ass. "Hey! What? Like you're not?" Settling back down on the bed, she looked like she was seriously considering what he'd said. "No, I don't think it was brainwashing, or else it has a very limited window of effectiveness," she mused. "I mean, he was never *not* nice to me. He just did something that I don't think was nice." "So, what, you're not all pissed off at him?" asked Justin curiously, resting his hand casually at the small of her back. "I would be. If he did that to me I don't think I ever would have forgiven him." He took in Britney's amused look at that little outburst and remembered how different their philosophies on life were. He'd never had sex with someone just for the fun of it, outside of a relationship, and obviously that was no big deal to her. "You're laughing at me, aren't you?" "No, you're just ... I forget how innocent you are, sometimes, when I look at you." She started playing with his hair again, and it felt nice. "I *am* pissed, and I *haven't* forgiven him. But it's like ... the time we *were* together? Was really great. I just woke up and he wasn't there. Maybe that's why I'm pissed, I don't know. Knowing that he has it in him to be really amazing and he obviously didn't think I was worth keeping around long enough to be that way two days in a row." "I'm not *innocent*," he protested indignantly. "I've been with guys before. I know what I'm doing. And telling me how great Joey was in bed definitely isn't making me hate him any less, you know." He pressed his face into the pillow again and let Brit tug at his curls gently, let her slip her hand up under his shirt to rest against his back; her hands were small and cool and felt soothing. "JC says he never stays with anybody," he said, trying to make it an offhand remark and maybe make her feel a little better about it. "Except him. I ... um ... I think they sleep together or something. It's weird." "*Really*?" Britney sat up a little more. "Huh. I kinda asked him, about that, after you told me that mentioning him around Joey made Joey wig out. And he said they hadn't ever done anything." She looked like she didn't know what to think about that, and Justin wondered how JC had phrased it to *her*. "And here *I* had no clue he even liked guys." She smacked him. "Thanks a lot. So much for your gaydar." "*I* knew," said Justin. "Or I thought I did. Joey fucked with my head about that a little, but JC straightened me out." He grunted. "Joey fucks with my head about a lot of stuff. He's such a prick. He really is. He totally gets in my face about being a freshman. What, like he was never one or something? Whatever." He rolled over onto his side again and gave Britney a sweet smile, which she returned without even asking where it came from. Which was nice. "I'm glad you turned out good," he said, kissing her nose. "Then next time, *tell* me he is." Britney stuck out her tongue, and that was the closest she'd come to being critical at all of Justin for letting her leave with Joey that night. But it was enough to make him feel bad. "And what do you mean, I turned out good? After my ridiculous attempts at seduction, you mean?" "I mean, as a friend," he said, awkward now that he had to explain what he meant. "I didn't know if I was gonna make any friends for a while, you know? I'm kinda ... quiet, mostly. And you turned out good. So thank you, and stuff. Um, can I stop embarassing myself now?" He gave her another sheepish grin, but he *was* glad things between them had turned out the way they had, even though the first party they'd gone to together had ended up being such a mess. "Aww, that's so sweet!" Britney gushed, and Justin could tell that under the teasing she was flattered, too. "And don't worry, you'll make friends. You have me, and JC, and we both know a ton of people. I think that we just didn't want to force them on you if, you know. You'd rather be alone a lot." "Yeah, I have a lot of stuff to do and ... stuff," Justin stammered, then sighed and rolled his eyes at himself. He was being ridiculous. "I should just let you guys introduce me to people, I know I'd have fun if I did. Lance used to tease me about that, too, how I'd always be so weird about going out and meeting people, but I always liked it when we did. You'd think I'd learn." Britney hugged him close. "You *should* let us. And you should let us find you a boy, too. Don't think I've forgotten about my task to have you hook up with someone just for fun once in a while." She tugged on a curl and smiled at him. "So what do you think? Once you wrap up that paper?" "I don't *need* a boyfriend right now," said Justin, laughing at her insistence. "Not even a temporary one." Though the thought of getting laid was an appealing, if intimidating, one, and from the look on Britney's face those thoughts were pretty plain on his own. "Okay. You finish yours and I'll finish mine and when we do we'll go out to celebrate. Yes?" "Yes," she said firmly, kissing him and hopping off the bed with considerably more energy than she'd demonstrated when she flopped onto it earlier. Justin had to wonder if it was the prospect of getting him to actually talk to a guy that had gotten her so excited. "Want me to tell JC hi for you?" she asked, smirking. "I still haven't given up on *that*, either ... " "Me and JC just isn't going to happen," he told her, grinning at her smirk and ignoring the disappointed little pout she gave him. "He's a fabulous guy and we totally get along but it just isn't ... there, you know?" She nodded, but kept the pout and looked up at him through her lashes hopefully. "Yeah, tell him hi," he added, chuckling softly. "He'll tell you the same thing if you ask him about me, you know." "Fine," she huffed, then gave him one of her brilliant smiles as she headed for the door. "That's actually better. Does that mean I get to watch a catfight if you guys happen to see the same hot guy at a club, or something? I would *love* to see that ... " "You would," said Justin, sticking out his tongue at her. "We aren't going to get in a catfight. If we find a guy we both think is hot, we'll just share." He watched her jaw drop as she thought he was serious, then snap back shut as a sly grin spread across his face. "Come on, Brit," he said, starting to laugh. "You know me better than that. I'll probably end up going home alone even if I *do* spot someone." "Speaking of things I'd like to see ... " Britney mumbled, getting a far-off look on her face, then shaking herself out of it. "No no no!" she exclaimed, throwing a pencil at him. "No psyching yourself out before you even get there. No defeatist attitudes. Don't make me ask JC to bring his handcuffs. Cause you know he has 'em." Justin blushes slightly, and turned his face away so Britney couldn't see it. "I would have thought Joey would be the one to have the handcuffs," he murmured, then forced that thought out of his head. "Okay, no psyching myself out, promise. If I find a nice, cute guy I'll let him take me home and we'll boff like bunnies, okay?" "Yay!" she crowed, and darted out the door like she was trying to escape before he could change his mind. "I'm serious," Justin could hear her yell, shamelessly, from down the hall. "I expect to hear some boffing!" Justin rolled his eyes again, even though there was no one there to see, and sat back down at his desk. His books were right where he left them and he attacked them with renewed energy. The sooner he got this done, the sooner he could get out of there, and he found he was looking forward to that a lot more than he'd been expecting to. --- Justin sipped his drink self-consciously, half-hidden behind JC at their table and looking around the room nervously. Joey smirked as he watched his obvious discomfort, still a bit pissed off at JC for telling him at the last minute 'oh, yeah, did I mention I invited Justin along?', like he had no idea Joey might have an objection to that. Justin seemed to shrink into himself every time any guy showed some interest in him, but as the level of the beer got lower, the length of eye contact that Justin made with them seemed to get longer. At least he *was* drinking beer, Joey figured, rolling his eyes at the fruity pink ... thing ... JC made Joey order for him. But that still didn't mean he was going to make his life easy for him, or even talk to him. He'd been working for almost 48 hours straight on a program and he was going to *enjoy* himself now that he was done. And his definition of enjoying himself didn't include babysitting some little freshman who looked like he'd pee his pants if anyone hit on him. "I'm going," he said loftily, looking at JC and studiously ignoring Justin. "Over there. To talk to people. Come find me if you actually feel like taking advantage of the fact that we're here to have a good time." "Have fun," said JC seriously, waggling his fingers at Joey before lifting his drink to his lips. "I know you'll be back soon enough anyway," he added, giving Joey an affectionate wink as he finally did start moving away from the table. "Jerk," Justin muttered as he watched him go, just loud enough to be heard. JC leaned in and whispered something in Justin's ear that Joey couldn't hear as he got further away, but Justin looked suitably chastised afterwards so he let a smirk form on his face. That'd teach him to insult him in front of JC. It actually cheered him up considerably, and he was sure his eager and genuine smile was the reason that half the guys that approached him started hitting on him in the first place. He played along for a while, losing himself in the flirting and the drinking and the music and all the sexual undercurrents, before remembering that he'd come here with JC, and it was way past the time he usually check up on him to make sure he hadn't gotten into something he couldn't get out of. Which had happened more than once, with JC. But when he sought out the table he'd left him at, with Justin, neither of them were anywhere to be found. Which was definitely a surprise, because Justin had looked like he was glued to his chair. And so he was quite sure his jaw dropped several feet when he looked out on the dance floor and saw them. JC set his hand casually on Justin's arm and leaned in to whisper something in his ear. This time when he pulled away, there was a genuine, open smile on Justin's face. It was the first time Joey had seen that on him, seen Justin look so relaxed and comfortable and ... look like he was actually having fun. And fuck if he wasn't a good little dancer. The eyes that might have been on him, if he'd been out there, were on Justin as he danced with JC. A little too intimately, if you asked him, but JC didn't look like he was objecting at all. Actually, if Joey knew JC, he was the one to have suggested it in the first place. Joey felt somewhat rooted in place, and sipped his beer slowly. He told himself that JC was just doing a nice thing for the kid, like he was a little brother to him now, or something, and he'd get pissed at Joey if he went over there and messed that up. And plus, Justin *did* deserve to have fun, and *certainly* needed to get laid, and JC making him show off like that was only going to help his efforts at both. So he watched them, narrowing his eyes every time Justin touched JC's hips, every time Justin let a thigh slip between JC's legs, telling himself he was *not* jealous but he'd still be over there in a flash if things looked like they were going any father. He didn't trust Justin, and it would be just *like* him to try and test Joey like that. Justin laughed again at something JC said and planted a kiss on JC's cheek like it was nothing. And JC didn't look like it was anything unexpected either, smiling back and moving away from Justin just a little so he could really let go and feel the music. Justin moved his hips and arms and whole body in such sensual ways that he had just about everyone's eyes on him who could see him. There was no way that shy, little Justin had any idea how much attention he was gathering, not if he was still doing that. And with *JC* dammit. He reminded himself that he knew JC better than anyone, and could predict his reactions more skillfully than anyone, and if he wanted to get in there and break it up, he could, and JC wouldn't even have to know it was intentional. Or even if he did, he could do it in such a way that JC just took it as a compliment. Slipping through the rest of the dancers, Joey slid up behind JC and pressed closely against him, not shy about letting him feel every inch of his body. Including the hard-on that he realized he'd had since he'd seen them dancing. "You didn't tell me where you were going," he murmured against his neck, keeping his eyes closed so he couldn't see Justin even if he wanted to. Which he didn't. "I didn't think we had to," said JC back, moving against him playfully, and Joey bit his tongue at the casual use of the word 'we'. 'We' was supposed to be reserved for him and JC, not JC and *Justin*. "I knew you'd find us sooner or later." Joey felt JC's head turn towards his and opened his eyes a crack. But Justin was already gone, melted into the mass of other dancers. Joey felt an irrational frustration well up in him at the realization, because Justin was supposed to be watching. Justin was supposed to see. "You mean you knew I'd find *you* sooner or later," Joey corrected him, wrapping his arms tighter around JC's shoulders and trying not to look like he was looking for Justin. "You look hot tonight, boy," he murmured, licking along his ear. "Think maybe I can take you home?" "Sure, you can," teased JC, rubbing himself up against Joey. "You can take me home and pop me some popcorn and we can watch that movie you rented that's already two days overdue, how about?" Joey chuckled and bit his shoulder playfully, but felt this little tinge of annoyance that JC wasn't playing along, wasn't making him feel sexy, they way he looked like he'd been making Justin feel sexy. Not that Justin had needed any reassurance, not tonight, not when he looked like *that*. "It means you'll have to leave your boyfriend to the wolves," Joey warned, grinding smoothly right back against him. "My new year's resolution is that three's a crowd." He regretted bringing Justin up as soon as he said it, though, knowing it made him sound petty and jealous and not at all unaffected like he *wanted* to sound. And where the hell *was* he, anyway? "Boyfriend?" repeated JC with a smirk, turning in Joey's arms so they were facing one another. He looked way too amused for Joey's comfort. "If you're talking about young Justin," he went on, "he's doing just fine on his own." He pointed back over Joey's shoulder and when Joey looked he saw Justin dancing in the middle of a group of men, definitely getting more than his fair share of attention. Every so often, Justin would throw his head back, unconciously emphasizing the slope of his neck, his jaw, the way the exertion from dancing made his chest heave a little. Joey bit his lip and turned back to JC, studiously ignoring the smirk this time. "Then my ploy worked," he growled, leaning into JC's neck and biting him, not quite as playfully as before. "I don't want him here," he mumbled. "I want you all to myself." "Joey," said JC, a note of warning in his voice as his hand pressed against Joey's chest. But Joey wasn't ready to back off yet, not this time, and sucked on JC's earlobe. JC made another token push against his chest, then seemed to give in. Justin, to Joey's annoyance, was still completely oblivious to them. "Jesus fuck," Joey muttered, after several more minutes of dancing with JC and absolutely no eye contact with Justin whatsoever. "Is that kid planning on going home with any of those guys? Cause I'll tell you right now, I'm not at all interested in rescuing his ass if he gets someone a little too worked up and tries to be a cocktease." "Aw, just lay off him," said JC, laying his cheek against Joey's chest unexpectedly. "The kid's having a good time for once. And we probably wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him. So can you just ... let this little feud thing go? Just for tonight?" Joey bristled at the suggestion that the problem he had with Justin was a 'little feud thing'. "He needs to lay off *me*," Joey insisted, but he put his hand gently behind JC's head and held him close, letting their bodies sway together much slower. "I heard what he said when I left the table." He kissed the top of JC's head, wondering a little where this affection came from so suddenly, but happy that it was starting to take his mind off Justin. Sort of. "You okay, baby?" he murmured, raising JC's head off his chest with gentle hands on his cheeks, pressing their mouths together tenderly. JC nodded and smiled at him. "I'm good," he said. "Just thinking." They swayed together for another moment, lulling Joey into a false sense of security, before JC spoke up again. "You weren't exactly being Mr. Congeniality to him either, you know,' he had to add. "Don't think I missed how *you* treated *him*, Joey. But ... " He leaned back to look into Joey's eyes and smirked again. "I suppose it's none of my business and I should let you work it out for yourselves." "I didn't do anything to him," Joey muttered, snorting, wondering why JC seemed determined to try and start something, to make the whole thing bigger than it was. "But you see? You see how he acts around me? What a baby." He leaned over to nip at JC's ear again. "And yes, you should shut your mouth about it, or I'll give you something to shut it for you." "Right, he's the baby," said JC, nodding, clearly ignoring the promise and/or threat that Joey had just made. "He's the one that seems to be getting on with his night. But that's neither here nor there," he added dismissively, though it seemed to Joey like he wasn't trying very hard to drop the subject. "Buy me a drink?" "I was doing that, too," Joey protested, letting JC tug him off the dance floor. "I just came to check on you, god. Can't a guy make sure the best thing in his life is doing okay, once in a while, in a room full of big evil men who just have one thing on their minds?" He grinned wolfishly when JC turned around and looked at him. "Then you looked so good, I had to dance with you. Simple as that." "Right," said JC and didn't elaborate, but he was smiling at him. "I want a purple haze, if you don't mind," he added as they approached the bar. "You should get one for yourself. They're good." Joey waited for him to add something else, but JC just looked at him expectantly and nudged him toward the bar. Nothing about how he really was a jerk, nothing about Justin, just nothing ... so Joey had to wonder what he was up to. "I'm not drinking whatever ... that is," Joey replied, wrinkling his nose as the bartender passed him the liquor with a smirk on his face. "And I'm *not* letting your little charity case ruin my evening, either. So you can just stop think whatever you're thinking." He had to push JC on it, or else he'd be acting like a damn know-it-all all night long. "So don't let him then," said JC, sipping the drink happily. "If Justin's ruining your evening, honey, that's your own damn fault. You should really have one of these, they'd very good." Once again Joey waited for him to say something else, but JC was merely waiting for him. Or so it looked like. "I'm drinking beer," Joey replied firmly, taking several swallows to punctuate it. He stared at JC a little longer, both of them looking at each other somewhat expectantly. "What?" he finally exclaimed, in an exhale of breath. "*What* are you looking at me like that for? What the fuck did I do? You waiting for me to ask you to dance again?" he wasn't even sure he was on the right track. "And I've been good tonight; you can't say I haven't. Am I supposed to go dance with him or something? Would that make you feel better?" JC laughed. "It would be a pretty picture, sure," he said, "but really I was just thinking we could sit down again and watch the spectacle. But if you *want* to go out there and dance, be my guest. I'm sure you could pull at least *some* of the attention away from him, and I promise I won't get in any trouble sitting here all by my lonesome." Joey narrowed his eyes, fairly certain JC was trying to goad him into doing just that, and trying to decide whether showing Justin up was worth the pride he'd lose with JC doing so. So he tried to find a happy medium. "Drink that," he said firmly, then "just DO it," when JC looked like he was going to protest. "I'm dancing with you," he told him, nuzzling against the back of his neck as he tried to push him back out onto the floor. "And we're going to take *all* of the attention." JC sipped at his drink. "Okay," he said after a moment, looking up at him. "But we're not having sex when you take me home, just so we're clear on that. I'm really looking forward to that movie." Joey groaned inwardly as JC smiled; he knew that somehow JC was getting something out of this that he wasn't but damned if he knew what it was. "I *know* we're not having sex," Joey replied, exasperated, waiting impatiently for JC to finish his damned sissy drink and come with him so he could stop trying to look everywhere except Justin. "Because you are, quite possibly, the biggest tease on earth. Are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you going to make me lick it out of you?" "What what is all about?" asked JC, sounding so innocent that Joey almost believed him. He finished his drink painfully slowly and finally stood up. "You can lick me anyway," he said with a wink, "but I'm sure there are people out of there you'd like to lick more, considering where they might let you lick that I wouldn't. You ready?" "I was *going* to lick you anyway," Joey muttered petulantly, wondering just what kind of crack JC was smoking that night. "And if I wanted to lick you those places, you couldn't stop me. Until you wouldn't *want* to stop me, and you know it. Now get your pretty ass out there." He and JC had done this together millions of times, it seemed like, and Joey always felt like he owned the place when he led JC out in the middle of the crowd. JC looked like he was going to ask something, then closed his mouth again and blew Joey a kiss. "Let's do this, then," he said, and finally -- to Joey's relief -- looked excited about this. "Take me, big boy." Joey grinned, encouraged, and heaved JC up onto his shoulder; laughing at his sqwauks of protest and enjoying the attention they were getting before letting him down to the floor gently and leaning him backwards into a smooth dip. The he pulled him up close against his body, knowing JC's bright eyes reflected his own, and kissed him again -- more passionately than he usually did, when they were out. But he was making a *point*. "Careful, or people are going to think you're taken," murmured JC as he began moving against him, as they began to dance. Out of the corner of his eye, Joey saw that Justin still had his pack of admirers over in his corner of the dance floor, but he forced himself to stop caring and focus on JC, and on the spectacle he was about to make of them. Grinning broadly, he leaned in over JC again. "I *am* taken," he growled into his ear, enjoying the shiver it caused in JC. "You know you're the only one for me, baby." He swung him around and licked his neck, chuckling when JC gasped -- "see? I *told* you I would" -- and then just did it again. He never let JC out of his arms for more than a millisecond: pressing their hips and groins and chests together, unbuttoning the collar of JC's shirt teasingly. JC didn't speak for a few minutes, not that Joey expected him to. His whole intention was to leave him breathless, taking them to the very limits of what their friendship would encompass. When his eyes flicked again to where Justin had been dancing, after he and JC had been grinding together for a while, he was gone. And he *wasn't* going to look around for him, either. He *hoped* Justin'd seen him -- seen *them* -- and the way they were together, so he could know that no matter what kind of hot shit he thought he was, tonight, he wasn't quite ready to play with the big boys. He grinned again, wrapping his arms suffocatingly tight around JC, and burying his face in his throat. "You're gorgeous," he mumbled. "Wanna re-think that whole sex thing?" "Be satisfied with what you've got," said JC, pinching his ass, which was pretty much the response Joey had been expecting anyway. "It's a whole lot more than anyone else has gotten in a while." He looked and smiled at something over Joey's shoulder and Joey deliberately did *not* look to see what it was. "All the more reason for you to let me," he mumbled instead, bending his knees a little more so he could rub against JC's thigh as he sucked on his neck, tugging on his hair to keep his attention. He was being so *blatant* tonight, so needy and possessive, and as much as he hated that side of him that he knew Justin had brought out, he still loved the closeness it gave him with JC. "You can't be serious," said JC, sounding half-amused and half-worried. "You know we don't do that, honey." Joey sighed audibly, even over the pulsing music, but continued to do his best to get JC as hot as he was. He began to acknowledge, though, that he was fighting a losing battle. Which was probably for the best, and he knew that JC would stay latched by his side anyway if that was what he really needed, no questions asked. Not until afterwards, anyway. "Okay, I'll make a deal with you," Joey said softly, wrapping JC's thin body up again in his arms and turning him around so Joey was pressed up behind him. "I'll stop harassing you about it," he breathed against the back of his neck. "As long as you tell me what was so damn funny, when we were at the bar." He moved their hips together slowly, trying not to groan *too* desperately when he fit just *right* against JC's ass. "What makes you think something was funny?" asked JC, his breath hitching momentarily as Joey fitted himself against him. "I think you're just being paranoid, sweetie." Which frustrated Joey, because he was still sure that something was up that he just wasn't getting. Something going on in JC's head that he wasn't sharing. "You're being such a suck, tonight, Chasez," he muttered, wishing he'd just quit with the games already. He ran his hands down onto the front of JC's thighs, and ground into him again, their bodies turning slowly with the movement of the crowd. And when he looked up again, from his intent tonguing of JC's earlobe, it was right into an almost-forgotten Justin's face. "I'm going home, JC," said Justin, jerking his gaze away from Joey's eyes. "I'm gonna gonna get a cab, all right? I'll give you a call next week some time, maybe. Um ... thanks for taking me out tonight and all." Joey fell a mixture of triumph and guilt, at clearly having succeeded at fucking up Justin's night. "Whoa, wait," said JC, moving out of Joey's grasp before Joey could stop him. "You don't have to do that. If you want to go, we can take you back to the dorm." He paused and for a moment Joey thought he was remembering to consider *his* feelings, but then he went on. "Um ... unless you're not going home alone?" Justin snorted, but it was obviously humourlessly. "No, I'm going home alone," he said, starting to back away. "Have a good night. See ya." After that, Joey figured he could afford to be magnanimous. Plus, Justin looked *really* disconcerted, which just made him worry if he'd pushed things too far after all. "Um," he spoke up, just barely loud enough to hear, trying not to get too defensive about the withering look Justin shot him. "No, wait. We can go. Just hold on a second, man." He just barely noticed the distance that had appeared between him and JC, and wondered whose fault *that* was. "Are you sure?" asked Justin, only half-looking at Joey as he spoke. But at least he was talking to *him*, and not ignoring him in favor of JC. Joey just nodded and reached out for JC's waist, not really returning the courtesy. But not being rude about it either. "Thanks, Joe," said JC quietly, reaching for his hand which made Joey feel a little better about the whole thing. "Oh, what," he said breezily, mumbling into JC's ear again as they made their way outside. "Sooner we leave, sooner I get you home in bed. Not much of a sacrifice, there." He wished they'd both stop shooting him looks, like he'd grown a third head or something, just because he agreed to leave. JC elbowed him in the side, but for some reason he looked more relieved once Joey said that, even giving him a grin. "I really am capable of getting a cab," insisted Justin, even after they were outside and on their way to the car. "You guys don't have to leave just because of me. You looked like you were having a good time." Joey wanted to say 'we were', but he would have gotten shit from JC for a comeback like that so he decided to keep it to himself. At least while JC was around. "That's what babysitters are for," he said instead, trying to make it into a joke, but still wincing when JC elbowed him harder. "Ow. Um. I mean ... didn't see anything you liked? I thought that was the point of this whole excursion." As soon as he said it, he realized he *didn't* know what JC's point was in trying to get them all out together. He'd have to remember to ask him. Justin shrugged and didn't answer, and Joey caught a look of concern that JC shot him. "Next time," said JC, ruffling Justin's hair. "Tonight you were just scouting the territory. Making your grand entrance." Joey groaned aloud and rolled his eyes, but neither of them was paying much attention to him, much to his renewed annoyance. He knew, as they climbed into his truck, that opening his mouth again was going to get him in trouble with JC. But it didn't matter -- it was getting ridiculous how he couldn't control his temper when Justin was anywhere near him. "Not for lack of trying, though, huh?" he sniped. "Since you looked plenty ... willing ... out there dancing. Oh! But I forgot how young and virginal you are. Guess when it came down to it, actually *doing* something was too big and scary a prospect ... " Justin froze, then very deliberately got back out of the truck without even looking at Joey. "I'll get that cab," he said breezily as he walked away. "See you around." Joey hadn't been expecting *that*, had been expecting him to make the usual kind of comeback, and turned to JC in surprise. JC glared at him, a look Joey didn't earn from him often, and shoved him in the side, but when Joey looked back to where Justin had been walking away from them, he was already out of sight. JC sighed. "Let's go home," he said flatly and looked away. --- JC drummed his fingers against the table and sipped his coffee, wishing he'd brought something to read while he waited and thinking idly that coffee was probably the last thing he needed right then. His nerves were already worked up enough, and his brain was more taxed from figuring out ways to deal with Joey than it ever had been from any project he'd worked on. Joey was a creature of habit, and this new development was just throwing everything off. "Whoa," Britney said, sitting down across from him, startling him so much that he almost spilled his drink. "Hon. This is *not* a good look for you, all ... agitated and tired." She took his hand and squeezed it gently. "What's going on? Why'd you want to meet me? You're not making me take those pants I bought you back, are you, because you looked *hot* in them and I'm not arguing with you anymore ... " JC smiled at her gratefully, grateful that she was just ... Britney. "I took the children out to a club last night," he began with a weary sigh. "Both of them." He grimaced at her shocked look. "That was probably my first mistake, huh?" "What the heck didya do *that* for?" she exclaimed, when she finally seemed to be able to speak. "They *hate* each other. Like, seriously hate. I talked to Justin the other day about it and he couldn't stop *talking* about what a prick Joey is. Like, *I* was defending him, and you *know* that's messed up." She paused. "Why'd you do that, seriously?" "Because I was taking Justin out, to see if we couldn't find him a nice guy, and you *know* Joey would never let me take Justin out without him. He'd flip. I didn't even try." JC sipped his cooling coffee dismally; Britney didn't even look sympathetic yet, just confused. "You're right about one thing, they can*not* stop talking about one another and sniping at each other and trying to one-up each other ... it's crazy. You need to see them together some time to see what I mean." "No thanks," she laughed, petting his arm. "I'd be too scared to get caught in the crossfire. Especially now, since from your face, it seems like it's worse." Shaking her head, she gave JC a rueful smile. "I don't envy you. Wow. It's not like I could ever see Justin being nasty to anyone -- or even Joey, really; not to their face at least -- but from what he's told me, it gets pretty vicious." "You know, they're both perfectly rational adults any other time," he said ruefully. "I know them both now and I think I can safely say that. But the moment you mention the other one's name? Let alone get them together? It's like a spike of testosterone or something -- suddenly they're ready to rip something's head off." She gave him a look of utter understanding then, and he knew that she'd been there, too. With Justin, at least. "Well," sighed Britney. "It's one of those unexplained phenomenons ... phenomena? ... I guess. I couldn't begin to tell you why Joey acts like that -- it seems like Justin wouldn't even register on his radar, you know? Since he has so much else going on. But I know at least part of Justin's problem. It's just odd the way he acts, because of it." JC nodded at her, setting his coffee down and drumming his fingers on the table. "I don't even know how to handle Joey, about this, and I've been handling Joey for years, honey. Justin has just no idea how much he gets to him. It's like ... his opinion *matters*. When, in Joey's world, very few other people's do." He gave her another rueful look, and Britney *was* looking sympathetic now. "You've probably figured out that Joey and I have a pretty tight friendship." "Yeah," she said softly, and looked like she wasn't sure if she should ask a question that seemed to be bugging her. "Justin said ... well, he said that you guys, um, sleep together. But I thought you told me you didn't do anything, so I was kind of confused. Not that it's any of my business!" she hurried on, making JC wonder what his face had looked like when she said it. "But I bet that just adds to Justin's jealousy issues." Her eyes got bigger, then, when she realized that she probably betrayed a confidence, by admitting that. "Um." "We do, sometimes," admitted JC slowly. "But it's not what you're thinking ... jealousy issues? Of?" He wasn't sure what Britney meant by that, but the thought, the word, was tickling something in the back of his brain. Britney wouldn't meet his eyes, and hemmed and hawed for a minute, so JC just sat silent. Knowing that was the best way to get her to evetually talk herself into spilling. "I'm not sure I should be telling you this," she whined softly. "He'll kill me; he really wants you to like him and respect him, I think. But ... yeah. Jealousy issues. He's *wicked* jealous of Joey. Is it not obvious, when he's around him? I mean ... shit, what did he say the other day." She looked like she was trying hard to remember his exact words. "He said that it wasn't bad enough that Joey's 'smart, gorgeous, and witty.' Gorgeous! I can't believe he said that." JC smirked. "Joey *is* gorgeous," he said, but he was just as surprised as she was that Justin had said that. "And if you ask me, I think Joey's a little jealous of Justin, too. He'd never admit it, but I think he sees a lot of himself in him, except Justin has his shit together in a way that Joey never did." He pondered that for a moment, wondering if that wasn't the root of Joey's problem with him. "Of course, I don't think Joey was ever as shy as Justin seems to be, though he overcame that last night, well enough." "Did he, now," she leaned forward, obviously excited. "I haven't seen him today. You know you'll make my year if you tell me the reason I haven't is because he never made it home last night." Then the rest of JC's words seemed to hit her. "That's so stupid. Neither one of them needs to be jealous of the other. They're *both* hot, and they're *both* smart. Of course, I don't think I helped Justin out any when I was forced to admit that Joey was really fucking good in bed." JC paled a bit. "You haven't seen him? He didn't come home? Shit, Britney ... " He almost got up out of his seat but forced himself to calm down. "We split up after the club," he admitted. "Joey said some stuff and ... Justin was gonna get a cab back. Shit." He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I should have made him get into the truck. I shouldn't have let him just go ... " Britney looked more frightened at JC's reaction than anything, but didn't seem as worried as JC felt. "No, no. Okay, hold on. That's not so weird, JC. I didn't get home until after 2 last night, myself, and I just haven't stopped by to see him yet today. I'm *sure* he got home okay. I just ... was wondering. You know. If he met someone." She bit her lip. "Would it make you feel better if I called him? Or you can?" She reached into her backpack. "Here's my cell ... " "He was going home alone," said JC. "That much I know for sure. Or at least he was the last time I saw him. Can you call? Just ... make sure he's there?" JC rested his forehead against his arms on the table and reminded himself that Justin was an adult and didn't need JC worrying quite this much about him, but there was obviously some lingering guilt in him over leaving him behind the previous night. "Sure, baby, just a second," Britney said soothingly, rubbing his neck. JC sighed in relief but didn't look up when he heard her say "Justin! Hey honey. What're you doing?" He tried to tune out the rest of her quick conversation, about meeting for lunch or something, and let his mind play over the whole situation some more. "Well, he's fine," Britney said a minute later, after hanging up. "Now: wanna tell me why your idea of taking a guy out doesn't include making sure he gets home in one piece?" "It was like I said," said JC, lifting his head after a moment and looking at her apologetically. Britney didn't look angry, but she looked like she expected an explanation. "Joey started talking some shit to him, about being some virginal kid because he was going home alone -- which was just utter bs because Joey didn't pick anyone up either -- and Justin just said he was taking a cab home. He didn't run off or anything, he just, you know, didn't want to be in the truck with Joey. And I can't say I blame him either, after a comment like *that*." "So how come you didn't smack the shit out of Joey?" she replied. *Now* she looked angry. "That's just so ... why the hell does he have to pick on Justin about all the things that actually *upset* him? I'm sorry, that ... that makes me mad. After I spent like an hour defending him as being nice, to Justin, the other day. Why did he say that?" Fiddling with her phone, Britney looked really distracted by the whole thing. "So how come the stud himself went home alone? Or ... did he not, really, and the two of y'all did whatever I'm not supposed to think." "I did smack the shit out of Joey when we got home, figuratively speaking," said JC, getting a little annoyed himself. "And just so you know, Justin does the *exact* same thing to Joey. Hits him where it hurts. That's the whole *problem* with them ... they have this instinct about how to really get to each other, and then they just go for it. They don't stop and think." He snatched up his coffee again and took a sip. "I'm not having sex with Joey. I never have and I never will. Just so we're clear on that." "Look, don't take this out on me," she retorted, reminding JC very much of the spunky, hurt girl he first talked to after Joey'd walked out on her. "I came here because *you* asked me to. Excuse *me* for letting my mind go there, about the two of you, when that's precisely what Justin *uses* to piss Joey off. To hit him where it hurts, as you say." "Look, I'm not taking it out on you, honey," he said, conscious of not upsetting her further. She was as protective of Justin now as Justin was of her. "Now that you know it's *not* true, though, you don't have to think it anymore, right? I do really appreciate you coming, Britney, that's just hitting on some of the stuff I needed to get off my chest. If you're still willing?" He looked at her speculatively, and hoped she'd say yes. "Yeah, okay," she said, a little more calmly, but still sitting in a somewhat defensive position. "I just hope you're not telling me all this stuff because you want me to try and get Justin to leave it alone. I'm not sure I ever could have, and I certainly couldn't now. Since I made what was obviously a mistake in trying to get Justin to see some of Joey's good points." "Wait, wait," said JC, holding up his hand and processing what she was saying. "First of all, thank you for acknowledging Joey has good points, and secondly, why do you think it was a mistake?" Britney just looked at him witheringly. "He doesn't deserve it," she said simply. "I mean, I was getting over what he did to me -- which wasn't *so* awful, 'cause at least he was honest, if he was a big fat coward about it -- but there's just no *reason* for him to keep goading Justin, trying to ruin his confidence. He's not a *threat* to him. And now Justin won't trust me to be on his side anymore." "And there's not reason for Justin to be on *his* case, either," snapped JC. "Calling him 'jerk' and 'asshole' under his breath every chance he gets, when he knows Joey can hear it. Making him out to be some huge slut when the truth is that most nights Joey's home studying just like everyone else. Telling him how he's not good enough to be my friend because he's bound to hurt me." Britney clearly hadn't known about all that, which was no surprise; Justin certainly wasn't going to tell her. "It's both of them, Britney, not just Joey. And it's *only* to each other. And it's getting out of hand." Britney definitely looked chastised. "Well, what are we supposed to do about it? If they don't like each other, they don't. No big deal; they just don't have to be around each other. Justin said you volunteered to help him with math, if he needs it? So there's one thing. *I* don't ever have any reason to see Joey, so that's not an issue. And if you want to go out with Justin, Joey'll have to just suck it up and let you. Right?" JC smiled a little, but shook his head. Britney definitely wasn't grasping the whole thing. "But they do see each other," he pointed out. "We can't really avoid that. But the thing is ... they *talk* about one another, or at least Joey does. I wasn't expecting to find any answers when I asked you here, honey, I just needed to ... talk about it. And I don't have a lot of people to talk to, outside Joey, to be honest. Especially not ones who are as caught up in the situation as I am." "Oh, I'm sorry," Britney said earnestly. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't talk about it. I know, it's tough -- it seems like Justin's *still* madder at Joey than I ever was, and has to bring him up practically every time I see him. It's like he's ... reminding himself, or something, about why he hates him. It's weird." She paused. "You're the only one that's talked to both of them; you think they'll ever get along?" "You know what i think? Honestly?" said JC, tilting his head as he looked at her as though the new angle might give him insight. "I think they're way too alike for their own good. That's what I think." "I can see that," Britney said easily, making JC wonder why *he* thought it seemed so significant. "In some ways. They're both smart, and funny, and really protective of the people they care about. It's just ... it seems like they *love* differently. Like ... Justin takes it too seriously. And Joey ... doesn't take it seriously enough." "No," argued JC, shaking his head at her. "That's sex. Justin takes sex too seriously and Joey doesn't take it seriously enough. But love? Joey takes love really seriously, Brit. I mean, I know you wouldn't know that, and I know probably *no*one would know that but me, but he does. He really does." "If you say so," she sniffed, and JC figured that he wouldn't be able to convince her without going into more detail than he really felt comfortable with, or even allowed to. "Then what did *you* mean by that, when you said they're 'too alike'?" "That same stuff," said JC, wishing he *could* tell her more, so that she would understand. "Smart, good looking, funny, sexual as hell ... and both too damn proud, too, I think. Neither one of them wants to be the first to back down. And neither one of them feels like they've won this 'thing', either, so maybe that's why they can't just drop it. Why they seem to go out of their way to think about each other, talk about each other, find each other ... and I think they *do*." And JC also has the somewhat sinking feeling that they still will, and he'll go through the exact same thing with Joey as he has been another few times. "So *silly*," Britney repeated. "They both need something else to do with their time." She laughed as a completely absurd thought seemed to occur to her. "Or maybe they just both need to get laid. I *know* Justin does. They're basically fighting over you anyway, no matter how much they try to hide it." "They are," agreed JC, thinking of the scene the previous night, and thinking of how possessive Joey had been with him lately. "But they aren't, too. They aren't fighting over me like they want *me*, they just ... want to win. Or something." He shook his head, his thoughts still on Joey. "I can't win with that guy right now, though. I try to talk to him about it and he gets weird or upset. I *stop* talking about it, and he gets weird or upset. Thanks for meeting me for coffee, sweetheart, I *really* needed to get away from that whole deal." He gave her a genuine, if still-weary, smile. "I think you might be right. They need to get laid." "You need to get away from it, but that's what we talk about anyway," Britney laughed. "Oh well. What do you think it'll take for either of them to feel like they've won? For them to just stop, already? I mean ... it seems like Joey doesn't have much of an attention span for this kind of stuff, so ..." She laughed again. "You know they should just fuck each other, right? Like ... just get it all out there." JC didn't laugh, though, instead growing thoughtful. "Damn," he said, frowning. "Damn, Britney, that might just be ... " But then he thought about the sharp, calculating looks that they'd given one another. "Maybe." Britney stared at him, then burst out laughing again. "Maybe *nothing*. I was *kidding*. They'd KILL each other. They'd use it as an opportunity to, like, permanently disfigure each other. Seriously, just ... no. Nuh-uh. I mean, this whole this is totally misplaced sexual aggression, I'll give you that, but not for each *other*." "Yeah, you're probably right," he said, imagining the scars Joey would come home with after a night of *that*. "At least it would kill some of that excess tension they have around one another though." He sighed again. "I'll take Joey out tonight. Get him laid, maybe by someone who'll leave even before *he* does. Maybe then this whole thing will blow over. After all, the last person he was with was you which was before this whole thing started up ... " "Oh, seriously? Wow." Britney bit her lip, obviously not expecting *that*, either, and JC felt a little vindicated. "Yeah, do that, definitely. Cause there's no *way* I can get Justin to go out, not after last night. It'll take me a week to get him to risk that again. If Joey can get fucked," she smirked, "then that's probably more than half the battle. Justin's used to abstinence." "Maybe Justin doesn't *want* to be used to abstinence," suggested JC with a raised eyebrow. "Seriously, Brit, get him to go out, I bet he will. He had a fabulous time, and it if wasn't for the fact that him and Joey were there together ... well, you'll see for yourself. I can even suggest a couple of clubs that might be, you know, good for that sort of thing ... " "Good for *what* sort of thing?" she teased. "See *what* for myself? And jeez, is that all I am to y'all? some fag hag? Like I don't have needs of my *own*?" She tossed a napkin at him and sniffed dramatically. "I know when I'm being used." "Honey, if anyone is capable of taking care of themselves when it comes to that? It's you. Now Justin ... Justin needs help. And you know it. And if Justin's gonna get laid, then one of us is going to have to facilitate it ... " "Oh, I think you should definitely be the one to 'facilitate' it," Britney giggled, winking, and JC realized she was just never going to give that up. "Alright, alright. I'll do my best. I can't promise anything, though. He says he wants a nice boy, and picking out nice boys is obviously not my forte." "It may be, more than you know," said JC crytically, but he didn't entirely mean it. Joey may have been a great guy -- to him -- but he definitely *had* treated Britney pretty shabbily. "And honey, you're definitely barking up the wrong tree here. Justin is a sweet, sweet boy, but there's just no chemistry there. And don't you think I'd jump at the chance if there was?" "I KNOW," she pouted. "Justin said that too. I just don't get it. Well ... whatever. We have our assignments, then, Captain?" She got a faux serious look on her face, and saluted him. "To ... go forth and ... wreak havoc?" "There's enough havoc being wrought, don't you think?" said JC, wondering if Britney had ever found someone *she* didn't have sexual chemistry with. "We're going forth and establishing order, is what we're doing." "Right, that too," grinned Britney, standing up and pinching JC's cheek. "You feeling better? Can I get back to my busy day of ... picking out clothes for class, and trying to figure out how to accidentally on purpose run into the cute guy I saw at the library yesterday?" "Yeah," said JC, standing up and stretching. Britney really was a sweetheart, but her priorities were a little different that most of his friends'. "I think I'm going to go to the library or something. I don't really feel up to dealing with Joey just yet. But I will. I promise I will, tonight, as long as he doesn't start bugging me for a blowjob again ... " He grinned at her and winked. "I really do need to get him laid." "Sir; yes, sir," she said resolutely, then collapsed into giggles again. "I'm having lunch with Justin, so I'll work on him. Not *work* work on him, but you know what I mean. And we can ... regroup and report?" JC grinned at her playfulness. Despite their difference of opinion on the subject of Joey, just her being there was making him feel better. "I'll call you," he promised. "Tomorrow, some time, probably. And let you know if the, uh, mission succeeded." "Roger, roger," replied Britney, giving JC one of her trademark smiles before bouncing off to god-knows-where. Leaving JC to head to the library, but at least he'd be able to *think* now. --- Joey was lounging languidly, looking as cocky as ever, in practically the exact same spot outside of Justin's classroom that he had been the week before. The afternoon all the crap between them started. And Justin *knew* he saw him, too. But the most surprising part of the whole thing? was how he found himself trying to come up with an explanation for Joey being there this time. Justin considered turning around and heading for the dorm, like he meant to, but ended up straightening his shoulders and heading over to him, with a cocky 'you're on my turf, now' walk. "Did you and JC have a good time, after I left?" he asked, his eyes hard and his voice flat. "Or did he smarten up and turn you down cold?" He shouldn't have cared -- shouldn't have even brought that night up -- but as soon as he saw Joey it was the first thing that came to mind. Joey smirked back, but it looked a little more forced than usual. And was that ... a little guilty? "Oh, it's you," he sneered, regardless. "He didn't blow me in the car, if that's what you're getting at. What, you wanted to see the show, or something?" Justin squirmed uncomfortably; that was something he really *didn't* want to see, actually. "If I wanted to see anything of yours," he snapped, "I could have stayed. Obviously, I didn't. Oh, and I made it home fine, thanks for asking." That would have been a good line to walk away on, he realized once he'd crossed his arms over his chest defensively and stuck his ground. "Ah, how quickly you assume I *did* get some action," Joey sniped back, but it seemed halfhearted, and he shook his head a little before looking down at his hands. Justin barely recognized him. "Seriously, I'm ... I feel bad you didn't let us take you home. So ... yeah. For what it's worth." Justin squinted at him in surprise and frowned a little. "Thanks, I think," he mumbled awkwardly. "But after that shit you said? I didn't want to be around, man." He looked down and took a step back, then realized that might be taken as him giving Joey some ground, so he looked up. "You guys didn't, right? You and JC? Because I didn't think you were ... " "Why do you care?" Joey asked, defensiveness overwhelming his tone, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We don't do that shit," he muttered, before looking up at Justin with dark eyes. "Or is this just some lead-in to how I'm going to hurt him one day? Is *that* it?" "I don't care," lied Justin, taking that step back forward again. "Except about JC." He chewed this inside of his cheek as he stared into Joey's stormy eyes. "But he's put up with you this long, so I guess he knows how to take care of himself." Though Justin had no idea how he could, especially for so long. "I'm sure the locks on his bedroom door help." "Jesus *Christ*," Joey exhaled, twisting his head to the side violently, looking up at the ceiling with his jaw set. "This was just ... you are so not worth it, man. *Fuck* you. If I thought your naive, idealistic, sheltered, spoiled ass could even begin to understand it, I might try to defend myself. But you *can't*. And I have better things to do." Their eyes met again, a split-second before Joey tried to push past Justin roughly. Justin pressed his palm against Joey's chest. "Then give me a reason I shouldn't think that," he hissed. "Because from what I've seen of you so far, and from what I've heard, I have *no* reason to think otherwise of you." Which was the absolute and honest truth, with a few little comments here and there from JC and Britney the were exceptions to that rule. But the question wasn't rhetorical, and Justin waited. "That you shouldn't think *what*?" Joey spit back, looking decidedly unconcerned with the hand Justin used to restrain him -- making him think it probably wouldn't do much good if Joey had it in his mind to move after all. "That I'm a whore? a fucking date-rapist? someone who the one guy I love in ways you'll *never* get should be scared of? I'm not dignifying any of that. Think it if you want. I don't give a flying fuck." Justin let his hand drop. "You don't know I'd never get that," he said quietly, responding to the thing that surprised him the most. "You don't know *shit* about me. You know ... about as much about me as I apparently know about you," he admitted, his voice tight with tension. Joey's eyes were still stormy, angry, but he was making about as much attempt to leave as Justin was. "Yeah," Joey nodded. "The difference is that I don't *care* if I don't know you. I don't *care* if you think you've been in love before, and think that'll make you an expert on me and JC. I don't *care* if you've got issues separating love and sex and somehow just the fact that I am the way I am goes against everything you believe. I. Don't. Care." Justin nodded, his face becoming blank, making the unsettling realization that Joey was right. He actually did care, and had been hoping for an answer. Hoping for a reason. He took a step back again and managed to catch his eyes. "Fine," he snapped. "Don't say I didn't try." But Joey didn't leave, not right away. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked. "No one's stopping you." "No one worth my time, at least," Joey agreed, pushing past him for real this time, actually shoving Justin hard enough that his teeth banged together. "Remember how you told me I'd have to grow up before we could do this again?" he called, over his shoulder. "Well, welcome to my level, fuckhead." The final insult hit Justin hard, and he couldn't do much other than stare at Joey as he left and wonder just what he'd done to deserve *that*. And he never did find out what the hell Joey was doing there in the first place, either. --- The knock on the door of his office startled Joey, and he had to check his watch sleepily to tell if it was even morning yet. Which it was actually *past*, and he realized he'd better get his shit together if he expected to hold office hours. Regardless, whoever was outside was going to get a very rumpled, tired, bleary-eyed and sitracted version of their TA. "Yeah, come in," he called hoarsely. JC poked his head in the door, to Joey's surprise and relief. His first impulse was that with JC, he didn't have to think too hard, forgetting the kind of conversation he tended to have with JC these days. "Hey," he said, stepping inside. "So this is where you are." He held up a brown paper bag. "I brought food. You hungry?" Joey honestly couldn't tell him; food was quite possibly the last thing on his mind. So he shrugged, and smiled, and leaned over the desk to clear off the chair for his friend. "Hey, kiddo," he smiled. "What do you mean, this is where I am? Where'd you think I was?" "I had *no* idea," he confessed as he sat down in the mostly-cleared-off seat and set the paper bag on the desk. "Blueberry muffins. Have one. They're good for you." He took one out for himself and broke himself off a tiny piece -- daintily, Joey thought with a smile. "I thought maybe you got lucky last night, went home with someone." He looked Joey up and down and wrinkled his nose. "Obviously not." Just like that, everything that happened the day before -- the whole *reason* he was hiding in his office -- came crashing back down on him. Hearning JC seem to echo the exact same sentiment that Justin had confronted him with, hearing the implication come from his dearest friend ... "So I don't come home, it automatically means I'm whoring myself out somewhere, is that it? Since that's, like, all I'm about? Thanks a fucking lot, Jace. The door's that way." "Whoa," said JC, his eyes widening at Joey's outburst but making no move to actually leave. Joey was too annoyed to care much about that, though. "Since when is getting laid a bad thing?" he asked. "It's been, well, *weeks*, honey. It wasn't *that* wild a possibly, was it?" Joey stared at him again, knowing that he was right, which didn't make him feel any better at all. Slamming his head down on the desk, he could only mumble a response. "No. I don't know. You;re not helping, though." Maybe he wanted JC to validate everything he'd implied to Justin: that he didn't just care about sex, that he wasn't going to hurt *everyone* he ever slept with -- inlcuding JC, if it ever went there. "I mean ... weeks, oooh. When's the last time *you* got laid? And I haven't acted like the world's about to end because of *that*. Maybe I just haven't felt like dealing with it, okay?" "Hey, okay, okay," said JC, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "But that's me, man -- going without sex that long is normal for me. But hey ... if you don't want it, then you don't want it." He took a muffin out of the bag and planted it in front of Joey expectantly. "You wanna tell me why you're so freaked out about it now?" "It's your fault," Joey mumbled petulantly, not even lifting his head to *look* at the muffin. "You made me feel bad about what happened with Justin, so I ... I don't know. I figured I'd maybe try to apologize, at least. And you can just *guess* what happened. So thanks a fucking lot for that, too." "You saw Justin?" asked JC, his voice becoming a little more guarded. Not that Joey could blame him for that. "When did you see Justin? What did he say?" "Yesterday," sighed Joey. "And you know what he said. His normal song and dance about me fucking around on anybody I can, and whether you wised up and made me leave you alone ... and then something about how he feels better you have a lock on your bedroom to keep me out. It was *awful*, JC." He looked up, and the surprised expression on JC's face at seeing the pain on his *own* face just made it worse. Justin had made him doubt himself, even, and whether he'd been misreading JC's reactions all along. "Do I scare you, that way? The way we are together ... *does* it make you uncomfortable?" "No, of course not," said JC quickly, reassuringly, reaching out to touch his arm. "I've never been afraid of you, Joey, he's just dead wrong about that. He has no idea, he doesn't know you." He sighed. "What the hell, you know? Why would he just ... come up to your office and attack you, out of the blue like that?" "No, no," Joey mumbled, dropping his head back to the desk again, the smooth surface cooling his flushed cheeks. He didn't even feel any shame about admitting this part anymore, especially since it just proved to him what a mistake he'd made. "No, I ... the other week, I saw him after we both had a class in the math building. So I kind of waited around to see if I'd see him, yesterday. Outside of his class. And I did, and he came right up to me, and I *swear* to you, JC, before I could say anything he asked me whether you turned me down the night we went out." JC smiled a little sadly and touched his face. "That was rude," he acknowledged, which wasn't exactly the word *Joey* would have used for it, but it helped. "But maybe he just wanted to *know*. I mean ... think about what it looked like, to him, honey. Think about what it always looks like to anyone who doesn't know us well enough." "Yeah, we're pretty messed up," Joey acknowledged, even though he didn't feel like they were -- *he* understood it, and JC understood it, and he didn't want to have to apologize for it. "I think maybe he *did* want to know. I mean, he tried basically everything he could -- except asking nicely -- to get me to try and defend it. But I just didn't want you and me to be part of this shit that goes on between *him* and me." He sighed. "It doesn't matter. I'm not talking to him again, ever. I don't like the way I feel right now, and I know it's his fault." "I've heard that before," said JC, taking another tiny piece off his muffin, but this time it wasn't cute to Joey. This time he just wanted him to bite into the damn thing already, but he knew he wouldn't. That wasn't JC's style. "You could have just ... told him. What we are to each other. So he wouldn't have to ... obsess about it, or anything." "*You* could have just told him," Joey pointed out. "And I'm fucking serious, here, JC. I don't want to see him any more. If you want to hang out with him, I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not going to just be a glutton for his punishment. I apologized and he shrugged it off like it didn't mean shit. He drives me *crazy*." "Why do you let it get to you so much?" asked JC, setting the muffin down and brushing the crumbs off his hands. "He's not the only person you don't like. Why is it such a tragedy that he didn't accept your apology? I mean, I know it's rude and all, but shouldn't enough to drive you crazy." Joey really, really wished JC would stop with this recent trend of asking him all these hard questions that he couldn't answer and didn't want to think about. "I guess I didn't want to be the one to cave first," he said honestly, looking at JC to see if that sounded as pathetic as it felt to him. "I mean, if he had a good reason for not liking me, that'd be one thing. *Britney* has a good reason not to like me. This kid doesn't. So when I try to be big about it, act my age and all, he just ... whatever. Drags me back into it. Brings out all the things I don't like about myself and I don't *need* that, JC." "Has it occurred to you that you do the same thing to him?" asked JC, his voice soft and calm, and Joey grimaced as another question was thrown his way that he didn't know how to answer. "That the way you see him, all angry and vicious, is only a very small part of who he is?" "All the more reason for us to stay away from each other," Joey said, much more firmly than he felt. The thing was ... he was starting to realize he *needed* to avoid Justin. It was convenient to explain it by blaming the stress or the blows to his self-confidence, but it was more than that. He was at the point where he was losing sleep over it, over some kid that didn't deserve a minute of his time, and for reasons that still weren't clear to him -- but Justin had totally taken over his brain, and he needed to quit that cold turkey. "Now I *know* you aren't asking me to give up my friend," said JC thoughtfully, and Joey had to worry about what was coming his way this time. Wondering just what JC did think about the whole situation. "And I know you aren't going to give me up. So just how do you think you're going to avoid him, all the time? He's just a guy, Joey. You guys can work out some sort of understanding, can't you?" "Apparently not," Joey said softly. "Just ... stop, okay, JC? I can't talk to you about this any more, especially when I can't tell what you're thinking. I already told you I don't expect you to stop seeing him. I can make myself scarce when you do. I mean, look at me." He sat back in his chair and held up his hands. "I'm a fucking wreck. I slept in my *office*. It's not as *easy* as him being 'just a guy,' you know?" "You *are* a wreck," agreed JC, really looking at him now. Joey could tell he was concerned by what he saw. "Don't you want to figure out why? Or are you just gonna run away from it?" Joey didn't even have the energy or the will to get offended. Seemed like a good enough suggestion to him. "Run away, I think," he said wryly, leaning forward again and holding JC's hands to comfort both of them. "I know what the problem is, and I know how to solve it. No reason to make it more complicated than it is." And Joey would just selectively ignore the part of him that felt a little empty with that declaration. Like he'd be missing something. JC's expression turned sad, which just made Joey frown. JC was supposed to be just accepting everything he said, and telling him it was the right thing to do. "I know how much she hurt you, honey," said JC, to Joey's shock. "I'm never going to forget that, so I know you won't either. But maybe it's time to start dealing with the tough things again, instead of avoiding them." "What are you *talking* about?" Joey asked, when he could find his voice. "JC ... what the hell does this have to do with her? I can't even begin to fathom how you got from here to there. But I *would* like to thank you for bringing up something else that'll just make this day so much better." He didn't care how sad and apologetic JC looked; he didn't feel a fraction as bad as Joey did. "This has everything to do with her," said JC, and Joey almost wished he'd just shut up but a part of him, maybe a masochistic part, wanted to know what he had to say. "Everything to do with how when people aren't easy and accommodating now, you won't waste your time on them. Because you don't have any notion anymore that it's not always a *waste*. You're one of the friendliest guys I know, Joey, so why, after all the time, am I still your only real friend?" "We've talked about this," Joey mumbled, trying not to feel the sting of JC's criticism, the way it seemed like he'd almost run out of patience dealing with Joey -- not just that day, but in general. "I don't need anybody else. I have you, and when I need to get laid, I can find someone willing. And I have school, which keeps me plenty busy otherwise." He closed his eyes. "It's not like *you're* Mr. Relationship, either. So don't get all ... holier-than-thou. You don't think it's anything other than a waste, either." "We haven't talked about this, not really, in a long time," JC pointed out, leaning on his elbows on the desk. "And maybe now's not the time, but maybe now *is* the time. Maybe you haven't noticed, Joey, but I do have friends. Maybe I'm not in a relationship, but I still connect to people and honey, you don't." He reached out to touch Joey's arm, but Joey flinched away uncomfortably. He wasn't at all sure he was ready to deal with this. "And I've always understood why, and I don't push it often, but it's been years now." "Not long enough," Joey muttered, amazed as always at how fresh that pain seemed to be. "You know you're going to make me cry, right? Jesus, Jace ... " He shook his head. "Look, I'm not saying you're wrong, about any of that. I know I've handled it really ... psychotically, or something. And maybe I can try to work on it. But that's still not getting me anywhere with Justin. Unless ... you're suggesting you want me to let *him* in? Cause if *that's* the case ... " he looked up worriedly. "I don't think so. He does too much damage when he *doesn't* know me." "He does too much damage *because* he doesn't know you," corrected JC gently, and this time when he reached out for Joey, Joey didn't flinch. "And vice versa, too, you know. Did you even realize that Justin had to leave someone behind when he came to college, someone he loved very much and who he had most of his firsts with? And that every time you make a crack about him being a kid or a virgin or too scared to pick someone up, you're hitting him where it hurts, too? That you're stomping on a very raw nerve?" "Yeah, that's actually pretty obvious," Joey admitted, feeling bad about how cold that made him sound. But it was the truth; he *did* know he was hurting Justin. But that was why he said those things -- even if he didn't know the story behind it, he wasn't dumb; he could tell what was getting to him and what wasn't. "I'm not going to apologize for it; the stuff he's said is way worse. He needs a little toughening up, anyway." "The stuff he's said feels way worse to you," said JC, and Joey noted his eyes narrowing, a bad sign. "The stuff *you* say feels way worse to *him*. And at the same time you're saying he needs a little toughening up, he's probably saying you need to be taken down a notch or two. How are you two so different, really?" "Maybe we aren't," acknowledged Joey. "What's your point? So I read him well, and he reads me well. We're both smart, and observant, I guess. It's no different from you and me and the way *we* are to each other." He thought about the implications of that for a second. "Maybe, under different circumstances, we would really get along -- is that what you're trying to get me to realize? The thing is, Jace, I don't *need* him for that." "Maybe you do, more than you know," said JC, to Joey's surprise. And right now, he didn't need any more surprises. "The only bad circumstance you guys had was one little mistake. One little misunderstanding. And maybe *you* don't see it, but everything got out of control from there." "No, I *do* see it," Joey argued, slamming his hand on the table. "I *get* that. And I *tried* to do something to make up for it yesterday, and got fucking *slammed* for my troubles." He'd been trying to hold his temper in for too long, and it was unfortunate that JC was going to have the be the one to bear the brunt of it. "I do NOT need him. I do NOT *want* him, for anything. I don't care if he's this ... smart, beautiful kid who must have the hugest heart because I can see the way I stomp on it when I'm a fucker to him, but who still can't find any room in there to cut me a break. Do *you* see *that*?" "Have you given him much reason to?" asked JC, still aggravatingly calm. Joey would feel a whole lot better if maybe he would yell back. "And are you so sure he hasn't tried, and been slammed for *his* troubles? When you maybe weren't in the mood to hear it?" "You know what?" Joey breathed, biting his cheek to keep any more emotion from escaping. "Fuck you, JC. You want me to totally not open up to *anybody*? Because that's the path you're on right now, man. I didn't realize our friendship was only good up to the point where I looked like I might make you choose between me and your new fun friend. Stop fucking taking his side, or get the fuck out. And take your fucking *muffins*, for shit's sake." He never, never cussed at JC like that, but he wasn't *wrong* about this. JC paled as he stood up, snatching the bag up off the desk. "You know me better than that," he said, his voice cold. "I've been there for you through a lot of stuff, Joey. A *lot* of stuff. I've defended you even when I didn't agree with you because you're my best friend and I will always, always stand behind you. So don't pour all your crap out on me just because I'm trying to make you *think* a little this time, instead of just reacting." Joey bowed his head guiltily, knowing that would make JC stay. Or hoping so, at least. Because he *didn't* want him to leave. "But why?" he asked softly. "I'm fine; I'm happy with the way things are. I *like* not having to think about it -- about her, about him, whether they're even remotely related. What is it that you're not telling me, here? Why are you picking on me about this *now*?" "Because it's been long enough now," he said, visibly relaxing though still looking wary. "Because not thinking about it is just a coping mechanism, honey, it's not a life. It should be -- always should have been -- just a temporary thing. Until you were ready to deal with it and move on." He studied Joey for a moment, long enough to make Joey uneasy. "You're not moving on, and this whole thing with Justin is just highlighting that. I think ... " He sighed and shook his head, not finishing that last thought much to Joey's frustration. "No, tell me," Joey pleaded. "Maybe you're right, I don't know, but Jace ... the thing with Justin *is* highlighting it, is just showing how I'm still *not* ready to move on. If I can get this hurt by someone I have absolutely nothing invested in beyond ... whatever, I don't know, a weird connection and a little bit of attraction, I guess ... then how in the world do you think that means I'm ready to start letting somebody in? To risk getting just fucking *destroyed* again?" "Because you can't get him off your mind," said JC, sliding back into the chair. "Because I think that means something. Because if I wonder if the degree to which he can hurt you means that you *already* have something invested in him, whether intentionally or not. And I think it would be really ... good ... for you to look into that a little more than you have been." "It doesn't mean shit," Joey protested weakly, but he knew every time he said it, it just sounded less and less convincing. "I don't like him," he added, and that was even LESS so, so he buried his face in his hands and sighed. "Fuck. Okay. *Now* what am I supposed to do?" "Talk to him?" suggested JC, touching the back of his neck and reasting his hand there. "Without the words 'slut', 'kid', 'hurt' or 'virgin' coming up in the conversation? Or actually, first you can go home and get some real sleep. You look like hell, honey." "I have office hours," Joey mumbled, melting back into JC's touch, thinking he could have used that about twenty minutes earlier. "I can't go home. And, JC," he whined, "I *tried* to talk to him. I promise I tried to be nice. And he practically looked offended that I wasn't trading barbs with him. You gotta remember that even if I want to make nice with him, for whatever reason, he still hates *me.*" "Then try again," said JC simply. "I know you can be a pretty persistent guy, when you put your mind to it. Just ... give it an honest try. You might be surprised; I don't think he actually hates you any more than you hate him." "Well, when is *he* going to try," Joey muttered, but he didn't expect JC to give him an answer. And he didn't, just a quick kiss on the forehead before making his way to the door. "I'll be home later," he told him, smiling affectionately when he realized he'd left the muffins. "Can we maybe have dinner, or something?" "Yeah, I'd really like that," said JC, leaning against the doorframe once again. "I suppose I'll be making it?" Joey could tell by the smile, though, that JC didn't mind so much. "All right. Take care of yourself, honey, I'll see you tonight." "Bye, JC," Joey murmured, giving him a real smile in return as he closed the door. Right before he dropped his forehead to the desk painfully again. But the thing was, no matter how much that stung, Joey knew it wasn't going to be half as painful as swallowing his pride and having to admit -- to himself, to JC ... god, and to Justin -- that he'd been wrong. --- Justin paused in the hallway just outside the closed door and shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. He held his text and notebook under one arm and was trying to work up the nerve to knock, with the other. There wasn't anything in particular he needed to ask, but he was tired of the sick and unsettled feeling he was left with whenever he saw Joey and figured that if they could have just *one* conversation, about anything, that didn't end with them trying to crush each other verbally, then he might be able to get on with ... whatever. He took a deep breath and knocked. The voice that said "come in" sounded strained and tired and enough *not* like the Joey he remembered that Justin had to double-check he had the right office. When he opened the door and peeked inside he almost did it again: because that didn't *look* like the Joey he remembered either. He looked pale and exhausted and ... sad. And ... resigned, when he looked up to see Justin, and didn't say anything. "Hey," said Justin quietly, going inside because Joey hadn't said *not* to. He opened his mouth to say something else then just held up the books under his arm as a peace offering, to show he wasn't there to lay into him again. Joey just nodded, beckoning him inside and clearing his throat before saying "you can close the door." He waited for Justin to sit down before looking like he was going to say something else, too, then apparently changed his mind just like Justin had. "The next problem set isn't for two weeks, and the quiz is still a week away," he said quietly. "You're getting quite a head start for whatever it is." And with that, Justin knew that Joey could guess that this was an excuse. He was just amazed he wasn't calling him on it. "Um," said Justin, unable to come up with anything more convincing on the spur of the moment.. "I thought we could just ... review?" he offered, but he knew how he must look -- guilty, hopeful, and a little bit embarassed to be called on it so quickly. Joey just nodded and pushed some papers out of the way. "That's what I'm here for," he said simply. "Although ... well. You don't need me to tell you you're kicking ass in this class. Your first quiz was one of the two or three best I graded. He sat back down and looked at Justin expectantly. "Am I running this, or you?" "What, it wasn't the best?" asked Justin, and braved a tiny smile, hoping Joey might accept that. Hoping he might even respond in kind. "I guess I'll have to try harder, huh?" Joey's lips twitched, a little, but he almost looked too *tired* to smile. "Only if winning is that important to you," he replied, and Justin had no doubt he meant more by that statement than just a comment on his math class. "Only when it comes to academics," he replied after a moment, having thought through at least a half dozen other possible responses to that. He hadn't made any move to open his books, and doubted he would at this rate. It was giving them a common ground to start from, and Justin was hoping that might be enough. "I think maybe you ... can relate?" That did bring a bit of a wry smile to Joey's face, and he leaned back in his chair, clasping his fingers behind his head. "Think so, huh?" he said, and Justin gritted his teeth, ready to leave if Joey used that as an opportunity to go into another rant about how Justin didn't know him. But he just went on in a more friendly voice than Justin had heard from him since the night they met. "Maybe. But I always end up competing with Jace, which means I'm never better than second-best." Justin smiled a little at that, doubtful that Joey didn't beat him at least *once* in a while, but he'd learned from the first time he sat down with JC just how smart he was. "I don't have that problem with Britney," he replied with just a tiny smirk on his face. Britney may have kicked his ass with her social skills, but at least he had this over her. "But she dresses better than me, so we're even," he added aloud, and thought maybe he was starting to see Joey smile again. "Yeah, I don't know if you could pull off a halter-top," Joey yawned, and once again, Justin was surprised that he'd left him an opening for a snotty comeback -- something about how Joey was pretty sure that wasn't the only thing Brtiney did better than him, for example -- and he let it slide. "Well, not in hot pink, anyway," agreed Justin, completely off-balance. It would be really easy for him to have said something in return, maybe about how Joey was an expert at pulling off halter-tops, and fall back into that strangely comfortable pattern, but he recognized now that the hellish, lingering aftermath just wasn't worth it. He wasn't sure if Joey was as interested in making peace as he was, or if he was just too tired to come up with witty comebacks, at the moment. "Not with eyes like yours," Joey admitted, and when Justin looked at him in surprise, he just shrugged and stared back. "What? Like you don't know how to use them, if you put your mind to it." Justin had no idea what to say to that, not when it was coming from Joey, so he shrugged awkwardly. "I don't, much," he said, then cringed as he realized what kind of taunts he'd left himself open for there. But maybe Joey wouldn't jump all over them; he hadn't for the last few, after all. "Pity," Joey shrugged again, and left it at that; leaving Justin to feel very young. And a little out of his league. "Look," he said, after another moment of the two of them sizing each other up. "I think you can probably tell I'm pretty fucking tired, here. I don't mind helping you with your math, if that's what you're here for. If it's not ... well. You might need to be a little more obvious with me, is all I'm saying. I'm not reading between the lines so well today." "I don't need help with my math," admitted Justin honestly. It wasn't as thought that wasn't already obvious anyway, though he would have been willing to crack his book open if that's what it would have taken. "I just thought ... um ... truce?" he offered hesitantly, wondering if that was the right way to phrase it at all. "I can go if you want. I wouldn't want to, um, waste your time, or anything ... " Joey laughed easily, even though Justin could just *tell* he still wasn't entirely himself. Or the himself he seemed to be around other people. "You're not," he assured him, leaning back in his chair. "I'm just doing anything I can to stay awake, so. Talking to you would probably accomplish that, right?" For a second Justin thought he wasn't going to acknowledge the rest of what he said, but he did. And not at all grudgingly, it seemed. "Truce," he murmured. It was a huge relief to hear him say that, and Justin could almost feel all his muscles relaxing. "So ... would it be crossing a line, then, to ask you if you're okay?" he said a moment later. "Because you look ... not." Not that he looked entirely fabulous himself, he knew. Not with the way he'd tossed and turned about this all night. Justin squirmed a little under the stare Joey fixed him with, fairly certain he *had* crossed that line. "Kinda not, actually," he said simply. "But Jace came and brought me muffins so I'm a little better. But ... um. Thanks. For asking." Justin nodded, awkward again and not quite knowing what to say. "I won't ask you if you want to talk about it," he said after a moment, his fingers twitching on top of his text book, "but I'm me and you won't. But you could. Just so you know." Joey didn't say anything right away, and he squirmed again. "And I know you would never hurt JC. Um ... just so you know that, too." "Thank you," Joey said softly, squinting at him. "That's not ... that's just about the last thing I think I expected you to say. Well ... except for maybe a real apology. But I'm not holding my breath on that, since I'm not entirely convinced I deserve it." He studied Justin some more, then bent over to dig around under his desk. "Go lock the door, will you?" he said, his voice muffled. Justin paused, surprised, then did as Joey asked. The lock snapped on audibly and he sat back down, really unsure of what to expect next, now. Without them sniping at each other, there was nothing for him to fall back on to know where Joey was coming from. "You didn't deserve a lot of the stuff I said," he admitted quietly. "But I didn't deserve a lot of what you said either. So if we just ... don't, then ... you know. It's good." "You're making this very easy," Joey grunted, still hidden, before a bottle of whiskey appeared on top of the desk. Quickly followed by an unapologetic Joey, running his fingers through his hair. "I could get in a lot of trouble, having this in here," he explained, gesturing at the door. "And you must not be too scared of me, huh?" "I could take ya," said Justin with a tentative grin. "And I'm closer to the door." He hoped Joey knew he was joking about that, and the echoes of what he'd said about JC having a lock on his bedroom door were only in his own head. He also wondered if the whiskey was meant to be shared, because he could really use a drink right about then. Joey smirked, and looked Justin up and down, but he was smiling too. "I'm trying to be nice," he warned. "But let's not get too cocky, shall we?" He twisted off the cap of the liquor and took a swig, before offering the bottle to Justin. An implicit challenge, Justin figured, and one he was glad he was in the mood for. "Thanks," said Justin, taking a swig himself but not more than he could handle. There was showing off and there was coughing and sputtering and making an ass of himself and he didn't really want to do the latter right then. "Nice is, um, a good look on you, by the way ... " He smiled again as he handed the bottle back, wondering where the hell this was going, but less worried about it now. "Aw, you noticed?" Joey grinned, batting his eyelashes and laughing when Justin felt himself blush. "Actually, I think I'm pretty hot when I'm doing surly and aggressive. No? I'm wrong?" Justin squirmed but didn't back down, the terrain taking on some semblance of familiarity now. "Almost as much as me," he said with a smirk. "But hot isn't everything." He licked his lips, tasting a trace of whiskey on them, then wiped them with the back of his hand, rubbing his other palm on the thigh of his jeans discreetly to remove any traces of nervousness. He just barely caught Joey's glance at his mouth, before the other man reached for the alcohol again and took another drink. "You?" he scoffed, but it was not even remotely similar to how it sounded when they'd do this any other time. "You're a kitten. You can't do surly. You're like ... " he squinted and sized him up. "The wide-eyed doe, or whatever." Abruptly he sat up a little in his chair, like something he'd said sparked some memory. "Um. And I'm not implying you're, like, too naive or anything, when I say that." And looked *nervous*. "Yeah, sure you are," scoffed Justin, shaking his head, but he was still smiling a little because somehow, it just wasn't as bad as before. "And I'm not saying you're a liar or anything, but you're probably sitting there thinking I don't know nearly as much as you, right?" He growled at Joey, obviously surprising him, the broke out into a full grin. "See? I can do surly." Not that that really addressed the naive thing, but it was fun to do anyway. "That wasn't bad," Joey chuckled, obviously relieved about something. "But the curls ruin the vibe, man. You oughta shoot for ... sulky? Petulant. Now *JC* ... *that* boy can do surly. Damn." He shook his head and pushed the bottle closer to Justin -- not encouragingly, but just ... graciously. "And as for whether or not I think you know as much as me: I'm not making any more assumptions about you. Somehow they have this tendency to come back and bite me on the ass." "Petulant does tend to get me my way," agreed Justin, taking the bottle again. The whiskey was helping calm his nerves, which were still jumpy from being in there with Joey, despite how friendly they were being. It was a surprise to hear Joey admit aloud how he wasn't making any more assumptions about him, and he was pretty sure it showed. "I've never seen the surly side of JC," he admitted as he set the bottle back down on the desk and ran a finger along his lower lip to get the droplets of whisky off it, then sucked the finger briefly. "He's always been pretty ... um ... up?" Joey grunted and refused to look at him for a moment, and Justin couldn't tell if he was imagining *his* pink cheeks. "He pretty much always is," Joey agreed, clearing his throat. "except when he isn't. I'm just saying. Diva. Don't tell me you can't picture *that*." "Diva," repeated Justin with a chuckle. "Okay, yes, now that you put it *that* way." He shook his head, grinning, picturing it just as Joey suggested. The change in Joey now from when Justin had entered the office was astonishing, but he still looked incredibly wiped out. And for the first time Justin wondered for real if it was for the same reason *he* was, that Joey had been messed up over their fighting. "I guess you know him better than anyone." "Pretty much," Joey agreed casually, but quite obviously uncomfortable with talking about JC seriously with Justin. Myabe he *hadn't* forgotten everything Justin'd said, after all. "But he still manages to surprise me once in a while." He started playing with some paper clips on his desk. "He has good things to say about you, you know." "Really?" said Justin, smiling a bit, pleased. "Even to you? I mean, not that he shoudn't or anything, just ... " He flushed. "Nevermind. He has good things to say about you, too. He thinks the world of you, you know." Joey looked surprised but also still mildly uncomfortable as the turn of the conversation. "I know, but soemtimes even *his* patience wears out," Joey muttered. "Oh well. You should come out with us again, you know. Those places are always a little easier to handle when you're with people, so you can pretend to have a boyfriend if you start getting harassed." "Would it be cool, if I did?" asked Justin honestly, surprised by the offer. "I probably wouldn't go, on my own. I'm not really ... outgoing enough." There was another wide opening for Joey to take advantage of, but this time Justin felt like he could trust him not to jump all over it. Joey rolled his eyes. "Like *you* need to be outgoing," he protested. "But yes. Of course you can come. Jace would probably invite you whether or not I agreed anyway, like he did last time. At least now I can prepare for it." Justin cringed a bit. "Sorry about that," he said awkwardly. "If it makes you feel any better, he didn't tell *me* either." It didn't look like it did, though, and for a moment he doubted the sincerity of the offer, suddenly, irrationally concerned that Joey was setting him up or something. That he was being played. But a bigger part of him just didn't want to believe that. "I don't really want to just pick someone up anyway ... outgoing or not." For the first time that afternoon, Joey looked like he was truly struggling to keep back from making some sort of insulting -- or at least mercilessly teasing -- comment. "Um. Can I ... am I allowed to ask why? Or, uh, does the truce not extend coverage to these types of issues, in these preliminary stages?" "Why?" repeated Justin, almost not believing that Joey had actually just asked that. "I ... " He considered blowing off the question, still nervous about giving Joey ammunition, but at that point, he realized, there was very little to lose by telling him, and maybe a whole lot to gain. "I don't know. A few reasons. I've never ... not when I wasn't with someone I was serious with. So ... yeah, I guess that's mainly why." He reached for the bottle again, needing a bit more after a confession like that. "So just because you've never done it before," Joey said slowly, as if he was truly trying to understand. "DOesn't that seem like a ... I don't know. Not a very strong reason? I mean ... " he looked up at Justin's face and shut his mouth firmly. "Never mind. None of my business, right? Right. So ... how 'bout them Braves?" "It just doesn't feel right, to me," said Justin, forging on with the conversation, wanting to finish what they started. It was uncomfortable as hell and he felt like his every word was being judged, but he wasn't going to let it drop, "I'm not even sure I *could*. Maybe ... maybe someday, I don't know. But I guess everyone's different, right? I mean ... I know it's -- I mean, I think it's safe to say that it's something *you* enjoy, right?" Joey chewed on his lips, like he was trying to measure how much *he* should share. "It's ... a means to an end," he mumbled. "Better than the alternatives. And, hey ... if it doesn't feel right, for you, that's cool. *That* I can understand. Nobody can tell you *that* reason's stupid and cowardly." Implying that his other one was, Justin figured. "Thanks," he said anyway, because Joey's sentiment felt genuine. But something about that answer nagged at him anyway, something about the way Joey looked when he said it. "Can I ask what alternatives it's better than?" "You can ask," Joey said, a little more tightly, and for a second Justin was sure he wasn't going to answer him, that *this* was the point where he kicked him out. "Well. It's better than not getting laid," he said simply, watching his reaction. "And it's better than getting your heart mauled. See? The alternatives." "And I'm guessing that you know that from person experience?" said Justin, biting his lip and not expecting an answer, not with that look on Joey's face. "I'm ... sorry?" he offered. "I've had some messy break-ups but nothing ... nothing that I'd use that to describe." Joey stood up stiffly and walked to the door, but only after hiding the liquor back under his desk. "Listen, Justin ... thanks for coming by. Really." He opened the door, and Justin just watched him. "I hope I was able to do soemthing or say something that help you not to hate me so much." "I guess I crossed that line, huh," said Justin with a sigh, picking up his book and standing up. "Okay, I'll go. Sorry, man." He wasn't sure how much better this ending was than the last, but at least he wasn't feeling sick inside. Just ... guilty, now. Joey reached out to touch his elbow, and then flinched back almost as soon as their skin made contact with each other. "It's ... not that." He sounded like he was almost pleading with Justin to forgive *him*. "I don't ... even talk to JC about it. But you don't have to apologize. Just don't leave here regretting this, okay?" "I'm not," said Justin honestly, meeting Joey's eyes. "And ... think about talking about it," he said. He didn't know the details of the situation, but something that could put that kind of pain into Joey's eyes needed to be gotten out, somehow. "It helped me to talk about Lance." He shrugged when he saw Joey frown. "I don't know if that's good advice or not. Just what worked for me. I'll ... see you around, then?" Joey nodded and touched his shoulderblade briefly as he herded him out the door. "Sorry I was such a mess today. If you seriously do need help with class, or whatever, just come by the apartment. One of us is almost always there." He tried a weak smile. "And say hello to Britney for me, if you don't mind. JC said she's doing well, and that's ... well. That's just good. I'm glad." "I'm, um, doing fine in the class," said Justin with a smile. "But, um, I might come by anyway, some time? And I'll say hi to Brit. She told me you were nice, now, so she might appreciate it." He was a bit pleased by Joey's surprised look at that, and the small smile that followed. "This was ... this was good. Thanks." "No, thank *you*," Joey murmured, looking almost *shy* as he ducked back in to his office. "And remember. No regrets." "None," agreed Justin, giving Joey one last -- and very geniune -- smile before heading back to the dorm. That had gone way better than he'd thought it would, and for the first time he was leaving Joey without feeling like he'd been ripped apart, without feeling anything but a strange lightheartedness that remained with him for the rest of the day. --- Justin stopped in the hallway outside the bathroom and read a couple notices that had been posted up in the hallway, but he wasn't really interested in yoga sessions and he wasn't in dire need of tutoring in Beginning Greek so he didn't have much reason to stall long. Back in his room, though, all he'd be doing was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling so he wasn't in much of a hurry to get back there either. A noise from the end of the hall caught his attention though; apparently he wasn't the only person awake at this time of night. He would have recognized the giggling even if he couldn't see Britney trying to unlock the door to her room, waving goodbye to one of the girls from down the hall that she'd obviously been out to the fraternities with that evening. He rolled his eyes to himself as he made his way to where she fumbled with her keys, thinking that at least *Britney* was always the same. "Hey," he said, putting a hand over hers at the door. "Need any help with that?" She turned her head toward him and smiled and he smiled back, relieved that he wasn't alone now and hoping that Britney wasn't so tired or drunk that she was gonna drop right off when she got inside. "Hey, babe," she said, letting go of her keys right away and swaying against the door, obviously more than willing to let Justin do that for her at the moment. "What're you still doing up? We didn't leave until, like ... " she looked down at her watch and frowned, obviosuly not able to pick out the numbers. "Way too late, apparently. Past *your* bedtime, at least. You okay?" "Yeah," said Justin with a sheepish grin. "Just got stuff on my mind is all." He opened the door for her and flipped on the light, which was apparently a little too bright so he flipped it off again. "You mind if I come in for a bit?" "As long as you don't mind me getting into my pajamas in front of you, and being bad and not brushing my teeth, then of course not." She smiled and gave him a hug, which Justin gladly accepted and maybe even extended until she managed to pull away and tugged her shirt off. "So what's so distracting that it's keeping you up?" "It'll only take you one guess," Justin assured her, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she changed. Then he sighed aloud and flopped onto his back so he wasn't actually watching anymore. It didn't much bother her, but she deserved a *little* privacy. "Why did things have to go and get *complicated?" Britney frowned and crawled into the bed with him as soon as she had a pair of boxers and a soft tank top on, snuggling into his side. "Okay, maybe I need more than one guess after all. Cause usually when you're talking about things bothering you, it has to do with, um. Joey. But it doesn't seem like that's something that would be complicated, for you, either, so I figure it's something else? Did, uh, Lance call, or something?" Justin shook his head. "It's Joey," he admitted. "We ... talked. And we didn't fight. And ... it got complicated." He sighed again and made a face and didn't even watch for Britney's reaction, caught up inside his own head. "I *wish* it had been Lance. Lance I know how to handle. This ... I don't." Even though Justin wasn't watching her, he could feel Britney shift in surprise beside him on the bed. "Okay," she said slowly. "Walk me through this, honey. 'Cause when you told me what you guys said to each other when you saw him after class, I didn't think you'd be able to be anywhere *near* each other without fighting. Isn't that, like, a law of nature at this point?" "Yeah, I *thought* so," said Justin, squirming uncomfortably as he tried to sort things out on his own, still. "Will you believe me if I tell you we hung out in his office and drank some whiskey and just talked for a while?" By Britney's reaction, she obviously didn't. Or was at least surprised by the revelation. "I don't know ... things are different now ... " "But ... but *why*?" Britney pressed. "And ... look, this should be a good thing, right? I mean, I don't think it was good for either of you to get caught up in trying to just demolish each other's egos. You're both too nice for it. And *don't* give me your typical protest that he isn't nice, because he *is*. Okay?" "Yeah, I know," said Justin, sighing again, agreeing with her. "He's nice and he's smart and he's hot and he's interesting and ... " He turned his head towards her and gave her a helpless look, shrugging. He didn't have to add anything to that, Britney looked like she was starting to put the pieces together. "Okay, you're not supposed to *agree* with me that easily, either," she chewed on her lip and squinted at him in the dark. "He's "interesting"? You know you've got about thirty seconds to set me straight on this, before my mind starts going somewhere that's just too unreal to comprehend, I think." "Yeah, well, now you know why I'm lying awake in the middle of the night, huh?" he said sheepishly, curling up with her for the familiar comfort to offset these very UNfamiliar feelings. "How come I'm wanting to see him again, Brit?" he asked, more rhetorically than not. "How come I'm not thinking about much *else*, not even the quiz I have tomorrow?" She was way more rigid in his arms than usual, but Justin had to remind himself that this was definitely really sudden and not a little uncomfortable for her, given what had happened between *her* and Joey. "You're serious," she murmured. "I can't believe you're serious. Um." She petted his back awkwardly, and Justin had to worry that telling her hadn't been the best decision. But he *had* to talk to someone. "Do you want me to try and answer that, really?" "Yeah, I guess," said Justin, "because I sure as hell can't make sense of it. One minute I can't get him off my mind because I think he's the biggest prick on the planet and the next minute I can't get him off my mind because ... because I don't know why. Just because he's Joey, I guess." Britney still looked uncomfortable, but there was something else, too. "How much whiskey did he *give* you?" she tried to joke, touching his nose before frowning slightly again. "Jeez, Justin. I gotta tell you ... I did not see this coming. Like ... at all. Are you ... I mean, am I getting this right? You're, like ... *interested* in him, now?" Justin buried his face in her neck. "Yes," he mumbled. "I think I am. How pathetic is *that*?" He heard her chuckle, felt it in her throat, but couldn't see a thing. She was right, though, Joey was the *last* person he should try and hook up with. And he still wasn't convinced he was even going to try, not after the start they'd had. "It's not *pathetic*," she said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck like she was trying to get him to look at her. "Just maybe ... unfortunate? For, like, a ton of reasons that I'm sure you don't need me to go into." Of course, her saying that just made Justin even more curious about what *she* thought those were -- he had plenty of his own. "You're the one that told me he was nice," said Justin accusingly, though he wasn't entirely serious about it. "It was only because of you that I actually went up to his office to make peace, and then *this* happens and ... " He grinned sheepishly. "It's all your fault." "I told you JC was nice, too, but that doesn't mean you're suddenly interested in him," Britney retorted with a grin. "It's just ... I don't know. Doesn't it seem like maybe this whole meeting was, like, the exception that proves the rule? I mean, given how you've been with each other *every* other time you've been in contact ... do you really think this is how you'll get along from now on? Or was there maybe something else happening, or something?" Justin rolled his eyes. "Way to pop my bubble, Brit," he teased, taking in her now-serious expression. "But seriously, it's not like I'm gonna suddenly go for him or something. I'm not stupid. I'm just saying I'm, like, feeling shit for him now." That he was just maybe feeling for him before, but that got buried underneath everything else, he suddenly had to acknowledge. "Or not feeling," he amended quickly, not wanting to go *there*, "but thinking stuff. A little. Maybe." "A little maybe," she repeated flatly, not really responding to his attmepts to get her to lighten up about it. "I'm not trying to burst your bubble, I just ... okay, there are two big problems I see with this. And if you seriously mean you're just finally noticing him, or whatever, and don't intend to do anything about it, then that's one thing. But if you think you *might*, then those two problems come into play. Which are ... I mean, do you have *any* reason to think he'd return those feelings? Besides the fact that you're gorgeous and he can't be immune to that? And then ... even if he does, the other problem is what happens *after*." "I don't *know*," he said, sighing and burying himself against her again. It was the most comfortable -- comforting -- place to be right then. "It's not like I've spent a lot of time thinking about a future with him." Only, what *had* he been thinking about for these last few hours other than the reactions that Joey might have to him confessing this to him In his head, they ranged from laughter and mocking to sex on the desk in his office. "If *any*one should understand having the hots for someone, it should be you." "No, no," agreed Britney. "I definitely get that. Especially in his case. I'm ... just relieved to hear you call it that, is all. You can be attracted to him all you want -- *I* still am -- but I have to admit I'd be a little worried if you really liked him. Like ... *like* liked him. How could you not get hurt by that?" "So ... what if is *was* more than hots?" he ventured, trying not to sound like it was for sure, making out like it was speculation. But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Britney didn't look convinced. "I mean ... just what if, you know?" "Justin," Britney said warningly. "We *both* have talked to JC about him, about why he did what he did to me. And believe me, I'm not saying that it's not totally conceivable that he'd like you more than he did me, it's just ... even so, I was way more prepared to be used like that than you'd be." She kissed his cheek. "You take sex too seriously, hon. You do. And that would come between you, no matter what, I think." Justin sighed. "So you're telling me I should stop thinking about it, right? That I shouldn't try? Yeah ... you're right about that." But that didn't stop him from feeling that little twinge of regret inside, for something that could never happen, for those embryonic fantasies that were now flitting away. "I need to focus on school anyway. And hey, at least we're getting along now so I can start using him as a TA again, right?" "Oh, hon," sighed Britney. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just ... shit on the whole thing, like that. I wish I could be more positive, and all, and I think it's great that you're getting along now ... I just don't want you to get hurt, babe. He's a nice guy, but he's not the kind of nice guy I think you mean you're looking for." "He's not a nice guy like JC's a nice guy," Justin had to agree. But turned out he didn't *want* a nice guy like JC was a nice guy. Or so it was looking, more and more with each passing moment. "So ... what should I do, then? Should I kinda start avoiding him again? So he never knows about ... whatever this is? Never has the chance to use it against me?" He didn't expect that Britney would have an answer to that, but at the same time he kinda hoped she would. "I don't think you need to *avoid* him," Britney mused aloud. "Especially if you think you guys really ARE getting along, now. Just try to be his friend. I *would* worry about letting him in, though -- he may not take advantage of you if he knows you're interested, but he might. And just think about how bad he made you feel when he was just making up stuff to make fun of you about." Justin squirmed, not having forgotten that. Not *able* to forget that. If Joey got inside him -- really got inside him -- there was no limit to the damage he could do. The only consolation to that was that it seemed to work both ways. "So yeah," said Justin, rolling away from her just a little so he could see her again. "Things are different now. I guess I need to figure out just how to handle that. And not flunk out in the process." She squinted at him again. "Flunk out? This is really getting to you, isn't it? How did this *happen*, Justin?" Britney at least seemed to recognize that he incredulousness wasn't making Justin feel any better, so she took a breath and continued slower. "I'm just really confused. I have to admit that I'm really surprised he was nice to you in the first place, which is making the whole thing harder to picture. Do you think there's a chance he likes you too, maybe?" Justin snorted. "A 'punk freshman' like me? Not likely. But ... I don't know. He was nice, and not just a little nice. Like ... telling-me-stuff nice." He groaned as he realized where he was obviously going with that. "I'm being stupid, huh?" he asked, rolling against her again and listening to her make amused noises. "Is that what you want me to say?" Britney asked, kissing his forehead. "I wasn't there, babe. There's a chance you're reading too much into it. And there's a chance you're not. What kind of stuff did he tell you?" "A little tiny bit about ... his past," admitted Justin, deliberately being vague. He didn't miss the look of surprise that crossed Britney's face. "And, you know, why. Why everything. I don't know if it meant anything, though, or if I was just in the right place at the right time with the right bottle of whiskey ... " He looked at her again like he had all the answers that he knew she didn't, but it was good to say all this stuff anyway. "No, you're right," she insisted. "That's pretty ... wow. Neither he or JC like, *ever* talk about what happened to Joey to make him totally avoid relationships." She sighed. "That's the other thing, hon. You *know* he's like that. You think you can get him to change? Enough so you could be secure in him? Or ... is that part of what you like about him? Going though your bad boy phase?" Justin scowled. "I'm not going through a bad boy phase," he muttered, "and I don't think I can change him and make him all better. Mold him into the guy I want to be with." But then what the hell *was* he thinking? Whatever it was, though, Britney didn't deserve to get the brunt of his frustration with it. "I'm sorry. I told you, I don't know what the hell this is or why it's happening. Or what I'm going to do about it." "Shh, okay," Britney hugged him. "Let's stop talking about it, then. Maybe next time you see him, you'll get a better idea? Or one of us can talk to JC, if you want?" She squeezed him and pulled the blankets up over their heads. "You wanna sleep here, hon?" "Yeah," he murmured. "I have class tomorrow. Don't let me sleep in, okay?" And even though thoughts of Joey were still swimming around in his head, he thought maybe he might be able to get a couple hours of sleep, curled around Britney, knowing that no matter what happened now at least she was something that would always be there. --- Joey froze, the spoon halfway to his mouth, when he saw the sliver of light from JC's bedroom door get bigger until it bathed the entire hall. There wasn't anything more pathetic and girly than sitting in the kitchen, in the dark, eating right out of a pint of Ben & Jerry's at 3:00 in the morning because he couldn't get a guy out of his head, and he'd rather not have JC remind him of that, thankyouverymuch. But he breathed a sigh of relief when it looked like JC was just going to the bathroom, and tried to settle back in the bar stool. And promptly lost his balance and fell off, cursing loudly. "Joey?" said JC, and the Joey saw the shadow in the hallway pause, then turn around and head in his direction. "Joey, are you okay?" JC walked into the kitchen and offered Joey a hand back up, looking at him curiously and Joey knew the question was meant to cover a lot more than just if his ass was bruised from hitting the floor too hard. "Peachy," Joey muttered, trying to decide if he'd ever been more mortified in his life. "Chunky Monkey?" he asked, offering the ice cream to JC as he rubbed his own hip tenderly where he'd fallen. He wondered if he'd be lucky enough that JC had a good reason for being up this late too, one that would keep him from even noticing that Joey *didn't* have a good reason. And that he'd get back to it sooner rather than later. "It's three in the morning," JC noted calmly, dashing Joey's hopes as he took over the stool next to him, straddling it comfortably. "Any particular reason you're scarfing down ice cream this time of night, honey?" And from that tone Joey knew -- just *knew* -- that he wasn't going to get off as easily as he had at dinnertime. That JC was going to wait for an answer. "I was worried I'd put it in the fridge instead of the freezer, and had to come make sure?" Joey offered weakly, then winced as JC just continued to stare at him. "No? Okay." He put on his most pitiful face, and figured that if avoiding JC wasn't going to work, then maybe distracting him would. "I couldn't sleep," he whimpered. "I had a nightmare?" JC reached out and rubbed the back of Joey's neck comfortingly, and Joey breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry," he said, his concern genuine enough to make Joey feel guilty. "I was so caught up in my thing I didn't even hear you get up ... you wanna tell me about it?" And suddenly Joey was scrambling to figure out just what to tell him. "Just ... Kelly stuff," he mumbled, figuring it wasn't as outright a lie as saying he dreamt his dog died, or something, so maybe he wouldn't go *straight* to hell. And he reached for the ice cream again. "I guess maybe I had her on my mind, or whatever, since you made me talk about her today." There, he figured. Make JC feel bad, too, so he wouldn't push him on it any further. "You wanna talk about *that* then?" said JC instead, though he did have that guilty look on his face that Joey had been trying for. Didn't feel so good once he saw it, though. "Since you've already got it on your mind? Since it's keeping you up anyway?" He leaned forward on the stool, gripping the edge of it between his legs to keep his balance. "Maybe it *is* time ... " And talk about a plan backfiring. "Shit," Joey mumbled, shoving another spoonful into his mouth. Never had a choice of the lesser of two evils been so difficult. "I lied, okay?" he exclaimed, avoiding looking at JC any more, or ever, ever again. "It's not Kelly. It's Justin. Okay? Jesus. And that's your fault, too." "Excuse me?" said JC, clearly at least a little offended. "What's *that* supposed to mean? Did you pick a fight with him again? Did *he* pick a fight with *you*? When's this gonna *end*, honey?" And that was something Joey couldn't answer easily or honestly, not without getting into the meat of what was keeping him up. "I dunno," he mumbled, wondering if he could at all figure out a way of getting JC to drop it, again, without having to admit to what he barely could admit to himself. Either way, JC was going to be pretty damn shocked. "But it's still your fault. You're the one that told me to try to talk to him again. And we *didn't* fight. So there." "So you talked to him again, I'm guessing?" ventured JC, his voice still a little tight. "And you didn't fight? And somehow this is a bad thing that you're blaming me for?" He shook his head, and Joey know it wasn't going to end there. "No way, babycakes. Back up and tell me what's going on, for real." "That *is* what's going on, for real," Joey insisted. "I told you I didn't want to have anything to do with him, for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which was all the sleep he made me miss *last* night. And then you were a big meanie and made me promise to talk to him. And lo and behold, guess who comes into my office when I'm still looking like shit and haven't gone home to shave yet or anything? That's right. Your friend Justin. And somehow he managed to NOT be a prick, and we talked. And yet I'm still losing sleep. So yes. It's a bad thing. And your fault." "So you're getting along now, and you're still not getting any sleep?" said JC wonderingly. "You're gonna have to explain to me why that is, Joey." Only Joey was starting to get the suspicious feeling like JC did know why that was, and was just leading him to saying it aloud. "And grab me a spoon, too. That looks good." "We're not getting along," Joey protested, but it sounded very, very lame. And felt very, very lame, since it was obviously a blatant lie. "And get your own spoon. I'm pissed at you." He huddled over his ice cream for another minute. "We're not getting along," he repeated. "We just didn't scream at each other, this time. Maybe I was too tired, who the fuck knows. He just wasn't supposed to be a nice kid. You know. Underneath all the prick-ness." JC stuck his finger in the ice cream and sucked it off, giving Joey a taunting smile. "So it bugged the hell out of you when he was a prick, and now it's bugging the hell out of you that he's nice? A guy really can't win with you, huh?" "Not if it's him, no," Joey acknowledged, tugging the ice cream out of JC's reach. "Plus, I'm fairly certain he's not trying to "win" anything with me. I bet he's just laying the groundwork for some really awful psychological attack. You know? The calm before the storm? The whole thing was too weird. He actually asked me if I *felt* okay." "And God forbid he ask you if you feel okay when you're looking like shit," mused JC, sucking off his finger again even though he'd already sucked it clean. "It would have been much better if he'd ignored it, huh? Or maybe teased you about it? Made some snarky comment?" He reached out to ruffle Joey's hair, but Joey dodged out of his way. "It would've been normal, at least," Joey insisted, scooting away, not wanting to be made fun of, or teased, or made to feel like he was making too much of a big deal out of this. He was already messed up enough. "*That* was not the Justin Timberlake *I* normally get to see. He like ... made up this excuse to come see me, too," he frowned, remembering how awkward Justin had seemed about it, how that small, fucking *endearing* difference had made him swallow all the biting comments *he'd* wanted to make, despite JC's admonition that they talk. "Well, so what if it wasn't the guy you haven't seen before?" said JC, backing off a little, much to Joey's relief. "Maybe that's the guy you would've seen in the first place, if you hadn't gotten off on the wrong foot. I still don't get why it's keeping you up, Joey. Seriously." And there was sincerity in JC's voice that time. "Me either. Obviously," Joey sulked, even though that wasn't strictly true. He had a good idea, he just ... didn't want to admit it. To himself, let alone to JC. "If I knew, then I could get myself to stop thinking about whatever it was, and maybe get some fucking sleep for the first time in like 48 hours. But it's like ... if it's not one thing, like how I just wish I knew what made him come find me, it's another ... like how he's really, like, clever. And if it's not *that*, then it's ... " He stopped himself before talking about how an innocent kid like that shouldn't look sexy sucking whiskey off his finger, snorting as he realized that would quite certainly give it away. "Yeah, Justin's a smart kid," agreed JC, reaching out for Joey's knee this time. It was closer, and when he made contact Joey didn't push him away. "He came to me to go over some stuff for class, right? But there was no way he needed to. He was asking questions about stuff he won't be learning for another year at least. You worried he's smarter than you, Joe?" he teased, and it was obvious that he didn't think that was the problem, but it was a starting place. "JC," Joey said, giving him a withering look. "*You're* smarter than me, and that doesn't keep me up at night. Come on, now." He sighed, and figured it would take them ten years to get to what was actually bothering him, at this rate ... and then wondered if JC didn't *know* that, and was banking on Joey being way too impatient at three in the morning to put up with it. Which he was, of course. "And *he's* smarter than me, too," he sighed, deciding to just put it out there. "And hotter. And quite possibly more mature, you know, since he *did* initiate the conversation today, and wasn't the one who kicked him out when he brought up the subject of Kelly." He studied his ice cream intently, just not even wanting to know JC's reaction to that. "He what?" repeated JC, sounding flustered and confirming Joey's suspicions that JC had thought he was in control of the situation. "He doesn't even *know* about Kelly. What the hell were you guys talking about that *that* managed to come up?" It was a brief moment of triumph for Joey, and a bittersweet one, and he wondered how he was going to follow it up since JC wasn't going anywhere until he did. "I *told* you; it's not that we were getting along, and that proves it," Joey reminded him, shifting on his stool. "But I asked him to leave before I started bawling, so hopefully my masculinity's still intact." He sighed and rubbed his eyes almost violently. "We were talking about sex, I guess. And I asked him -- quite tactfully, might I add -- why he doesn't seem to like to hook up with people. And he gave me his answer, and asked me why I *did* seem to like to. And I might have been a little too ... blunt ... about my answer. Or he just picked up on what I wasn't saying, pretty well." He shook his head. "It's not important. He knows he shouldn'tve asked." "Sometimes I really don't get you," admitted JC with surprising honesty. "I start to thinking that I know everything about you and then you just ... I don't know." He shifted on his seat, letting go of Joey's leg unexpectedly. "Look, I know you don't like to connect with people, honey. That's no secret. But if you didn't want to get closer to him then why were you talking about sex, of all things, in the first place?" "We weren't really talking about *sex*," Joey backtracked. "I mean, we were, but ... " He shook his head, trying to explain it. Since he could remember the whole conversation with frightening clarity. "Trust me, how we got there wasn't important. He just admitted to me he doesn't pick people up, much, and I was really curious about why that was. So I asked. And ... I guess he was curious about me. So *he* asked." And that *still* impressed Joey; even though he wondered how much he could blame the whiskey for it. "So where did things go wrong then?" asked JC. "Cause from where I'm sitting? It sounds kinda like you guys were having a good time ... " Which they kinda were, Joey admitted to himself, and which was kinda part of the problem. "Oh, really?" Joey said archly. "Which part, exactly? The Justin-bringing-up-Kelly part? Or the part about how it just reinforced how he's better than me in, like, every possible way? Or ... " He bit his lip, knowing JC was just not *getting* it, or at least not acknowledging it, and feeling really too tired to keep avoiding saying something. "Or the part where the second he left, I wished I'd had the balls to make plans to see him again?" JC fell silent for a moment and Joey was left wondering what the hell he'd done wrong, until JC's hand fell on his knee again. "Well I'll be damned," he muttered, squeezing him. "I thought maybe ... but I never *thought*." He fell silent again, but not long enough for Joey to start regretting bringing it up. "He's not better than you, you know." Joey stared at him a moment. "*That's* what you're going to respond to?" he asked incredulously. "Well, thanks, Jace. I appreciate the compliment, I guess. Kinda ... not the point of the whole admission, thing, on my part, though." He said that so JC would know he *could* react. That Joey really *wanted* his reaction, now. "Well, I don't know," said JC, catching his eyes and holding them. "Maybe it kinda is. Are you really into him, Joey? Into him enough so that if you *did* make plans to see him again, you wouldn't bail and leave him in the middle of the night? That you'd make plans to see him again, after that?" Which also wasn't what Joey had been expecting to hear. "Whoa," he said, holding up his hands, even though that -- THAT -- was exactly the question that HAD been keeping him up. Not having a fucking crush -- that happened all the time. Regardless, JC wasn't playing along, asking him the tough questions. "Again, man. *Still* not the point. Did you even hear me? I'm telling you that I *like* *Justin*. I haven't said anything like that to you in ... years. And it's JUSTIN. Who I'm supposed to hate. And all you can ask me about are my fucking *intentions* toward him? Like he's your daughter, or some shit?" "Joey, I've known you liked Justin for days," said JC bluntly. "Maybe even weeks. I just wasn't sure *you* were ever going to figure it out." Then he smiled and he was the JC that Joey needed again. "I think it's fabulous that you're liking someone, honey. *Fabulous*. Even if it is Justin and that's really messsing you up. I'm freaking *proud* of you, but I was pretty sure you didn't want to hear that." "So instead I get to hear you get all paternalistic on my ass," pouted Joey. But he was pretty much just sulking at this point because he didn't get to shock JC the way *he'd* been shocked when he realized it, and had to return the smile eventually. "You're proud of me?" he asked softly. "Really? Don't worry; I have plenty of time to mess it up." "Yeah, really," said JC, and then time when he went to ruffle Joey's hair, Joey didn't duck away. "Not just because you're gonna do something about it, but because you're letting yourself feel it. That's ... that's a really great thing, baby. A *really* great thing, and it makes me really happy for you." "Whoa," Joey repeated. "Who said anything about doing something about it?" He frowned at JC's immediate frown, but went on. "I haven't decided that. And I actually think I probably *won't*. I'm ... not ready. And I bet we bite each other's heads off the next time we see each other, anyway." Even though he knew that probably wouldn't happen, unless he wanted it to. "Oh," said JC, sounding surprised. "You said you had plenty of time to mess it up ... I thought you meant ... well, like I said, that's not the important thing, yet. The important thing is ... " He grinned at him and squeezed his knee again. "It's *happening*, Joey. And you're letting it." "Okay, you're just ... way too cheery," Joey plucked his hand off, standing up to put the ice cream back in the freezer, even though he was confused himself about why he'd seemed worried about messing it up. "This isn't a *good* thing, remember? I don't *want* this. Make it go away." "No," said JC, still grinning. "I don't want it to go away, and I don't think you do either. Joey ... even if you don't do anything about it, even if you never, ever tell Justin about it, you're still feeling these things again. You're still *capable* of feeling them. And now you know it." "Well, whoop-dee-shit," Joey muttered dryly. "I'm glad this makes one of us happy. Meanwhile, it's making me turn into a zombie, and will probably either scare the shit out of Justin, or give him the best laugh of his young life. I'm going to bed." He walked over to wrap his amrs around JC in a hug, first; even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, Joey knew they both knew how much Joey needed JC's support in this. JC hung on, not letting him go. Not that Joey tried too hard. "You know I'm right," he whispered. "And you know I'm an observant guy. Ask me what I've observed about Justin, why don't you?" Joey frowned, and kissed the top of JC's head. "JC," he said awkwardly, knowing the man in his arms as well as that man knew him, knowing he'd want this worse than Joey did. JC was definitely capable of being observant ... almost as much as he was capable of seeing things Joey figured he just wanted to see. " ...don't. Please don't." JC sighed and kissed Joey's cheek. "Love you, Superman," he said, dropping it. "You wanna stay with me tonight, or are you okay?" "Come in when you're done, maybe?" Joey said softly, kissing his head again and standing up. Normally he'd *need* JC after a day like the one he'd had. But this time ... for the first time he could remember -- something about it seemed awkward. Nothing as blatant as it feeling like it shouldn't be *his* bed he was sharing ... but not *not* that, either. "I'm done enough," said JC, holding onto his hand for another moment before letting go. "But it's up to you." Joey didn't know what what to say to that, though, and just smiled at him affectionately. "Maybe ... just leave your door open a little?" Joey asked tentatively, giving JC a crooked smile, not sure how he'd take it. And only flinching a little bit when he recalled Justin's comment about locking doors -- but for the first time, more because of his own reaction than anything Justin'd said. "In case I wake up?" "Yeah, sure," said JC, and Joey couldn't read his expression. It didn't look hurt, like he'd been worried about, but more proud, again, than anything else. "Anything you need, honey. You kinow where to find me." "Thanks, Jace," Joey sighed, kissing him one last time before backing away, *finally* feeling settled enough to sleep. "Um. For everything. Maybe ... maybe you can tell me tomorrow what you think about Justin." JC grinned. "You *know* I'm never shy about telling you what I think about people," he said. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll be here when you get up." And right then that might have been the one thing that Joey needed to hear most of all. --- JC staked out a table the moment it was vacated, knowing that he was going to want to spend most of this particular night sitting. He was celebrating finishing up a project sure, though it had been a minor one and not really worth celebrating, but it had kept him up until 5 this morning, so he wasn't as energetic as he might have been. Good thing both Joey and Justin seemed to be making up for it, though. For example ... Joey was in rare form. JC'd never ... *never* ... seen him spend so much time getting ready to go out. He'd put on three different outfits, and didn't even bat an eyelash when JC told him he was being a girl. But all that single-minded determination seemed to fade the second they'd picked Justin up, even though they smiled at each other through the rearview mirror, since right then he definitely seemed to be avoiding Justin under the guise of getting a round of drinks. "Thanks," said Justin, flashing Joey a rare smile as he set the beer in front of him. "You're really good at this 'corrupting freshmen' stuff." JC cringed as Justin sipped the drink, expecting the worst, but Joey just chuckled as he sat down and shoved JC's drink in his direction. He always threatened to start feeding JC beer, beer and nothing but beer if he didn't stop asking for 'that pink shit' but he never did. "Practice," Joey smirked. "Kid, I was corrupting freshmen when I *was* a freshman. Ask C. And that was even before we studied abroad and I discovered I was something less than straight." He gave JC an amused but still tender smile before leveling Justin with another grin that looked a lot more confident than JC figured it was. "And I'm better at the boys." "I've yet to see any evidence of that," said Justin, smirking, and JC decided right then and there to just stay the heck out of it. "All you've done so far is buy me a couple of beers, and I *know* you can do better than that," he teased. "So how did you discover you were less than straight, anyway? Run out of girls to seduce?" JC froze, at that, knowing that Justin didn't know how close to dangerous territory he was treading. Like everything else -- maybe *more* than anything else -- that came back to Kelly. But Joey only closed his eyes for a moment, then arched an eyebrow. "Something like that," he murmured. "And why *would* you have seen any evidence of it? I'm not trying to hit on anyone here." "Well, then don't brag about things you can't back up," said Justin, waggling his eyebrows and then sipping his beer, turning back to JC but not saying anything. JC wondered if he should initiate conversation now, but the silence seemed comfortable so he went with it, quite sure that if Joey or Justin had *any*thing to say they wouldn't hesitate. At least he had his drink to keep him from feeling awkward. "Who's bragging?" Joey protested easily, without a hint of defensiveness in his voice. He turned to JC. "Was I bragging? I kinda don't think I was. The kid's kinda asking for it, though, isn't he." He drank out of his mug deeply, watching Justin with sharp brown eyes, leaning over into his personal space. "Am I wrong, or did you say you were better at the boys?" Justin pointed out, the smirk still on his face, and JC caught a sparkle in his eyes. He looked almost happy to be doing this. "Kinda sounded like bragging to *me*." He drank his own beer and met Joey's eyes, not backing down. "And there are plenty of them here to prove yourself on, you know." But he didn't let Joey's eyes go, and Joey didn't move, and JC could almost feel the tension himself. "That's simple fact," Joey replied, still not tearing his eyes away. "Just like mute-boy over there is better at quantum physics. But if you want a show, kid, I'd be more than happy to show you how it's done. Jace there learned a long time ago not to challenge it." "If you say so," said Justin, shrugging and finally flicking his eyes away. "I bet you're all talk, though." His smirk turned into a grin as he stared at his drink. "Shit, I probably shouldn't say that," he murmured. He probably didn't mean for Joey to hear, but JC sure did and grinned into his *own* drink. Joey bit his lip, and JC had to admit to himself that he was really surprised he hadn't gotten fed up with the whole thing yet. Instead, he leaned over even closer to Justin and rested his head on his shoulder. JC had to grin again at Justin's uncomfortable look. "Pick someone," Joey told him in a stage whisper. "Anyone in here you want. Pick him out, and I'll get him for you." He leaned even closer. "How about the guy in the brown shirt, there?" Justin suddenly looked *more* than uncomfortable, and JC thought maybe he knew why. "Oh no you don't," he broke in. "I thought we decided that no one was picking up anyone tonight, boys." Justin looked at him gratefully, and JC just nodded at him discreetly, figuring he didn't want Joey to know that the interjection had been for him. Though it hadn't been, entirely -- whether or not anything ever happened between Joey and Justin, JC figured it was high time for old patterns to be broken. "When did we decide this?" Joey protested, picking his head up in an excellently feigned look of surprise; if JC hadn't known better, even he might have been convinced. "Jace, you know what the rule is, if you don't let me take someone home ... " This time even he caught Justin's wary look at JC, and grinned before standing up. "I think tonight's an exception to the rule," said JC with a significant look at Joey, who just gave him another grin. JC shook his head and turned his attention back to Justin again, who was momentarily hiding in his beer. If their last outing had been any indication, though, by the time he got through that beer, his confidence would be back in full force. "Fine," Joey sighed exaggeratedly, before holding his hand out. "Come on, then. If I don't get to hook up with anybody, then one of you has to come dance with me so everybody here gets to see what they're missing, at least." JC was impressed that he gave both him and Justin equally challenging looks, and couldn't even tell who he wanted to take him up on the offer more. "Sorry, Joey, I'm not in a dancing mood," said JC, wondering if Joey really would take Justin out onto the floor or whether he would give up the notion and sit down with his drink. Justin drained his beer though and looked at Joey expectantly, and Joey's challenging gaze settled on Justin after giving JC a knowing smirk. Joey leaned over JC's shoulder closer than he needed to, to put down his beer, probably just so he could whisper "I'm just pre-empting you, you know" into JC's ear. By the time he stood back up, Justin was standing too, shifting on his feet. "Alright kid," Joey murmured, giving him a blatant once-over obviously intended to make Justin blush, "Let the corruption continue, hmm?" "Once we get out there," challenged Justin, standing up, "are you sure you're the one that's going to be doing the corrupting?" JC had been right about the beer; the guy was clearly a lightweight but a beer or two seemed to do him a world of good. JC had to shake his head at that, and Joey threw his head back in laughter. "If you show me anything I haven't seen -- and done -- a million times before you, kid, I'll acknowledge defeat in this little game of ours. How's that?" He grabbed Justin's elbow confidently, and rolled his eyes at a JC that was more than a little surprised to hear him verbalize the seemingly unspoken contest between them. "Maybe you won't," admitted Justin, "but if you show *me* something on the dancefloor that I've never seen before, I'll be pretty damn astonished as well. You ain't all that, Fatone." He winked at JC on his way by and JC was torn between wanting to bury his face in his arms and not watch as the whole situation blow up, or just stare at them in rapt fascination. He watched. And started to laugh, alone, when the second the two of them made it out to the edge of the floor -- watched by half the guys in the club, it seemed like -- the music changed from a hyped-up, uptempto track to something a lot slower, a lot sexier, that just screamed for everyone dancing together to practically start screwing each other right there in the middle of everybody else doing the same thing. The identical looks of alarm that Joey and Justin both threw him were nothing short of comical. But neither one of them was going to back down now, that much was clear a moment later. The practically circled one another for a moment, as though getting ready to pounce, then finally Joey grabbed Justin's shirt to move him closer, and Justin ... Justin started moving the way he had the last time they'd been here. Sex on legs. And all bets were off as to who was going to win this one. Joey left his one hand fisted in the material of Justin's shirt while curling his other fingers just underneath the waistband of his pants, yanking their hips together unceremoniously and starting to match the motions that Justin was already making. Justin looked like he wasn't quite sure what to do with *his* hands, but Joey didn't even seem to notice. His cheeks were pink, pinker than they would have been just because it was hot out there, and he kept biting his lip in a way that seemed different from the teasing way he normally would, dancing. JC went from concerned to amused as he watched, reassured that getting them together wasn't going to blow up in his face. They both looked intense as they danced together, but not so much that they didn't seem like they were enjoying themselves. It wasn't long before they were being watched, but neither of them seemed to notice, they were both so focused on the other. Their body language was so possessive, they resembled a couple that had been together for ages instead of ... whatever they were. Legs intertwined; Joey's hand untucking Justin's shirt enough to expose and graze the bare skin of his hip briefly; their chests rising and falling in unision as they seemed to even *breathe* together. And JC couldn't quite tell, from where he was sitting, but it still looked like they hadn't said a word to each other. "Fuck," he murmured aloud, sipping his drink as he watched the show. He almost choked as Justin's hand snaked around to the small of Joey's back, his fingertips beneath the waist of Joey's pants. He wondered if they had any clue, at all, what they looked like together. What they acted like together. What their eyes were saying to everyone else, if not to each other. The song ended and they both pulled apart, again as if by some unspoken agreement, and made their way back to the table. Still unaware, or at least unconcerned, with how much attention that had gotten them. "What?" Joey said, as he caught JC's raised eyebrow and grabbed his beer. "Tie, don't you think? Stalemate?" He glanced over and gave Justin a significant look that JC couldn't decipher. "Truce, even?" Justin smiled back and nodded almost imperceptively; JC wouldn't have caught it if he hadn't been watching. But he *was* watching, closely, both of them. "Something like that," he muttered, thinking of a few other words he might have used to describe the experience. Pornographic, for one. "I think it's time for another round." "That pink shit, again?" Joey asked, smirking as he jumped back out of his seat, more eager than usual to be beer bitch, something else JC never expected to see. "You want another, Justin?" he asked, in an even voice that indicated to JC that Joey was just as aware as he was about how much the first couple had affected the younger man. "Yeah, I guess one more wouldn't hurt," said Justin, obviously *un*aware of that the alcohol did for him. "I like that pink shit," said JC with a grin, finishing off the one in front of him. "So would you if you gave it a chance." Which of course Joey wouldn't but JC liked to tease him about it. "Just think about the other things that I've gotten you to try that you liked so much," he added with a private smirk. Joey actually looked embarrassed before shooting JC a dirty look. "Shhh, not in front of the children," he hissed, gesturing vaguely at a smirking Justin. "And just for that, you're getting the next round, hot thing." He leaned over and licked JC's ear before flouncing off to the bar, leaving Justin pretty much defenseless against JC's interrogation if he chose to pursue it. For a couple minutes at least. "I'm having fun," said Justin out of the blue, before JC could speak up. "Thanks. Maybe Brit's right, maybe I need to get out more." Well, there was no maybe about it, but it was a surprise to hear Justin admitting it. Especially calling the night 'fun'. "You're supposed to have fun, that's the idea," JC pointed out, running his finger around the rim of his empty glass and sucking it off. He might've made a comment about how nice it was that they weren't killing one another yet, but that would just be jinxing his luck. So he smiled, instead, and was happy that it was returned. Joey dropped JC's drink on the table in front of him unceremoniously when he returned, put his own down only slightly more carefully, and peered at Justin before handing his over. "This is just a temporary respite," he warned them. "I expect to see *both* of you dancing before much longer. And don't think I'm buying any of your excuses, Chasez." "Exhaustion is not an excuse," said JC with a grin. "It's a valid reason I know *you* have used a time or three. And after a few more of these, drunkenness will be an equally valid excuse. No, you boys just have your fun and I'll be happy to sit here and be a voyeur." Joey snickered at that and Justin didn't even look mildly scandalized, to his surprise. "You better hope you don't miss the good parts, since you're getting your own drinks from here on out," Joey reminded him, stretching his arms out along the back of the booth. "I think Justin's about ten minutes away from sitting on my lap." He grinned wolfishly at him, obviously making sure everyone knew that was a joke. "Wrong lap," teased Justin, moving closer to JC and placing a hand on his knee. But it was also clear he was teasing as much as Joey was, and his eyes never left Joey's face. "Look, boys, I'm not a prop," JC pointed out with a chuckle, but didn't suggest what they ought to be doing instead of using him. Though he was sorely tempted to tell them to either fight or fuck and be done with it. He took a sip of his fresh drink to help resist the urge to either say that, or just smile knowingly at them. Joey barely glanced at Justin's hand. "Funny thing that only one of us gets to go home with him," he yawned, obviously ignoring JC's comment about not being something for them to fight over, seriously or not. "Besides, JC goes for older men, kid. If there's nothing you can show me that I ain't seen, I *promise* there's nothing you can show *him*." "Funny how you've had all the chances in the world and still haven't gotten him," said Justin and JC hissed under his breath. There was a line there that had just been crossed, whether Justin knew it yet or not. "Oh, boy," Joey mumured, and JC was amazed as always at how quickly his eyes could go from being happy and inviting to just cold and unresponsive. "Jesus, kid. Way to make this hard." He slid out from behind the table stiffly, ignoring Justin's almost dumbfounded epression, and tapped the table in front of JC. "Maybe you want to set him straight on that? I'll be back in a sec." And he left without waiting for a response. Not that JC didn't know perfectly well he was on his way to the bar for something stronger than a beer. "Bad move, kid," said JC with a sigh, setting his own drink down on the table and shoving it away from him. "I don't know what you were going for there, but whatever it was, it didn't work." "He fucking brought it up," muttered Justin. "Whatever. This was a stupid idea. I think I'm gonna head back to the dorm, JC." JC couldn't even decide whether to tell him that was probably a good idea, or whether he wanted him to wait around until Joey bounced back, or what, but by the time he figured he had to say *something*, Joey was standing beside him again. With a salt shaker, and a lime, and a shot of tequila. "Tilt your head, Jace," he murmured, staring at Justin with eyes that almost looked black by that point. "Joey, what are you doing?" he asked, but the motion was instinctive. He looked at Justin but Justin's eyes were caught by Joey's, and had a distinctive 'fight or flee' franticness to them. "You don't have to prove anything." "I'm glad all three of us are clear on that, then," growled Joey. "Now stay still." JC had to close his eyes as soon as he felt Joey's tongue on his throat -- now way he'd be immune to that, no matter how much tension there was between the three of them right then. He felt the sprinkle of salt on his wet skin, shivered at the next swipe of tongue, and heard Joey slam the empty shot glass on the table before he could open them. "You guys have a good night, okay?" he heard Justin say, his voice shaky and uncertain. Following was the sound of a chair being pushed back hastily "I, uh, obviously misunderstood something here. Sorry about that. I'm just gonna ... go." JC blinked his eyes open and thought he said, "wait," but Justin still moved away from the table, backing into a couple people and offering hasty apologies. For his part, Joey just slipped around behind JC, avoiding any contact with him, and sat down at the table again. JC couldn't even be certain if he noticed -- or cared -- that Justin was leaving, until he crossed his arms on the table and bowed his head down against them. "Joey?" said JC, rubbing the back of his neck. They'd all definitely lost control of this situation. "What's going on, honey? Just ... talk to me here, so I can fix it." Joey mumbled something, and JC had to ask him twice to repeat it before he finally picked his head back up and stared at him with eyes that looked more hurt than anything. "I *said*, I told you I'd mess it up," he exclaimed. "And just *try* and fix that." JC sighed and kissed his forehead. "Stay here, okay?" he said as he stood up. But he was pretty sure that Joey wasn't going anywhere anyway. "Jeez, Joey," he said softly before he left. "You *know* how insecure he is, even when he's not showing it." It took him a couple minutes to find Justin, who was still making his way through the sea of bodies to the door. He grabbed his wrist and wasn't surprised that Justin's eyes turned out to be a bit bloodshot, a bit watery. "Don't," whispered Justin. "Just let it be, JC." JC shook his head and tugged on his wrist, but Justin was stubborn. "At least don't let him see me like this," he said, trying to tug JC back. But JC was stronger and stubborner than Justin could have imagined. "No running," he said, and led Justin back to the table. Joey was just playing with the shot glass, a morose slump to his shoulders, when they made it back to where he sat. Justin didn't even have anything to worry about -- Joey refused to look up, and JC was quite certain it was to hide what his own face looked like. He seemed like he didn't know what to say, either; and if JC knew him at all, he figured that he was torn between ignoring Justin, or maybe snapping at him. Or snapping at JC, for that matter. He doubted he was happy at him for getting in the middle of it, beyond the way he *wanted* him to be in the middle of it earlier. "I didn't want to be in the way," said Justin softly, after a long and awkward moment. "I'm still in the way, huh." He looked at JC expectantly, and didn't try to get up again this time. Not until he knew that JC wouldn't stop him again, JC guessed. He waited a few more moments, then placed a finger under Joey's chin to lift his face. He knew he was really meddling now, but if he didn't he was sure they would both sit there in silence until they closing time. "You're both so impossible," he muttered affectionately, and left the rest up to them again. "You weren't in the *way*," Joey began to explain; his voice gentler than JC had even dared hope it would be once he finally decided to say something. "There's nothing to get in the way *of*. Which maybe you'd understand, if you actually listened to JC. And stopped making stupid fucking assumptions about the reasons *why* there's nothing to get in the way of." Even with the harshness of his words, Joey's voice never rose, and he ducked his head as soon as JC let go of him enough that he could. "You were licking his neck," said Justin meekly, resting his chin on the heel of his hand and looking very, very young. "You implied you would be going home together ... and not just to the same apartment. It was exactly what you wanted me to think, so why are you mad at me now for thinking it?" Which actually made a lot of sense; both JC and Joey knew that their relationship was misread by a lot of people, and more than a few times they'd used it to their advantage. He was more surprised that Justin was able to both puzzle that out and articulate it, in the state he was clearly in. "Justin," Joey sighed, sounding weary of the whole thing. "You were pushing me on it, and you know it. You thinking JC and I are together in any way isn't what made me mad, and you know *that,* too. Can you just ... try to respect some boundaries, here? Things'll go a lot easier if you do." The problem was that JC wasn't sure all the damage had already been done; Justin'd played on Joey's weaknesses, and now, by talking down to him, Joey was starting to play on Justin's. JC could practically hear Justin grinding his teeth, keeping himself from speaking too soon. Which he had to respect, personally -- it wasn't something that Joey was particularly good at, though he was doing an admirable job tonight, all things considered. "How am I supposed to respect boundaries when I don't know where they are?" Justin said finally, his jaw still clenched. "You're always so cryptic about this stuff. I'm supposed to figure it out on my own half the time, and not figure it out at all the other half. And let me add, the way to get me to respect *your* boundaries is definitely not by crossing mine." "What the hell did *I* do?" Joey protested, frustration replacing whatever he'd been feeling before. And that was exactly what JC'd been worried about -- a knee-jerk response. "And I've been called a ton of things, before, but never cryptic. How about you just not talk to me about anything of substance at all, and we'll get along fine." "What's the point of this if we can't talk about anything?" Justin blurted out, equally frustrated. "How are we supposed to even be friends, if we can't just tell each other when something's too much, huh? This is absurd." He planted his arms on the table and buried his face in him, much the same way Joey had earlier. JC was shocked by the outburst, in the way he *hadn't* been shocked by Joey's, and looked at him, speechless. But Joey only glanced at him, apparently fascinated by the top of Justin's head. "Because we don't *need* to tell each other," he said softly, waiting for Justin to look up at him before he continued. "And you know it. Because I *know* you know when you cross that line, even if I don't have the first clue *how* you know. And part of the *reason* I know you know, is because I know when I do it to *you*." He took a breath. "So that, I guess, is why we can't talk about anything. Because we know when it's too much, and we do it anyway." The naked honesty in all of that made JC wish he hadn't heard it, that they weren't doing this in front of him. "So you're saying we shouldn't try?" said Justin, and JC was starting to realize just what the 3 beers had done for him *off* the dancefloor. "That's the easy way out, and you know it. Because it's easier to keep on with what we have been doing than try for something else, is that it? Because it's too hard for you?" And suddenly JC wished he was somewhere -- anywhere -- else. Joey stared at Justin, JC all but forgotten. "Nothing about you is too hard for me," he said shakily. "And I told JC. I don't want you around, I don't *need* you around, and nothing you can say will make me change my mind. And anyway, *this* is your idea of trying for something else?" He laughed hollowly. "For what, exactly? Who are you impressing with this technique of yours, of just ripping on people?" Justin looked stricken, and JC felt just *awful* for him, finally really realizing the extent of what was going on here, and what it meant to both of them. He should have said something, but he didn't, couldn't. It wall all happening too fast, and too viciously, and he should have stopped a couple drinks ago. "I wasn't," he began awkwardly, his bravado disappearing at those blunt words from Joey. He looked down at his hands. "I wasn't trying to ... fuck. I shouldn't have come. I thought maybe ... but no. Nevermind. Brit was right, this is stupid. She knew I would get hurt. I should have listened." "You weren't what?" Joey demanded, obviously not able to supress his curiousity, at least at first. But when Justin didn't respond right away, he shook his head vigorously. "Fuck, nevermind. I don't care. Just go away." Then he stood up, and JC wasn't sure he'd *ever* seen him so unnerved, before he pulled his keys out and threw them on the table. "Or better yet, I'll go. Since I'm not worth anybody trying for." "Shouldn't I be saying that?" snapped Justin, but softly. "Since I *was* trying to get to know you, and you're the one telling me that you don't want me around, and to go away. I don't understand, okay? And I probably never will because I'm just a stupid, naive kid, right?" JC held his breath as Justin looked away, and as Joey paused. He couldn't read Joey's expression right then, which made him nervous. Joey waited another several seconds, watching Justin; so, so obviously wanting him to look at him. But when Justin never turned back around, Joey faced JC with a stony mask that he'd only seen in one other period of Joey's life. "Make sure he gets home okay, okay?" he said, loud enough for Justin to hear, if he was listening. "I can't do this again." "Why not?" asked Justin unexpectedly, still looking down, still sounding very unsure of himself. "Is it me? Or is it just in general?" And from the pained look on his face, JC was sure that Justin thought it was him. He thought he could have answered that question for Joey, but he didn't want to. He didn't have the right to. And for the first time in a long time, he was worried that his answer might be wrong. Joey just watched JC's face when Justin spoke; his own expression neutral, watched what JC was sure was painfully obvious uncertainty paint his features. And when Joey's jaw tightened, he immediately regretted waiting to jump in -- to explain, or defend him, or whatever Joey wanted -- when he had the opportunity. He whirled on Justin so quick, then, that JC was sure he was going to punch him, or kiss him, or something; but he just grabbed the hem of Justin's shirt like he had when they were dancing and spoke quietly into his ear. "We already talked about how well you seem to know me without me wanting you to," he murmured. "So you have to know how badly I've resigned myself to wanting you. *You*, in a way I don't remember wanting someone since a time I don't *let* myself remember. But the fact that I'm still leaving ... I think that part's just you, too." Justin grabbed onto *him* just as fast. "Tell me what I did and I'll fix it," he said, his voice tight but earnest. "And if you don't tell me what I did then I can't. Because as far as *I* can tell, I wasn't doing anything different from what you were." His fingers tightened and looseened against Joey's shirt, but he didn't let go. "Guys," whispered JC, but he was pretty sure neither of them heard him. Or if they did, they just didn't care. This wasn't about him anymore, if it ever was. "Let go," Joey said softly, following his own advice and dropping his hands to his pockets. JC had to wonder if Justin was hearing every way Joey seemed to mean that. "Let go of me, Justin. I know what you think of me -- what you *really* think; it comes out every time I piss you off, and sometimes before I even start anything." He closed his eyes. "There's nothing you can do to fix that. So please. Let me go." "You have no idea what I think of you," said Justin, and JC thought he started to hear the desperation in his voice. "You don't, Joey, because we've never talked about it. And if you get your way we never will ... and I don't want it to be that way, okay?" Justin reluctantly let go and JC suddenly felt the tension rise, felt his skin prickle. Felt like something had to happen to channel the electricity in the air. "I want to see you again," Justin said finally, looking at him, capturing Joey's eyes and not letting go. "And I think we both know what you can do with that information if you want to. But I do. Okay? I've said it and I can't take it back. You can't *make* me take it back. It's there." Joey could only back away, stumbling backwards until he bumped into JC and froze there, for all intents and purposes pinned between them. And JC knew without a doubt it was words like that, phrases like that, that Joey worked so studiously to avoid when he left people before they could wake up. He looked over his shoulder desperately at JC, who was just struck once again by just how fucked up Joey'd been by that girl, that he couldn't hear innocently honest sentiment like that and know how to respond. "I gotta go," he mumbled. "No, I'll go," said Justin, calm this time as he stood up. Calm, not cold, but JC suddenly worried that something had just been broken inside Justin, too. "I'll go," he said, capturing Joey's eyes for a moment again, "but I won't take it back." He turned to JC, who was still feeling too out of place to interfere. "Take care of him. He deserves it." He kissed JC's cheek, then Joey's before he could duck away, then headed for the door with his head held high. But his body was stiff, and JC had the suspicion that he was going to break down the moment he was out of their sight. He was far less prepared to have an armful of a stunned Joey as soon as he was gone. "Fuck, Jace," he cried, and JC had to look at him quickly to make sure *he* wasn't going to break down. "What the hell just happened? What part am I supposed to believe?" he sounded like he was trying to calm his breathing. "Are you just going to let him leave?" "Are you?" countered JC softly, holding him. "It's your call now, honey. But if I were you, I'd believe every word that boy just said. That was a pretty fragile limb he just put himself out on, for you. With the history between the two of you." He could see that Joey understood, but couldn't read him beyond that. He hoped that Joey could tell that JC would be there for him, no matter what happened now. "There should only be one question now ... do you want him back?" "I never had him," Joey pointed out, and JC knew he wasn't mistaking the regret he heard there. "You'll notice he didn't admit much." He groped behind them on the table for his keys, still laying where he'd dropped them, and handed them to his friend. "Take these, okay?" he said huskily. "Go find him and get him home, like I wanted you to, to begin with. I'll see you tomorrow." JC grabbed his wrist. "You know what I meant. Asking if you wanted him the way he wanted you. Because from where I was sitting, he admitted a lot more than you did, Joey. Don't ... " He reached out to catch Joey's chin, to make sure Joey was looking at him. "Don't give up. He's not." Joey yanked his face away, lips pursed tight; tugged his arm back. "I said it *first,* fucknut," he spit out. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me he did the hard part. Jesus, Jace. And are you going to go get him anytime this century?" "Are you?" JC shot back again. "After telling him that you didn't want him around, telling him to go away ... you're *damn* lucky he still said what he did. Yeah, Joey, lucky. You'd be fucking lucky to have him, okay?" Joey's eyes shot back at him as JC swore, something he did so rarely. "Baby, I know how much you hurt, okay? If there's one person who knows, it's me. But I also know, after all these years, that I'm *not* gonna be the person who makes it better for you. And I think you're scared as hell that maybe he is." "You're right about that much," Joey said softly, looking over JC's shoulder in exactly the direction Justin went. "I'm scared as hell, but not for the reasons you think." He focused on JC's face for a second, then ducked his head. "You saw, Jace. What the things I said did to him? You were right about that part, too. So if I let him want me, if I encourage it, *he's* going to get hurt. And *that's* what scares me right now, believe it or not." "You can't make that choice for him," said JC, putting his arms loosely over Joey's shoulders and around his neck. "I think that Justin knows what he's getting into, with you. Between you and me and Britney, he knows what could happen here. And he went out on that limb anyway." He gave Joey's forehead a kiss. "Think about it. Don't lose this chance." "What are we even *talking* about, here," Joey groaned, knocking his forehead gently against JC's. "Chance for what? We're acting like he professed his undying love for me, or something, when *all* he said is that I don't know what he thinks of me, and that he wants to see me again. That could mean *anything*. It could *definitely* mean he just wants to try and be friends. We don't have *any* reason to think it's anything more." "So maybe all it means *is* that you get a new friend out of the deal," admitted JC easily, lifting Joey's chin again to really take in how he was feeling about this. "Do you have so many that you an afford to push this one away, honey? I think it's a pretty safe bet that Justin will make a lot better friend than enemy." "We're just retarded with each other," Joey muttered, looking over JC's shoulder again. "Totally retarded. Fuck. I should go find him, huh." "Yeah," said JC, pressing his own forehead against Joey's this time, for just a moment. "I think you really should. I think that would be a really good thing, honey." He watched as Joey's eyes skidded off him again, toward the door, and smiled to himself. "Okay," Joey said softly, looking like he was desperately trying to psych himself up. "Hang on to my keys, okay? And stay here? If I can find him, I still want you to take him home. I felt bad enough last time ... " He trailed off and started to push by him, and JC had to wonder if he even knew JC was still standing there. JC watched him until he vanished out the door, then sat back down at the table with his drink, alone. Maybe, just maybe, he was in the mood to dance after all. And maybe, if Joey was finally reaching out again, it was time for him to do a little looking of his own. --- Joey pushed his way past the crowd of people waiting to get in the club, and couldn't have been less surprised to see Justin still out there. Sitting at the curb, so that he could legitimately pretend to be waiting for a cab -- if it weren't for the three taxis lined up a block down the street. He had his head bowed, his elbows resting on his knees; one hand rubbing the back of his neck roughly, the other holding a cigarette awkwardly. That, more than anything, gave Joey his opening. "Where'd you get this?" he demanded, leaning over Justin's back to grab it out of his fingers and toss it into the street, not caring right then that Justin probably hadn't seen him come up behind him and might've scared the shit out of him. "You shouldn't fucking smoke, kid." "Yeah, well, you shouldn't sneak up on people," said Justin after a moment, sounding hoarse and misearable, looking at him but keeping his eyes shadowed. "You didn't have to check up on me, I *am* leaving, I just needed to stop for a smoke first, okay? I'll be gone soon." "You *needed* to stop for a smoke," Joey echoed dryly. "Whatever. I'd bet the only pair of leather pants I can fit my fat ass into that that's maybe the third you've ever had in your life. Tell me I'm wrong." He stood back up, feeling awkward himself, then crouched back down, still a little behind Justin. "I *did* have to check up on you," he told him, not sure how he got into these situations of admitting more than he wanted to, but needing Justin to know that he did care about what happened to him. "I felt really ... awful, when you left alone, last time." "Right," said Justin, and the sound he made was probably meant to be a derisive chuckle, but came out more like a pathetic sniffle instead. "You wanted me gone, just like now. Well ... I'm going. I can find my own way home. I've gotten very good at it, after all." Joey cringed at the pointed comment but forced himself not to snap anything back, because he knew -- even if it was hard to admit it -- that he had a lot to do with Justin being as defensive as he was right now. "You're not going very fast, kid," Joey pointed out, gently, risking a brief touch on the small of Justin's back. He was almost positive that Justin knew he'd come after him, just like Joey knew he'd be waiting. "You know why I said what I did. You know I *do* want you gone. Just not as much as I want you to stay." He sighed, and squinted, and picked up a piece of gravel from the curb, and threw it into the street like he'd done with Justin's cigarette. "No, I'm *not* going very fucking fast," agreed Justin, surprising Joey by pulling a package of cigarettes out of his jacket. "That's what people generally do when they don't actually want to go." He lit one -- a little awkwardly, but capably -- practically daring Joey to stop him. "I started after Lance and me split up," he added. "If you're curious. So no, you're right, it hasn't been long." "Fucking *quit* that," Joey hissed, absurdedly grateful to have something else to take his frustration at himself out on. Something that wasn't Justin's self-confidence, since he's already abused that enough. "No guy's worth it. Not this Lance fool, and definitely not me." He snagged the cigarette out of Justin's mouth this time, chucking it into the street; then almost as an afterthought grabbed the rest of the pack and Justin's lighter, stood up, and walked stiltedly to the dumpster to toss them in. "Fuck!" said Justin, looking at him in surprise, and Joey was strangely satisfied that that had gotten a reaction out of him. "What makes you think you have the right to do that?" What indeed, Joey had to consider as he walked back. "I assume that's a rhetorical question," was all he could really say, sitting down beside him this time; then, because old habits die hard: "Are you even old enough to buy cigarettes?" "Enough," muttered Justin, looking down between his knees at the street, and Joey wasn't sure what to make of *that* at all. "Enough of that age shit, okay? I'm tired and I feel like a fucking moron already and I don't want to fight right now. What did you come out here for, anyway, if that's all you were going to do, steal my cigarettes and insult me? Is it fun for you to see me like this?" He looked up at him, finally, his cheeks raw and his eyes rimmed with red. "Well is it?" "Oh, baby," Joey heard himself whisper, too surprised at the naked pain on Justin's face to even think about what was coming out of his mouth. As soon as he did, though, he scrambled to his feet quickly, and absolutely refused to look back down at Justin. "Come back inside," he said shakily. "Jace is going to take you home." "I can get myself home," said Justin, looking away again, his voice as shaky as Joey's. And hoarse again, as though he was stifling what really wanted to come out. "I don't need your pity, okay? I didn't tell you that stuff so you'd go and feel sorry for me, about it." Justin's words, the way he sounded, had Joey's heart pulling in a million different directions. He *had* to look down at him; and once he did that, he *had* to run a gentle hand through the head of curls that already looked abused by Justin himself. "Then why *did* you tell me that?" he asked, doing his best to keep the weakness out of his own voice. Considering that this was probably the most important question he could've asked him, the answer he was most concerned to hear. Justin ground his teeth for a moment without answering, and Joey was captivated by the way his jaw was moving, wondering if he was even going to get his answer. "Because it's true," Justin said finally. "And because you ought to know that. And because ... " He ground his teeth again and looked like he was fighting some sort of battle inside his head. "I thought maybe you might want to see me again, too. Stupid, huh. Just a stupid little kid." "It's not stupid," Joey murmured, really playing with his curls now, rubbing them between his fingers and basically amazed Justin hadn't made him stop. Yet. "You want to hear something else that's the truth?" He didn't know if this would make Justin feel better or worse, but they deserved to be back on equal footing, with what they'd admitted to each other. "That's exactly how Jace found out that I liked you. When I admitted that same thing to him -- that I wanted to see you again, after you came to my office that time, and wanted to shoot myself for not saying anything." He wanted to tell Justin not to take advantage of that, but how was that fair? It was something *he'd* already done, after all. "I didn't know," said Justin quietly, his head remained still under Joey's wandering hand. "But I kinda did. And then I didn't again, just now. And not knowing what's going on here, with us, is the worst thing." He turned his head slightly, so Joey could see his still-red eyes. "Five minutes from now are you just going to send me on my way again? Pretend this never happened?" "I'm not going to take back anything I said, if that's what's worrying you," Joey promised him. "But that doesn't mean I have any idea what 'this' is, either. Or what I want 'this' to be. And I ... can't think, right now. So will you let me take you back inside, please? So JC can drive you home? Without thinking it's because I pity you?" "What will you do?" he asked as he stood up, his face still turned to the ground. "What will *you* do, when we go back inside?" And of course, Joey hadn't thought that far ahead. "I don't know," he said weakly, his hand dropping limply to his side, even though he felt like he could still *feel* Justin's hair between his fingers. And he had to hope he didn't think it was because he was trying to come up with some lame excuse, or alibi, or something. "Make sure you guys leave okay? Have another drink, then get a cab?" "Why? What if we stay?" said Justin, challenging him again though his eyes couldn't meet Joey's. "What difference would it make to you?" And the question, very clearly, wasn't rhetorical. Joey couldn't ever remember being this flustered, having his world turned on its ass like this, having anyone be so *pushy* and so ... *curious* that it made him doubt every move he made. "I ... I thought ... " he stuttered, looking at the door to the club. "I thought you *wanted* to go. But you never said that, did you? I'm sorry." He moved closer to try and get Justin back inside, placing his hand between Justin's shoulderblades. "I'll go first, then. You guys stay. Make sure JC dances, will you?" Justin turned, facing him firmly. "Why are you doing this?" he said, reaching up to touch Joey's cheek, making Joey's skin tingle. "Why do we have to make this so hard?" Before Joey could stop him, before he could even realize Justin's intentions, Justin leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't long and it wasn't deep, but it was enough to rock both of them. Joey could only hope, really, that the kiss had done what Justin wanted it to ... all he knew was that he needed more of it. Even though his brain was absolutely screaming at him not to do it -- that it was *just* as likely that Justin was doing this to fuck with him, to get back at him, since he *still* hadn't given Joey any reason to think he wanted him in any way -- *he* kissed *Justin*. And this time it *was* long, and it *was* deep, and everything they shouldn't have been doing in the middle of the sidewalk. "Tell me this isn't what you wanted when you did that," Joey mumured against Justin's full lips, and he didn't even know whether he wanted Justin to agree or disagree. "Again," said Justin, not moving away, pressing his lips against Joey's and trembling for what could have been a hundred different reasons. Joey was hardly even aware anymore of anyone who might have been around them, of anything other than Justin. "Wanted? Yes," Justin murmured, very nearly falling against him. "Expected? No. Thank God, Joey, thank God." And Joey couldn't even respond to *that* before Justin kissed him again. "You're going to kill me," Joey moaned softly, when he could even breathe -- tugging roughly on Justin's shirt to keep him close; cupping his jaw, his chin, the back of his neck ... fleetingly but forcefully. Justin tasted like beer and cigarette smoke and fucking *heaven* and no, this certainly wasn't what Joey had expected either. Justin pulled away and gasped for breath, his eyes wide and staring into Joey's. "Yeah," he agreed, licking his lips and leaving them slightly parted as he panted. He'd grabbed a fist full of Joey's shirt the same way as Joey had grabbed hold of him, scared to take it anywhere, scared to let go. His face was flushed and bright and Joey had the very strong suspicion that it was a mirror image of his own. But as soon as Justin pulled back, reality hit hard for Joey. "This is such, *such* a bad idea," he whispered, closing his eyes, not able to look at what the kiss had done to Justin anymore. "I wasn't kidding when I said that, Justin. And I'm not *trying* to make this ... whatever ... hard. It's too hard already." He shivered a little and started to unpeel Justin's fingers from his clothes. "No," Justin fought him, unexpectedly fiercely. "No. Fuck. Don't give up!" He clearly wasn't willing to let go, but Joey forced him and finally Justin backed off. "Maybe I'm being the desperate loser here," he said, defeat and resignation clear in his voice, "but I wanted this. And I'm not afraid to say so anymore. You can't hurt me anymore, Joey." "I'm not trying to hurt you, kid," Joey sighed, wincing at the way Justin sounded just like JC when *he* admonished him not to give up, ten minutes earlier. "I'm trying to *not* hurt you. And JC says that's not my choice but I kinda think it is." He touched Justin's face for a spilt second before tugging on his curls one last time. "You're not a desperate loser," he whispered. "But *I* am." "Like hell," said Justin, his fingers curling around the hem of Joey's shirt again, his grip just as solid as before. "I told you you can't hurt me and I meant it. I didn't say that you were. I said you couldn't." But Joey still thought he was wrong about that, that it wasn't possible that he was right. "I know what you are capable of, all too well," Justin added. "Just as well as i know what *I* am capable of. And fuck, Joey, if we can go through that and still be *here*, *now*? Then why the fuck can't we give this a try?" Joey stared at Justin's hand fisted in his shirt, absolutely clueless about how to respond. The want and need he felt just being that close to Justin was fogging his brain so much that the things he thought he knew for certain about himself, he couldn't even trust. "Tell me what you think of me," he blurted. He hadn't let Justin tell him, he hadn't let JC guess; but now he needed to know. "For real?" said Justin, his fingers tightening, and Joey could see the indecision in his face. He was about to tell him not to bother, about to force him to let go again and walk away, when Justin started in. "I think ... a lot of things. I think you're a really nice guy who never lets himself get close enough to people to show them that. I think you're more than little arrogant, but you've earned it, because you kick ass at just about everything you do except relationships. I think you use JC a little too much because he lets you, and because it's easier than haven't to open your heart to someone else again. To trust." Joey might have interrupted him there, was about to, but Justin took a deep breath and went on. "I don't know what happened to you, and I probably never will unless you tell me, but whatever it was, Joey ... there are still people out there who are safe to trust, and I'd like to think I'm one of them." He smiled at Joey, then, and he was trembling a little, but not even close to what Joey was. "I also think you're funny and smart as hell and so fucking hot I could scream." "Shit, Justin," Joey shuddered, drifting backward unconsciously but jerked to a standstill when Justin didn't let go of his shirt. Never before had he realized just how much Justin *didn't* deserve all of his ridicule about his age -- and that JC was right. As always. Because Joey *would* be lucky to have someone like that. But the biggest problem wasn't going away. Because Joey could maybe trust Justin, but he wouldn't be able to trust himself. "Don't you get that I like you too much, for all those same reasons and a million more, to let you in? What happens when I leave, because that's all I know how to do, now? You think I still won't be able to hurt you?" "What makes you think I'm going to let you leave?" said Justin, quite seriously. "What makes you think I'll be willing to let go, now that I've got ahold of you?" His grip tightened again, in emphasis, and Joey found himself wrapping his fingers around Justin's wrist but not pulling his hand away. "Look, I don't know, maybe you *can* still hurt me. And maybe sometimes I'll fuck up too and hurt you back. But that's *not* a reason not to try." "To try *what*?" Joey finally exploded, feeling relieved and guilty and a million other things at the surprise on Justin's face. He knew sooner or later he could find some way to shake him loose, to dissuade him, and if being nasty was the only tactic left ... "What do you *want* from me, Justin? To be your *boyfriend*? So you can get laid with the safety of that label, and don't have to feel trashy because you're horny? Or am I missing the deeper meaning here?" Justin let go, his hand shaking and his face going white. "Stop it," he whispered. "Just ... stop it." But he didn't sound confident about it at all anymore. Joey'd know that he would have a breaking point somewhere, and all along it had just been a matter of getting there. "If I'm not what you want then just say so ... " he added weakly, taking a step back. "But you don't have to ... say that. You don't have to trash me. You should have just let me alone out here. I would have gone home like a good boy when I realized you weren't coming after me." He turned away, hiding a face that Joey knew -- just *knew* -- would be twisted and flushed, trying to hold off any display of what Justin was obviously feeling. Joey knew this was it; this was one of the last -- if not THE last -- opportunities he would have to keep Justin away from him. He'd gotten him to let go, physically AND emotionally, and it had been too easy. And he *should* have taken that as a warning that Justin didn't have the first clue what he was getting into when he boasted that Joey couldn't make him let go. But some sick part of him, the desperate part, actually needed to know the answer to the question, now that he'd asked it. "If I'm wrong, tell me," he said, proud of how calm his voice sounded. "Tell me how it is, if I've got it wrong." "You are," said Justin, staying where he was, not moving closer but not backing away either. "You're so fucking wrong it's painful. I know how to jerk off, thanks, and I don't need to be fucking something just because I want to get off. Unlike some people, apparently. Is it so hard to believe that I like you? That I might want to go out with you? That I wasn't looking forward to having to get JC to contrive another way for us to get together, so I could start this all over again. That ... that maybe *I* don't think 'boyfriend' is a dirty word, even if you do?" "Obviously it is that hard," Joey hissed. "But that's not your fault. You did everything you could, and more than I *thought* you could, but it wasn't enough. Remember the other day? And I talked about having my heart mauled? That wasn't an exaggeration. And I can't let it happen to you." He reached out for him again, hating that he had to touch Justin at least once for every minute he was with him, it seemed, but doing it anyway. Running a fingertip along his shoulder, hating himself for the way it made Justin flinch. "I need one of us to leave." "No," said Justin, his voice soft and uncertain. But to Joey's surprise, he wasn't going anywhere. "I'm sorry that happened to you, but I *know* you won't do that to me. Just ... stop pushing me away like this. Just take, like, fifteen seconds and tell me how you really, honestly feel. And whatever you say, I'll believe you." Which, Joey could have told him, was a very dangerous thing to promise. But Justin was looking at him earnestly, with big, watery eyes and cheeks that looked raw again, and he had to say something. "Justin," he sighed, caving, and that hadn't taken much either. Pulling him close, rubbing the soft skin under his eyes where tears looked like they might fall any minute with the pads of his thumbs, tilting his head to taste Justin's lips fleetingly. "You sweet thing. It would take me fifteen hours to tell you all the things I 'really, honestly' feel about you, and how every damn one endears you to me. I'll never be able to drink whiskey again without picturing you in my head. But none of it matters, because what I really, honestly feel about *me* ... " He stopped. He'd already said he couldn't do this, a thousand times, and Justin had to know it was coming. "Then we'll work on that," said Justin firmly and Joey wanted to laugh, thinking that if it was *that* easy, he would have been fine a long time ago. "I'm going to call you tomorrow, okay? I'm going to call you and we're gonna chat for a while and we're going to make a date. A real date." Which was about the last thing Joey had expected to hear, and one of the few things he had no idea how to respond to. "No," Joey shook his head, feeling like he'd just missed the boat or something, that all of this was happening whether he liked it or not. "No, Justin. I'm not ... I don't ... I can't go on a date with you." He shook his head again and cursed himself for not letting go of Justin. It might've made his words a little more convincing. But Justin didn't seem swayed. "Justin, *no*." "Sure you can. I'm calling you tomorrow and asking you out on a date," said Justin again, his voice low and non-threatening. Only it scared the hell out of Joey anyway. "And you're going to say yes, and then we're gonna go and get some dinner or something and we'll talk and then I might let you kiss me good night before you take me home." He smiled, expectantly, as though waiting for Joey to smile back. "If you're asking me out, shouldn't it be a question of whether I let *you* kiss *me* goodnight?" Joey retorted before he could stop himself, then stared at Justin. "Nevermind. No. I'm *not*, Justin, and you can't make me." He stared at him some more when Justin picked up his hand and started to lead him back to the club. "Are you even listening to me?" "I'm listening just fine," said Justin stubbornly. "And as soon as you give me a good reason that you won't go out with me then I might let you off the hook. And until then? You're going. And you know you are. Where do you want to go for dinner?" He shook his head before Joey could answer. "No, wait, I'll ask you tomorrow. Or better yet, I'll suprise you. I'll ask JC what kind of food you like." "You're not getting JC involved," Joey protested, blushing when the bouncer rolled his eyes at them as they squeezed back inside. "Just don't ... Justin! I mean it. I can't go. I'm ... busy. Um. Office hours. And then ... I have to study." "Okay," said Justin, and Joey was starting to get both frustrated and astonished that the guy just wouldn't give up. "I'll get takeout and bring it to your office if I have to. Pizza? Chinese maybe?" "No, no. I'm ... I'll be in the library ... " Joey was certain Justin was completely tuning him out by then, even though he was still mumbling protests by the time they made it back to the table JC was still sitting at. Just ... not alone. "Um. Jace?" JC looked up, grinning broadly at the two of them. "Hey," he said, more upbeat than he had been earlier, by far. "You're back. You're both back." "Yeah," Joey murmured, staring unabashedly at the dark-haired man sitting way, *way* to close to his friend, who he'd obviously just met. But at least the guy returned the gaze. "You ready to go?" Joey asked, trying to look sure of himself, just at the same time as the stranger leaned closer to JC and said: "Yeah, okay. I see what you mean, now." Justin was half-hidden behind Joey, just barely touching Joey's waist, and Joey didn't want to make a scene by brushing him away so he let him. Or so he told himself. "Hey JC," said Justin, sounding far more friendly and accepting than Joey was. "Why don't you take Justin home?" suggested JC, glancing at the other man, then at Joey. "I'm sure Chris can give me a ride." The other man agreed before Joey could protest that, so he was left scowling and without much to argue. He felt Justin's hand tighten on his body, and grimaced, wondering what *else* Justin would try to talk him into in the car, and thinking he wasn't ready to be alone with him. And that he wasn't sure he liked this Chris character, who didn't seem to care that Joey could kick his ass if he found out exactly what he was saying about him. "But ... Jace ... " he protested, arching out of Justin's way when gentle fingertips turned into sharp fingernails on his skin, and then shutting up when he was hit in the chest with his keys. Thrown at him with quite a glare from JC. "Fuck, ow! Both of you. Fuckers." He stomped away, leaving Chris and JC laughing at him, and trying not to care if Justin followed. Justin did, though, catching up quickly and wrapping an arm around Joey's waist. "What was *that* all about?" he asked him, though he sounded like he thought he already knew the answer to that. "We could have sat down and had a drink with them ... " And God knows Joey could have used another drink, that was true, but that wasn't the *point*. "Actually ... " he said, stopping abruptly. "That's not a bad idea. C'mere." He squirmed away from Justin's arm but grabbed his hand, stalking back to where JC and ... *Chris* ... were watching with bemused expressions. "Hey, guys. Justin said he wasn't quite ready to go, so he's gonna stay and have a drink with you." He turned to Chris with a sweet smile. "You don't mind taking one more, do you?" "I'll buy a round," offered Chris easily. "Sit down, I'll be right back." JC shot Joey a look as soon as he sat down, that said 'don't fuck this up for me' pretty damn clearly. Which just wasn't *right*, because JC was supposed to be there whenever Joey needed him. Like right now. Especially right now. "So who's he?" asked Justin eagerly, earning himself a glare from Joey, too. It didn't matter who he was. He wasn't supposed to be here. And now Joey was torn between pulling Justin away, so JC could do whatever he wanted to with that stupid loser he picked up, because that's what they *did* for each other; or ditching Justin with them like he meant to in the first place. And if that happened to mess up their plans for the evening ... Joey'd feel bad about it later. When Justin put a hand on his leg, one that JC saw, Joey stood up fast -- decision made. "The nice man who's taking you home," he offered, avoiding JC's eyes and trying to squeeze out from behind the table. "Joey!" said both Justin and JC at almost the same time, and Joey was actually hard pressed not to laugh at the absurdity of it, even as the urge to flee rose inside him. "Don't go," said Justin, obviously not knowing when to stop, when they weren't alone. "Joey, just ... have a drink. Please?" Joey cringed under JC's knowing look, and leaned down to hiss in Justin's ear. "*Quit* it. Don't think I won't embarrass you, because I will. And you know I can." He stood up quickly when Chris reappeared, hands full. "Here we go. Three beers and one ... " he scrunched his nose and handed it to JC gingerly. "... thing of pink ... shit." Which made JC laugh and Justin smirk and Joey pause. Which ... no, he didn't want to stay and he didn't want to like this guy. No. "Sit," said Justin more forcefully, not touching him this time, but obviously having to force himself away. He didn't look happy, but Joey wasn't sure what he *did* look. "Do it for JC, at least." Joey *did* sit, but it was more so he didn't look like an ass for making Chris get him a drink than for any other reason. And it *certainly* wasn't because Justin told him to, which was something he planned to make abundantly clear to him as soon as he had a chance. Because they *weren't* dating, they weren't *going* to date, and that was that. "Soooo," Chris said slowly, leaning back in the booth and watching Justin and Joey for a minute. "Hey. I'm Chris. Nice to meet you two." Joey narrowed his eyes at the implied couple-ness of the way Chris said that, and he didn't think it was imagined. He narrowed his eyes even more when the man pulled a pack of cigarettes out and offered them around the table, and refused to watch what Justin did. "Thanks," said Justin, and Joey figured he'd taken one, and probably just to spite him since he'd thrown his pack away. Hadn't it occurred to him that Joey maybe didn't like smokers, and that was why he'd done that in the first place? Obviously not. "So how did you guys meet? We weren't gone *that* long." "We kinda already knew each other," said JC, shooting Joey a slightly guilty look. "He just happened to be here tonight, too." Joey's eyes narrowed further as he wondered what else JC had been keeping from him lately. "Convenient," Joey muttered, avoiding looking at JC then too, burying his face in his beer. The quicker he finished it, the quicker he could leave. And right then he wasn't a huge fan of *anyone* at that table. Least of all himself. Chris obviously heard him, though, and gave him a fixed glare that reminded him too much of his own to be comfortable. "And what about you? How did *you* guys meet?" Justin put his hand on Joey's leg again, and Joey *knew* they could see, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it that wouldn't look like a total overreaction. Which didn't stop him from considering it. "Through mutual friends," said Justin vaguely, and sounded happy. Really happy. *Too* damn happy, all things considered. And he didn't move his hand. Joey pulled his feet up onto the chair, resting his chin on his knees -- something he was way too big to do, really, but the only way he could get Justin's hand to slide off his leg subtly. Since he still wasn't looking at him. He waved off a cloud of smoke, not caring if he did it ostentatiously, and stared out onto the dancefloor. "I'm his TA," he added defensively. Justin's hand snapped away at that and it felt like he even shifted his whole body away -- Joey couldn't even feel his warmth at his side anymore. "Yeah," he agreed. "He's my TA. We just happened to run into each other here, too, so don't hold him responsible for me hanging around." What the hell had he gone and said *that* for? JC looked just as surprised, but covered it fast, reaching out to ruffle Justin's curls. "And also a friend," he pointed out. Which Joey figured was unnecessary as well. "I see," Chris said, arching an eyebrow and exchanging another infuriatingly knowing look with JC. "JC didn't tell me you TA, Joey." Joey frowned and stubbornly continued to refuse to look at anyone at the table. "I'd be interested to know what he *did* tell you," he snarked. At least it was better than what he wanted to say, something more along the lines of how JC hadn't even told him that Chris *existed*. "Yeah, he's good," said Justin, and this time Joey caught his lips around the cigarette, sucking in the smoke, watched him blow it back out away from the table. "He knows his stuff. I probably wouldn't be getting by without him." Which was utter bullshit. Assuming he was talking about the class. "That's my Joey," said JC with a fond smile, and Joey wished he was anywhere but there, feeling unsettled as hell for at least two main reasons, and not knowing how to react to *any*thing. He needed to be alone for a while, to go for a drive or a run or something. Anything. The main thing being that he needed to be *alone*. He chugged the rest of his beer and didn't even care that JC and Justin both flinched when he slammed the mug down on the table -- although it *did* piss him off that Chris didn't bat an eyelash. "Thanks for the beer, man," he mumbled, and starting pushing JC's hip so he could get out from his side. He didn't want anything to do with Justin. Well, either of them, but JC would always be the lesser of two evils. JC got out reluctantly, and tried grabbing Joey's shirt but Joey ducked out of his way and shook his head. "You'll make it home all right?" said JC softly against Joey's neck, and this time Joey nodded. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," said Justin, sounding too sweet, and Joey made a vow to himself not to answer the phone the next day, convinced himself that he didn't want to hear from him. Only he did, but he had no idea how to deal with him yet. --- After three false starts, Justin picked up the phone again and dialed the number before he could back out again. This was a lot harder without a few beers in his system, not to mention knowing that Joey might not welcome his call. But he reminded himself of *every*thing that had happened the night before, the good as well as the bad, and forged ahead anyway. He knew that if he didn't push for this, if he didn't prove himself and try, nothing was ever going to happen. Joey might have wanted this, but he needed to be shown that he could have it. He had to let out a sigh of relief when he heard JC's exuberant hello, instead of Joey's ... whatever it would've been. But the respite was short-lived when JC didn't even wait to hear who was on the other line before screeching, and giggling, and obviously covering the phone with his hand so all Justin could hear was a muffled "Joey, you *fucker!*" before waiting in silence for thirty seconds. The next time, the "hello?" sounded more apologetic. "Is this a bad time?" asked Justin quietly, his confidence vanishing. But he couldn't very well just hang up the phone so he waited with a sinking heart for JC to tell him that Joey didn't ever want to talk to him again. Waited to hear something even worse that would ensure that he never tried for anything like this again. He should have started drinking before he called, no matter what time of day it was. "Oh!" he heard JC exclaim, obviously surprised to hear from him, after how much he *didn't* say in the bar, and in Chris's car, the night before. Another muffled curse, this one not quite as light-hearted. "Joey, get the fuck *off*," he muttered, then cleared his throat. "No way, hon," JC told him, in that sympthetic-but-not-patronizing tone he had. "Just gimme a sec." So Justin waited patiently until JC had presumably kicked Joey out of wherever he was, and seemed ready to devote his attention to him. "What's going on, kiddo? I was a little worried, about you, and Joey will *not* talk to me ... " "He didn't say anything?" asked Justin in a small voice, then sighed and flopped down on his back on his bad. "So he didn't tell you ... nevermind." If Joey hadn't told JC about the previous night, how they'd talked and kissed and everything, the he guessed there would be no point to *him* doing it. "I was actually calling for him. I was ... gonna ask him out. I thought he'd be expecting me to call, but ... I dunno. Maybe this was a bad idea after all." He tried not to let himself give in so easily, but Joey's reactions to him felt very different in the light of day. "Aww, hon," JC said immediately. "I'm sure he *is* expecting your call, if that's ... how you left things." Regardless of how confident JC was trying to sound, Justin knew he had as many doubts, given Joey's behavior that they *both* saw, as Justin did himself. "I can't tell you if it's a bad idea without knowing what happened, though, sweetheart. Did you ... *talk* about going out?" "Yeah, we did," said Justin, knowing how pathetic he must sound. "I told him I was gonna call today and get him to go to dinner with me. He told me he was gonna say no." He snorted. "I thought I could convince him. I'm such a loser." He sighed again and sat up. "I'm sorry to waste your time, JC. You guys should go back to whatever you were doing." "He told you *what*?" JC hissed, and then was quiet for so long that Justin wasn't even sure he was still on the phone. "I'll go get him for you, hon," he said eventually, in a little bit of a strangled voice. Which made Justin feel at least a *little* better, that obviously JC was as frustrated, or at least as confused, as Justin was. "Wait," said Justin quickly. "I don't wanna ... I'm not sure I'm gonna deal really well with being rejected right now, JC. Maybe I should just ... not call." But he stayed on the phone and waited anyway, because it was too late to back out now. "A lot happened last night," he added, though he was sure that much was already obvious. "Apparently," JC said slowly. "Have you talked to *anyone* about it yet, sweetie? I didn't want to push you on it, last night, because you seemed kind of ... unsettled ... " And plus, quite preoccupied with Chris, Justin recalled. "You know I'm your friend, too. At least this time, I get your side of the story first." He chuckled weakly. "Yeah, but you're Joey's friend more," Justin reminded him. "We just ... " He paused again, finding no easy way to describe just how the night had gone. Not even to himself. "No, I haven't talked to anyone about it yet," he said finally, which didn't answer anything. "It's complicated." "Then I'm glad you called," JC said firmly, and sounded so determined Justin figured if he didn't tell him something, he might have JC Chasez in the flesh at the door to his dormroom. "I'm excellent at complicated. How did my dear friend fuck himself over this time?" "He didn't," began Justin, in Joey's defense, but he discovered he couldn't back that up. "Okay, see here's the thing. I thought ... we were almost ... we were saying ... " He groaned and was back on the bed again. "I said I liked him and he said he liked me and we kissed for a while and ... okay yeah, that's the big part. But he won't ... why *won't* he? Why won't he try?" "He said he *liked* you?" JC crowed, and even though JC's enthusiasm was nice, Justin found himself wishing that he wouldn't keep getting stuck at the things that mattered *least* in everything Justin said. "Oh, Justin, you don't even *know* ... and you *kissed*?" JC practically sounded like he was bouncing on the sofa, or a a bed, or something. "Honey, that's *so* amazing. I didn't know if you'd have it in you. Either of you. ... Wow." "Yeah, it was definitely wow at the time," agreed Justin, remembering those kisses, and how they'd hardly been able to stop. Either of them. "But then ... I know he's had a rough time of it, JC. I know something fucked him up bad. And I thought maybe if I was persistent enough, if I didn't give up, it would be enough to convince him to try again. But that's not enough, is it?" His voice got small again. Uncertain. "Oh, no, baby, you *can't* give up," JC protested, and Justin wondered if only half of everything he was saying was being heard at that point. "You don't have any idea how far you've gotten with him -- you just have *no* clue. He told *me* he likes you, he told *you* he likes you -- but that's only the beginning. You know the day you saw him? In his office? He never came home that night, he was so upset about the fight you'd had the day before. He's *already* trying, no matter how much he tries to tell you, or me, or himself, that he isn't." "I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this," admitted Justin, though he was finding a renewed determination inside himself to somehow get through to Joey. No matter what it took. "I don't even know where it started, or how we got where we are, right now. Or how I ever fell for someone who might not be able to fall for me back." "That's my Joey," JC said, the same words as the night before, but with a much deeper meaning. Justin could tell he was concentrating carefully on how to respond. "I think," he said slowly, "that you're doing exactly what no one else can do. Joey's ... Joey's *so* stubborn, Justin, and he's made it this long alone because I'm not strong enough to make him do anything about it, and he thinks no one else will try. "Before I met you, I'd never seen anyone as independent, as self-sufficient as him. But you ... *you* have it in you to stick this out. I know you do. And I'm not afraid to tell you that I'm worried that if you decide *not* to do this, it's just going to confirm everything he fears. That he's not worth trying *for*." JC sighed. "Is he?" "I'm gonna try," said Justin, closing his eyes and trying not to think of the responsibility that had just been heaped on him. "I'm gonna give it everything I've got, JC. But what if that's not enough? It was like ... it was like Joey doesn't think he's worth it. Joey -- who has just *every*thing going for him -- is so sure he's gonna fuck this up that he's not even willing to try. *Why*, JC?" JC sighed heavily, and Justin almost regretted asking. "Hon, if I could tell you what I know, I would. I promise. But it's just ... *not* my place. Can you understand that?" It sounded like it was a lot harder for JC to keep it to himself this time, than other times Justin'd asked. "And I kinda thought ... I dunno. He said you guys talked about it a little. In his office?" "Yeah, that was ... kinda rhetorical," said Justin, but he certainly wouldn't have objected if JC *had* told him anything. It probably would have made things easier. But then again, it would be a lot more meaningful when -- if -- Joey told him, now. "Well ... I'm planning on asking him to dinner," he said decisively, though he didn't feel as confident as he was trying to sound. "What's my best bet?" JC chuckled, and Justin hoped it wasn't because he sounded naive, or anything like that. "You're so *cute*," he murmured, then cleared his throat. "Okay. Dinner. NOT Italian," he said quickly. "Unless you're prepared to weather a rant all evening about how even *he* can cook chicken parmegiana better than that, let alone his mama ... " He paused. "I'm really proud of you." "Don't be premature," said Justin, but he couldn't resist the little smile that crept up on his face, hearing JC say that. "Okay, not Italian, got it. And I totally can't afford to take him to a steak house, even though that would be so nice. And burgers are totally not classy ... " He sighed. "Lance always liked to order in. Pizza, or whatever. I'm totally out of my element here ... " "No, you're not," JC said firmly. "Now. Tell me what you need to hear, Justin. Do you want me to tell you his favorite restaurant? Or the places that *I* think are good for dates? 'Cause I gotta tell you ... I *really* just want to say that I think you should follow your gut on this. You guys have a special ... dynamic. And I'm not sure it's going to be a typical first date in any sense. Um ... unless that's what you're really trying for?" Justin shrugged, forgetting that JC couldn't see him. "I just want him to be comfortable," he said, "which is something that he isn't, usually, when he's anywhere near me. So I thought maybe ... you would know how to do that, is all." He rolled over, restlessly. "Then again, maybe comfortable isn't something we *should* be, just yet. Maybe we both need to be edgy to, you know, get things out." He chuckled. "And already I'm assuming he'll say yes. Which I think we both know that he won't." "Don't say that," JC sighed. "I mean, he may not, at first, but ... he may surprise both of us. It's not like he's been asked out on a date in, like, three years." Justin got the sense that JC was pacing around his room. "Comfortable, okay. Don't try to cook, then -- not like you have any place to do it. Or even a picnic. I think that would make him nervous. I would tell you to take him to his favorite Chinese place, the one we always go to, but ... " he snorted. "I'm not sure if he would interpret that as you trying to take my place, or something, and freak out. But I think you definitely need to go *out*. It'll be too easy for him to blow it off, or to leave, if you just order something in." He sighed. "I'm not really helping." "No," agreed Justin, but it was a good feeling just knowing that JC was on his side in this. That if Joey asked JC what he should do, JC would tell him to go out with him. "But thank you. For ... whatever. I think I know where I'm gonna take him now." Being the funky but unclassy sandwich bar near his dorm, which had the benefits of both having some booths with privacy, and being very, very non-threatening. "I think I'm ready to talk to him now. Maybe." The fact that Joey hadn't been asked out in so long haunted him, though. Made him wonder why *he* thought that Joey would accept when so many other people hadn't. JC laughed easily. "Okay, is that my cue? I'm being dismissed? Worn out my usefulness?" He kept chuckling. "You're so precious. Now. Am I supposed to tell him it's you? What about threatening to lock him out if he says no?" Justin smiled into the phone. "Just don't tell him it's his mother," he joked. "My Italian is rusty. Do *you* think I'm ready to talk to him?" For whatever reason -- insecurity, more than anything -- he wanted to hear JC tell him he was ready. JC, who knew Joey better than anyone else in the world. "I think you'll never have a better opportunity," JC said calmly. "Don't give him time to regroup from whatever you did to him last night, because ... well, don't tell him I told you this, but I heard him jerking off when I got home last night. When he's generally regular as clockwork and devotes his mornings to that." Justin flushed, remembering what he had been doing the previous night but not sharing *that* with JC. It was actually a little amusing that JC was *so* familiar with Joey's masturbation habits. "Okay," he said softly. "Can you get Joey for me, then? You can tell him it's me ... as long as you think he'll still answer the phone if you do." "Oh, he'll answer the phone, if he knows what's good for him," JC promised, and Justin could hear the grin in his voice. It really *did* help to know JC was pulling for him. "Hold on just a sec." Justin picked at his comforter while he sat, trying not to let the increasingly long wait affect his confidence, but then stubbornly reminding himself that Joey was probably doing it on purpose. If he could get Justin too scared to ask, then he wouldn't have to say no. Of course, that was the first thing he heard when Joey picked up, finally. "No, Justin." "You can't answer before I ask," he snapped without thinking, his whole body tightening up at the sound of Joey's voice, let alone what he was saying to him. "That's just rude." He could tell Joey was surprised by the grunt and the silence at the other end of the phone, but beyond that he didn't have a clue what Joey was thinking. "So ask," Joey said, after a minute. "I told you not to do this," he went on, quietly, and Justin had to wonder if JC was in the room with him, making sure Joey didn't hang up. "I don't care," said Justin stubbornly. "There's, um, this place near the dorms that I like. And I was hoping maybe you'd want to get something to eat there with me tonight?" That was totally not the right way to ask someone on a date, but it was what came out of his mouth when he tried so he had to go with it. Joey's silence after that was long, but at least it wasn't laughter. "You were hoping," he repeated quietly, and then didn't say anything before seemingly switching gears. As if Justin had never asked. "So I gather you made it home alright last night? JC and what's-his-name didn't permanantly scar you by doing naughty things in the car in front of you? Did they ask you to join?" Justin was about to respond when he heard a muffled "Hey!" in the background. Apparently JC *had* been listening. "Then get the fuck *out* of here, asshole," Joey hissed, and unlike JC, he didn't bother to cover the phone. "Yeah, I was hoping," said Justin instead, assuming the other comment hadn't even been meant for him in the first place. "I've been hoping since you left the bar yesterday. And I'm still hoping." He didn't need to point out to Joey how pathetic he was being this time; it was obvious. "So will you? Go out with me?" The silence wasn't just awkward this time, it was painful. And Justin had to hope that Joey could find something in his heart that would recognize just how much of a risk he was taking for him, just *how* much he had to care if he would admit *any* of that. As much as they'd fought, and as viciously, he had to admit Joey had never been *cold.* "You were mad at me, when I left," Joey pointed out, his voice strained. "Yeah, I kinda was," admitted Justin candidly. "We could have been sitting there cuddling each other and feeding each other bar pretzels or something silly and fun like that, but you were so busy being all pissy over JC's friend that we didn't. And then you were ... you know how you were treating me, I don't have to detail it for you." He sighed into the phone, feeling helpless. "But yeah, I still hoped you'd go out with me." "I wasn't being pissy over that guy," Joey protested, and Justin was left to wonder why he didn't bother to respond to his complaint about the way he'd acted like a shit to *him*. And why he wasn't just saying *no*, already, if that's what he was going to do. "And I don't *cuddle*. Ever. Um ... especially not with people that smoke." Justin sighed in frustration. "I was a little stressed out, okay? Jeez, can you maybe imagine why?" But that wasn't the point either, and he wasn't any better than Joey if he was going to take the easy way out like that. "So do you want me to pick you up, or should we meet there?" Not that Justin had anything to pick Joey up *in*, but he'd find something if it came down to it. But Joey seemed to have latched on to that; maybe both because it was something he'd been wanting to say, and because it meant he could avoid answering some more. "It's not okay. You shouldn't smoke. It's not going to make you *less* stressed out, or *less* nervous, and you're smart enough to know that. Is it just something you do to remind you of your boyfriend? Is that it?" "No," muttered Justin, clenching the blankets in his fist to try and keep his tension from coming out in his voice. "I don't do it to remember Lance, or to remember our breakup, I just ... it's habit. It's a nervous fucking habit, okay? And besides, you're smart enough not to do a *lot* of stuff that you do, but you do it anyway. So don't you dare use *that* ... " Justin realized he was starting to get confrontational and backed off. "It's not like I do it in front of you or anything," he said softly. "I'm sorry you caught me." "You did it *right* fucking in front of me," Joey pointed out. "You totally *flaunted* it. Look ... I may do stupid stuff, but nothing that fucks up my body. No drugs, nothing; condoms all the time, whatever. And smoking's ... jesus, Justin. If it hasn't been that long, it's not habit. And it's *not* cool, and it's *definitely* not sexy. And I can 'use that' as my excuse if I *want* to." "I never said it was cool. I said it was habit. So fucking lay off, would you?" But those were the knee-jerk responses that he was sure Joey was looking for. Because he *was* looking for excuses not to want him. Not to want to be with him. And Justin had just forged ahead without thinking and given him one. "The place I'm taking you tonight is non-smoking anyway," he added, unsure if it was too late. "So you don't have to worry about me 'flaunting' anything." "Great, so I can just worry about you getting up in the middle of dinner, leaving me alone, and going outside to light up?" Joey sniped back. "Thanks but no thanks." "You're gonna have to try a little harder than that if you want me to believe that's the reason you're not going," said Justin, his fist getting tighter, starting to wonder if this *was* worth it, to have Joey completely tearing him down every time they spoke. "I have manners, and I *know* you know that." "Yeah, you're a good little boy," Joey bit out, then didn't say anything for what seemed like forever, but Justin could hear him breathing. "So now you're assuming I'm not going, is that it?" His voice sounded defensive, and nervous, and Justin had to wonder if that wasn't the trick with him -- letting him run out of things to rail on. "No, you should go," said Justin, not willing to come this far and then give in, no matter how little Joey was making him feel. Because there was something in his voice that was suggesting that he didn't mean it, that he was scared and lashing out and trying to avoid having to make a scary change in his life, even if it was a really, really good one. "It's just dinner. It'll be fun. I'll tell you stories about how awful *my* ex-boyfriends have been." "Sounds like a laugh a minute," Joey muttered, and Justin realized that probably *wasn't* the best thing to bait him with, and waited nervously for him to speak up again. "Where is it? This place, or whatever." "It's just off campus," said Justin, moving his fingers restlessly against the blanket now. His hands and the back of his neck were sweaty and he didn't really remember being this nervous in a long time. "It's called Badass Jack's. You've probably been there, since, you know, you've been here a lot longer than me." And suddenly that place just seemed like a stupid, stupid idea, no matter how good it had seemed in the first place. "No, yeah, I've been there," Joey said, and those words came out so easily Justin *really* wasn't sure if anything he'd concluded about what was going on in Joey's head was right. "It's good." And that was it; nothing more, still no 'yes' or 'no' or *anything* to make this easier for Justin. "Yeah, it is," said Justin, flipping over onto his back on the bed again and hoping he hadn't grunted aloud into the phone. "So what time, then?" he pushed, gently he thought, trying to get his answer. "What time what?" Joey said, but for the first time he sounded like he was smiling, like he was holding back a little bit of laughter. Not that he'd been stringing along Justin intentionally, at all; just that maybe he'd actually realized how ridiculous this whole thing was, how unnecessarily stubborn he was being. "What time we're going to have dinner tonight!" said Justin with a frustrated sigh, accidentally banging his forehead against the phone instead of the bed like he'd intended. "Ow." And that was it, Joey started chuckling. "Okay," he said, a little breathlessly. "Okay, you annoying pest. You and me, dinner -- *just* dinner, at Badass Jack's. At, um. Is eight too late?" "Eight's fine," agreed Justin easily, ready to agree to just about *any*thing as soon as Joey said yes. "I need to get to the library for a while anyway, so that's good for me. Do you need me to ... I mean, should I be picking you up?" Joey laughed again. "I think the question actually should be whether I should be picking *you* up," he pointed out. "But ... I mean, unless you need me to, how about we just meet there? Since, um ... it's *just* dinner. And not ... something else. Right?" "Right," said Justin quietly, his heart sinking just a little. "I'll meet you there." Which set off a whole bunch of new worries, not the least of which was whether or not Joey was actually going to show up or not. "Eight o'clock. Don't be late." "*You* don't be late," Joey replied. "I know how you operate, and I bet I know exactly which stacks of the library to find you in if you are." He sat there for a moment, then surprised Justin with a quietly serious promise. "I'll be there. Don't worry." "Oh," said Justin softly. "Um ... thanks. I know you will." And he hoped he sounded more confident than he felt, even with that promise. "So, um, yeah. You'll have a good time." Joey was chuckling again when he said goodbye, and Justin had to figure that at least he was in a lot better position than when he'd picked up the phone to begin with. Even if he didn't have much of a clue about where that position was. "Wait," he said into the receiver, but it was too late. He'd wanted to talk to JC again, just for a minute, but now he'd have to call back to do that. And Joey seemed a lot more likely to be the one answering this time, which meant explaining why he wanted JC, which meant more embarassment than he was ready to deal with, not until he'd dealt with this last batch. He hung up his own phone and pressed his face into his pillow and tried to figure out just how to handle tonight. --- It was kind of a bastard thing to do, Joey figured, looking at his watch as he walked up to the door of the restaurant fifteen minutes early. But he was still upset with himself for giving in so easily, even if he had been morbidly curious about how the evening would turn out from the start, and so he was going to try to mess around with Justin's head -- just a little -- by showing up early ... to make himself feel better. So he was surprised, but maybe shouldn'tve been, that Justin was already there: sitting in one of the booths near the back, but facing the door so there was no way he could miss him. The raised eyebrows and not-quite-surreptitious-enough look at his watch was *almost* as good as being there when he arrived. But not quite. He straightened his shoulders and approached the table. "Hey," said Justin, closing the book that had been open in front of him and shoving it off to the side. "I ... um ... " He gestured at the book with a brief, guilty flush that Joey found more amusing than anything. But maybe also a little endearing. "I didn't want to lose track of time in the library. So ... sit down." "Thanks," Joey murmured. But before he did, he leaned over and pressed his lips softly to Justin's cheek -- feeling the flush that was already there, hoping it might make it spread. "What were you working on?" "History," murmured Justin and the flush did, indeed, spread though he was obviously trying to keep it hidden. "So nothing that I could come to you or JC with. It's just ... a lot of reading is all. I've been doing all right. I guess we can't all be geniuses at everything, right?" "JC has a minor in history, actually," Joey said casually, knowing that would throw Justin for a loop, smiling to himself at the way Justin indirectly called himself a genius and wondering if he even recognized it. Joey probably only had himself because he knew he did the same thing all the time. He picked up the menu and pretended to look at it, still stealing glances at Justin and how fucking *precious* he was when Joey could get to him. "Oh," said Justin with a sigh, glancing towards his book. "Great. I guess I'll have to take that back, then. Does he have a double major with modern dance, too? Or is that you?" Justin gave him a bit of a sheepish grin while Joey hid his own reaction behind the menu. "No," Joey chuckled. "I only have one major. But two minors. So you weren't too far off." He gave him a huge shit-eating grin before deciding to take it easy for a second. He really did want to see what Justin had in mind for the evening; didn't want to throw him off his game too much. It was just ... playing around made it easier to forget the implications of what he was doing. "You recommend anything here?" "I recommend *every*thing here," said Justin, not even looking at a menu. "Which I'm sure doesn't help you make up your mind. So, um, what are you minoring in, then?" He smiled nervously. "You know if you say modern dance i"m gonna have to laugh, right?" "If I said modern dance, I'd expect you to get up and leave, actually," Joey snorted. "No. One's math, actually; I wasn't sure if you knew that wasn't my major. The other's German. Jace and I studied abroad there last year. Um. I think I actually told you about that." Now Joey felt *himself* blush, remembering that it was in the context of figuring out how straight he *wasn't*. "You mentioned you went," said Justin, looking a little awkward though Joey wasn't sure quite why. Maybe he was remembering too, or maybe it was something else entirely. "You didn't say where or when. I, um, actually thought it would have been longer ago than that." "Nope," Joey said, knowing it wasn't anything to be embarrassed about; he'd gotten pretty far, only being with guys for less than a year. If *that's* what Justin was getting at. "Part of last summer, and then the fall semester. It was amazing." He laughed; and okay, maybe he was a *little* self-conscious. "We both gained, like, twenty pounds. Jace bothered to lose his." "I didn't think JC was capable of gaining weight," Justin admitted with a grin. "I'm seen him eat." He glanced down at his own body for half a second. "Everyone I know warned me about the freshman spread. I think it's starting." He shrugged and didn't seem overly concerned about it, though. "So how did you like Germany? I've never been to Europe at all but I always wanted to go. La--a friend of mine went and showed me pictures, though." "You wanna know why he drinks that pink shit all the time instead of beer, there's your answer," Joey smirked. "Anyway. I loved Germany. The weirdest thing was that I missed, like, lettuce. And normal MTV. But everything else was great." He paused, having forgotten for a second just how young Justin was, that he had plenty of opportunity to do the very same thing. "You should go abroad while you're in school," he said, a little more seriously. "It was an amazing experience. Helped me find out a lot about myself; helped me escape what I needed to escape. ... And you're allowed to talk about Lance, man," he added, and left it at that. "I do," said Justin, scrunching his nose. "I was just worried it would be really tacky to talk about my ex on our first date. So, um, yeah, Lance went to Europe. But not Germany. With his family, so of course I couldn't go with him. I don't think I can afford to study abroad, though. If it weren't for scholarships I probably wouldn't be in school at all. But hey, that's why they give scholarships in the first place, right?" He paused and looked at his hands for a minute and Joey hoped he wasn't feeling self-conscious about that. "So was JC the first guy you were with or something? When you were in Germany?" Joey could feel himself physically tensing up at that assumption. And was so sure Justin was well aware of how that *wasn't* a part of his relationship with JC that he had to wonder if Justin was trying to push his buttons. That, and Justin calling this a date, which it was not was not was NOT. "No," he said, a lot more patiently than he felt, very close to calling Justin a shithead for doing it. "I believe that JC has explained to you more than once that we don't do ... that. That we've *never* done that." He paused, and then decided to ask a serious question, since he had the opportunity. "Is it really that hard to understand?" "No, I don't know you don't *now*," said Justin, flushing with what Joey figured was embarassment. "I just thought ... maybe he was your first. When you guys were together over there." He bit his lip. "I'm sorry, okay? It just ... it kinda sounded like that. And it wasn't, like, and insult or anything ... was it?" "I should've been so lucky," Joey said wistfully, and shared a bit of a look with Justin -- enough that he knew they *both* knew how amazing JC would probably be as a lover. "No, I just ... I thought you were starting, again. You know. Giving me shit about him, or whatever?" He shrugged. "And what do you mean, it sounded like that?" "I dunno," said Justin awkwardly, and Joey was really starting to become aware of how sincere he was, tonight. "A bunch of things. They way you guys did that together. The fact that I know JC is gay and it was your first time with a guy when you were over there. The way you're just *so* close. They way he *would* have been a great first, and I thought maybe he would do that for you. It just kinda ... made sense is all. Do you need me to apologize again? Because I will. I didn't mean to start anything." "Hey, no, it's okay," Joey said quickly, reassuringly, before he could wonder where the need to reassure him came from. "I ... misinterpreted, okay? I know I'm way too quick to be defensive, when it comes to us, but that's because I've had to defend it for too long." They stopped talking for a minute when the waiter came and took their orders, and then Joey looked at Justin again. "He probably *would* have done that for me. No, I *know* he would've. But for a lot of the same reasons I couldn't let him. And for a lot of the reasons we don't let each other, now. So." Justin nodded, and Joey thought maybe he understood a little bit. Though there was just no way he could understand all of it, not yet. "So who was it, then?" asked Justin, obviously veering the conversation away from JC for the moment, for which Joey was grateful though he was sure it wouldn't last long. "Just some German guy?" Joey laughed, and blushed, and ducked his head. "Oh, just some guy," he mimicked breezily, and laughed again. He was flattered that Justin was showing this kind of interest -- couldn't help but be -- but it still felt weird. And laughing about it helped. "No, no. It was actually ... shit, you're going to think this is fucked up, but maybe it won't surprise you. Um. It was one of JC's exes, actually. That came to visit him while we were over there." He couldn't meet Justin's eyes, hoping he wouldn't automatically assume the worst about it. Justin chuckled softly, making Joey curious enough to glance back up at him. "Really? That's ... well, as long as JC was cool with it. It's always good, you know, when it's with a friend. Someone you trust." "It was his idea," Joey admitted, drinking gratefully from his glass once the waiter filled it with water. "JC's, I mean. And Patrick ... yeah, he seemed like a good enough guy. I didn't talk to him much. But I trusted JC." "Oh, so JC already knew you were into guys?" said Justin, tilting his head and looking genuinely curious. "Okay. Now it's just getting complicated. But at least it's pretty obvious that you liked it." Justin gave him a sly smile before sipping his own water to hide it. "And I'm very glad for that." Joey knew he didn't react quick enough to hide his surprise at the overt flirtation in *that* comment, but he hoped he recovered well enough by rolling his eyes. "It was good," he agreed evenly, even though that was definitely, *definitely* an understatement, which he was sure Justin was well aware of. "And duh, JC already knew I was in to guys. Did you go out and fuck someone the first day you figured out *you* were gay?" Justin flushed and looked away. "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm just gonna, um, sip my water now, okay? 'Cause I can't seem to say *any*thing right, tonight. Or ever." Joey sighed, knowing he'd touched on that subject that JC had told him he wasn't supposed to tease Justin about, but frustrated all the same at how Justin didn't seem to stick *up* fo himself anymore. "Don't be so sensitive," he admonished, trying to be gentle with it. "I was answering your questions, wasn't I? Should I go?" "No, no, don't go," said Justin quickly, putting his water down. "Look, I'm really, really trying not to start up our shit tonight because we're both better than that. And I'm not stupid. I know how easy it would be ... for both of us." He reached out for Joey and touched his hand, just briefly, but enough to startle him. "I'm just being curious. For real. Okay? I *want* to know you." "Okay!" Joey exclaimed in response, confused about why Justin was insisting he wanted to know things, but as soon as Joey actually told him something, he'd shut up. Or look away. Or make some self-depricating comment. But then had the guts to reach out for him thirty seconds later. "I was trying to *let* you," he insisted, and yes, that *was* a shock. "Am I not supposed to be honest, though?" "Yeah, yeah you are," he said, nodding his head. "Sorry. I just I'm just ... still expecting the worst. Wanna try this again?" Which made Joey cringe, but agree at the same time. "I *was* trying," Joey mumbled, feeling surly that neither one of them seemed to be much in control of what they were doing right then. "If you can't talk to me about it, don't bring it up, okay?" "I *can*," insisted Justin. "I know you're trying. I know we both are. We just need to ... try a little more. I'm willing to talk about anything, okay? That just doesn't mean it's going to be easy." He reached out for Joey again, hesitantly, and Joey could actually see his hand trembling, but Justin went for it anyway. "Sometimes the good stuff isn't easy. And I know that sounds trite, but it's true." "Whatever," muttered Joey, looking away. But he left his hand on the table; if Justin wanted to touch it, he wouldn't pull away. "I just don't get when you get so bent out of shape whenever we talk about sex. Like why you freaked out when I said that, about fucking someone the day you found out you were gay? It was kind of a *joke*, Justin." "I didn't freak out," said Justin, and his hand rested on the table a short distance from Joey's, but they didn't touch. "I just backed off. Joey ... don't pretend you don't know that's a touchy subject between us, okay? I didn't think you *had* fucked someone the day you figured out you were ... whatever. Bi. Okay? I just didn't know you'd talked about it. A lot of people don't. I didn't." "What do you mean?" Joey asked, feeling his brow furrow. "Like, tell someone your intentions? Cause I kinda didn't do that either, you know. It's just ... when you're dancing with some guy in a club and start letting him kiss you in front of your best friend, your best friend is going to ask you about it. You can't mean you didn't talk to *anyone* about being gay before you had sex ... " Justin shook his head. "Thought about it a lot, but never talked about it, until I was with someone. And even then ... my first time wasn't exactly all about the talking." He looked at Joey and seemed to be reading his expression; the only thing Joey was sure was on his face right then was surprise. "It was awful," Justin confessed with a sigh a moment later. "That's why I don't have sex outside a relationship. Why I haven't since then. I don't want it to ever be like *that* again." "Shit, kid," Joey murmured, reaching his hand over to slip under Justin's fingers. He knew how ... unnerved he'd been, his first time in Germany, and he was 20 and fucking knew how to take care of himself. Justin'd probably been ... what, no older than 16? if that? and maybe'd never been with a girl either? He sighed and felt fucking *awful* for every single virgin crack he'd made. "Were you hurt?" he asked, then blushed and looked into his lap. "No, forget that. It's none of my business, and I don't even really deserve to know." "Not physically," said Justin, which told Joey just about all he needed to know. "I've had boyfriends since then," he added, obviously trying to sound dismissive. "I'm over it. I only told you that so you'd know that I wasn't just, you know, jumping to conclusions about you. That it was just ... what I knew." "What do you mean, jumping to conclusions?" Joey asked, honestly confused. "You mean ... you think I do that to people? What this guy did to you? Is *that* what you mean?" Joey wasn't sure it was, but it seemed likely enough that he had to ask. "No, no!" said Justin quickly. "I just meant ... that you might have done something without talking about it first. That you might have just jumped in right away. That's *all*. I don't think you're like that to people. I wouldn't be here right now if I did." Which was a relief of sorts, even though it didn't answer everything. "Oh," Joey said, nodding. "I get it. But ... yeah, no. I mean, maybe I *wouldn'tve*, if JC hadn't made me. But I definitely don't think I would've tried it without knowing what to expect." That more than anything impressed Joey about Justin. Or made him sad, that he *hadn't* had a JC to turn to. "Why didn't you wait for someone, um, special?" he asked awkwardly. "Or was that the problem?" "I learned that lesson," said Justin quietly, looking away for a moment. Joey had to resist the urge to catch his chin and make him look up again. "Do you really want to hear this story, or am I just being a downer, here?" "I'm a surprisingly good listener," Joey promised. And it didn't hurt that this way, *he* wasn't the one that had to do all the opening up. Since he still wasn't assured of his ability to share anything else with Justin without it just being misinterpreted again. "If you won't take this the wrong way, I'll tell you that I'm really interested to know why you are the way you are." Justin nodded without cracking a smile, but he did look up again. "I was sixteen," he said after a moment, "and all my friends were at least dating, if not having sex already. And I ... wasn't. Because I wasn't interested in girls, and that's not the kind of thing that you let get around when you're in high school. So we were at this party -- my friend's older sister was throwing it -- and this guy came on to me and he was cute and I just ... went for it. I just wanted to know what it was like, you know?" "I can't really understand what that's like," Joey had to admit, feeling guilty almost for his relatively angst-free adolescence. "But ... I dunno. If you just wanted to see what it was like, then ... why were you hurt by him leaving? Or was it more about your first time, and him maybe not respecting that?" He tugged on Justin's fingers a little. "Did you tell him that part, kid?" Justin paused and bit his lip and Joey guessed that there was more to the story than he'd said. "Well ... " said Justin after a moment, still hesitating. Joey was about to tell him he didn't have to talk about it when he finally went on. "When the guy gets up afterwards and tells you to get a little more practice giving blowjobs before wasting his time again and shoves you off the bed ... I think that's a little worse than just leaving. Especially the part about 'fucking useless virgins' he added on his way out." Joey cringed, just felt every muscle and cell and nerve in his body freeze and recoil. He was a fucking awful, awful, heartless bastard who had no real clue how wrong he'd been when he told JC that what Justin'd said to him in the heat of the moment was worse than what he'd said in reply. Before stopping to think about it, he glanced quickly around the restaurant and then slipped around the table, sliding into the booth next to Justin, pushing him over with his hips. Silencing his protest with a wet, gentle kiss, then putting an acceptable amount of space between them. "How can you stand to look at me?" he asked, not at all surpised at how raw his voice sounded. Justin blinked at him a few times, looking absolutely astonished. "You didn't know," he said, a moment later, sounding so innocent it was almost heartbreaking. "Just ... just like I didn't -- don't -- know. About you. It's okay, Joey. Honest." But he didn't look like he was okay, not entirely. "You're too fucking precious for words," Joey murmured under his breath, and leaned in again to kiss him ... just not caring at *all* about them being in public. He didn't have any way to make this up to him, didn't have any way to bring back the Justin that hadn't been worrying about this fifteen minutes earlier, except for being the affection guy that Justin seemed to want him to be, if only for as long as it took to make everything better. And he refused to stop and think about what else it meant, or whether it was leading him on. Justin laughed, and it actually sounded happy. Joey shoudn't have been so surprised, since it was what he was trying for, but he was. "Really. I'm okay. It's not a *pleasant* memory or anything, but I'm okay with it. Having a boyfriend after -- someone who loved me and -- " He laughed again. " -- someone who was patient with me while I learned to suck him properly, that really helped." "You know, I wonder if I'm bad," Joey mumbled, scooting closer again and nuzzling Justin's neck, pressing him up against the wall of the booth and trying not to like the way it made Justin giggle more. "At that, at blowjobs. No one's ever told me, but what if I suck? How did you know if you were doing it properly?" This distraction stuff was a godsend; they really were better when avoiding the serious topics. "He told me," murmured Justin, sounding perfectly content for that moment. "He told me what he liked, and we practiced. Um, a lot." Justin chuckled again and Joey liked the sound of it. "And he moaned and grabbed at me and came pretty hard. Those were all pretty obvious clues too. Oh wow ... how did we end up talking about blowjobs, anyway?" "You started it," Joey pointed out, nudging Justin's chin up with his nose and kissing his throat, happy to sit there and be playful and hopefully at least a little bit sexy until the waiter appeared with their food and a not-subtle clearing of his throat. Joey wiped his mouth slowly and slipped out of Justin's side of the booth, knowing that the trick to pulling off stuff like that was to never, ever look apologetic. Something Justin hadn't seemed to have mastered yet, since he was bright red. He just *had* to throw in an extra wink at that. "Yeah, but I didn't start it in a sexy way," protested Justin, looking down at his food and playing with it. But Joey was easily able to catch the tiny smile that was still pasted on his face. "How is wondering whether I don't do it right talking about it in a sexy way?" Joey murmured, dipping his fries in some ketchup. He wasn't *really* asking that; he knew he was fine at it, but it was still fun to hear Justin being a little racier in what he was saying for once. "Well, *because*," said Justin, picking at his salad. "You made me go and picture you doing it. And you made me tell you about *me* doing it. I'm sure you did." He looked up again and grinned at Joey sheepishly, obviously knowing that wasn't quite how the conversation had gone. "I'm pretty sure you do it right, anyway. You're *Joey*." Joey had to grin at that, even though he wasn't quite sure what it meant, exactly. "You better explain that," he said, giving Justin one of his most intense stares. "Or I'm just going to sit here the rest of the evening and picture *you* doing it." Justin flushed, just as Joey had intended, and glanced away again. "You're, like, all about sex. And I'm really, really sure you've never had any complaints. So, um, it's not some big leap to make that you're pretty good at giving blowjobs. That's all." He picked at his salad again, hardly eating. "Do you have any clue how embarassed I am now?" "You shouldn't be," Joey replied casually, then reached across the table to touch Justin's cheek, turning him to face him again. "I'm all about sex?" he prompted. "I thought you thought that was a bad thing." "No, i didn't mean it that way!" said Justin, starting to get flustered, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Joey smiled broadly when he figured Justin wasn't watching. "I meant that, um, you're experienced. And you seem to like it a lot. And enthusiasm's, like, half the battle." "Ahh," sighed Joey, leaning back in the booth, arching an eyebrow. "And here I thought you were sitting over there being all weird around me earlier because I was *less* experienced than you maybe thought. Am I wrong?" Justin shook his head, and stuffed his mouth full of food so he didn't have so say anything else just yet. It was so obvious what he was doing that Joey almost laughed, but stopped himself in time and just watched him stuff his face for a minute. "You're not wrong," said Justin finally when Joey hadn't said anything and he'd swallowed his mouthful. "I just meant ... in general. Not just with guys." "Yeah, but blowjobs are pretty much limited to guys, in my ... experience," Joey pointed out, *knowing* he wasn't making this easy on Justin. "So while you may be right ... I *haven't* gotten any complaints ... that doesn't mean I couldn't use some more practice. And, I mean, it's not like it's a *chore* ... " Justin bit his lip and stared at his plate and refused to lift his eyes. "I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding a willing volunteer to practice your blowjob technique on," he murmured right before stuffing his mouth full again. But Joey just watched him with twinkling eyes again until he looked up and swallowed nervously. "You should probably find someone who's willing to tell you what he *really* thinks, though," he added, his voice a little stronger. "To be sure you're getting it right." "I *know*," Joey pretended to pout, enjoying this immensely, wondering how far he could push it. "But JC's stubborn, and won't let me anywhere near him. And the last few guys ... all they cared about was my ass." He sighed tragically. "Where will I *ever* find a guy that'll do that?" "JO-ey," said Justin, licking his lips and trying very hard to keep his head up this time. About time, too -- Joey didn't think Justin should have any reason to be embarassed over sex, though it was somewhat adorable to him that he did. There was a long pause while their eyes met, and neither of them backed down. "Well, I can understand that," said Justin finally, his voice going back to conversational though there as a bit of nervous tightness to it. "After all, you have a hell of an ass." "As do you, kid," Joey replied, then ate some of his own sandwich to shut himself up. If he was the one that wanted this to *not* be a date, and if he wanted to *not* lead Justin on, then he needed to nip this line of conversation in the bud, and quickly. Justin grinned at him, though, and Joey suspected that maybe it was too late. "So you were telling me about you and JC and Germany," said Justin after a moment, surprising Joey by choosing to change the subject before he could. "It's weird that you hooked up with an ex of JC's. I mean, not *weird* like bad weird, just weird because ... JC doesn't seem to date much, you know?" "Mmm," Joey agreed wordlessly, wondering how much of *that* to get into as well. "He used to. He's probably, like, a combination of you and me?" he squinted. "Like, somewhere in between. And I dunno. We love each other a lot, but sometimes I worry that my being around isn't good for him. Like ... I don't want anyone else, because I have him, and the people I fuck? And maybe that's kind of happening to him, too." "Oh," said Justin, looking like he maybe half-understood, but didn't want to have to ask Joey to explain. "Well, he chooses to be around you, you know? So he knows what he's getting into. So if you're feeling guilty or something, um, don't." He moved the remains of his salad around his plate, and hadn't touched his sandwich. "Well ... thanks," Joey said awkwardly, wondering why even the change of subject wasn't helping Justin's appetite. "I'm trying. But it kinda ... I dunno, can I talk to you about something?" He had *no* idea what was making him open up to *Justin* of all people, about this, but since the only other person he ever talked to was JC ... "It makes me feel bad, that he felt like he couldn't tell me about that guy. Chris. Like ... I had *no* idea he was seeing someone, or whatever. And that's bad." "Well, he's *not*," said Justin, looking up. "Seeing him, I mean. He says they're just friends that run into each other all the time." Justin looked surprised that Joey hadn't know that, which in turn made Joey frown. "I guess you and me, we've had this little drama going on lately ... maybe we forgot to pay attention to what was going on in JC's life?" "What 'we'?" Joey snapped, pissed at himself for bringing it up; not wanting to hear what was *really* going on, second-hand, from *Justin* ... just wanting a sympathetic ear. "And he's doing *something* with him. They're more than friends, or they will be, or they want to be. I *know* him. And that's why I brought it up." He stabbed at his sandwich with a fork. "And whatever this is, it's not a *drama*, either. It's not anything." "It's not nothing, either," said Justin softly. "Between us, I mean. So do you think it's a bad thing, that JC might become more than friends with thie Chris guy? Or is it, um, just that you didn't know about it?" "I thought that's what I said. I hope he *does* do something with this guy," Joey muttered, hating that it sounded way more selfish coming out of Justin's mouth. "Forget it; I'm sorry I brought it up." "No, no, let's not forget it," said Justin, reaching out for Joey's hand again. "You wanted to talk about it. There's no reason to *not* talk about it now, right?" Joey wasn't really looking forward to explaining to Justin just why he was so agitated though. Joey yanked his hand away. "Stop," he said quietly. "I *don't* want to talk about it any more; I changed my mind. You don't understand anyway. You couldn't understand. So just ... let's just finish dinner." He knew he was being a moody jerk, but it was too late to do anything about it. Justin backed off, looking wounded, but Joey couldn't bring himself to feel too bad about it. "Are you enjoying your dinner?" he asked, his voice flat, his eyes not meeting Joey's, not even for a moment. "It looked good." "I bet yours probably would be, too, if you bothered to eat it," Joey pointed out, taking another swallow of his beer and wondering how much more of this it would take to get Justin to leave. He'd shown a little bit of vulnerability, and Justin just seemed to trivialize it. And now he had a headache and every bit of his good humor from earlier was fading fast, and he just wanted to be alone. Again. "I'm eating," said Justin, frowing at him and taking a bite of his sandwich, finally. "Jeez, Joey, did it even occur to you for two seconds to not be mean about that? That maybe I'm just a little nervous about our date?" He sighed and took another bite. "It's not a fucking *date*," Joey hissed, ignoring the way Justin just blinked at that. "Look, I've tried to be nice about this. I told you over and over I didn't want to do it, and I only came because ... well, JC was right. I *don't* have that many people I talk to, and you seem smart, and so I thought we could be friends. But that's *never* going to happen if you can't get it into your head that I'm not letting anything *else* happen, okay? Can you *get* that?" "You're right," said Justin, pushing his plate away entirely. "I *am* smart. Smart enough to know that you don't always say what you mean and you don't always mean what you say. I *know* you like me. You told me so, Joey, and even if *you've* forgotten that, I haven't. And you also told me that you don't want to hurt me, the way you were hurt. So why don't you fucking start trying, huh? Because it's getting really hard to stick it out here and put up with this, when you're treating me like crap. "And don't you *dare* say that 'nobody asked me to be here'. I'm not stupid. I know that. I know that it's my choice to be here, okay? But that doesn't give you the right to be an ass." "Are you even listening to yourself?" Joey sneered, part of him relaxing as things seemed to be going back to what he would probably always consider "normal" between them, even as he tensed up reflexively. "You're sitting there, basically calling me a liar, at the very least telling me that I tend to not be totally honest? And then you're basing the way you're going into this, the way you want to be with me, on a couple comments I made? That ... by your own admission ... it's more than likely I didn't mean in the first place? That's pretty pathetic." "I'm not pathetic," said Justin quietly, his face getting pale. But to his credit he didn't get up and he didn't leave. "And I didn't say any of those things. You're only hearing what you want to, and you know it." "No, *you're* only hearing what *you* want to," Joey argued. "And that's my point. And plus ... you *did* say that shit. How *else* can I interpret 'you don't say what you mean, and don't mean what you say'? And jesus, kid, how much more of this *are* you going to take?" "As much as it takes to convince you that I'm not going anywhere," said Justin seriously, lifting his eyes up to meet Joey's again. His skin was still pale but his expression was confident and determined. "You say things that you don't mean because you think you're protecting people, and you don't say a lot of what you're thinking because you're scared. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult my intelligence by denying that." "I'm not denying it," Joey replied, and this time *he* looked away. Wishing they were back at the point where Justin was saying Joey was making it hard for him to put up with it. "I'm just saying that if I do that, why the hell are you putting so much stock into what I *do* tell you? What makes you think you should believe any of it?" "I believed all of it, at first," said Justin, trying to catch Joey's eye again but Joey deliberately avoided him. "Then I learned. Maybe I just think that I'm starting to be able to read you a little bitter. To know when you mean it and when you don't. I'm not perfect yet ... but I'm getting there." "This is so stupid," Joey muttered, throwing his napkin on the table, and then reaching for his wallet. "I don't need you sitting there, trying to read my mind. I just wanted you to *listen*, about Jace, not to make me feel like a shithole about it." He was too upset and frustrated to care that once again, he was telling the truth about something he hadn't wanted to admit to Justin. "But somehow, since *every* *fucking* *time* we see each other, we have to talk about ... us ... " He shook his head and threw some money on the table, next to his napkin. "Thanks for meeting me." "Yeah, it is stupid," said Justin, shaking his head and not getting up, meaning that if Joey cared at all what he was saying he couldn't go anywhere either. "You want to know why it's stupid? Because I said I'd listen, and you said to forget about it. Maybe I did say the wrong thing, okay? I told you, I'm not *perfect*. But you're the one that keeps giving up. Are you trying to tell me I'm not worth the trouble?" It would have been so, so easy for Joey to say yes, and probably would have been all it took to get Justin to leave him alone, finally. But as much as Justin was insisting he didn't mean the stuff he said sometimes, he really *didn't* like to lie. "Something like that," he said instead, quite intent on leaving himself. Hoping to go home, get JC to comfort him some ... now that he had to talk to him again since he could honestly say he went to dinner with Justin. And gave it more of a shot than he expected to. "Is that enough money?" "Pick up your money," said Justin sadly. "I asked you out, the least I can do is pay. Even though it may not have been a fucking*date*, to you." He finally got up and pulled his own wallet out, fishing out enough money to cover their meal. Which was just about all he had. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, staring at the table after putting his wallet away and resting the fingertips of one hand against it. "For whatever I did, I'm sorry. I wanted this to be a good night, for us." Joey slumped against the side of the booth, and stared at all the pictures framed on the wall, trying to figure out what to do. What he really *wanted*. Which was two things: to make Justin stop looking so hurt, and to walk out of that restaurant and never think about him again. The problem was that he couldn't figure out any way in hell to do both. "It's not you, baby," he sighed, seeing Justin start out of the corner of his eye when he called him that. "I'm just so not ready for this. But don't let that get you down. If it had been anyone else ... " he swallowed. "It would've been a wonderful date." Justin paused and for a moment Joey was worried he wasn't going to say *any*thing, then he turned to face him and straightened the loose collar of Joey's shirt. "I think we both need to stop stressing about this a little," he said softly. "I'm going to fast, and ... well, that's about it. I'm going too fast. Come for a walk with me, okay? Just ... because. We don't have to talk about anything, I promise." Joey blinked a little, taken by surprise by the offer, not really having any reason to say no. Since as much as he was really fucking scared of doing this ... he still *wanted* it. And everybody involved knew it. "Let me pay for this," he said eventually. "Okay? To make up for being rude? And then ... you can get us ice cream. Um. After our walk." Justin suddenly smiled, broadly and without any reservations, and for a moment Joey wondered why he ever wanted to do without that smile. "I can live with that," he said, putting his money away and stealing one of the last fries off Joey's plate, popping it in his mouth. He didn't stop smiling once. --- Joey looked really deep in thought as they walked down the tree-lined sidewalk just outside campus, but Justin figured that was better than the looks of fury mixed with condescension he'd had to deal with up to that point. *Anything* was better than that. "You're not cold, are you?" Joey asked, and even though the words were soft, they still startled him. "No ... I'm good ... " he said hesitantly, trying not to be awkward even though he had ever *right* to be awkward around him now. It wouldn't help anything. "It's a pretty night night." Joey didn't say anything, so Justin just kept on walking with him, wondering if there was something more he should be doing, something else he should be trying. Joey brushed up next to him anyway, and Justin shivered a little -- oddly -- at the heat that just seemed to surround him. "I *am* sorry," he murmured, squinting down the street. "For, like, yelling at you in the middle of dinner. Um ... can you quit with the silent treatment, now?" Joey brushed up next to him anyway, and Justin shivered a little -- oddly -- at the heat that just seemed to surround him. "I *am* sorry," he murmured, squinting down the street. "For, like, yelling at you in the middle of dinner. Um ... can you quit with the silent treatment, now?" Justin looked at him, startled. "But I thought you wanted ... I mean, okay. I wasn't doing it on purpose." He gave Joey a tentative smile and brushed up closer to him too, bravely, knowing what could happen if he crossed a line that Joey wasn't ready to cross. "I told you we didn't have to talk, and ... I thought maybe you were taking me up on that." "Well ... we don't have to *talk*. But I thought we'd at least talk." Joey smiled a little; Justin could see it, even though Joey was watching the ground carefully and not looking at him. "Tell me about ... mmm, your scholarships. Did a lot of people from your high school go to college?" "Some," said Justin, watching Joey more than the sidewalk. They were both walking so that they'd be as close together as they could, brushing arms with every other step, without seeming like they were together. "Not a lot went out of state, though. Just me and a couple of my friends. It wasn't such a big school, though." Joey nodded, more subdued than Justin'd seen him, noticing him looking everywhere but back at him. "That's great; good for you. It's going to be worth it. Jace is already getting job offers; he's having to choose between that and grad school. That's gonna be you in three years, you know?" "I'm pretty sure JC's not the only one getting job offers," said Justin speculatively, giving Joey a sidelong look now and staring at their feet. He reached out deliberately and touched Joey's arm, more an invitation than anything. "Three years seems like a long time right now." Taking a deep, obvious breath, Joey seemed to force himself not to pull away. "Yeah ... " he murmured. "It'll fly by, though, you know?" He bit his lip, and Justin couldn't make himself stop looking at his mouth. "Or ... is that not what you meant? I wasn't trying to give you shit about your age ... " He almost started to sound a little panicked at that, and Justin had to be relieved that he had "overcompensating" Joey on his hands right then. "I know," said Justin, touching him again, fleetingly. "But the fact that I *am* a freshman is pretty inescapable. It's okay. You know I haven't picked my major yet, right?" From the look on Joey's face, though, he hadn't known. Though even this early in his college career it was pretty obvious what it was going to be. "You need to stop hanging around with old farts like me and C," Joey said, shaking his head. And for once Justin was actually worried about the age gap betweenm them; what it might mean for anything they tried. "Get Brit to take you out to a drink-or-drown, do whatever else freshman do. Start going to frat parties, if you think you're going to rush, maybe. Just ... *enjoy* it, Justin. You can like studying, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your time doing stuff that ... makes you unhappy." "I can make my own choices, Joey," he said quietly, seriously, not wanting his response to this to be hasty or flip. "Of course I'm going to do some of that stuff -- you've *met* Britney, you know how persuasive she can be. But as for other stuff? As for, say, maybe, being here right now, with you? I'm pretty happy with the choice I've made." Joey paused, a little, but Justin barely had time to stop himself before he started walking again. "I don't want to get into this, right now," he said awkwardly, "because it always leads to a fight, and you promised we didn't have to talk. But I don't understand why you keep doing this to yourself. Or how you can say, with a straight face, that it makes you happy." "I can't answer that without getting into it," said Justin apologetically, shaking his head and looking away for a moment. There were a lot of things tied up in it that he didn't think Joey wanted to hear. Or was ready to hear. "But there *is* an answer. And maybe some other time ... you'll want me to tell you?" "There wasn't a question," Joey pointed out, with that secret little smile again. Justin just wished he'd *look* at him already. "But maybe some other time you'll want me to ask one?" "Yeah," said Justin with a matching smile as they continued to walk, and for a long moment their shoes hitting the sidewalk was the only sound. "Any time, Joey," he added, and it wasn't just to break the silence. "It *is* a nice night," Joey said softly, randomly, tilting his head back and looking up at the streetlights. "We should've eaten outside. There's this place -- that little Mexican place, with the deck and the heatlamps, you been there yet? -- it's good. You should try it some time." He shoved his hands in his pockets, and their arms didn't touch any more. "Maybe we can go there next time," said Justin, but he didn't push it futher than that. Things were pretty comfortable as they were, though he missed Joey's arm the moment he moved away. "I'm glad we went for a walk, though. I wouldn't have wanted us to miss this night." That finally made Joey stop, and turn to look out at the street a little. "Justin, what are you *doing*?" he asked quietly. "I'm not ... This *can't* be how you want this to be. And I know I said I didn't want to talk about it, but this ... I mean, not knowing what you're thinking, what you're thinking *about*... it's driving me crazy, already, and ... " he snorted. "It's not like I'm the most patient person in the world." "It's not how I want it to be," said Justin, "but it's a start." He bit his lip a little too hard as he looked at Joey, watching how he moved, how he stood, how he had trouble looking at him. "I'll talk about this," he said finally, "but I don't want to fight. And I don't want you to tell me to give up because I won't. I know what I"m doing." "You do?" Joey's laugh was hollow. "That's ... good, because I have no clue." He wrapped his arms around himself, but there was no way he was *cold*. Not when he'd seemed so warm next to Justin. "So tell me. I can promise I won't tell you to give up -- not in those words at least -- and I won't pick a fight. I'll listen. Is that good enough?" Justin nodded, but he had no idea where to start now that the opportunity was open to him. "Look, I ... I know things were pretty fucking crazy between us at first. And we both messed up, like, a *lot* and said some shit that we shouldn't have said. But there ... there was never a time when I thought I'd be happier if I never saw you again." He chuckled. "Which, really, should have been my first clue. I can't get you out of my mind, Joey, and I don't want to." It was barely the start of everything Justin probably needed to say to make Joey understand, but at least it *was* a start. "Okay," Joey nodded, and Justin was at least a little surprised at how calmly he took that, which made him wonder if maybe he wasn't feeling the same thing. "Okay, that's ... fair. It means we're both really, really masochistic, I think, but ... I can get that part." He smiled and met Justin's eyes for an all-too-brief second. "Are you *sure* it's not that my personality's just that grating? Or you're spending all that time trying to come up with good insults?" Justin poked him playfully, hoping in the back of his mind that there wasn't a line *there*, too. "I'm totally fucking crazy about you, you moron. Geez, I thought you were supposed to be a smart one. And," he went on, before Joey could even react to that, "I know more about you than anyone but JC, I think. I know that you're not ready to deal with that at *all* yet. But I'm pretty sure you like me back, and that if I just hang in there ... you'll let me know it. I know that probably makes me sound kind pathetic, but I'm not. I think you're worth it." Joey was just staring at Justin by the time he'd finished, and Justin had to offer a weak smile to him, because he just had *no* clue how he was going to react. "Did JC tell you to say all that?" he asked eventually, clearing his throat a few times before words could come out. "The part about the ... and with, um. All that stuff?" Justin's face fell a little, but he reminded himself of what JC *had* said to him, Which was to be strong. "Believe it or not, I came up with that all on my own," he said after a moment, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to be doing right then. Wishing that it was safe just to go with his instincts and hold him or kiss him or even just *touch* him. At least that seemed like the right answer, because Joey smiled. "Yeah, it didn't ... sound like him. Just checking." He turned a little, like he was going to start walking again. "Don't listen to him for advice," he went on, in an infuriatingly casual tone. "For how to, um. Sweet talk me, or whatever. He sucks at it, and doesn't even know it. And I'm usually immune anyway." Justin grinned, more at the relaxed way that Joey was talking than at what he was actually saying. It was head and shoulders above the uneasy tension there'd been earlier, at least, even though Justin might have wished that Joey was being a little more ... responsive. "There's only one piece of JC's advice that I really took to heart," he confessed. "Besides the thing about not taking you out for Italian." Joey laughed. "See? He has the techniques of what *not* to do down, at least." He grinned back. "Do I get to hear what he *did* say, that made an impression? Or that you think might ... make a difference?" Justin smiled softly, thinking about it. "You're right about him having the 'not' thing down," he admitted, fidgeting and watching Joey's reaction from beneath his lashes. "He told me not to give up." "Ahh," Joey nodded, looking away, the smile fading. "Does he think he's helping me, I wonder?" he muttered, then looked back at Justin. "Do you think he's helping *you*, by telling you that?" "Jesus, Joey," said Justin with a sigh. "Can you just let me be nice to you, tonight? Can you believe that I really want to be with you, with or without JC's advice? What ... what are you so afraid of?" "Come here," Joey said quietly, reaching out for the edge of Justin's jacket, pulling him close. "You *are* bring nice, and I can admit I don't deserve it -- not tonight, at least." He bit his lip and brushed a thumb over Justin's eyebrow. "Tell me something -- one thing, don't be greedy -- I can do to be nice, back. I don't want you to hate me, even though I want you to leave me alone." "You can finish our date," said Justin, deliberately using the word though he wasn't trying to be provocative. It *was* a date, no matter what Joey wanted to call it, he was sure of it. "A walk, and ice cream. Which I'll buy. And maybe a kiss, too. That's it." He didn't think it was asking for much, but was worried that to Joey it would seem monumental. "Well, here," Joey said softly. "At least let me get the easy part out of the way." He cupped Justin's face and brought their mouths together slowly. Sucking on Justin's lips, teasing with his tongue, sighing when he pulled back. "That was for saying ... what you said," he mumbled, and let go of him. "Um. Earlier." "You don't have to have a reason to kiss me," Justin told him, his eyes closing for a moment as he savored the kiss. Joey's hands ligered near him, and Justin wished that he would just touch him again. "I'm not going to hurt you, Joey. I wish it was easier for you to believe that." Joey nodded, and reached out hesitantly with blunt fingers to touch Justin's lips. "For myself, I have to have a reason," he said quietly. "Otherwise ... " He left it out there, and Justin really wished he knew what he would have said. "Well. No one's ever said that to me before; about being, um. Crazy for me? It needed some kind of ... punctuation." "I am," said Justin, braving a smile again. "Does that mean I can get a kiss every time I tell you something like that? Because ... I could really get used to that ... " Joey didn't smile back, which was disappointing, but he had an expression on his face that Justin liked anyway. Kinda ... dreamy. Joey blushed, and ducked his chin. "Stop," he said quietly, and tugged on Justin's hand. But Justin didn't want to move; didn't want to interrupt what actually felt like a moment. Although why they kept having them in the middle of a sidewalk, he had no clue. "I don't know if I'd have to kiss you if you said it again, but ... you just shouldn't." "Why not?" asked Justin, hanging onto Joey's hand. "Why shouldn't I, Joey? Seriously ... " Justin didn't expect to get an answer now any more than he had any other time, but it was still worth trying. Because one of these times he would. So he wasn't surprised when Joey just shook his head. "What I liked about you saying it first," he said gruffly, "was that I think maybe you meant it. It sounded honest. And like you. But it shouldn't be true." Justin knew he started rolling his eyes, and Joey reacted, tugging on his hand again. "I *mean* it. I'm not just being stubborn or hard-to-get or anything. I'm still trying to get you to stop this, even though I promised I wouldn't tell you to. But that kiss ... was something I did for me, I guess." "I'm not going to stop this," said Justin stubbornly. "You want to know why? Because I don't want to, and I don't think you want me to, and you haven't given me any kind of reason why I should." He was shaking a little on the inside, but he didn't want to show it, didn't want Joey to think he had any kind of hesitation about this. "Me asking you to, that's not a good enough reason?" Joey asked seriously. "Justin ... what's it going to take, really? Do I have to ask JC to tell you the whole thing? Do *I* have to tell you the whole thing? Can't you just ... remember how mad you were at me after you found out about me and Britney, and just ... remind yourself that that is who I am?" "It's too late for that, Joey," said Justin, trying to stay strong even though it was *so* hard sometimes. "I already know that's not who you are. I've seen and heard too many bits and pieces to fall for that. That's like ... you, at the shallowest level. And I'm already beneath that." He hoped that didn't come across as too intimidating, but it looked as thought it had *some* sort of impact on Joey. "Why don't you want any friends?" Joey shrugged a single shoulder and looked away. "I don't not want friends," he said. "But that's not what you're after, is it?" He looked back at him. "And me ... I thought maybe we could be. Hell knows we're enough alike. But I can't be around you without wanting you. It's like ... JC, times a million." He frowned, like that didn't come out how he wanted. "That's not *all* I'm after," admitted Justin, still hanging onto his hand. "But it's a start. Joey ... I can't be around you without wanting you, too. So it seems like, to me, that there's no reason not to try something. Between us. Right?" He tried to lift an eyebrow at him without looking too much like an imitation of JC. Joey grimaced, but only gave the weakest attempt at pulling away, sticking his lower lip out -- not even purposefully, it seemed -- when Justin wouldn't let go. "Fine," he muttered, uneasily. "What if ... okay, we're hot for each other, right? I know you don't like to ... do stuff ... without being with someone, but ... maybe this is a special case?" Justin froze, not at all sure he liked where this was going. "Maybe we just fuck, and get it over with, and then no more wanting? Problem solved." Justin resisted the urge to let go and walk away, feeling like he was in this way over his head and not sure how to handle it. "If we *fuck*, Joey, it's not going to be just once," said Justin with a determination that was his last refuge. "You knew that all along." He didn't want to tell Joey that he thought he wanted that too, deep inside in those places he was scared to look, but he believed it. "No, I *don't* know that," Joey said shakily, finally wrenching his hand away. But he didn't seem mad -- sad, and nervous even, but not mad. His voice was gentle and tentative. "Do you understand that I haven't fucked *anyone* more than once -- well, for more than one night -- in over two years? That's not a kink, or a rut, Justin. That's a way of *life*. And I don't anticipate it changing. Even for you." "Well it should," said Justin. "Change. Even ... even if it isn't for me." He tried to reach for Joey's hand again, but when Joey didn't seem to want to meet him halfway he let his hand fall away again. He was trying not to push Joey to the point where he'd feel like he needed to leave, but it was so fucking hard. "Don't you *want* it to change?" Joey shrugged again, and this time when he looked up at Justin, it's like his eyes were ... smoldering. Or something. But even when they'd kissed outside the club, Joey hadn't looked like that. The thing that sucked was that Justin *knew* it was for show. "C'mon. Let's just ... go back to my place? Get it out of our systems. It's not such a bad way to be." "Joey," he said, hating how much of that pain seeped into his voice. "Please don't do this. It's not like this between us. And as messed up as it is ... I don't want to lose what we have. Or could have. Okay?" And he hoped it was, but he wasn't so sure anymore. Joey's jaw set. "Fine, whatever," he said tightly. "Finish our walk, and then ice cream, and that's it, right? Then I can be finished with this junior high *date*" -- he sneered the word -- "and go home?" Justin started getting cold inside, the way Joey had started treating him again. "Fuck, Joey," he said, clenching his jaw to keep anything else he was feeling from getting out. "Why are you doing this?" "Why are *you* doing *this*?" he replied, calmly. "I asked you what it would take to get you to stop. You told me you wouldn't. I'm just showing you that you would. Like ... well, like everybody. Don't seem so surprised." "Have you noticed yet how I'm not stopping?" asked Justin, his jaw still clenched, obviously struggling. "And no, you're not making it easy, but you're not making it impossible either. Because I think you enjoyed dinner. And I think you could enjoy ice cream, too, if you let yourself. And I'm *not* giving up on this." "Fine," Joey shrugged, starting back down the street, heading to the ice cream parlor. "I'm sure Jace didn't tell you that not giving up would be *simple*, did he? 'Cause ... he knows I like you too much, kid. He knows how much I do. And I think that makes him happy. But I bet if you ask him ... he doesn't think it'll work, any more than I do." "You're just not willing to take the chance. Yet," said Justin, smiling a little in spite of himself and thinking that Joey was very wrong about what JC believed. "But I'm working on that. I'm rather hoping that we both are." "*I'm* not," Joey insisted, shaking his head stubbornly. "I don't want another girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. And I'm sorry I did or said anything to make you think otherwise." He shoved his hands deeper in his pockets. "If it makes you feel better, you're ... the first person that's made me think about it. But the only reason I'm telling you that is that I bet JC already did." "So if you were thinking about it, what made you change your mind?" asked Justin, watching him closely, the way Joey seemed even more nervous than he was. "Was it something I did ... or did you just talk yourself out of it or something?" "I never made *up* my mind," explained Joey. "I just did a little bit of ... 'what if,' I guess. Maybe it's because you *are* a guy, and I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know. But I never actually decided to try it. So don't worry ... you didn't mess up. I've told you like, eight times tonight, you did the best you could." "I'm not finished," insisted Justin. "I'm not finished trying yet, Joey. So, okay, you're not really to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet. You're still too messed up over ... whatever. So what's it gonna hurt to date me, huh? No commitment. No pressure. Just you and me, having some fun together. No big deal, right?" Or so he hoped. "No pressure," Joey repeated softly, staring out at the street again. "Right. How do you expect me to believe that, when you just said if we ever fuck, it'll be more than once? Even better, since I know you don't do that, except when you're in a relationship? How are those things not pressure?" He closed his eyes. "It's not that casual, and you know it." "Dating doesn't mean fucking," said Justin, snapping the words out unintentionally. "Is that how it is for you? If I'm not someone you fuck, I'm not worth your time, Joey?" He took a deep breath, remembering what he was trying to do here, calming himself down even though he wasn't *too* terribly upset in the first place. "Look, just give it a few dates before you make up your mind, how about? You never know what might happen. You *don't*, Joey, no matter what you might think." "I don't want them to turn out like this," Joey explained apologetically. "I *didn't* know what might happen tonight; and that's pretty much the *only* reason I came. Maybe part of me was hoping to be proved wrong, I don't know. But you and me, we're ... stuck in this place where we're not friends, and we won't be lovers, and that doesn't work for either of us. We're snapping at each other even though I *bet* you're telling yourself not to, just as much as I am. We really suck at *each other*, Justin." Justin smiled at him, in spite of the continued rejection. "If you'd just stop telling me no," he said simply, "we'd be getting along just fine. You're not even giving *this* date a chance, though, and you know it. And I honestly don't know why. I mean ... I know something happened to you, okay? And I know that you and me, we didn't have a great start. But don't you see how *willing* I am? To do whatever it takes?" Joey groaned and stopped walking, grabbing Justin's elbow and wrapping his other hand behind his neck. Forcing Justin to look at him, although he didn't have to try very hard. "I want you to be with someone special," he said firmly. "A nice guy that'll take care of you and be the boyfriend you obviously want very badly since you're wasting time with me." Justin opened his mouth to protest that, again, and Joey shook his head once and covered his lips with a finger. "Just *stop*. Listen to me. You deserve that, okay? And I can't be that. And we're not getting anywhere talking about it or fighting about it so just *accept* it, okay? Or ... or I'll make it my goal in life to get you and JC together, or something." "You need to believe in yourself a little more," said Justin softly, grabbing Joey's hand before he could stop him. It was a small victory, but he would take what he could get. "Let's get some ice cream." "I believe in myself plenty," Joey replied, giving Justin's hand only the most cursory of dismissive shakes before apparently deciding it wasn't worth making a scene over. And he even held the door open for Justin at the ice cream parlor. But Justin had to worry, given Joey's relatively calm demeanor, if Joey'd taken his lack of protest as an implicit agreement. Justin squeezed his hand, making sure Joey knew he was there and what he was doing. "So what can I get you?" he asked, walking with him up to the counter. "Or did you maybe want to share something?" The last question was a bit hopeful, but not so much that he sounded desperate. Joey pressed a little clsoer to him, and Justin looked up in surprise until he noticed the little smirk playing on Joey's lips. The one that meant he was up to something. Or thinking about being up to something. "Share?" he asked innocently. "I don't know; depends on what you like. And you seem like maybe you're a little too much of a ... vanilla ... guy, for me." Justin smirked as well, although he didn't do anything overtly physical back to Joey. "You might be surprised," was all he said before tearing his eyes off Joey and staring at the menu again, knowing his smirk was still visible. No matter where Joey was going with it, it was a lightness that was desperately needed right then. "You had your chance to show me," Joey mumured, right into Justin's ear, before letting go of his hand and walking toward one of the little booths. "Just a cone of strawberry, for me, okay?" he called back over his shoulder with a wink. Justin sighed, but his smile didn't quite fade as he ordered for the both of them, carrying the food back to the booth. "Here," he said quietly. "Is this what you wanted?" He slid into his seat and watched Joey's face for a moment, resting his elbow on the table and his face on his hand. "Perfect, thanks," Joey said easily, taking the cone from Justin's hand, closing his warm fingers over Justin's. He stuck out his tongue to lick along the bottom edge of the cone slowly, but he had his eyes closed and didn't seem like he was trying to do it seductively. Athough Justin certainly had his doubts. "What'd you get?" "Sundae," said Justin, still watching Joey's mouth and not even glancing at his ice cream that he set on the table. "You, um, look like you enjoy that ... " Joey opened his eyes, looking surprised at the way Justin's voice sounded, then smiled. And not nastily either. "Yeah," he agreed, and licked his lips. "Um. Did you want some?" he held the cone out toward Justin. Justin smiled and took a long lick, much happier to be eating Joey's ice cream than his own. Especially when it meant Joey was being ... well, *nice* to him. "Thanks," he said quietly, and hoped that Joey could hear the sincerity there. Joey grinned and shrugged. "Sure," he murmured, sucking a little more off the top. "Let me know if you want another bite." Then his leg brushed against Justin's under the table, and he *still* didn't know if Joey was doing it on purpose. "I don't eat ice cream in the summer," he said idly, lapping at the little bits that started to drip down the cone again. "Because of the dairy, I don't know. I didn't even realize that was weird until ... people told me it was." Justin blinked in confusion a few times, then just went with it. "Well, summer's hot," he said, then cringed as he realized how stupid that sounded. "And, um, ice cream's cold." Another cringe-worthy moment. "I guess we all have our things, huh?" he added finally with a grin and brushed his leg against Joey's -- quite deliberately -- to see what he would do. "I guess," Joey agreed, looking very distracted, very much like his head wasn't even in the here-and-now. So Justin couldn't even read anything into the fact that he didn't move his leg away. "I'll eat *popsicles*," he went on, mumbling. "And sorbet. But ice cream makes me sick to my stomach." He finally shook his head and looked back at Justin. "You have a thing? Like that?" "Yeah, doesn't everyone?" said Justin, not quiet smiling now. "But ... it's not summer. So the ice cream is okay, right?" He wasn't even sure why that was important, and it probably wasn't, but he at least wanted the reassurance that Joey was having an okay time now. "The ice cream is *great*," Joey agreed, and licked happily at his cone again, and Justin was actually kind of pissed that now he had *another* thing to like Joey for: the way little things seemed to make him happier than anything else. "So? You want to tell me yours, so I don't feel like such a mental case?" Justin grinned. "You'll laugh at me," he insisted, shaking his head, but he knew he was going to answer anyway.. "Okay, you know that old kids' rhyme, about not stepping on cracks or you'll break your mother's back? I still do that. Whenever I'm on a sidewalk or something, I'll, like, totally avoid them." He blushed and wrinkled his nose at Joey's expression. "See? You're, like, *normal*, compared to me." "No, no," Joey chuckled, holding his ice cream out to Justin again. "That's just ... superstition, man, a ton of people do that. I want you to ... tell me something *different.* Like only-eating-ice-cream-in-winter different. Something -" he paused, seemed to realize what he was saying, but finished anyway. "Something about *you*." "Oh," said Justin, biting his lip as he thought about it. "And for the record ... I did *not* know that tons of people did that. I thought I was a freak." He stuck out his tongue at Joey for a moment, then smiled. "I don't know what my thing is," he said. "Besides, like, a secret addiction to B movies. Or the way I used to draw tattoos on my body when I was a kid. Not, like, skulls or snakes or hearts or stuff like that, but really complicated stuff. Like tribal designs or something, before I really knew what they were." He wrinkled his nose again. "Not what you were looking for, huh?" Joey sighed and shrugged, looking *disappointed* of all things, but Justin couldn't figure out what he expected. "Have any real ones?" he asked instead, looking pointedly at the ice cream he still held out for Justin. "Tattoos, I mean?" "No," said Justin softly, disappointed in him*self* now for fucking up the chance that Joey had given him. "Not yet, anyway." He took a halfhearted lick of the ice cream before sitting back. Joey looked at the cone in a little bit of confusion when he took it back, and just held it instead of finishing it himself. "Not yet?" he repeated, obviously still trying to make conversation, even though Justin was starting to wonder why he was bothering *now*. "Like you think you want to, or you've never thought about it?" "Yeah, I definitely want to," said Justin, trying to keep the conversation natural despite his confusion. "I was planning to just about as soon as I got to college. But ... I guess I just haven't had a chance yet. I've been busy and ... stuff. Do you? Have any, I mean?" "One," Joey said, and looked awkward, even though it was a natural question for Justin to ask in response and he should've been expecting it. "On my ankle. I had another but ... I got it removed. You know what you want?" Justin was about to ask why when he stopped himself, not sure that would be a good thing to ask after all. "I'm not entirely sure," he admitted. "That's probably another reason I haven't done it yet. I always assumed I'd just see it and *know*, you know?" He leaned forward to take another lick of Joey's ice cream. "What do you have on your ankle?" Joey looked like he was watching Justin's mouth, then glanced quickly at his eyes before looking down at the table. "Oh, um. It's ... a superman symbol? It's kind of this ... thing. Jace kinda ... encouraged me to get. Sounds weird, I know, but." He shrugged, and actually looked less willing to talk about *that* than the other one. "You know you won't just 'see it and know' unless you go looking at them, right?" "Well, yeah," admits Justin, thinking that a superman symbol was really kind of cool. "I thought I might see something in an art book or something, too. Or just ... anywhere. But I haven't yet, I guess. And superman's cool," he added aloud, liking the look that brought to Joey's face, even though there was definitely something else mixed in there at the same time. "Thanks," Joey said quietly, then seemed to turn his attention back to his ice cream. "I don't know about cool, but it was definitely ... " he seemed to struggle with the word. "Cathartic." he started nibbling at his cone before moving his leg against Justin's again. "I talk about him too much, don't I." Justin shakes his head. "I don't mind," he says honestly. "I don't have any hidden rules of conversation. Talk about whatever you feel like talking about." He hopes he means it, but as soon as he says that he wonders what Joey will come up with to try and prove him wrong -- which isn't fair at all and he knows it. He actually takes a bite of his melting sundae, then offers a spoonful to Joey tentatively. "No, thanks," Joey murmured, licking at his own cone again, eying Justin's spoon, dripping with hot fudge. When Justin pulled it back, a little ashamed for making any assumptions, though, he was hasty to explain. "I, um. Don't eat chocolate that much. It's not you." His ankle brushed Justin's calf. "Promise." Justin nodded and ate the spoonful himself, a little embarassed at offering even though Joey had explained his reluctance. "I like chocolate," he said unnecessarily, rubbing Joey's leg back gently, making it obvious that he was doing it intentionally but not being pushy about it. Smiling, Joey ducked his head. "Well, there go my assumptions about vanilla, right out the door," he said quietly, then stuck out his tongue to try and lick the very last bits of ice cream at the bottom of his cone. "This was really great, Justin. Fun, kinda. I haven't been out for ice cream since I was in high school I don't think." "Me neither," said Justin, barely having started on his. Instead of taking another bite, he watched Joey lick out his cone with barely disguised interest. "Which ... isn't saying much I guess. There was this ice cream place near where I went to high school that me and Lance went to sometimes. Only not too much, so people didn't, you know, know about us." "Oh ... yeah," Joey mumbled, licking his lips again when he'd gotten everything to his satisfaction, apparently, and popped the cone into his mouth. "Well, but. It's more kind of a fun date thing, though, right? Like, getting-to-know-you. So once you guys were together, like, serious, then it didn't matter if you went out, right?" He obviously hadn't given much thought to what it was like to *date* date a guy. But on the other hand, he didn't seem shy to be playing with Justin's feet, either, and didn't move them. "We liked going out," admitted Justin, taking a smile bite of his ice cream as he kicked off his shoe discreetly and rubbed his socked foot on Joey's ankle, under the cuff of his pants. "We were in high school, and everyone else went out, so we wanted to, too. It was ... really different from how it would probably be now, I guess. I mean, sure we stayed in most of the time. What else could we do? I wouldn't have to do that now." He smiled at Joey happily, and was delighted to see him smile back. "That club was, um, a real eye-opener. Seriously." Joey laughed a little, then stared at Justin curiously as if something occured to him. "Wait, you've *been* to one of those before, though, right?" he asked, squinting. "I mean ... the way you can dance, and ... I just thought you were shy?" "A couple times, when we went into the city," acknowledged Justin. "But it was an *event* then. It wasn't something that could be a regular part of my life, like this could." He was surprised himself by Joey's surprise ... he'd figured Joey really had thought of him as naive. As inexperienced. "I love dancing though. I learned how to dance on my own, just from watching people on TV and stuff." "Well, you're great at it," Joey said simply, casually. "Jace better watch out, or he's gonna be replaced as my clubbing partner. We just got to get you in the mindset where you'll go out and find yourself a boy, first." Joey sounded so much like Britney then, it was eerie. "Right," said Justin, his smile fading visibly. "We just got to do that, huh. You sure you don't want some of this?" he offered, holding up the spoon again and trying *not* to look him in the eye. "I'm down to the plain vanilla now." Justin felt Joey's leg fall away from his foot, and glanced up just long enough to see that Joey *was* staring at him. He was too smart to miss the meaning in that comment, just as Justin'd been too smart to miss the meaning in *his*. "I told you," he said softly. "I may not do chocolate, but vanilla's ... not my thing either." "Yeah, you like it fruity," said Justin, giving him a smile that became less forced the longer he held it. Maybe he *was* going to fast to start. Maybe he should take what Joey was offering, and let things go from there. Because as long as Joey was fighting him, they weren't going to get anywhere. He let his foot rub against Joey's ankle again, going back to the last place they'd been comfortable. Joey looked surprised, then grinned back. "Sometimes," he acknowledged, slipping down in his seat a little so their knees brushed against each other. "That vanilla treating you right, though?" "For now, yeah," said Justin, licking off his spoon enthusiastically. "Sometimes vanilla's exactly what you want. And then sometimes it's something else." He wrapped his calf around Joey's for a moment, enjoying the closeness, then let go and just brushed up against him casually but deliberately again. "Mmm, but then, sometimes vanilla's not what you thought it was," Joey said quietly, looking away again and then snorting. "Okay, never mind. Talk about taking a metaphor too far. I've *definitely* been hanging around JC too much." "You live with the guy. He's bound to rub off on you," said Justin with another smile, kicking off his other shoe. "And no, I didn't intend *any* sexual connotation there, just so you know." He'd hoped Joey would be amused by that, and wasn't disappointed. He laughed, and smiled at Justin with eyes that twinkled a little for pretty much the first time that evening. "Of course, there's a little of that, too," he admitted, then cocked his head. "You ever have a friend like that, that you could say anything to? That sometimes you were just ... so close with, there was no other way to express it?" He blushed a little, but focused on Justin, like he really wanted him to finally *understand* what that was about. "No," admitted Justin frankly, leaning on his elbow on the table again and trying to read Joey now. "But I always wished I did. Is that what it's like with him?" He smiled a little, and though maybe it looked wistful. "Among other things," Joey nodded, relaxing when he realized Justin would actually maybe not judge him abou it. "It's ... amazing. I mean, I love him, and I'd do anything for him, and it's so good to have him in my life. But ... " he shrugged. "Well, I said it earlier. I worry sometimes that I'm messing him up, always being around like I am." "But that's what he chooses, too," Justin reminded him. "For whatever reason, that's what he's chosen, to be with you as much as you're with him. And I guess one day you're both gonna find someone to be with -- you know what I mean by that -- but until then what you have is what you both want. Right?" He wasn't entirely sure he had gotten that, but he was reasonably certain that Joey would be quick to correct him if he hadn't. "Yeah," Joey said slowly, appraisingly. "No, you're right. I guess I ... I'm just concerned. Maybe needlessly. Given my ... what happened before. Nothing all that dramatic as thinking that everyone I love is cursed, or anything, but ... well, kind of like that. I don't know. Ignore me." Joey was blushing for real, now, and Justin figured this was something he really *did* want to talk about, but didn't want to have to. And didn't have anyone to do it with. Justin wrapped his heels around Joey's calves so their legs were pressed close together. "Everyone you love isn't cursed, just because of one person," he said, prodding around the edges of the subject without diving right in. It had to be Joey's choice to do that. "Or is it more that everyone who loves you is cursed? JC seems pretty happy to have you as his best friend, regardless, Joey. And he's the one that knows. So really" -- he gave Joey what he hoped was an understanding or at least reassuring smile -- "you have nothing to worry about there." "Thanks, Justin," Joey said gently, reaching down under the table to touch Justin's shin briefly. "I appreciate you saying that. I know JC says it all the time, but ... I think he'd tell me what I want to hear, most of the time. Whereas you ... " he grinned crookedly, "I *know* you don't tell me what I want to hear. Ever. About anything." Justin grinned back. "Just the truth and nothing but the truth, man," he promised him. "Whether you want to hear it or not. And I'm willing to bet JC gives you a healthy dose of honesty, from time to time, too." He chuckled, not nervous and not embarassed but something close. "I think his social skills are just a little better than mine." "No, that's not it," Joey reassured him, his hand moving up to Justin's knee. "He's just ... seen me when it was bad. So he'll only be honest up to the point where he thinks he might start seeing that again. Of course," he frowned. "That's been a less and less comfortable place for me, lately. Pushy jerk." Justin frowned a little, too, in an unconscious imitation of Joey's own expression. "I never saw you when it was bad," he said softly, stroking Joey's ankles with his feet again while keeping them as close together as he could. "I hope I don't. I mean, for your sake. But I hope you don't think I'll like you any less if I do." Joey smiled weakly. "No, I *know* you would. Like me less. This may be more information than you even care about, but ... god, for about four or five months after what happened? I was just ... I guess self-destructive is a good word. Like, psychologically." He moved his legs closer to Justin's, so he didn't have to reach as far. "Like, all the things you didn't like about me? *Don't* like about me? That was all there was to me. Jace is a damn *angel* for dealing with it." He sighed. "But you won't have to see that. I'm not ... I won't let myself get there again." "I hope you don't," said Justin honestly. "Because it must have hurt like hell to drive you to that. Joey ... I want you to know that, um, even though I was a total prick to you at first because of what happened? I never did think that was all there was to you. And I know that JC knew that, too, right from the start." He reached out his hand under the table to try and touch Joey's. "You can tell me what happened ... if you want." Joey sighed, and Justin immediately regretted saying that; he *knew* that was the line they weren't supposed to cross, that was where Joey'd kicked him out of his office the last time they had a good conversation, and so he started to pull his hand back. But then he felt warm fingers close over his, felt warm eyes rest on his face. "Maybe ... not all of it?" Joey said awkwardly. "But some. Enough. So that you really don't think it's you that I can't be with?" "Whatever you can," said Justin, squeezing his hand, relieved that Joey hadn't closed off again. That maybe he was starting to be ready to open up, despite the reasons he was giving for being willing to talk. "And I'll try not to push you past the point where you can't, okay?" "Not that you'd be successful anyway," Joey pointed out, then exhaled and closed his eyes, digging his blunt fingernails into Justin's palm. "Um, okay. So. I had a girlfriend. Her name was Kelly. We were ... really close, best friends in high school, 'most likely to get married,' *everything.*" Justin was amazed at how dull Joey's voice sounded. "I gave her everything. The hardest thing I ever did was coming to school here, when she stayed in-state. I actually applied to transfer after my first semester, to go be with her." He shifted uncomfortably, but didn't open his eyes. "Anyway, good thing I didn't. This ... stuff happened. Kinda lasted a long time, no quick breaks ... I don't know if you need details, but ... yeah." Justin knew that meant there *were* details, and he wondered if Joey'd go into them. "So, sophomore year, I was a zombie, basically. How I am now ... I know it's hard to believe, but I'm a million times better." "Jesus, Joey," said Justin, squeezing his fingers again, his eyes widening at the effect that just talking about it was having on Joey. "What the fuck did she *do* to you?" At Joey's expression he quickly backtracked. "I mean, you don't have to tell me, I said I wouldn't push, but ... " He sighed unhappily, wishing he could do something more. "I'm glad JC was there to help you through it, whatever she did." "Yeah," Joey muttered, closing his eyes again. Like that was the only way he could get any of this out. "Okay, the real short version of what happened -- I'll spare you all the angsty side-dramas and movie-of-the-week storylines -- she got pregnant. And had the kid. And I basically raised him with her for ... shit, over half a year ... before I found out it wasn't mine. And that was kind of ... that." "Oh," breathed Justin, freezing in place and hanging onto Joey's hand for all he was worth. "Shit, Joey. I'm really sorry. And I know that you probably don't want to hear that, but I am. That sucks so bad." Unexpectedly he felt tears pricking at his eyes, but he didn't know if it was from the story, or the pain Joey was clearly in when he told it. He blinked his eyes a few times and the feeling passed, but not the clenching he felt inside as he watched him. "It didn't end well," Joey said dully, and Justin wasn't sure he'd ever heard something he knew was more of an understatement. "I mean ... I didn't even know what to do when I found out. But no matter what we decided to do -- the two of us? -- I still wanted to see the kid. I thought he was my *son*. But ... " he snorted, and bit his lip so hard Justin was amazed it didn't start bleeding. "She wasn't having any of that. Alex ... he's two-and-a-half now? I haven't seen him since he was seven months." "Oh, Joey," said Justin softly. "Oh God, Joey." There weren't words to express how awful he thought that was, so he hoped his tone and expression carried it all. "And somehow I'm supposed to think badly of *you* for that? No matter how you reacted, Joey -- and I realize how dramatic it must have been -- I don't, okay? I don't. I don't know if you ... want to talk about this?" He left the question hanging, not wanting to get into it if Joey didn't want him to. Sometimes there were things you didn't need to hear, no matter how well-meaning the other person was. Suddenly he remembered his own comment, about how Joey had probably never been loved, and wanted to kick his own ass for it. He'd only known that it had hit home; he'd had no idea how deeply it must have cut. Joey shrugged again, and started rubbing his thumb against the back of Justin's hand, still clasping it tightly. "There really isn't much to say," he replied stiltedly. "I'm ... you know. Surprised I even said this much. And over it. Over her. It just ... taught me some lessons? About not getting attached to much. About the ... fleeting-ness of romantic love." He looked at Justin, almost piercingly. "I didn't tell you this so you could ... pity me, or anything. I just want you to understand. I'm not letting you in, like that." Justin nodded sadly. "I know why you told me, Joey. And thank you ... whatever the reason." He went over the phrasing of what he was going to say next over and over again in his head, wondering how it was going to be taken. But he didn't have control of how Joey was going to feel about it, so he had to go ahead anyway. "What she did was horrible, Joey, and I can't even imagine how much it hurt. I won't insult you by suggesting that what I felt over the whole Lance ordeal is even a shadow of it. But she's just one person. And there are a lot of people in this world who are nothing like her at all, who would never hurt you like that. Who would welcome the opportunity to get to know you a little better and see what happens. Like JC. Like me." To Justin's frustration, Joey just nodded, like this was something he already knew, but wasn't enough to make him change his mind. He didn't let go of Justin's hand, though, and he really wasn't sure how to take *that.* "As much as I ... hate her, now," Joey said carefully, like *he* was concerned how his words would sound to Justin, "I also know that she felt like that once. So ... don't be upset when I tell you that's a very nice sentiment, but ... " He didn't finish the thought; didn't need to. "Just tell me that you know that not all relationships end up like that, okay?" said Justin, only a little insistently even though Joey looked like he could stand up to a little pushing right then. "Just tell me that and I'll let it alone. Don't make me pull out examples, man." When Joey's expression didn't change, he sighed. "I know you never want to feel like that again," he said. "I wouldn't either. But don't tell me you don't want to feel the *good* stuff again." "What good stuff," Joey snorted. "I don't even *remember* what the good stuff *is*." Finally, he let go of Justin, even though it looked like he almost winced when he did. "Look, I told you. Friendship? And companionship and affection? I get from JC. Getting off? I get from the people I fuck. The rest is ... complication? Extraneous at least. I don't have time for it, I don't need it. And you ... " he closed his eyes. "You aren't going to be JC. And -- don't yell at me -- if you're not going to be in that other category either ... and I don't blame you, don't really *want* you to ... that doesn't leave very much for you. Does it." "No, I guess it doesn't," whispered Justin, wishing desperately that he still had Joey to hold on to. He let his feet fall to the floor and just stared at Joey for a long moment, having no idea what to say. No idea what he *could* say. It was painfully obvious now that he *was* in over his head, and what the hell was JC thinking, encouraging him, anyway? "Is that how you want it to be?" he had to ask, even though he didn't want to hear the answer. "Or is that how you think it has to be?" Joey paused before he answered, and it made Justin realize that he must really be struggling to make this conversation go smoothly. For once. "Either way, same outcome," he said, sliding all the way back in his seat, then reaching across the table to play with Justin's spoon: scooping up the hot fudge left in the dish, watching it drizzle from the utensil. "You mad? At me? Do you think I ... should've said something earlier? Do you just ... want to go?" Justin shook his head and stared at the drizzing dessert for a long moment before looking back up at Joey's face again. "You want to go to a movie with me this weekend?" he asked after taking that whole time to work up his resolve. And no matter how Joey answered, it was almost worth it just to see the look on his face when Justin asked. After a moment, Joey just started laughing. "What? You know you're crazy, right?" He shook his head and put the spoon down. "What are you doing, Justin? Look ... I'll go see a movie with you, if you want to so bad. But ... are you listening? I do not want you getting attached. To me. Okay? And ... it'd be great if you stop calling us getting together 'dates'." He shook his head again, but he was still smiling, and Justin was at least happy he unintentionally got him to seem to forget about his ex-girlfriend. Justin grinned at him. "Too late," he said, half-apologetically. "I told you, Joey, I'm already crazy about you. And not one thing's been said between us tonight that's changed my mind about that, okay? Sometimes ... sometimes you just can't predict this stuff, you know?" He dipped his finger in the remaining chocolate and sucked it off slowly, not intending anything sexual by it but realizing afterwards how it might have appeared. Narrowing his eyes, Joey frowned and shifted in his seat. "Then no. Sorry. We can try to be friends, or we can ... do what I said earlier. But I'm not dating you. And I'm not letting you ... feel like that, if I can help it. And if the only way to do that is to avoid you? I'll do it." He set his jaw, and reached across the table to grab the hand Justin had been using to play with the dessert. "And stop that." Justin frowned at him and knew he couldn't help the hurt look that flashed across his face. If he took it back, then he might have been a chance that Joey would still go with him. But he wasn't taking it back, not when it was how he felt. "You can't choose how I feel," he said instead. "No, but I can affect it," he reminded him, not letting go of Justin's hand, even squeezing it a little. "I do it every time I touch you, every time I insult you. Every time I kiss you. So I know I'll have an effect every time I ignore you." He sighed. "I'm sorry I let it get this far. I shouldn'tve come tonight." "Stop doing what you think you should and start doing what you feel," said Justin, knowing he was practically begging. "Because I know you want to be with me but you're scared and you're telling yourself that you shouldn't that you'll just be hurt again. You're reminding yourself that you couldn't survive it if it happened again and because of *that*, you're not giving people a chance anymore. Not giving *me* the chance I deserve with you." Joey dropped his hand like a hot potato at that. "What makes you think you *deserve* anything, when it comes to me?" he asked, tightly, licking his lips. Amazingly, not raising his voice, even though Justin knew he was probably almost furious about what he said. "Stop making me feel bad about this. It's a decision I made *way* before I met you. It has nothing to *do* with you. So just ... just *stop*." He slid his legs around in his seat, obviously prepared to leave. "Want me to see if Jace'll go with you?" he asked, a little quieter. "To the movies?" "No," said Justin softly, catching his eyes and struggling to keep them. "Just ... no. I don't. If I wanted to go with JC, that's who I would have asked. Stop trying to find a substitute for yourself, Joey. Look, fine, don't let me in, okay? I know I can't force you. But don't tell me how I should feel or who I should feel it for or who I should be with. Stop making *me* feel bad about it. Do you even know what it took for me to ask you out? Knowing damn well how you might react?" He sighed, surprised he still had Joey's attention. "I'm a nice guy. You're a nice guy. And everyone deserves a chance." "I don't want mine, any more," Joey said, standing up. Then held out his hand. "Come on. Let me drive you home. I ... I'll think about the movies, okay? As friends. Because I have a guess about how hard it was to ask. And I admire you. And if you're willing to put up with my shit ... well, you're right. I'm not going to try and tell you what to do. I just hope you realize it for yourself. Sooner rather than later." "I know what I'm getting into," Justin promised him, hoping that after all *that* he finally really did. He smiled at Joey bravely. "And if it's not going to be a date then you can pay for your damn self." He chewed on his lip as he remembered again the kisses that they'd shared and thought that going as friends was going to be really fucking hard, but better than not going at all. --- Justin stumbled into his room, feeling way more exhausted than that actual exertion of the evening warranted, and crumbled onto his bed. He thought about just curling himself into a ball and going to sleep like that, but he thought he might end up crying if he did. If he didn't do something to get this tension out first. So he stretched out and forced himself to reach for the phone. Not Britney -- she had no idea what was going on and he didn't think he wanted her to just yet -- but maybe JC. The only person who had any clue what he might be going through. He dialed quickly, before he could change his mind. "Hello," JC answered, sounding very, very distracted, and Justin was reminded of the first time he'd called their apartment. And what JC'd been doing. This time, he knew Joey couldn't be home yet, so it couldn't be that ... but it still made him wonder how long he had. Til Joey *did* get home. And wanted his best friend for comforting, or whatever it was they called it. "Am I interrupting?" he asked hesitantly, worried that if it wasn't Joey then it could be someone else. And that was something he really didn't want to get in the way of. "It's, um, Justin," he added, in case JC hadn't figured that part out yet. "Oh, no; hey, babe," JC said, and Justin could hear the surprise in his voice that he was calling relatively early. And when, to the best of his knowledge, he should still be out with Joey. He sounded sufficiently concerned, actually. "I'm just working on this project. Everything okay? Is Joey okay? Is he there with you?" "Yeah, no, he's on his way home, I guess," said Justin, a little flustered by the questions. "He just dropped me off. Um ... " He chewed on his lip again and suddenly realized he'd been doing it so much that day it was getting sore. "This is going to sound stupid ... but can you just say something nice to me? Or about me? Or whatever? I don't care what, I just ... " He couldn't finish that thought, realizing how utterly pathetic it must sound. "Aww, honey," JC sighed. And Justin could tell he wanted to ask what happened, but to his credit, actually did what Justin asked first. "He'd be so, so lucky to have you. *I'd* be lucky to have you, if, like, I could get my dick to cooperate." He sighed again. "Need I remind you of the whole Prince Charming business, from our first meeting?" Justin smiled a little into the phone. "Thanks," he said softly, sinking into his soft pillow with the phone pressed to his ear. "I really needed to hear that, JC." Which, he figured, probably told JC quite a bit more about how the evening had gone than just about anything short of actually talking about it. "So," he replied gently. "Does this mean he's going to be trying to slink past my room tonight, tail between his legs? I wish I could tell you not to put up with his shit, sweetheart, but ... it wouldn't make a difference if I did, would it." "Not anymore," said Justin, his heart sinking a little again. "If I'm reading your relationship right now, he's probably going to want you to ... comfort him, or whatever. It was kind of a long night." Which was a gross understatement, and didn't even begin to cover the ups and downs they'd been through over the last few hours. "Fuck," JC muttered shortly, and Justin tucked his chin. Having learned from Joey that JC didn't cuss, like, ever. "I wish this was easy. For both of you. Because I can see how much you both want it. Even though I'm sure he spent half the night trying to convince you otherwise." He sighed again. "How about you, hon? Is Britney there, for you to talk to? Did it really go that badly?" "Britney doesn't know," said Justin with a sigh. "She wouldn't understand, me wanting Joey so bad. It wouldn't make sense to her. It *doesn't* make sense ... it just is. I ... I'm not sure it went *badly*, exactly, even though I'm sure he's at least as stressed about it as I am." He hesitated, wondering what condition Joey *was* going to go home in. "He told me a bit about Kelly. And ... and Alex. So I'm guessing he's really gonna need you tonight, JC." "*Fuck,*" JC breathed again, and Justin could practically feel the shock through the telephone. "I ... I know I told him to -- I can't believe he *did* it. Jesus." Justin listened to him breathe for a moment, knowing he'd have something to say about that. "Oh, Justin. Baby. Are ... are *you* okay? I know that probably wasn't ... easy to hear. Does it ... change things?" "Change what? How I feel about him?" said Justin. "Not one bit, JC. I wish he was here right now so I could hold him and kiss him and convince him that I'm not going to do that. But he doesn't want to give me a chance, and I don't know what to DO about that." He fell silent for a moment and listened to JC breathe again, just to convince himself he wasn't alone. "Got any advice for this heartbroken kid?" "*Justin*," JC whispered, and Justin was comforted by the way he seemed at least as worried about him as he did Joey. "You poor thing. I ... wish I knew what to say. I wish he was with you right now, too. I wish I didn't have to do exactly what you already guessed I'll have to end up doing. I wish ... a lot of things, I guess." He hummed a little. "Did you ... *try* to do any of that? Comfort him, I mean? DId he even look like he might let you?" "I did everything I could," insisted Justin dismally, "and probably crossed more than a few lines that he didn't want me to in the process." He could think of quite a few, really, though Joey had seemed accepting of all those touches at first. Of the things that he was telling him. Until it got too scary. "And I didn't give up, JC. I haven't given up. Even though he's trying to make me. But it's so fucking HARD." "Shh, I know, kiddo," JC said, obviously trying to soothe him as best he could over the phone. "Was he ... nasty to you again? Or did the rest of it go okay? You know that I think you're the only other person who knows about this ... that should mean *something* to you." "It does," said Justin, nodding to himself. "Except that he was telling me so I'd know why he was turning me down. And not because he wanted to tell me. So ... I don't know. It's just ... it's hard to keep going when he keeps telling me he doesn't want anything to do with me, ever. He doesn't want to see me. He *definitely* doesn't want to date me. And I can see something that's telling me that he's thinking something else when he says it. And that's the *only* reason I haven't run away by now. Because I think he wants me to keep trying." Justin sighed, realizing that he *was* going to keep trying, despite everything, because something was telling him that this was going to be worth it, in the end. "He shouldn't be doing this to you," JC acknowledged. "You're being so strong. But listen, honey: he *did* want to tell you. He wants you to understand him. He might have acted like he said it because he thought it'd scare you off, or convince you to take pity on him and leave him alone, but he *wanted you to know*. And I think you're right: I think he *does* want you to keep trying. We just have to figure out what's going to be the thing to finally get him to cave." Justin had to smile at the use of the word "we." "We're going out this weekend," said Justin in a small voice. "I think. As *friends*," he stressed, the way Joey had. "I, um, asked him to go to a movie with me." But what an ordeal that had been, and he was worried about how that was going to turn out, after the way this night had. But he was still going to try. "Shit, JC, why does he have to make me feel like this? So ... insignificant." He sighed again, knowing it was audible but not being able to help it. "I feel like such a loser sometimes, around him." "Hon, you're going to make me cry, here," JC complained, and he really did sound a little throaty. "You know you're not a loser. No loser would do this much for someone they were learning to care about." He tried to make his voice more positive. "And, come on. The movies? That's great, you know? Maybe you *should* just be doing the friends thing right now. Um. Unless. I mean, did you kiss again, tonight?" "No, not really," admitted Justin, feeling himself flush even though no one was there to see. Thankfully. "We just. Damn ... you're gonna laugh ... " he said, realizing exactly how what he'd been about to tell JC would sound, to someone who hadn't been there. "Maybe," JC chuckled, probably just at the tone of Justin's voice. "But you should tell me anyway. Even though I'm not sure I believe you, about not kissing ... I'd be surprised if Joey didn't get at least one in there somewhere. I don't have any faith in his self-control around you, any more. Not after the club." Justin chuckled softly. Nervously. Wondering what JC knew about Joey's self-control that he didn't. "We held hands," he said, feeling like even more of a kid than he usually did, around Joey and even JC. "And, um, we played footsies. A lot." He could hear JC's chuckle over the phone. "See?" he said, smiling in spite of himself. "I told you you'd laugh. I'd probably laugh, too, if I was you." "Well, see?" JC said, still giggling. "That's nice, Justin. Like, really sweet. And Joey doesn't do sweet." He cleared his throat a little, obviously trying to stop laughing so he wouldn't embarrass Justin further. "And *no* kissing? For real?" "Um ... a couple times," admitted Justin, remembering with a smile. "In ... in the restaurant. And, um, when we went for a walk, after. But nothing like ... " Nothing like last time, he was going to say, but JC hadn't seen *that*. "Yeah, a couple times. And it *was* sweet. Even sweeter than I normally am, but ... it felt right." He grinned sheepishly. "I can hear you, JC!" he teased. "You're still laughing." "I'm *sorry*!" JC replied, laughing out loud then. "I'm sorry, I just ... *Joey*? Playing *footsie*?!?!? It's ... too much." He sighed and settled down. "It's nothing like what?" he asked, and Justin cursed at himself for slipping that much. "Like how you'd expect him to be, or something?" "Well, that too," admitted Justin, fidgeting and trying to figure out how not to get JC all worked up. "And he started it. The footsie. More or less." He sighed and ran a tongue along his lip rather than biting it. "I meant ... the kissing tonight was nothing like the kissing we did outside the bar last time were were there is all. No biggie." "Oh, no *biggie*," JC teased back. "I see. You sound disappointed. Which Joey's ... um, dates ... rarely are. Does this mean I get to give him shit for slipping?" "No, no way, don't tell him I told you," said Justin quickly. Too quickly, really. "I mean ... he might not like that. It, um, got kinda outta control. But don't go thinking that means something, okay? Joey doesn't think it does and ... " He paused again, and for a moment let himself wish that it had. "I don't want to scare him off, I guess." "Joey doesn't make out with people for fun," JC reminded him, and Justin could still hear the smile in his voice. "And kid ... not that you don't know this ... but you're already doing plenty to scare the shit out of him. Me teasing him about kissing you is the least of your worries." He sighed. "I won't, of course. Until you do it in front of me; then you're fair game. And oooh! Describe 'out of control' for me." "JC!" laughed Justin, almost relieved by that even though he should have probably been worried about how he was affecting Joey. "You're incorrigible." But he wanted to talk about it, and with the only person he could. "I just kinda kissed him once. And then ... then we were kissing and we just couldn't stop. Both of us. God, JC, I haven't been that turned on in forever." He buried his face in the pillow after admitting that, but hopefully that embarassment hadn't leaked through into his voice. "Well, apparently," JC reminded him, "neither had Joey. If his nocturnal activities that night were any indication." He paused for a second. "I knew that would happen," he said carefully. "The first time I saw you together, after I began to suspect. And then ... damn, Justin ... seeing you dance together? Don't be offended, but I'm surprised more didn't happen out there. Maybe I underestimated Joey's self-control. Or yours." "Maybe you underestimated how much Joey really dislikes me," said Justin quietly, his smile fading, even though he knew that wasn't true. "Or how much he hates himself for liking me, maybe." But the fact that JC said he "knew" it would happen was troubling him a little. Well, maybe not troubling, maybe closer to intriguing. "I know I scare him. I wish I didn't." "I didn't mean it like that," JC said quickly. But Justin knew exactly what he'd meant. "But seriously, Justin. You're absolutely gorgeous, and Joey's *always* loved being with people he thinks are better-looking than him. And you're smart, and Joey can't tolerate people that aren't smart. And you're sweet and serious and mature, and those are all the things Joey remembers that Kelly *wasn't*, the things he thinks matter when you're trying to have a relationship with someone." JC had talked himself into being serious all of a sudden. "And -- maybe this sounds stupid, but there's also this obvious thing, that makes you scary to him because you're so ... feasible? And that's the fact that you're a guy. And some of the ways -- *the* way -- that Kelly killed him? You never could. So there are things to be optimistic about, kid." "It is awful of me that I was thinking that, right after he told me?" asked Justin, more of a confession than a question. "That it wasn't possible for me to hurt him the way she did? Wasn't *biologically* possible, I mean. I mean ... it's not possible anyway, for me to hurt anyone like that, let alone Joey. I could ... I could seriously fall for him, JC -- more than I already have -- if I ever though that he would fall for me back." "It's not awful, honey," JC said gently. "It's natural, and understandable. And probably part of the reason he *is* so attracted to you, whether he knows it or not." He sighed. "I just wish I could guarantee he'd let himself feel for you, the way we both know he can, the way we both know he wants to. You'd be so, so good for each other. I ... had the misfortune of meeting Kelly our freshman year. A lot. And you ... are worth a million of her, Justin. He'll see it. I just hope he doesn't lose you in the meantime." "I'll hang on as long as I can," said Justin, the truth painful to him. "Because I want to. Because once I got past that bullshit we were pulling on each other when we met, I realized just what kind of person he could be." He frowned a little as he considered the situation, though, considered what JC had said. "You don't think he's with guys in the first place because of her, do you? I mean ... it's something that feels natural to him, right? Because I won't push this, if it isn't something he wants for himself." JC was quiet for a minute. "I was worried about that too, you know," he said gently. "I even kinda tried to talk to him about it once? And I can't give you a guarantee, Justin, but I really, really don't think so. I mean ... it was over a year between when they broke up, and when he started experimenting with that, and he was a lot better by then. When we were in Germany. A *lot* better. And he had plenty -- *plenty* -- of rebounds in the interim. Female ones. So." He sighed. "It's wonderful that you're so ... careful with him. I ... trust him, with you. And I barely trust him with himself." "Okay," said Justin, nodding to himself. "I'll believe you, JC, because you know him way, way better than I do. And ... maybe I little because I want to believe he can like me back for real," he confessed as well. Though he knew that was no secret, it still felt good to say it aloud in that context. "I, um, turned him down, when he wanted to sleep with me. That wasn't stupid, was it?" JC snorted. "I am *not* the person to ask," he insisted, sounding like he was smiling. Justin had to wonder what was so funny about *that*. "I can't tell you if it was. I mean ... you don't mean stupid, in the sense that you did it because you didn't think you'd like it, right? You're talking ... big picture, here?" "Yeah," confirmed Justin with another nod of his head. "Big picture. As in ... if and when I do sleep with him, I don't want to be one of the people who wake up alone the next morning. So, I mean, knowing him the way you do ... do you think it meant anything to *him* that I said no? Or did it just make me look like a moron?" "I think ... it probably frustrated him," JC said thoughtfully. "Did you get the sense that he was really trying to get you to do it? Or do you think maybe he was doing it more because ... he wanted to confirm your fears, or something? As another way to scare you off? I wouldn't put that past him." "I felt like he was doing it to change the subject," said Justin with a frankness that surprised him. He didn't think of Joey that callously, but Joey *was* manipulative and he knew how to get what he wanted. Unlike Justin, apparently. "And I felt like he was asking to test me, or something. Do you think he would do that?" "I don't ... " JC started, then hummed a little again. "I actually have no idea," he said awkwardly. "*Maybe.* You have to remember ... I've never seen him, like, *woo* anyone. He was with Kelly before we met, and ... you know the rest. Maybe he *was.* I mean ... do you feel like you passed? Like *you* did the right thing? How did he react?" "He's not *wooing* me," insisted Justin with a groan and a chuckle. "If that's wooing, no wonder he's single. But seriously ... I gave him the only answer I could. If I'd said anything other than what I did, I wouldn't have been being me. So yeah ... I guess in that way I did the right thing. He kept talking to me anyway." "Well, there you go," JC said, relief in his voice. "I think ... if I can be honest ... I think in that sense maybe it was a test. Like ... he likes you for who you are, and if you were ready to change that, to try and be with him? That would be *too* much, and *too* pushy. And, like, a little *too* accepting of this pattern he's created for himself." He snorted a little. "And don't fool yourself. He's wooing. Just ... in his own fucked-up way." Justin snorted disbelievingly. "Right," he said, though what JC was saying kinda made sense. For Joey. At least, as well as he knew him. "Well, all I can do is be me. I'm too fucking honest for my own good, sometimes, I think. Wanna hear something really romantic and stupid?" "Honey," JC said loudly, "Believe it or not, I *live* for romantic and stupid. And living with Joey, I don't get *nearly* enough of it. It's like ... *negative* romantic and stupid points, or something, with him around. So telll meeee." Justin laughed, happy that someone was enjoying his company anyway. "I was just gonna say ... I'd rather have, like, a year of footsie and holding hands with him than one night of sex. There isn't even any competition." JC giggled. "I'm sure you ... mean that," he said, stuttering. "And I believe you. But ... mmm. Maybe you should hold off on lofty declarations like that, before you have something to compare? I mean, I'm just *saying*. It might be a little closer race than that." "No, it wouldn't," said Justin quietly, wondering if JC knew how serious he was. "Not if it was just one night and nothing else ever after that. No matter *how* good he is." He sighed into the phone and wish he hadn't said, because it was romantic, but mostly it was stupid. "Oh ... Justin," JC said, sounding rebuked. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ... belittle anything you're feeling. I was just teasing you." And Justin knew that, and knew he was being too sensitive, but still. "I know this means a lot to you. That he does. Believe me. But ... I mean. I know you're not a virgin. Is it too much for me to ask if you have a lot to compare it to, though?" "Enough," said Justin defensively, a little embarassed by both his reaction and JC's assumption. "I've been with more than just Lance, if that's what you're asking. But I mean, I have nowhere near *his* experience, I'm sure. I ... um ... actually told Joey about my first time tonight. So I guess he wasn't the only one sharing." "That's good," JC said softly, sounding distracted again. "Um. Can you hold on a second, hon?" Justin heard him drop the phone on a desk, or a table, and then his muffled voice for a few seconds. When he got back on, he was even quieter. "Sorry. What were you saying? Oh, right. I was supposed to be apologizing for making you feel ... inexperienced, I guess. I wasn't *comparing* the two of you, Ju- hon." "Go talk to Joey," said Justin with a sigh, knowing that the conversation was, for all intents and purposes, already over. "I'll be all right, JC. I'm just gonna get some sleep. Maybe everything will seem better in the morning, you know? Sometimes ... sometimes it does." "He's showering," JC explained, not even sounding apologetic or surprised. "I'll go in a minute. You're my friend, too, Justin. I wish you wouldn't think that's only the case up until he needs me. Or I have to take his side. You'd ... be surprised how often I don't." "I'm not," said Justin, rolling over on his bed so he was facing the ceiling. "Seriously, JC. I mean, I know I'm more insecure than normal tonight, what with everything that went on, but I only said that because I know Joey needs you more than I do right now. I'm just, you know, disappointed. It's possible that he's really fucked up over the stuff that happened. He'll need you." "I *know*," JC said firmly. "But you needed me too, right? Or ... needed someone." He lowered his voice, almost conspiratorily. "And ... he doesn't look great, but he doesn't look awful, Justin. So ... just don't worry too much, okay? Get some sleep. Get excited about your date." "If he doesn't back out," said Justin softly, not wanting to believe that he would but realistically considering it a distinct possibility. "I'm glad he doesn't look awful, though. I don't want him to be hurting." "He's going to be fine," JC insisted. "It was good for him to talk about it, I'm sure. He never does -- he didn't want anybody but me to know, and he didn't have to talk to me about it because I *did* know. Now. When are you going out?" "When?" repeated Justin, realizing he hadn't a clue. "Um ... we didn't decide. This weekend. Like ... Saturday?" He didn't know why he'd made it a question, except maybe to get JC's approval, lacking the confidence when it came to Joey to know *what* the right thing to do was. "To a movie. And don't say the word 'date' to Joey or he'll freak on you." JC chuckled. "Okay, I won't. Now. A movie sounds fun. You're sure he already said he'd go, right? I'm not going to have to hang over his shoulder and make sure he doesn't mess it up this time?" "He said he would go," said Justin softly, "and then he said he wouldn't. And then he said he might. I'm ... um ... I'm taking that as a yes." Which was probably a bad idea, all things considered, and it was more than likely that he was setting himself up for disappointment. "You guys *are* going to give me an ulcer," JC sighed. "Oh, well. Okay. Hon, I'm sure he wants to go, he's just ... think of it as another test. He probably gave you different answers every time just to see how you'd react to them. Just like last time, be strong. He won't be able to say no." "I'm trying," said Justin, trying to sound stronger than he felt. "And the no wasn't a test. The no was because I actually told him how I felt, and he didn't want me to feel anything for him -- " But then, as he said that, he realized it might have been another 'test' after all, whether intentionally or not. "Mm-hmm?" JC acknowledged. "I think you maybe have a clue about what that's about. Look, Justin ... he's telling all of us he doesn't want you to like him, and he's saying it's because he doesn't want to hurt you. But we also all know that it's because he doesn't want to get hurt again himself. He's just ... doing all this at the beginning, because he's scared you'll leave if you see it for the first time once he's already invested in it. Do you get what I'm saying?" "I get it," said Justin, softly again. "I do get it, JC. That just ... well, it certainly doesn't make this any easier to do. You know? I mean ... I *don't* have the patience of a saint and I just ... really want to throw things or something. It's frustrating. It's *so* frustrating falling for him, JC, but God ... if this works it's gonna be so fucking good. I know it is." "I think so too, honey," JC said, and Justin couldn't help but relax into the bed at JC's faith in the whole thing. "Look, what you said before? About having to be yourself? Don't censor that for him. Really. You *should* throw things if you have to. You *know* he'll respond to it. Just ... be careful with what you *say*, and there'll be nothing wrong with passion like that. Between you two, especially." "I think both of us know the power of our words now," Justin confessed to him candidly, saying what JC had known all along. "When know why things hurt. We don't that anymore." Which, he realized with some surprise, was the absolute truth. "Even when we were trying to get under each other's skin today ... it was never like *that*." "Good," JC exhaled, then made a little surprised sound. "Okay, I gotta go, hon. Call Friday, okay? And get some *sleep*." "I will," he promised, figuring he was probably going to do that the moment he got off the phone. "Thanks, JC. And take care of him, okay?" "I will," JC said softly, quickly. "Next time it's going to be you, though, man. Doing this." Which just made Justin's mind wander with what that might be like: Joey letting him comfort him. "I hope so," he said honestly, closing his eyes with that thought on his mind. "Bye, JC. I'll talk to you soon." --- Joey was torn between chuckling to himself as he walked through the halls of Justin's dorm -- remembering many and varied antics of his when he lived there three years ago -- and slinking around. Hoping he didn't run into Britney, actually. Thankful that he hadn't done too much damage to the freshman class *other* than her, and didn't have to avoid half the building. He got all the way to the door before checking his watch. And this time, unlike last time, being early hadn't been intentional. He had resigned himself to doing this, really liking Justin and wanting them to be friends, and that just ... made him a little nervous. And so he wanted to be on his best behavior. But he knew -- *knew* -- he was smirking, couldn't help it, when he knocked on the door. Because he could overhear Justin singing along loudly to, of all things, "Toto." The door flew open and Justin looked shocked to see Joey there, his mouth dropping open a little. But to his credit, his surprise and embarassment seemed to pass quickly and he left the door wide open as he crossed the room to turn the stereo off. "I was expecting someone else," he confessed sheepishly as he returned to the door. "A guy in one of my classes. He borrowed my notes and was going to return them about, oh, an hour ago." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "You're early." "I'm sorry," Joey said easily, leaning against the doorframe and taking in the appearance of Justin's room -- mostly so he could avoid taking in the appearance of *Justin*. Who looked *amazing* -- a thin tee shirt, worn jeans, and a backwards baseball cap shouldn't look that amazing. Not that he was looking. So he looked around the room instead, grinning at how everything seemed centered around the computer and the fridge, just like it had been in his room when he was a freshman. Except the bed was made, which was certainly what it *hadn't* been like when he was a freshman. "Should we wait until he gets back?" "Nah," said Justin after looking like he was considering it for a moment. "He can just slide it under the door. Those cracks are so big you can practically slide *textbooks* under them" He looked around for a moment, then gestured at the bed like Joey should sit down. "I should probably change, huh." Joey didn't move, though. "No," he said quickly, wondering how obvious he was being, trying not to care. "You don't have to change. You look ... it's just the movies. Look at me." He gestured to himself, wearing basically the same thing -- khakis, rather than jeans, but otherwise. "And are you sure you don't want to wait? Was it a lot of notes? Should we go beat him up and steal them back?" "Yeah, it was the whole last chapter," said Justin, and then he *did* look at Joey, and smiled a little. "I'm not worried. The reason I lent them to him is 'cause I'm done with that and he's behind, so if he needs 'em an extra day it's no big thing. Let's just go to the movies." He twisted his hat, covering as much of his hair as he could, and Joey suspected he probably had some pretty serious bedhead -- not to mention hathead -- going on under there that he didn't really want show. Joey smiled a little, thinking that the whole thing was just *like* Justin -- being ahead in class, for one, but being nice enough to share his notes freely. "We're not in any rush," he said, instead, looking at his watch again. "Are you ... okay, Justin?" He really seemed ... short, with Joey, and not a little uncomfortable, and he wasn't sure what he'd done this time to deserve it. "What?" said Justin, looking surprised at the question. "Of course I'm okay. I just, you know, wasn't ready for you. I was gonna finish cleaning up and change and stuff. And impress you, or something," he confessed with a sheepish smile. "Guess it's a little late now, though. You sure I look okay to go out?" "Yes," Joey said gently, knowing he was supposed to be walking the line of not being *too* nice, not trying to get Justin any *more* attached to him, but feeling the tug of needing to reassure him anyway. He reached out, intending to tug on Justin's shirt playfully, when he reminded himself of his *other* rule for the night: NO touching. "And what the hell else would you have to clean, kiddo?" he asked, a little more teasingly. "I can actually see your floor ... that's better than the rest of your hall, I'm sure." Justin grinned. "That was this morning's project," he admitted. "Before I went to the library. So okay, I think I'm ready to go." He surveyed the room one last time, then shrugged and fiddled with his hat again. He grabbed his keys and wallet off his desk and stuffed them quickly into a pocket. "And if we're early, we can just grab something to eat and hang out, right?" "The fine cuisine of the concession stand, sure," Joey teased again, still not moving from his casual stance against the door, waiting until Justin was standing right in front of him and looked like he wasn't sure if he had to ask him to get out of his way. When he did, he couldn't help moving his arm up to tug on the bill of Justin's hat, then backed up into the hall. No more *touching*. Justin flashed him another irresistable grin before locking the door, then straightened his hat and gave Joey an expectant look. "You parked out front?" he asked and Joey thought he saw maybe a flash of embarassment that Joey'd had to be the one to pick *him* up, but it was gone so quickly he was almost able to convince himself he'd imagined it. Because this wasn't a date, after all. "I am," Joey nodded, and shoved his hands in his pockets as he followed Justin down the hall; the urge to walk with his hand in the small of his back was unexpected and unwanted and very hard to repress. Otheriwse ... things were'nt *totally* natural between them -- not yet, anyway -- but Justin was doing everything he'd asked, seemed to be keeping in mind all the things he said he didn't want if they went out again. It was weird that it was his *own* thoughts that made it hard to keep everything friendly, rather than anything Justin was doing. "Cool," said Justin as he led the way out of the dorm. Of course, walking behind Justin like he was, Joey had a choice view of him that wasn't helping his difficulties any. "I'm probably gonna have a taco or something before we go in. I just realized I didn't have any lunch." And it was all said so casually, even though Joey kept looking for hidden meanings and double entendres. "Oh," Joey said, speeding up a little to push open the door for him without even thinking, then blushing as Justin watched him when he walked through. "Um. Did you want me to stop somewhere so you could get something else? We have time. Or is that what you meant?" He was too flustered to even talk coherently, and sighed when he realized this was going to be a long evening. "No, it's fine, I'll get something there," said Justin with another smile, and Joey couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that Justin was amused. At *him*. But somehow that was kind of okay because it made Justin smile and that was something that Joey would never complain about seeing. "I usually do anyway. I'm a total pig at the movies." "But ... *tacos*?" Joey scrunched up his nose. "Dude. Stick to the safe stuff. Popcorn with all the fatty butter, and junior mints. You're probably that guy that actually eats something other than hot dogs at baseball games, and drinks wine when he goes dancing, aren't you." Joey knew at least that last part wasn't true, but he still needed to say something to feel like he wasn't the only one being embarrassed here. "Shut *up*," laughed Justin, knocking Joey with his hip as he unlocked the car. "I like tacos. But I'll get nachos if it makes you feel any better. And popcorn and probably gummy bears too." He gave Joey a dramatic sigh, and hadn't stopped smiling the whole time. "Like I said, oink oink." "Riiight," Joey rolled his eyes, pinching the bone at Justin's hip. "Whatever; you're such a pig. You and Jace, you make me sick." He held the door open for Justin, resigning himself to the fact that this was coming too naturally for him to do anything about. "But yes, nachos will make me feel better. Thanks." "Well, it's a good thing I don't go to the movies often, that's all I have to say about that," said Justin as he got into the car, slouching comfortably in the seat. Joey just stood there and looked at him for a minute, and afterwards hoped he hadn't been too obvious about it. "Damn, it's hot in here. Did you have the heat cranked on the way over, Joey?" "You want to walk?" Joey retorted, but he grinned as he walked around the car and got in the other side. "Poor little baby might break a sweat. Don't worry. You'll freeze your ass off in the movie theatre." He started the car. "I've always wondered if they keep it so freaking cold in there just so that people *will* make out in the back rows to keep warm." "That's a good theory," said Justin, and Joey was surprised he hadn't run with that opening, about making out. "People eat more when they're cold, too, though. Hey, maybe that's why I get all ravenous. I don't feel so guilty about it now." He grinned again, but it almost looked more to himself this time, satisfied by that explanation. "You shouldn't feel guilty about it anyway," Joey insisted, then flushed again when he realized Justin probably hadn't been too serious about it in the first place. "Whatever. I do have a sweatshirt in the backseat, if you think you might get chilly, though." He figured there was no way Justin'd take him up on it -- it *was* damn hot in the car, and it was hard to think about being cold -- but he didn't want Justin snuggling up to *him* once they got inside. "Nah, I'll be fine," said Justin dismissively, as Joey had expected. "You should bring it for yourself, though, since you seem to get cold so easy. " He looked over his shoulder into the backseat for a moment, then straight ahead again. Joey had no idea what *that* was supposed to mean, so he let it go and concentrated on driving the rest of the way to the movie theatre. He checked his watch *again* when they parked, frowning a little. "We're really, *really* early," he pointed out, turning off the car. "I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" asked Justin, hopping out of the car and looking way too enthusiastic for a movie. "Don't be so impatient, Joey, we can just hang out." He leaned over and poked his head in the car door again. "You're not too cool to hang out, are you?" he teased. "I *do* feel like I'm thirteen for *some* reason," Joey pretended to consider. "I *thought* it was the idea of slacking around in a movie theatre. But maybe it's the company and the use of the phrase 'hang out' that's doing it." He winked at Justin, glad that they were playing around a little, hoping it meant they were past being so delicate with each other's feelings. Which had been half the problem on their ... when they went out the other night. On the *not*-date. "Thank god I have a frat party full of drunken idiots to go to tonight, to remind me of my *real* age," he snorted sarcastically. "Right," said Justin, and Joey was both surprised and disappointed to see the way Justin withdrew after he said that. So much for *that* idea. But Justin seemed to bounce back quickly enough, if not quite as high as he'd been before. "Well, I hope you enjoy the movie at least. I hear it's pretty good. I'm gonna go in and get something to eat, okay?" But he wasn't asking it if was okay, and had already turned toward the doors before Joey could answer. "Hey," Joey protested, having to jog a little to catch up with him, really wondering what part of all that had upset Justin. "What's up? I was just kidding about the age thing." When Justin didn't really react to that, or look at him, he tried something else. "You wanna come with me, to the party, after? I kinda have to put in an appearance, or otherwise I wouldn't be going ... " "Sure," said Justin, sounding even more surprised that Joey had asked than Joey had been. "And it's cool about the age thing. I'm just ... *trust* me, I already feel like enough of a kid around you. You don't need to *tell* me what a dork I'm being." But the whole thing was delivered with a grin, which seemed to suggest that it really *was* okay, that whatever had happened had just been momentary. "I *wasn't*," Joey said, but maybe he was. And maybe he still needed to be a little careful. But inviting Justin to the party -- something he hadn't thought he'd do -- had to more than make it up to the kid. "Um. You want me to get the tickets? You can buy the food ... " "Sure, that sounds fair," said Justin, nodding his head and looking comfortable again. More comfortable than Joey was feeling, and he had to wonder how he was doing it. "What do you want me to get you? Or ... we have time ... I can wait for you." "Uh, yeah," Joey smirked a little. "Since, you know ... it might be tough for you to get in the theatre without your ticket." He wrapped a casual arm around Justin's shoulders before he could react to that, *needing* him to know that if they were going to be friends, Joey was going to give him a lot of shit. That's just how he was. "You might be surprised," said Justin with a wink, leaning against his side. "Legacy of a misspent childhood." Justin was warm, which wasn't much of a surprise. What was more of a surprise was that Joey didn't want to move away, didn't even try. "You don't come across as the delinquent type," Joey whispered, leaning into his ear before smiling winningly at the high school-aged girl at the ticket counter. "Hey, darlin'," he drawled, resting his hands on the booth, grinning when it made her blush and giggle. "Two for the seven o'clock show. Please." "Then I guess you have a lot to learn about me," teased Justin, and Joey had to force himself not to squirm when Justin's hand came to lay on his back while he bought the tickets. "I guess," he said awkwardly, winking at the girl before they walked away, handing Justin his ticket and trying to put a good arm's length of distance between them. "I still don't buy it, though if you *were* an evil kid, I bet you got away with murder. Cute little innocent face, and all that." "Sneaking into theatres is hardly *evil*," laughed Justin, getting them both a glare from the ticket taker. "Though I did get away with my fair share. What with the angelic face and all. Huh, I guess you never had *that* to fall back on when you got into trouble, huh." Then he winked at Joey again as they headed for the concession. "Niiice," Joey replied, grinning at Justin appraisingly. "It's okay. I'd rather have gotten my bottom spanked getting caught when I was younger than not be able to get away with what I get away with *now*. Which is ..." he smirked. "You know. Basically whatever I want to." "Yeah, that hasn't escaped me," snorted Justin, digging out his wallet. "Nor does it surprise me that you had no problem with having your bottom spanked. So have you decided what you want?" Joey laughed easily and threw his arm back around Justin without even thinking about it. "JC's been talking to you, hasn't he," he teased. "I'm gonna kick his ass for spreading rumors. And I want... mmm, a cherry coke and some twizzlers. That's it. Thanks." "Sure, okay," said Justin, relieved that it was something he'd have no trouble affording. "And JC has been painfully silent on the subject of you," he added, sounding disappointed. "Don't think I haven't tried, though. I *know* he knows the dirt, I just have to figure out how to get it out of him." "You can get it out of *me*," Joey murmured, resting his chin on Justin's shoulder, automatically turning flirtatious as soon as Justin reminded him of how interested in Joey he actually was. He knew it was that kind of thing that made him look like a schizophrenic when he insisted he was trying to get Justin to leave him alone, but ... he couldn't really help it. "Don't think I won't be trying *that*, too," Justin murmured back without turning his head. "I'm bribing you with cherry coke and twizzlers first, and right when you get all comfortable and sated, *bam* I'm gonna hit you with it." He paused, then turned his head toward Joey, looking far more comfortable and amused than Joey had been expecting, from their previous experiences. "Guess I shouldn't have told you my nefarious plan, huh." "It'd only be a problem if I wasn't going to let it work," Joey replied, almost in a whisper, letting his eyes twinkle and biting his cheek -- *hard* -- to keep from leaning forward that extra little bit to kiss Justin's nose. "And evil, see? I knew you had it in you." He wrapped his arm low around Justin's hips and nudged him up to the counter, winking at the girl working *there*, too. "I feel like a Bond villain," joked Justin. "You'll be able to thwart me, if you want to, now. Ummm ... " He stared at the menu so long that Joey had to nudge him again. "Cherry Coke and twizzlers -- yeah, the big ones -- and a jumbo popcorn and some nachos with extra cheese and, um, a Coke." He turned back to Joey, looking quite serious. "That'll be enough to start, you think? Joey nodded solemnly until Justin turned around again, and rolled his eyes at the girl, grinning when she blushed. "How is it you aren't 300 pounds, again?" he teased, poking Justin in the belly until he giggled. Which was so fucking precious he had to let go of him. "'Cause I usually can't find anyone to go to the movies with me," complained Justin, batting Joey away playfully as he tried to pay for the food. Then he turned around to face Joey as she got it together for them. "And I have a lot of sex," he added with a perfectly straight face. "Which, you know, helps." Joey nodded knowingly, only a little off-center from the comment, not so much so that he couldn't throw it back. "Yes. And now you know why *I'm* not 300 pounds. Well ... that and the damn grapefruit JC makes me eat for breakfast everyday." "Yes, well, at the rate you go I'm surprised you aren't wasting away," commented Justin with a smirk as he turned back to the counter to collect their food. "Boy eats his Wheaties, that's for damn sure," he added, to no one in particular though he made sure that both Joey and the girl who was serving them could hear him. Joey chuckled again, acknowledging defeat and shrugging shamlessly at the girl before grabbing the sodas when it looked like Justin might drop them. "Easy there, tiger," he said in a low voice. "Ready to go get some seats?" "I got it, I got it," said Justin, though he obviously didn't turn away Joey's help when it was offered. "I'm ready if you are." They weren't even into the actual theatre yet before Justin piped up again. "Damn, now I have to piss. Let's go find some seats so I can put this down." Joey looked at him sideways, wincing a little at both how loudly Justin said that, and how crudely. Not that he didn't talk like that himself, just ... he didn't expect it from Justin. "Okay, man. Just ... relax. We'll be there in a sec." As soon as they found a row they could both agree on, he sat down and took the rest of the food from Justin. "Don't get lost." "I'm not all panicky about it," chuckled Justin as he handed the food over to Joey. "It just figures, you know? That the moment I have my hands full, my bodies decides it had other ideas about what it wants to do with itself. I swear it happens *every* time I come to the movies. It's Pavlovian, or something. Be right back." "You're such a freak," Joey mumbled, shaking his head and focusing on the ads on the screen when Justin left. Then started munching happily on Justin's popcorn, and tried not to think about how natural it felt being there with him. Like he really was a good friend, if mixed up a bit with a crush and a little brother. "See?" said Justin slipping into his seat and batting Joey's hand out of the popcorn so he could get some for himself. "I told you I'd be right back." "So you did," Joey replied, smiling patronizingly. "And we still have, like, twenty minutes before it starts." He was about to say that he bet Justin wished he'd brought one of his textbooks, make good use of the time, but thankfully stopped himself. That was just ... pointlessly mean, and they weren't doing that any more. So he just smiled and handed the popcorn over to Justin sheepishly. Justin grinned. "Why do you think I got a jumbo one?" he teased, offering it to Joey again. "I may be a pig, but ... " He shrugged his shoulders and slouched back in his seat. "You were right," he said a moment later. "It is cold in here." Joey laughed. "I'm *always* right," he boasted, then smiled softly at Justin as he took another handful of popcorn. "Want me to go get that sweatshirt from the car? I really ... don't mind." Like he'd said before ... it was better than the alternative. "Nah, I'll be fine," said Justin, leaning towards him slightly but noticably. "It always gets warmer in there when there are so many bodies. I'd just be taking it off within half an hour anyway." "I'm not snuggling with you," Joey reminded him, trying to make it sound joking, wondering if he was successful at all. It's just ... Justin was right there, *so* close, and felt so good when Joey *had* touched him earlier. He just knew he couldn't go there right now, so he tried to move away again, shifting onto his other hip in the seat. "We're not snuggling," said Justin, leaning even further. "I'm just absorbing your body heat. You ever wonder why they don't just show something more interesting before the movie? Or even something just a bit more intellectually stimulating?" "Not ... really," Joey said awkwardly, still trying to find a way to sit so Justin couldn't reach him like that. But when he moved closer still, Joey pushed against him half-heartedly. "C'mon. Absorb your own body heat, kid." Justin sighed loudly and rolled his eyes at him. "Don't make me revoke your popcorn privileges," he joked. But he didn't seem to be trying to force Joey to give in. Just seemed like maybe he was having a good time with him. "Want a nacho?" "No, thanks," smiled Joey, trying not to look relieved as he opened his candy. "I think I'll stick to sugar for right now." He pulled a piece of the licorice out and stuck the end of it in his mouth, nibbling at it carefully, shifting again when his arm brushed up against Justin's accidentally. "Your loss," said Justin, crunching away at his food. Joey figured at the rate he was going, it would be finished before the movie even started. Which was probably why he'd figured it was enough food 'for a start'. "Are you, um, just gonna sit there and be quiet 'til the movie starts?" Joey glanced over at him. "I was enjoying the companionable silence," he said seriously, but he was sure that a smile was starting to show around his eyes. "No, I don't know. What do you want to talk about? I'm halfway done grading the quizzes; you did good, as usual ... " "What do you do, pick mine out to grade first?" asked Justin with a knowing smile, popping another nacho in his mouth. "And what do you mean good? Is that, like, average good? Or really good?" Joey chuckled. "I start with the easy ones. Yours is almost always easy. And you should know you did well; it's a *math* quiz. You get an answer or you don't." He settled back into his seat again and started sucking on another Twizzler. "You don't need to be insecure about it, Justin. You're fucking *smart*, okay? And cockiness ... suits you better, anyway." "Dude, I'm not being insecure about it," laughed Justin, yanking lightly at the twizzler in Joey's mouth. "I'm challenging your use of language. My only question when I hand one of those things in is whether I did perfect or merely 'really good'." Joey pulled the twizzler back with his teeth, growling glad he had that to distract himself with so he wouldn't show his surprise at just *how* cocky Justin could get. "Okay, you know what? I think I like the self-effacing you better after all. And you can get you grade when the rest of the class does, punk. I'm not, like, doing the nepotism thing here." Justin tugged again, grinning at him playfully. "I'm not asking," he said. "You're the one who brought it up. How's the grading going, anyway? Glad to have this little break from it?" "You were so asking," Joey muttered, then arched his eyebrows at him. "You want me to bite those fingers? Hands off the candy, boy." Thinking a little about the question, trying to decide how to answer it. "It's nice to get my mind off it, yeah," he said. "But I'd rather just be done with them too. Gotta figure out something to do for myself when I finish, like a treat ... a nice dinner, maybe. Or go get laid. *Something.*" "Well, I can help you out with the dinner plan," said Justin, giving the licorice one last tug before finally letting go. Joey noted the grubby fingerprints on the other end with more amusement than disgust. "But as for the getting laid, I'm afraid you're on your own." "Not if I do it right," Joey winked, happy that mentioning sex hadn't set Justin off, like usual. And figuring it was better to just not respond to the dinner thing. He wrapped his tongue around the end of the candy, playing with it for a second before eating the whole thing. "How 'bout you? Happy to not be studying for once?" Justin chuckled a little sheepishly, and unless Joey was mistaken had had to tear his eyes away from Joey's mouth. "Yeah, kinda," he admitted. "History is kicking my ass. You'd think I'd be better at dates than I am, but ... oh well. I might only end up with a B plus or maybe even only a B in it." He closed his eyes and sighed at this, and so missed Joey rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "Pfft, history," Joey scoffed, leaning over to grab some more popcorn after all. "Only freaks like Jace care about that stuff. Get through this class and you don't ever have to worry about it again." He smiled and took the opportunity that Justin'd given him to look at him unobserved. "And there are worse things than a B, kid. But if you need to go home after, instead of the party, I understand ... " "GPA, dude," said Justin as he finished off his nachos. At least, Joey noted, there was still plenty of popcorn left. "And you invited me to that party so you can't just go backing out now. I studied this afternoon anyway." "I *wasn't*," Joey protested. Maybe a little vehemently, because Justin looked at him funny. "You're welcome to go. I don't know why you'd *want* to, but you can. Come with me. If that's what you want." He shook his head and sucked on his straw, not wanting to say any more on that. "It is, thanks," said Justin, his voice only slightly subdued now as he settled into his seat. "It'll be fun. And Brit's always telling me I need to have more fun anyway." "Man, even *I* probably don't have enough fun for Miss Britney," Joey replied, having heard all about it from JC. Regardless, he was happy what had happened between them hadn't affected her too much. "Just ... don't have too many expectations, okay? I won't, like, desert you, but ... I mean. I do have to act a certain way. You know what I mean?" "That depends," said Justin, sounding just a bit wary. "Is that acting like macho straight boy, because that's what's expected of you? Or acting like you brought me there as a joke or something, because i'm just a lowly freshman? Because one of those is just find and the other would kinda suck." Joey had to stare at him. "Uh, the former. But not even really. I just need to look ... unattached." He realized as soon as he said it what kind of assumptions he was making; how Justin hadn't said or done anything to make Joey think he'd be clingy or possessive. Or look like anything except his friend. "They all know I'm not straight, Justin. I mean, they've met Jace." He bit his lip. "Why do you think I'd make a joke out of you coming? Is that something you really think I'd do?" Justin looked almost guilty when Joey confronted him with that. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't even really think that. I was just worried that was what you were warning me about. That you'd have to do that because they'd expect it of you or something. I mean, of course you're not going to appear attached, I didn't even think you'd be worried about that." "Well, I'm *not*," Joey said quickly. "Worried. I just ... wanted to make sure you ... I mean, we talked about how we're just going to try and be friends. I guess I was just ... reminding you, or something." He looked away, hating that it was obvious now where *his* mind was. "At any rate, no one harassed you last time, right? Everyone was nice? *I* was nice ... I cam e and talked to you, didn't I?" Justin laughed. "I know exactly who you came and talked to, last time," he reminded him. "But I've come to accept the fact that my breasts will never be as large as hers. I'm coping." He leaned over to snag on of Joey's twizzlers and for a moment Joey thought he could see a very different, more serious, expression crossing his face. But by the time Justin sat back again, it was gone. He laughed a little, awkwardly, remembering himself what had happened that evening. "I was convinced she was your girl, actually, and that I'd have to compete with you for her," he admitted, watching Justin's face and wondering if he'd see that expression again. "Jace even let me think it, for a while. My pathetic gaydar is a source of endless amusement to him. At any rate ... I figured it'd be a pretty even fight. I mean -- you were better looking, but it was *my* party." "Really?" said Justin, looking amused at the notion. "Well, I *am* better looking. And I fight dirty. I bite. So you might've had your hands full if you'd tried." He laughed aloud, spilling a few kernels of popcorn onto the floor. "So the notion never crossed your mind that I might be the kind of guy who'd rather get into your pants than hers? That's too funny, man." "Not *that* funny," Joey pouted, pushing his arm. "And I knew once I *talked* to you, just ... " He shrugged, knowing he couldn't really defend it. And a little distracted by the mental picture of Justin biting him. "And it's *still* weird to think about guys wanting to be with me, actually." He managed to startle Justin with that one. "*Why*?" he asked, his hand pausing above the bag of popcorn. "I mean, look at you, you're fucking gorgeous. Even if the guy didn't know a single other thing about you, that'd do it right there." Joey got to be startled right back, not really realizing Justin thought that, and scratched at his goatee self-consciously. "Um, thanks. But I'm not ... like, a pretty boy, or anything. Not to be making generalizations or stereotypes or anything, but ... that's all I meant. I don't look like JC." He sipped some more of his drink. "And it's not like you were fighting Britney for *me*, were you." "Yeah, you *don't* look like JC," agreed Justin, looking him blatantly up and down. "You ever think maybe that's one of the things people like about you, man?" He stole another twizzler and bapped Joey's head with it. "I wasn't looking for anyone that night. Shy little new kid syndrome." "That doesn't even seem like you, now," Joey agreed, running his hands over his thighs nervously under Justin's scrutiny. "And JC's hot. I'm more ... approachable, maybe?" He snorted. "Before people talk to me, I guess." "I've gotten a little more used to being here, I guess," admitted Justin. "And I mean, meeting you ... trial by fire, Joey. No offence or anything." He reached up and patted Joey's cheek. "You're hot. You know it. Deal with it." Joey grasped Justin's wrist firmly but gently, and pulled his hand away from his face. "Thank you," he said, and didn't even try to hide the warning way he said it. "It's a tough job, but ... well, like I said. You'd know." And with that, he figured that conversation didn't need to go any farther, as far as he was concerned. Looking and thinking and talking about how hot Justin was wasn't helping with the friends thing. Fortunately, he was saved with the lights dimming, signalling the start of the previews. Justin slid down in his seat, chucking their garbage on the empty seat in front of them, and without fanfare slipped his hand into Joey's. At Joey's startled reaction he just said. "What? Friends can't do this? Don't get so uptight about it." Joey was really, really taken aback by Justin's ... presumptiveness. Because friends *didn't* do that, and Justin knew it. But as always, Joey was faced with making things worse if he made a big deal out of it. "Okay ..." he whispered. "Kinda gonna interfere with my plan to yawn and throw my arm around your shoulders and try to cop a feel once the movie starts, though. Your choice." Justin chuckled and elbowed him. "You know you weren't gonna do that," he said. "This is just comfortable, okay?" But he didn't sound like he was expecting an answer at all. *For WHO,* Joey wanted to retort, but just sunk down into his seat too. And hoped his palm didn't start to get all sweaty. --- Joey kept a gentle hand between Justin's shoulderblades as he led him up the stairs of the deck at the frat house, feeling only the smallest bit of guilt at how tense his muscles seemed. *He didn't have to come,* he reminded himself. And since he still wasn't convinced that Justin was doing all this just to be friends -- that whole hand-holding thing in the movie, for instance -- he wasn't quite ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Head to the back," he murmured. "Keg." "Thanks," said Justin, looking around and seeming very conscious of the fact that Joey was touching him. "You're coming, right?" Joey chuckled and slid his hand up to cup Justin's neck. "Right behind you, kiddo." His voice was a little throaty, and he didn't bother to keep the inneundo out of the comment. Joey thought Justin might have wiggled his ass just a little at that, but he could be sure. "So how come you don't spend much time here?" Justin asked him casually as they made their way to the back. Joey shrugged even though Justin had his back to him still. "I do," he said. "Maybe not as much as I used to. I'm just ... busy. On top of all the stuff I usually have, I'm TAing and looking for jobs and thinking about grad school ... " he shrugged again. "And I'm getting a little old for the scene, too, I guess." He wasn't sure if any of that was the truth, but it was all he could come up with. It would be hard to explain that the reason he usually came was to hook up. And since he hadn't done that since he met Justin ... "Yeah, I guess," said Justin, not even turning his head when he spoke. "So who's courting you for jobs so far? Anything you think you're gonna take?" The questions were so unexpectedly conversation that Joey wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "I wouldn't call it *courting,*" Joey replied bashfully, wondering why he got embarrassed when Justin brought up that kind of stuff. Even though he was *usually* pretty humble about school and being thought of as smart, anyway. He dropped his hand when Justin seemed like he had it under control. "I mean. There're some. A couple tech companies. I'm ... avoiding it, I guess. Um. Thanks for asking, though." Justin turned around suddenly and started walking slowly backwards, obviously trusting that Joey wouldn't let him run right into anything. "How come? Or are you leaning towards the grad school route? Or do they have open offers for when you finish grad school?" Joey glanced around them quickly, wondering if anyone was paying attention to them. And then wondering why exactly it mattered to him if they were. "I just ... " he sighed and threw his hands up in not-quite-exasperation. "Scary as it may be, to both of us, you actually know me better than a lot of people. And so you know that, um ... change ... is not my strong suit. So I kinda ... try not to think about the fact that I have to make such a life-altering decision in, like. A couple months." He glanced around again, halfway hoping Justin would take it as a hint to not push any more about it. "Oh," said Justin, and paused just a moment before turning around so his back was to Joey once again. "Well, don't worry about it tonight at least, then. Another time." "Thanks," Joey said again, frowning, sighing. Hoping Justin hadn't taken offense to that. He put his hand on his back again to lead him toward the keg; let his thumb trace odd patterns on his shirt. Joey almost wished he could see Justin's face when he did that, but another part of him was glad he couldn't. He didn't want to see the smile that was surely on it right then. Justin leaned against the wall when they finally stopped and turned toward him and sure enough, there was that smile. "Buy me a drink, sailor?" he teased, but low enough so that no one else could hear. "Cool it," Joey replied, just as quietly, grabbing some plastic cups and handing them to Justin as he pumped the tap. But he was smiling too, even though he was trying not to think about why it was hard to let go of Justin, and glad there'd be distractions there. "You promised you'd behave. You want me to take you home, young man?" "Yes," laughed Justin into his beer, though it was subdued laughter. Anyone who didn't know what they were talking about would have just thought that Justin was a cheap drunk. "I'm being good, honest." "You're not, and you know it," Joey chuckled, not entirely surprised at the way Justin chose to interpret his comment. And wondering a little about it himself. "So .... " he stretched, turning around. "What do you want to do? Want me to introduce you to some people, or you just want to hang out while I go rush some freshman, or ... ?" Now that he had him here, he wasn't sure what Justin wanted to get out of it at all. "Whatever," said Justin, looking around again, and Joey couldn't help but see him as a little wide-eyed and innocent, the way he was taking it all in. "I'll be fine if you have stuff you need to do. There might even be a couple people here I know." Joey looked at him carefully, really not wanting to abandon him. But there *was* a reason he had to go to the damn party in the first place. "I won't be long," he said apologetically, tugging awkwardly on Justin's belt loop. "And if you need *anything,* or anyone's bothering you? Come *find* me, okay? And if you can't, ask anybody here, they'll be able to tell you where I am. But I'll try not to leave the deck, okay? Justin?" Justin nodded at him, not quite smiling but not quite looking upset about it either. "I'll be fine," he said again. "I'll stay by the beer. I'll be easy to find. Probably the easiest way to meet people, too." He lifted his hand in a brief wave. "Well ... okay," Joey said hesitantly, now confused about how it barely seemed to matter to Justin. "Seriously. Like ... half an hour, max? And then I'll ... show you around?" He started backing up, chewing on his lip, playing with his own hat. "If you want." Justin smiled at him then. "I know you will," he said simply. "I trust you. Go do what you need to do, okay? I'll be right here waiting when you're done." And Joey shouldn'tve felt relief at that, or the hitch in his chest, but he did, and so he didn't say anything. Just waved himself, and then started walking toward two guys in his pledge class. Before running smack into a smirking JC. "Dude," he said, squeezing his shoulder. "I forgot you were coming. What's up?" "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" asked JC, tilting his head toward Justin who was now staring out a window. Joey should have known this was coming. "How was the movie?" "Um. Fine?" Joey replied, following JC's glance. His eyes stayed there much longer. "Totally ... normal. Low-key. Fine." He shrugged and cocked his head. "*What*?" "Nothing," said JC, the knowing smirk still etched n his face. Joey wondered just what he thought he knew about the whole thing, then realized that JC probably knew as much as any of them did. Maybe more. "You have a good time? I guess you must have, to bring him here with you." "That wasn't ... " Joey sighed and rubbed his forehead. "It's not like that. I said something about how I had to come, and he looked all ... pitiful ... and so I told him he could tag along. It's *nothing*. Okay?" He looked back over at him, and realized he probably should send JC to go keep him company. "Oh, please, honey," said JC, looking both amused and annoyed with him. "I know you far, far better than that. And I'm not even suggesting anything other than that you guys had a good time. Although Justin does do the pitiful look rather well, I'll give you that." "He *does*," Joey sulked. "And what exactly *are* you suggesting, then? Because ... I don't know. It's NOTHING, Jace. Shit. Now go talk to him, okay? While I go ... do this bullshit. Crap. Shit." He looked at Justin again. "I'm too old for this. Go?" "Whoa, overreact much?" said JC, looking genuinely surprised. "Joey, hon, I was just happy that you were getting out. And I like Justin and I was hoping you guys were getting along now. What did you *think* I meant?" "Nothing, nothing," Joey replied, shaking his head. Wondering why he had to deal with the only two people that could fluster him like that, at once. "Okay. We're getting along. I just ... don't want to be here, doing this" -- he lowered his voice -- "frat shit, and I especially don't want to be doing it while I'm worried about him, and can you just ... go? Keep him company." "You don't have to stay long," JC assured him. "I certainly don't plan to stay long myself. Are you bringing him back to our place after? I can try and clean up that mess on the kitchen table before you get there if he is." He looked absolutely sincere, which was another thing that threatened to shake up Joey's somewhat fragile state. "No!" Joey replied incredulously. "No, I'm not ... doing that. Why would I do that? He's going home. We're, like ... close to his dorm and everything. Why would I *do* that, JC?" When he actually had time to think about it, he knew he was going to kill JC for making him question it; right then, he couldn't think much beyond whether Justin was going to expect that too, and what he'd done to encourage it if he did. JC actually frowned at him a little this time. "Because it's really early, Joey," he said slowly, cocking his head to the side, his attention to Joey almost unnerving. "You could be out of here by eleven, easy. I just thought you might want to just ... whatever. Watch TV or something. Relax. I didn't mean you were gonna ... " His expression cleared up a little at that. "You though I meant you were taking him to bed. Right?" Joey looked at him in confusion, then at the guys he was supposed to talk to ... and then Justin, again, over his shoulder. "Well ... yeah," he said uneasily. "I thought you ... isn't that what you *usually* mean? Either way ... " he shook his head again. "I'm not bringing him back with us. He invited me to a movie, I went. It's not a ... date, okay? It's not like I'm trying to squeeze in as much time with him as possible in one evening." "You're talking like it's a chore or something," said JC, beginning to look confused again. "If you had a good time, why not? There's not some kind of time limit on these things, honey. If you don't want to spend the evening with him then fine, I'm not gonna argue, but the way you're saying it ... " He gave Joey a bit of an impish smile as he paused. "Well, like I said, I know you. I shouldn't be surprised. But just think about that, okay? Justin's a good friend to have." "Surprised about *what*?" Joey practically stomped his foot in frustration. "Little words, here, Jace. I'm not following you. Yes, we had a fine time at the movies. And yes, Justin is somewhat cool, and I might even venture to say that we're friends now. Very close, at least. I don't understand why that means he's automatically invited to come back and watch crap on VH-1 with us tonight. And ... what if I *do* see someone I want to hook up with?" That was a stretch, but JC'd already commented on how surprised he was at how long it'd been, maybe he'd buy it. "*Then* what would I say to him?" "He's already here," noted JC. "You'd have to say something to him anyway." He rested a hand on Joey's shoulder, gently but firmly, which had always been a signal to calm down. "Who said anything about automatically invited? I just asked if you were. That's all, Joey. If you're not, fine, that's all you had to say. 'No, JC, I'll be taking him back to the dorm when we're done here.' You follow me now?" Joey took a deep breath. "I have to take him back to the dorm? What for? He's so close, he knows his way." Joey guessed it'd be nice, but it really *was* close, and felt like that would seem like he was 'seeing him home,' or something, which was *way* too date-y. And plus ... he didn't want to be anywhere near Justin and a bed. Not yet. "Well, because it's polite," said JC, starting to look amused again, much to Joey's annoyance. "You obviously invited him here, right? Maybe this is a bad time to talk about it, though. You have things to do, I have things to do. But don't think I'm not gonna ask you later what's setting you off about this *now*, Joey. Because you know *me* better than that." "Nothing's 'setting me off'!" Joey protested. "And I didn't *invite* him; he ... tricked me into letting him come. Or something. I don't know." He snuck another glance at Justin, sipping at his beer, eyes hidden underneath his cap. "So go ahead and ask. What? What's on your mind?" "You are certifiable, my friend," said JC, squeezing his shoulder again. "Just take a deep breath, okay? And, I don't know, think about what you're saying to me. Something's sure as hell got you riled up about this and I'm pretty sure it's nothing *I* did." "Oh, give me a break," Joey rolled his eyes. "Everything would be *fine* if the two of you would just quit acting like this is just a ... precursor to a relationship, or something. Him with the ... the hand-holding, and the comments, and *you* with the comments, and all the insinuations, and I'm just ... gah!" He knew he was freaking out, a little, but as usual when the topic came to Justin, JC wasn't playing right. "Perhaps it's escaped you that I haven't insinuated anything," said JC, raising a pointed eyebrow. "Any insinuation, honey, is solely in your own mind. Though I see it's going to be pretty hard to convince you of that right now." Joey was a bit surprised that JC hadn't jumped all over the hand-holding thing. And surprised at himself that he was almost disappointed he hadn't. "JC," Joey exhaled in frustration. "Just ... don't make this worse, okay? I'm really trying, here, even though I'm still not sure I should be doing this. You know. With the way he feels and all?" He'd already explained all of that to JC, after his dinner with Justin, when he had to explain why he'd told him about Kelly. "So don't stand there and be all ... know-it-all about how I'm feeling, and what I don't realize yet, or whatever's fuzzing around in that drama queen head of yours." "Joey, I'm *not*, seriously," said JC, looking like he was becoming about as frustrated as Joey was. "Everything I've asked you tonight has been in total innocence, okay? I'm *glad* you're becoming friends, and I told you I wasn't going to push you for anything more anymore. I think Justin could be a very good friend to you. I think he understands you better than a lot of people could. And right now? That's *all* I'm doing." He put his other hand on Joey's other shoulder, forcing Joey to face him. "I know this has you a little fucked up right now, but that's all I'm doing, honey, okay?" Joey watched his friend carefully for signs that he didn't mean all that, but not seeing any, leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry. Okay?" He kissed him again, this time on his forehead, knowing he could be honest. "You're right, I'm just ... this is really hard. Harder than I thought it'd be. I can't ... flirt with him, cause I'm worried about how it'll be interpreted. But he makes it too easy to do. I can't help it." "Just do what feels natural, all right?" suggested JC, though Joey hadn't asked for his advice. That had never stopped him from giving it before. "Don't worry so much about how he feels about you and just go with ... whatever. That's the only way either one of you is gonna get comfortable." The way Joey felt that evening, he wasn't sure they'd *ever* get to that point. "You're still making me walk him home?" he pouted. "Have you *seen* what he looks like tonight?" JC looked over his shoulder. "Why yes, yes I have," he said with a grin. "You don't have to walk him home, Joey, but it would be really tacky to pick up someone and just ditch him here. That's all I'm saying. If you really want to -- and lord knows I know better than to get in your way if you do -- then just wait until after he goes home." He released Joey's shoulders and straightened his shirt. "But I'm sure I didn't have to tell you that. 'Cause you're a nice guy." Joey batted at his hands. "I'm not picking anybody up," he replied sullenly, not feeling the desire, just like he hadn't for the past few weeks. "But it has ntohing to do with being careful about his feelings, so don't go ... reading all sorts of shit into it. Okay?" "All right, I won't," promised JC, but Joey suspected he was doing it anyway and just not saying anything about it. "I think I will go say hi, okay?" he said, patting Joey's cheek for a moment. Joey batted his hand away again, but he really didn't mind so much. "Kid's looking a little lost." "That's what I was *trying* to get you to do," Joey rolled his eyes again, and forced himself not to turn around and look for Justin again. "If I don't see you before you leave, I'll catch you at home? *Alone*?" "Well, I will be anyway," said JC, but it was obvious he was just teasing this time. Or so Joey chose to believe, based on the barely hidden smile and the twinkling in his eyes. "I'm probably gonna take off soon. Have a good night, Joey. Have *fun*. Don't worry so much." He grinned suddenly. "And believe me, that's the last thing I ever though I'd be saying to *you* at a party." "Who's worried?" Joey said breezily, smacking JC on the ass as he left. Wishing like hell that he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that he *was* the answer to the question. --- Justin drained another beer and decided it was probably going to be his last. He'd run into someone from one of his classes and they talked for a few minutes, but other than that it had been a bit of a dull party for him. Joey had come by to check on him once but had been a little busy so Justin had sent him on his way again, but not without a little regret. Setting the plastic cup on the nearest surface, he spotted Joey across the room and started toward him. "Hey," he said quietly from beside him, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything. Hoped he didn't sound as disappointed as he felt. "I'm gonna call it a night, Joey. I'll talk to you soon, okay?" Joey looked surprised when he turned his head to look at Justin, then looked at his watch. "Hey, already?" he asked, frowning. "Well ... wait, just ... " He held up a finger and Justin shifted back nervously as he said a few more more words to the guys he was talking to. And then turned completely back around to face Justin. "Okay, you're my excuse," he whispered, gesturing toward the door with his head. "C'mon." "You don't have to go now," said Justin awkwardly, mentally kicking himself for giving Joey an excuse *not* to go with him. "I know my way to my dorm and all. And I'll call you, if that's okay. Maybe make plans for next time. Unless you actually don't mind taking me there yourself?" To his relief, Joey didn't use that opportunity to back out. An almost pained look crossed Joey's face quickly, but it was soon replaced by a smirk. And accompanied by his damn *hand* again, so large on Justin's back. "No, come on. It's ... you know. Polite," he grinned. "Plus, this way, I won'tve been lying when I said that I had to see you home, so I couldn't stick around." "Jeez," laughed Justin, not even offended by that kind of thing from him anymore. "Way to make me feel like I'm, like, five." He made sure Joey knew he was joking, knowing full well how that kind of thing could get blown out of proportion with them. "You weren't having a good time?" "Well, like I said ... youy're my excuse," was all Joey said, and Justin figured that answered his question more than sufficiently. When he started talking again, it was a little less lightly, but he but his hand on the top of Justin's head to guide him away from the throngs of people. "And believe me, I know you're not five. Did, um. JC leave already?" "I guess so," said Justin, looking around the room briefly and realizing he didn't see him anymore. "Last time I talked to him was a little while ago, before I talked to you even." He was worried that Joey might be upset that JC had left without him, but he just nodded his head. "Yeah, he seemed ready to go," Joey replied distractedly, then was quiet until they got away from the house completely and were walking toward Justin's dorm. "I'm sorry, by the way. For ditching you when I said I wouldn't. I really ... hate doing that shit, and I'm glad I only have, like, six more months of it." It seemed like an easy explanation for Joey's behavior, but Joey himself didn't really sound like he meant it, and Justin was quite certain there were more reasons for why he'd left him alone. "It's all right," said Justin instead of starting something, moving over enough to brush up against Joey as they walked. "Missed you though." He was pleasantly surprised when Joey didn't move away from him right away. Instead, he put his hand back on his back -- his lower back, this time -- and looked down at the ground as they walked. "You got enough to drink, though?" he went on, sounding like he was making nervous, idle conversation. "Talked to some people? I know you don't care, but like a million girls were asking about you." Justin laughed. "You're kidding me, right? I was a total wallflower tonight." He was more careful when he walked now, well aware that Joey's hand could disappear at any time. "Besides, even if it was guys asking, it wouldn't have mattered much." "What do you mean?" Joey asked, finally looking at him, his baseball hat covering his eyes in shadows from the streetlamps, his hand slipping a little lower so the outside of his palm was resting right on Justin's tailbone. "I thought you said you wanted to go out, that you needed to start having fun ... ?" "Yeah, sure, fun," agreed Justin, wondering just what Joey was starting to be wary of. But the hand hadn't gone away and Joey hadn't stopped talking to him, which seemed to be good signs. "But it's not like I'm looking for someone to hook up with or anything. Come on, you know me better than that now, don't you?" "But ... I wasn't talking about hooking up," Joey frowned, looking away again. "I mean, indirectly I guess I was, but ... how are you going to meet someone you'll be ... interested in dating, if you don't talk to people?" Justin could feel his fingers playing with the hem of his tee shirt, and wondered if Joey even realized he was doing it. "I have this tendency to meet people in funny ways," said Justin pointedly, looking at Joey out of the corner of his eye. "And funny thing ... I kinda already met someone I'm willing to wait for. So yeah ... not looking." He knew that might be crossing a line, but he hoped it was in the most non-intimidating way possible. Joey winced, but at least he didn't quite look pissed, like he had earlier in the week when Justin said things like that. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't being explicit; Joey could ignore it in that case. "How long would one wait," he mumbled casually, "for someone he wasn't going to get?" "Longer than you probably think," said Justin uneasily. He almost seemed more adamant about that when he was being soft-spoken than when they were practically yelling at each other. "And in the meantime, I've kinda got something good going with him already, I think." "Well," Joey said softly, finally letting go of Justin. "Some of the best advice I've ever gotten is quitting while you're ahead, you know." He stopped talking when they had to squeeze past a giggling group of girls, and then didn't seem very intent on picking the conversation back up. "That's funny," said Justin, knowing he was treading on dangerous territory. "The best advice *I* ever got was 'winners never quit and quitters never win'. Maybe that's the whole difference between you and me, huh." Joey laughed hollowly. "As you are probably painfully aware at this point, that's certainly not the *only* difference between us, kiddo." His nerves seemed to just be getting worse as they got closer and closer to Justin's dorm, but he still hadn't given in to them. "Justin ... please. Let's just ... end this relatively successful night without getting into this? Can we do that?" "I'm not getting into anything," insisted Justin, reaching out to touch Joey's back this time. Though he desperately wanted to, desperately wanted to 'win', more than ever each day. "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know about how I feel about you." Joey shrugged him off immediately, and Justin had to wonder how he justified touching Justin in his head, but refused to be touched *by* him. "Well, stop that, too, then," he finally hissed, looking around to see if anyone was close enough to hear their exchange. "I don't need or want to hear about how you ... *feel* about me. Until those feelings turn into nothing more than friendship. Got it?" "Joey, why are you doing this?" he asked back, struck more deeply by those words than he'd thought he'd be, even knowing that he would probably hear them. "Why can't you just ... accept it? Why do you insist on this ... this *distance*, between us. I know you don't want it any more than I do." "You *know* why," Joey replied tightly, even though Justin really didn't. He only had guesses, and not a lot of faith in those. "I'm trying to be good, here. And since I only seem to keep getting more and more fucking attracted to you, that's getting harder and harder to do. So don't think I don't want the 'distance.' I *do.*" "Well shit, Joey, if you're that attracted to me and I'm that attracted to you, then why aren't we *doing* anything about it? I'm not going to hurt you. I swear to God I'm never going to hurt you like that, okay, Joey? I know that's not enough to make you believe me, but what else can I *do*?" The words came out of Justin in a rush, and he almost couldn't believe he'd out and said them once he was done. They'd made it to the stairs in front of Justin's dorm, and Joey stared at them for a moment before tugging Justin beside them so they wouldn't be seen by everyone that went in or out. The grip he had on his arm was almost painful, and didn't loosen even when Justin started clawing at his fingers. "What?" he spit out again, his eyes flashing. "What did you *want* to do about it? You said we can't fuck; I said we can't date. If you've got a great idea of middle ground, please. By all means, fill me in." "Why can't you be with me?" he asked, knowing damn well how hard he was pushing it now, but Joey was pushing too. "Why can't we be all of that? Why can't you trust me enough?" He leaned in quickly and tried to capture Joey's lips before he could turn away. Kissing wasn't a threat, it was something they'd done more than a few times before, but it would back up his assertion that he *did* want to be with Joey. And badly, now. Justin felt himself get shoved up against the bricks on the side of the staircase, practically smothered by the weight of Joey's body and the heat of his lips as they kissed desperately. "*This* is why," hissed Joey, shoving at his shoulders again even though he was already pinned. "I can't trust you because you pull crap like this." But then his tongue was back in Justin's mouth. "I'm not pulling crap," hissed Justin as he sucked in a breath the moment Joey let him, pressing his body against Joey as hard as he could, knowing he wasn't going anywhere. "I'm kissing you because I want to kiss you and I know damn well that you want to kiss me and all you're giving me are *excuses* why we can't be together. They're *excuses*, Joey, and you know they are, and yeah rejoining the world is fucking scary but I'm not. going. to. hurt. you." Joey practically growled when he slammed Justin against the stairs, again, and resumed his attack on his mouth. "Stop talking, jesus," he muttered, reaching up to twist his hat around backwards, yanking Justin's right off and burying his hands in his hair. "This is what you want? I'm not *fighting* you on it anymore." "Yes," said Justin, figuring -- when he was still able to think at all -- that at least this was a start. At least Joey knew exactly where he was coming from, even if he wasn't entirely sure where Joey was at. He kissed him back, hard, for a long while before he even attempted to speak again. "Come inside," was all he got out as a hot rush went through his body. Justin was worried that the interruption would be enough to snap Joey out of whatever zone he'd unwittingly gotten him into. But he just nodded and tugged on Justin's hands, bending down to pick up his hat for him, mouthing the back of his neck as he nudged him up the stairs ahead of him. "You taste ... god, amazing," he whispered, pulling distractedly on Justin's shirt. Justin couldn't get into his room fast enough, fumbling with the keys and getting distracted every other moment by the ways the Joey was touching him and kissing him. All he wanted to be doing was touching him back, kissing him back, letting him know how amazing it could be. Finally he managed to get the door open, shoving it hard as they stumbled into the room together and slamming it behind them. They both reached out for each other at the same time, legs and hips and chests and lips meeting and melding perfectly as they stood in the middle of the room. Joey threw Justin's hat down on the ground, again, and reached for his head: wrapping fingers around his curls gently, completely unlike the bruising way his lips and teeth were abusing Justin's mouth. "Fuck," murmured Justin, grabbing hold of Joey's body anywhere he could and holding it right exactly where it was because it was perfect. He had been pulled to Joey originally because of how much he'd turned him on in spite of himself, now he realized that was just the tip of the iceburg. He tugged up on Joey's shirt, running restless hands over his back as their mouths attacked each other. Joey pulled himself away after what only felt like seconds of that, breathing heavily, fixing Justin with a more intense look than Justin'd ever seen from him. From *anybody*, really, especially in those circumstances. Slowly, he stripped off his tee shirt, exposing bare skin and thick muscles, and reached for Justin again. Placing unexpectedly gentle and very shaky hands on either side of his face. "Hey," said Justin softly, giving him an encouraging smile and laying a hand on Joey's back again. "This is good." And he layered the word good with just about every meaning it could take on. It felt good. Joey looked good. They were good together. This was good for him. Being together was a good thing. He knew his eyes couldn't match the intensity of Joey's, but he met them without flinching and waited for Joey to make the next move. Joey shook his head, but didn't say anything, and closed his eyes before using his hold on Justin's face to bring their mouths together again. And it was gentle at first; soft, and wet. Until Justin clenched his hand tighter against Joey's back, and something inside the older man seemed to let go. All of a sudden it was fast and furious again, whimpers on both their parts as Joey pulled on Justin's hair, as Justin nipped roughly at Joey's lip. All Justin could do was hope that Joey understood, that he was here because he was beginning to trust him, and be swept away by what they were doing. Joey's back was hard and muscular and it was all Justin could do to keep his fingers from sliding off it as they kissed for what felt like forever. Just as Justin felt his knees start to buckle, Joey swayed in his arms and they both tripped, falling against the wall. Joey grunted when the back of his head hit, and blinked his eyes open -- staring at Justin like he was absolutely scared to death, before shutting them quickly and gathering him into his arms again. Murmuring nonsense that Justin was quite sure he wasn't supposed to decipher. He tried to tug them towards the bed, thinking it to be much softer and safer than just about anything else they might tumble into in the room, but he wasn't strong enough to move out of the circle of Joey's arms. Instead he wrapped his arms around him, attempting to be both tender and sexual, and pressed his lips to Joey's throat and collarbone. Joey exhaled shakily, and tipped his head back, squeezing Justin tighter each time his lips made contact. "*Fuck*, Justin," he whispered, and Justin wasn't sure he'd ever heard anything as amazing as Joey saying his name in such a lust-laden voice. "I didn't know ... " Justin kissed his lips this time, silencing that before Joey was forced to complete the thought. Before he could even think about it to much. More than anything, he wanted Joey to know that he was exactly where he wanted to be, and he didn't want either one of them going anywhere. "This is ... what you wanted?" Joey asked again, breathing heavily when they parted. He braced his hands on the wall behind him, the deep tan of his skin in contrast to the painted cinderblock, and looked too natural leaning there -- flushed, shirtless, panting, still reaching for Justin. Justin had to just stare for a moment before he could even answer. "It's part of it," he said honestly and pressed his lips to Joey's skin before they could start really talking about it. He was too hot right then, his skin buzzing for Joey's touch. He kept his lips busy on Joey's throat, his goatee rasping Justin's cheek from time to him, and savored the intimate contact. He wasn't surprised when Joey pushed him off him after only a few moments of that -- he could've guessed he'd have limited patience with being not in control -- twisting both their bodies around so he had him pinned up against the wall like he had outside. But even that didn't seem to satisfy him; he was yanking them both back toward the bed before Justin even had time to react. Not that he minded in the least, thinking about the softness there that could support them as they kissed and stroked and ground against one another. It was exactly where he wanted them to be, and he curled a fist around the waist of Joey's pants as they moved clumsily, wishing it was as easy as just yanking them down. Justin felt rather than saw Joey shiver at having his fingers brush against the sensitive skin of his waist, and he shook his head as he pushed Justin down onto the mattress. Instead of joining him, though, he dropped to his knees on the floor, and reached for his shirt. "Off," he muttered, tugging him up into a sitting postion. "Get it *off*, Justin." Justin stripped the shirt off as quickly as he could, tossing it aside before Joey could tear it off him. Given the look in Joey's eyes right then, he wouldn't have been surprised if he'd tried. "It's off," he said, capturing Joey's attention again, letting his hand wander down Joey's chest, wondering where this was all going to end up. Joey's mouth was parted slightly, and Justin could follow his gaze well enough to be able to tell he was taking his time taking in Justin's newly-exposed chest, and stomach, and the little bit of hipbone that peeked out over the waistband of his jeans. And he let him look, let him lick his lips, let him crawl slowly and very, very predatorily up onto the edge of the mattress. "You're not ... nervous," he observed huskily. "No more than I should be," said Justin, finding no other way to say what he meant without being wordy. "I trust you." He arched his body a little as Joey approached him, and without even being touched he felt his breath quicken and his heart speed up. Felt himself bulging against the fabric of his jeans with no relief for that in sight. "You shouldn't," Joey pointed out seriously, reaching his palm out and running it slowly up Justin's denim-clad leg, slipping his thumb around to trail up the inside as he moved it higher. "I really can't be trusted in situations like these." He leaned forward even more, forcing Justin onto his back even though he wasn't touching him anywhere except the maddening fingers on his thigh. "I do," said Justin breathily as he sank into the bed, pushed back by the sheer force of Joey's presence. "You wouldn't hurt me any more than I would hurt you." He ran his fingers over Joey's neck now, stroking it before curling his hand around the back and trying to pull him closer. But Joey was strong, stronger than him, and was solidly braced above him on the bed. Unwilling to be moved before he wanted to be, at least not without a bigger effort on Justin's part. "You don't know that," he said even deeper, and he *did* look like he was capable of just about anything right then. Especially when the hand on his pelvis began moving closer to where Justin desperately wanted it to be. "Yeah, but I trust," said Justin simply, and tried to shift closer to that hand with no small amount of impatience. He *was* afraid, on some level, of how this might end up, but he had to trust him anyway, if he ever wanted Joey to trust him back. "You shouldn't," Joey said again, and to Justin's extreme frustration, pulled his hand away. But it was only a few seconds before he touched him with it again -- this time, tracing increasingly tighter circles on the skin around one of his nipples. "How long are you going to let me do this?" Justin figured that depended entirely on what 'this' was, but he didn't say it. "I feel really good right now. Don't stop." Which kept it on the physical level with a touch of the emotional as well, a good place to be. He felt his nipple tightening as Joey approached it and closed his eyes, letting whatever happened happen. Joey quirked a smile at him. "You *do* feel really good," he murmured, slowly, painstakingly lowering his body down to completely cover Justin's. Exhaling shakily as their hips inevitably pressed together, winking cockily as Justin felt his eyes get larger at the sensation of being pressed into a bed by Joey. Pinching Justin's nipple gently before moving his hand, then ducking his head to lap at it tenderly. "Good, that means you'll keep feeling me," moaned Justin. It had been quite a while since someone had touched him like this, but he hadn't forgotten. And hadn't quite realized just how much he'd been missing it. Joey was every bit as good as he thought he was, too. Joey seemed maddeningly content to lay draped across Justin's body; seemingly uninterested in grinding into him to release any of the pressure Justin knew they were both feeling in their groins, avoiding his mouth or his ears or any of a long list of places Justin would want him to kiss. "Hard not to, when you were built for it." "You seem to be finding it all to easy, actually," moaned Justin, his hands sliding along Joey's back again and touching in ways he wished he was being touched back, all the way to sliding a hand under Joey's pants at his tailbone. That, at least, got a reaction out of him: Joey sucked in a breath and squirmed up slightly, then thrust forward abruptly. "Not really," he managed, then grabbed Justin's other hand and pinned it to the bed, thrusting again. "God damn," breathed Justin harshly, hardly able to do anything now. Joey had taken over complete control ... which was entirely fine with him since Joey was doing things that made him feel amazing. A lot more amazing than jerking off every morning, that was for damn sure. Joey shuddered again on top of him, and Justin had to wonder if it was his words, or his body, or maybe even somnething else that did it. Then he grunted and ducked his head to bite Justin's ear, before suckling on it, still thrusting smoothly against Justin's hips and not feeling like he intended to stop. Everything was going so quickly it barely registered that his other hand was tugging on Justin's jeans. It was only when Joey's tugs became erratic, impatient, that Justin realized what he was doing. "Lemme take 'em off," he growled, thrusting up against Joey just as he was grinding back against him. Right as Joey moved a particular way, Justin was suddenly able to slide his whole hand down the back of Joey's pants. Joey hissed and pushed up on his hands and knees suddenly, as far away from Justin's body as he could be. The motion forced Justin's hand back out of his pants, and he blinked up at him in confusion. "Okay, okay," he muttered, shaking his head and looking everywhere but at Justin. "No. I ... we can't do this. Fuck. I gotta ... " He took a deep breath, and started to pull away completely, looking over his shoulder like he was trying to locate his shirt. "Joey, wait," said Justin, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "You don't have to go anywhere." Which sounded pretty lame but it was the only thing he could think of, his brain still foggy with arousal. He could only watch as Joey seemed to get absolutely frantic about getting away. "No, yes, I do," Joey protested, climbing awkwardly off the bed and grabbing the tee shirt off the floor, tugging it on -- inside out. "Shit. Shit, Justin, I'm ... sorry, I shouldn't ... should never've ... " He still didn't look back at him, just ran a desperate hand through his hair before pulling on his hat and reaching for the door. "No, we should ..." said Justin, but he recognized that he was fighting a losing battle. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and leaned over to rest his forearms against his knees. "I'm going to call you tomorrow, all right?" he said, but he didn't think Joey cared much what he had to say right then. "What?" Joey said, still sounding frantic, turning to look back at Justin but just as quickly facing the door again. "No. No, I'm not ... " He gave an indeterminate gesture with his hand and rushed out the door, leaving it wide open and not even saying good night. "Fuck," said Justin a few moments later, after getting past the shock of Joey's vanishing act. But it wasn't as much of a shock as it could have been, if it had been anyone other than Joey. Not that he'd expected to be left with an aching dick after spending a little intimate time with him, but the panic ... he should have seen that one coming. He *would* have to call the next day, if only to show Joey that he'd meant it when he said it, and that this, too, wasn't going to make him give up. On the contrary, seeing how far it could get gave him more resolve than ever. He got to his feet, adjusting himself with one hand, then got up and closed and locked the door ... after peering out into the hallway, just in case. Then he flipped off the light and stripped off the rest of his clothes, slipping into bed to jerk off before he went to sleep. --- If there was one thing to be glad about, Joey figured, walking quicker when his apartment building came into sight, it was that he didn't have to drive home from Justin's. People got killed that way, since he could barely focus on a single thought for more than a half-second, let alone coordinate senses to be able to operate a car. He was a fucking wreck, an breakdown waiting to happen, and it had Justin Timberlake's name written all over it. He actually broke into a run when he saw the light from the living room still on in their unit. He needed JC. "Hey," came JC's voice as soon as Joey started making noises at the door, when it wasn't even *open* yet, and he felt a wave of relief go through him, but it was short lived. JC was in front of the TV in his favorite sweatshirt and a pair of hideous plaid boxers, smiling at him as though the whole world wasn't coming apart. "Justin make it home safe and sound?" Joey must have looked like hell, though, because JC's smile quickly started to fade. Joey tried to snort in response, but it came out more like a choke. "Fuck, JC," he stammered, rushing over to him and burying his head in JC's lap. "*Fuck*. I ... god, I messed up. Really, really bad." "Okay, okay," said JC soothingly, stroking Joey's hair with a strong, sure hand. It was exactly what he needed to feel. "Talk to me, honey. Things seemed to be going so good when I left the party." For a long moment after that, Joey had no idea even where to begin. He gripped JC's knee tightly, and sighed into his leg. He didn't even care any more about keeping up appearances about not wanting Justin in front of JC; his problems were so much bigger now than that. "Fuck," he cried again, his voice muffled. "I can't do this. I can't be his friend, I can't even look at him any more. I *can't*." He had no idea if he was making sense, if JC was following any of it; all he had going though his mind was how badly he'd screwed up, and how hard he'd just made his life. "Okay, honey," JC murmured, rocking him a little bit too, now, and Joey was suddenly reminded of how JC had been with him all along -- sweet and comforting and always, always there when he needed him. "We're gonna need to start at the beginning, okay? But we can wait until you're ready." "Okay," Joey replied weakly, moving to fist his hands in the edges of JC's boxers and trying to calm himself down enough to be able to speak. "Okay. Fuck. JC. This is ... *so* messed up, I can't ... " He shook his head and tried to focus on the soothing noises JC was still making. "I ... I walked him home. And all night he'd been so good, right? Like ... not pushing me about anything. Which was good because he looked ... god, so hot, and it was so hard to keep from touching him all night ... " He trailed off, unable to keep speaking at just the picture in his head about what Justin'd looked like. JC pushed Joey's hair away from his forehead, exposing a bit of Joey's face which he still had buried in JC's comfortable lap. "So what happened, then?" asked JC, leaving Joey an opening to go on, but it didn't feel like he *had* to. Joey was still shaking, a little, and didn't even have a good idea about how to explain it. "He started ... saying all that stuff, again, about how he'd met someone he was interested in, and how he was going to wait for me, even though I told him he wouldn't ever get me, and then he was just ... pressing and *pressing* and asking me why we can't be together and I was getting *so* frustrated and then he fucking *kissed* me, JC, and I just lost it." "Lost it?" repeated JC, his voice still calm but sounding tighter now. To Joey, it lost its soothing effect. "Joey, you didn't hurt him, did you?" He didn't sound like he believed it, and Joey was hurt that he would even ask. "I know you wouldn't do it on purpose, honey, but did something happen we need to take care of?" "What?" Joey asked, feeling himself start to panic again, picking his head up off JC's lap. "JC ... no. No, I mean ... I meant I lost control, kissed him back. I couldn't *help* kissing him back, JC, and once we started, I *couldn't* stop. I wish I *had* punched him." He looked at JC pleadingly, hoping he'd understand why it was so awful, so much worse than hitting him. Needing his support again, not his doubt. JC stroked Joey's hair back again, nodding his head. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, to Joey's renewed relief. "That's ... a big departure from where the two of you were a few hours ago. In actions, I mean. Not in feelings." "I know!" Joey moaned, laying his face back down against JC's knee, feeling his chest get tight again. "It's awful, it's everything I didn't want to happen. I went up to his *room*, Jace, and we were on his bed, and I ... I just ... " He shivered again. "God. I wish I'd never, ever met him. Or talked to him or touched him. Ever." "Oh, honey," said JC with a soft sigh. "I think we both know you don't mean that. But if that's what you need to say right now, go ahead. I won't stop you." Which wasn't what Joey wanted to hear at all, even if he knew that all of it was true. "I *do* mean it!" he protested anyway, and then to his great, great shame and embarrassment, burst into tears. "Please, JC. Please don't make me see him any more. I can't do this, I really can't. I'm scared to death of the way he makes me feel, and I just ... " He stopped trying to explain it, emotionally exhausted, and just started weeping softly, knowing how seriously JC would take seeing him cry for only the third time in all the years they'd known each other. JC wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of Joey's head. "Shhh," he said gently, then fell silent, soothing him soft, comforting noises and in the way he stroked Joey's back. Joey wished he could stop, but everything that had building up in him was coming to a head, right then and there. When his tears finally ran dry, and he stopped hiccuping, and was trying to distract himself by kissing JC's knee, he had to ask him again. "Okay, JC? You won't make me talk to him any more? Please. You have to ... just, when he calls, or comes over, just ... I can't." "Will you hate me forever if I say no?" asked JC, stunning Joey into looking up at him. That was *not* the right answer. "I'm sorry, Joey, you know I absolutely love you to pieces ... but I think it's time I stopped letting you run every time something reminds you of what happened. I'd be a pretty shitty friend if I let you spend the rest of your life scared of ever getting close to someone again." He looked down at Joey's tear-streaked face and looked sympathetic, but firm. "Fine," Joey said hesitantly, after staring at him for a long moment. Knowing that JC thought he was doing what was best for him, but knowing too that he couldn't possibly know how bad Joey felt, how serious he was. How ready he *wasn't*. "I'm ... I'll just ... " He sat back and gathered his legs beneath him, then pushed himself up off the floor. "Good night, JC." "No," said JC, grabbing hold of his arm and standing up himself so that they were face to face. "Joey ... honey ... don't start running from me, too, okay? We've been through everything together, and we'll get through this, too." No, *I'll* get through this, Joey thought, but he didn't wrench himself out of JC's grip. "And if it means that you can't be around Justin for a while, then so be it, but we *are* going to talk about this, okay?" He suddenly pulled Joey towards him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. "God, do you even *know* how much I love you? How much I hate to see you like this? How much I want to find a way to make you happy again?" Joey closed his eyes, feeling the warmth in JC's words spreading through him. Refusing to think about how that used to be all he needed to be happy, but how now it seemed ... not enough. Not ... after the warmth he'd experience every time Justin would so earnestly profess his feelings. But it didn't crush his heart, either, so it had to be a better alternative. "I love you, too, JC," he said softly, wrapping his arms around him in response. "I'm okay. I really am. I'm just not ready to feel this." "But you are feeling it," JC said gently, stroking his back as they continued to hug. "You're already feeling it, Joey, and it's not something that just goes away when you want it to. It's not that easy." He reached up to hold onto Joey's shoulders, holding them just far enough apart so that they could see each other's faces. "If you're feeling it, then maybe you *are* ready. And you just have to ... work a little, to make it okay. You know I can't promise you that things will be perfect ... but I think that with Justin you could have a wonderful, normal relationship. God knows the guy is crazy about you. So let's ... just talk about it a little. For now." Joey was shaking his head before JC even stopped talking. "No, no," he said softly. "I mean ... we can talk about it, but ... I think you're wrong, JC." He looked up at him from under his eyelashes, not sure how he'd take that. "I think maybe I ... pique his curiosity, or something, but ... there's nothing lasting there. And ... " he blushed. "I mean, I left pretty suddenly tonight. And he didn't really try to stop me." "Who are you trying to convince of that?" asked JC, kissing Joey's head affectionately. "Me, or yourself?" Joey didn't answer that, squirming uncomfortably and wishing JC hadn't asked. Because he's knee-jerk reaction had been to say 'You. Of course.' but the words hadn't come out. "If I know you, honey -- and I think I do -- you probably didn't give him much of a chance to stop you. And might not have noticed if he had. Because you're single-minded like that and I think you know it." "Still," Joey said quietly. "Still. It was bad, the whole thing was bad, and I never should've let it get that far. And ... I can't believe I left when I did, either. If any part of him thought that I wasn't worth the trouble before, he *certainly* does now." "Why was it 'bad'?" asked JC, not letting him go even when Joey tried to take a step back. "You've gotta tell me why you think it was so bad, baby, so I can try and understand, okay? You wanna sit down again?" Joey sighed and just sat down heavily on the floor where he was. "I dunno," he said, shaking his head. "Maybe it's what I was scared of all along, you know?" He squinted and looked up at JC. "Everything feeling too right, losing all the detachment I always have with my hook-ups ... having him take off his shirt and not even really be able to speak ... " JC sat down with him, behind him, his legs stretching out alongside Joey's and wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his chin against Joey's shoulder as he spoke. "Just because it's what you were scared of, doesn't make it bad. Actually, it's quite possible that it makes it good, and it's just some kind of lingering fear that's making it seem like it's bad and scary and all the things you don't want. I mean ... didn't you know all along that sooner or later you *were* gonna fall for someone? You didn't feel detached from Justin because you *aren't* detached from Justin, and he's anything but a random hook-up." Joey sighed and tilted his head forward. That was true; that was all true. "I guess I didn't think I'd be such a chickenshit when I did," he admitted softly, and felt JC stiffen a little behind him, but thankfully not interrupt the confession. "And I didn't think it would be some guy, some punk kid who couldn't have less in common with ... her ... if God made him that way just for me." He closed his eyes. "I forget how to even be normal around someone I'm interested in, Jace." JC kissed the back of his neck affectionately. "Maybe that's what I've been here for all along," he murmured in Joey's ear. "To remind you. To make sure you were ready to accept it when the right guy came along. Cause I think he has." Exhaling shakily in resignation, Joey hunched his shoulders even more. "Fuck," he muttered, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Fuck. I mean, you're right, obviously. If he'll even still have me. He's a good kid, JC. He doesn't deserve this." "I think," said JC, and Joey was convinced he was smiling behind him, "that we should probably stop calling him a kid. Because he seems to be more sure of what he wants than just about anyone I've ever met. And more determined to do whatever it takes to get it. So I really don't think he's gonna give up that easy, Joey. From talking to Justin I've learned that there's very little that's unforgivable, especially when it comes to you." "He talks about me?" Joey asked in a small voice, figuring that he couldn't get any more pathetic that evening and might as well let it all out. It was one thing to have Justin say he was attracted to him, either during or after a fight ... it was entirely another to know he was on his mind when he wasn't around. JC actually laughed, shaking Joey's body when he did. "All the time, honey," he assured him. "All. The. Time. Between the two of you, I haven't heard about much *else* for the last while." "What?" Joey sulked, hating being called on that. "I don't talk about him that much. Only when you make me, you big bully." But he snuggled back into JC's chest anyway, happy with an answer that didn't seem crafted solely for his benefit. "For real, though? But, I mean ... nice stuff?" "Very nice stuff," said JC, beginning to snuggle him more than trying to comfort him. "The boy is completely smitten. I mean, he even called me up before you guys had dinner together, trying to get me to tell him the best place to take you so you'd be at least a little impressed with him. Of course he went and picked for himself anyway, but still. And the way he talks about your smile ... well, honey, it's the same way *I* talk about your smile." And of course, Joey couldn't help but feel the beginnings of one form at that. "Which part?" he asked playfully, resting his head back on JC's shoulder. "How it's never failed to get me into any girl's pants I want?" He was joking about that, but JC didn't seem to maybe realize that part of avoiding dating meant that he never heard that kind of stuff. Even from JC. JC squeezed him, half affection and half rebuke. "The way it's absolutely dazzling," he told him, and Joey was more amused than anything that JC had avoided mentioning how many guys' pants it had gotten him into as well. "The way it makes even the worst day seem a whole lot better," he added, which was the thing that definitely brought a full-blown smile to Joey's face. "Thanks, Jace," he murmured, leaning his head forward to kiss JC's forearm. "He's got a pretty spectacular smile, too, though. Even though ... " he blushed. "I dunno, I'm kind of a sucker for his pout." He made an embarrassed noise and nipped at JC's arm, absolutely forgetting what it felt like to be on this end of one of their gossip sessions about the boys they'd met. "You always were," acknowledged JC. "And Justin does have *such* a pretty pout. Especially when he wants something. Which he usually does. And ... " JC poked his side somewhat playfully, chuckling in his ear. "I notice you haven't said a *word* about his ass yet. Come on, spill, honey." "J*C*," groaned Joey, rolling his eyes and flushing even more. "If I haven't said anything, it's because ... you know. I don't have any, um. Up-close-and-personal exposure. Yet." But he thought about all the time he spent with his hand resting on Justin's back that evening, the way his back slope gently into his ass. The way those *jeans* fit him. "Did he talk about that, too?" "Not that I recall," admitted JC. "But I *know* you've looked. Hell, honey, if *I've* looked, you've looked, and I'm pretty sure you don't even need any up-close-and-personal experience to appreciate it." He chuckled in Joey's ear again. "Feeling better?" "Just ... different stuff to worry about now," Joey said honestly. "Not better or worse. I'm still scared shitless." Part of him wanted to make his way back across campus and just ... burst into Justin's room; another part still wanted to go hide under his own bed until one or both of them forgot about the other. "I really don't know what to do, Jace." "Well, I could tell you what I think you should to," said JC, "which I'm pretty sure you know already. Or I could ask you what you *want* to do. Which at this point I'm *not* sure I know, entirely." He squeezed him again. "So talk to me, honey." Joey burrowed deeper into JC's arms. "I want to see him," he said softly. "And apologize for leaving, like that. And ask him to just ... wait for me." He sighed. "And I still want you to help me get him to leave me alone. But I can't do both. Is that what you were thinking I'd say?" JC chuckled gently. "Pretty much, yeah," he said. "And as much as I'd like to make the decision for you, you know you have to do it for yourself. But Joey ... I think you *are* ready. And I think that Justin will help you be readier, if you let him in. Because I'm pretty damn sure he's gonna wait, honey. He's come this far with you already, the rest is probably going to look easy." "Really?" Joey asked hesitantly. "I doubt it. I'm going to be an awkward mess about all of it. And I guess ... I mean, I guess we have to, like, wait to sleep together, or whatever, which is *weird*, and I don't know what he'll expect from me, and ... " he realized all of a sudden that he was already talking like he'd made his decision, and that JC probably knew it. JC kissed his head again. "You wanna know what I think?" he said, and Joey almost laughed thinking it didn't matter if he wanted to hear it or not, JC was going to share. "I think you should talk about this stuff with Justin. Because you know deep down he's gonna be good and understanding about it and will tell you exactly what you need to know. Because Justin is definitely *not* shy to share his thoughts and feelings, which I *know* you already know, honey." "Okay," Joey nodded. Knowing JC was right about that at least. Still dazed, a little, about making such a huge decision -- especially one he still wasn't 100% sure about -- he tried to pull himself to his feet. "I'll do that, then," he said quickly, thinking automatically it would make it easier to do it then while he had the momentum, hoping that Justin would be happy to see him back. "I'll be back, though, okay? Will you wait up?" "Whoa, hang on," said JC, catching his arm again and using it to haul himself to his feet again so they were eye to eye. "Honey, why don't you just relax a little first, okay? Justin will still be there in the morning. It's late and he had a bit more beer than he's used to, from what I saw, and he's probably already sleeping." "Oh, do you think so?" Joey looked at him sheepishly, biting his lip. "Oh. I just ... thought. He'd want to know? I kinda wanted to tell him." He smiled at JC then, watching him smile back. "I'm being stupid; of course he's asleep. I just ... don't want him to wake up in the morning already hating me, if I could say something now. Maybe I should call ... ?" "Honey," said JC gently. "Trust me, he's not going to hate you. And you look absolutely wiped out right now. I think the whole thing might go a little better if you got some sleep, too. Once you have a nice, hot shower you'll probably drop right off." Joey shook his head, really not sure about that. He had way too many thoughts and emotions and things he wanted to say bouncing around in his brain to be able to quiet them enough to sleep. Of course, it was way too many to try and articulate them, in what was going to be a really ... important conversation, he thought, too, so maybe it would be better to wait. "But what if I chicken out, tomorrow?" "I won't let you," promised JC. "Okay? This is what you want, and I won't let you back out if you get nervous." He kissed Joey gently, and for once Joey didn't even want to joke about it going further. "I promise you. We'll make this work out." "Okay," Joey exhaled, and let JC push him toward the bathroom. "Fuck. I'm still *scared*, though, C. What am I going to *say* to him? 'Oh, Justin. Guess what. I've been dicking you around for the past week, and sorry about that, kiddo. But today's your lucky day!' He'll laugh his ass off at me. Or kick me out. Won't he." "Just tell him what you told me," said JC encouragingly. "Tell him you're scared, Joey, just be honest. It won't be anything he doesn't already know, and it might really help things to actually hear you say it." Joey wasn't sure about that, and definitely wasn't sure about his ability to be that open and ... weak ... in front of Justin. Someone he was trying to impress, after all. But he'd try. And just hope that leaving that night hadn't been the last straw for Justin. "Go shower," said JC, nudging him gently toward the bathroom. "You reek of smoke and beer. I'll be in my room if you want to join me tonight. Otherwise ... " He gave Joey an affectionate smile that he appreciated. Needed. "I'll see you in the morning. And don't worry, it'll all work out. I know it." "Thanks, JC," Joey said softly, touching his nose before closing the door. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping with JC that night, and only part of it was because he was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep. He still loved JC with everything he had, but ... that was something that he needed to save, now. For the new person he hoped would be in his life the way he finally realized he wanted him to be. --- *Nobody* was out in the halls of Justin's dorm as Joey crept through them, which wasn't a huge surprise at 7 o'clock on a Sunday morning. *He* certainly hadn't seen that hour on his watch when he was a freshman. And it was good; then he didn't feel so cheesy trying to sneak through juggling two cups of coffee and a box of doughnuts. He set them down on the floor carefully before trying the doorknob to Justin's room, cursing but not surprised to find it locked. But he'd come prepared; he wanted to do this right, and having Justin have to let him in first -- if he even would -- would mess with the vibe. So he pulled the credit card out of his wallet and picked the lock ... yet another reason he was glad the halls were deserted ... and slipped inside. Shutting the door softly behind him, Joey set the breakfast down on Justin's desk, and crept over to the bed. Sucking in a breath when he was faced yet again with how gorgeous the boy looked, how sweet in sleep, and he couldn't believe some of the things he'd remembered saying to him in anger. Things he hoped he could make up for, as he sat down on the edge of the mattress, and started stroking Justin's hair. Justin's hair was impossibly soft, even sleep-matted and slightly tangled, or maybe it was just that everything about Justin seemed somewhat angelic to Joey right then. Joey smiled as Justin moved into his touch, not waking but seeming to be quite aware, in his unconscious state, that someone was making him feel nice. He let his fingers drift to the curves of Justin's face, running over his eyebrows, down his nose, tracing the soft, soft skin of his lips. Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away when he saw Justin shift again, and stripped off his shirt and shoes and jeans quickly -- not wanting to lose his courage. He crawled under the covers carefully and threaded an arm under Justin's pillow. Justin started moving around more, clearly in the middle stages of waking up, becoming aware that he for real wasn't alone in his bed and that wasn't how he'd entered it, the night before. Joey watched as Justin finally blinked an eye open and looked at him without really registering what was going on. Joey laid a hand on Justin's cheek, his thumb stroking the soft skin. "Shhh," he whispered. "Don't freak out, okay, baby? It's just me." More than anything, he was scared of Justin thinking something had happened that he couldn't remember, but he didn't have any way to assure him of that until he knew he was calm. "But you left ... " said Justin, his voice rough from sleep, confusion still clear on his face. He didn't seem freaked out at all by Joey's presence, just seemed to be trying to put the pieces together to figure out how Joey had gone from leaving to back in his bed. "I know," Joey said softly, venturing closer to Justin's sleep-warm torso, "and I'm sorry. But I came back, okay? I'm here." He realized he had *no* idea how Justin would take this, whether he'd sit up in thirty seconds and kick Joey out of his bed, and started to feel like maybe this was the stupidest and most arrogant thing he could've done. "You came back," repeated Justin, his eyes opening wider. Joey wasn't sure comprehension was dawning, but something sure was. Justin reached up and touched Joey's face gently. "You came back for real?" "I came back for *you*," Joey said awkwardly, and lowered his eyes, hoping with almost all his heart that that tender touch was a good sign. "Are you awake? Can I ... can we talk about this?" Justin blinked a couple more times and then yawned so widely Joey could practically see his tonsils. "Yeah," he said a moment later, and finally Joey got a smile out of him. "I'm awake. And I think we definitely need to talk about this." "I brought ... um. There's breakfast." He nodded toward the desk, but didn't make a move to sit up, just curled his arm under Justin's pillow a little tighter. Like he'd been there all night. And now that he was there, he had no idea what to say. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked carefully, remembering what JC had said about Justin drinking, wondering suddenly if that had contributed to what happened between them. "Yeah, I slept all right," said Justin, still sounding drowsy. "Took me a while after you left, but ... it was okay. I kinda understood." He lifted himself up onto his elbow and peered over toward the desk. "You brought breakfast? For ... us?" Joey nodded and took the opening that Justin'd given him to slip a little closer, almost underneath him. "I didn't mean to wake you up," he said, even though that was a lie and Justin had to know it. He just didn't have the first clue how to start with what he *needed* to say. Justin just smiled at that, knowingly. "Since this is the last thing I expected to wake up to," he said a few moments later, into the silence that Joey had left, hoping he'd fill, "maybe you can tell me what's going on in your head right now, Joey?" "I shouldn'tve left," he blurted, an inauspicious beginning. "Or maybe I should've. I think ... there's a good chance I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't. Does that ... do you get what I'm saying, a little?" If he'd stayed, if they'd fucked ... he would've still been sneaking down the halls of Justin's dorm at 7 in the morning ... but on his way out, not his way in. "I think so," said Justin, being as honest as he could be. He probably didn't understand, entirely, but he looked as though he was accepting the explanation at face value. "You came back though," he noted. "Does, that ... um ... mean what I think maybe it means?" "Well," Joey said, still awkward, shifting in the bed and sneaking a hand under the sheets to touch Justin's hip. Hoping his eyes didn't get *too* wide when he felt bare skin there. "I'm not ... what did you *think* it means?" He didn't want to say anything Justin was not going to want to hear, or would throw back in his face. "I think it means that you're going to stop saying no to me," said Justin, and he couldn't hide the hope in his voice. "I think it means that you might finally give us a chance. Am I right, Joey? Is that why you came back?" Joey shut his eyes, relief he hadn't expected rushing over him at the way Justin seemed to so naturally be positive about it, to still want it, as if he had no resentment at all over what had happened the night before or the whole *week* before. Gripping Justin's hip tightly, he managed to say what he realized he really wanted to say, *had* been wanting to say. "If you'll still have me, I'll ... Justin, you scare the shit out of me, but losing a chance with you scares me more. So ... please? Can you let me try?" Justin curled a leg around Joey's and held him there, leaning in for what turned out to be a long, slow kiss that Justin managed to stay in complete control of. When everything inside Joey felt like it was spinning out of control again, there was Justin, being a rock. "Yes," he said simply. "And this is a very good start." "Is it," Joey breathed, when he could, somewhere between a question and a reaffirmation. The connection between them still pulled at him like nothing he could remember feeling, but it was morning and the day was still starting and that lazy kiss was more calming than anything. He wondered if this was what he had been missing all the times he'd left someone -- but only for a second, because he knew it had to be because of Justin. "What else can I do?" "Stay," said Justin, stretching out his body against Joey's lazily. "Feed me breakfast. Go out with me tonight. Take me home with you sometimes. Don't run away from me anymore. Talk to me when things feel weird or bad or scary. Mostly just ... stay." Joey smiled so broadly at Justin's words that he honestly barely registered the closeness of their bodies all of a sudden, beyond the tight grip he still had on the bone of Justin's hip. "Thank you," he said softly, and laid his head back down on Justin's pillow. "Thank you for letting me come back." He blushed when he remembered that Justin hadn't exactly *let* him back in, and buried his face in the pillow. "Are you happy?" he asked, voice muffled. "Yeah," admitted Justin, and Joey caught his grin out of the corner of his eye. "I'm pretty shocked right now but ... yeah, happy about where this is going. Very happy that you're in my room at ... " He paused, probably to look at the clock. "Seven in the morning. In my *bed* at seven in the morning." "I didn't know how else to say," Joey told him honestly. And *now* he was beginning to notice Justin's body close to his, as soon as he'd said the word 'bed.' "It's ... my interpretation of a grand gesture, I guess. Did you ... want me to go? And come back later, maybe?" Justin's grip on him tightened. "Not on your life," he said. "You're not going anywhere this time, okay, Joey? You're welcome here, no matter what time." He paused again, but Joey didn't know what it was this time. "How did you get in here?" "Um," Joey said, covering his face completely, hoping that would keep Justin from hearing his answer. "Um. Remember all that stuff about misspent youth? ... yeah. I'm sorry." He didn't really think Justin would be mad -- hoped he'd be flattered -- but still was apologetic. "I just ... want to blindside you, I guess," he explained. "In case you weren't going to be ... receptive." Justin chuckled, which wasn't what Joey was expecting at all. "I'm not *mad*," he said. "I was just curious. I've never had anyone break in to see me before. Let alone someone who'd strip down and get into bed with me, too." Joey *knew* Justin wasn't mad, even without him saying so, but he still felt like maybe he'd made too much of an assumption. "Well. Not *totally* strip down," he said weakly. Still aware of Justin's body beside his, *suddenly* aware that this was more intimate than anything they'd done yet. "But enough," said Justin, running a hand down Joey's chest like he had the night before, only calmly now. In control of what he was doing like they definitely *hadn't* been, last time. "Because I'm pretty sure you didn't come over here in just your boxers." "Enough," Joey echoed. "Um. Enough for ... what, exactly?" He was scared shitless, again, already; trying to decide if this was where he told Justin that, like he asked, or if he tried to get over whatever mental block he had against being close to Justin. Goosebumps appeared everywhere Justin touched him, even though it was hot and getting hotter under the blankets, and he couldn't remember a time he was this unclothed, this exposed, when not under the cover of darkness... "Well, this," said Justin, looking at him curiously as he let his head sink deeper into the pillow. "Enough to be comfortable, so when I curl up against you and maybe doze off again I'll be up against nice warm skin instead of scratchy denim. And ... I guess enough so if we decide we want to fool around, well, we're kinda ready." He looked at Joey with eyes that were large and a lot more innocent-looking now. "Was that the kind of answer you were looking for?" "I just wanted to know what you honestly thought," Joey said quietly. "There wasn't anything in particular I wanted to hear, Justin." He brushed a curl away from his face and leaned up on an elbow to kiss him tentatively. Not sure how to interpret the idea that they might 'decide' to fool around more. "You're dozing off? No coffee?" "And I told you what I honestly thought," said Justin, still innocently. "I'm not sure I'm really good at doing anything else." He arm curled around Joey's body now and he pressed his lips briefly to Joey's throat. "Coffee would definitely keep me from dozing, yes. You brought coffee for me?" "I did," Joey said, still softly, before disentagling himself from Justin's arms and sitting up. Crossing his arms over his chest, careful not to push the blankets down. "And, um. Doughnuts. I'll get them? Unless you're ... worried about crumbs in your bed." "I'll change the sheets," said Justin with a sweet smile, letting him go but looking very sure that Joey would be right back. "I think, today, it's worth it." Joey felt extremely self-conscious crawling out of the bed, and hurried quickly over to the desk to grab the coffee and the rest of the breakfast. He knew his face was bright red when he walked back to where Justin still lay, not able to cover any of his own body with his hands full. "Here," he said, holding out one of the cups. "There's just a little cream and sugar in that one, and more in this. I ... I'm sorry I didn't know how you liked it. Tell me for, um, next time?" "Little bit of cream, lots of sugar," said Justin, licking his lips as he took the cup. "But this early in the morning I'd drink it black if I had to." He looked at the coffee and at the donuts and then at Joey's face which surely still looked embarassed, and he smiled. "Thanks, Joey. This is one of the coolest things anyone's ever done for me." "You're welcome," he said softly, thinking doing something like this for someone you liked felt familiar but not familiar enough. He put the doughnuts down on the bed and then knelt on the mattress. "Um. Can I ... ?" He gestured at the small space beside Justin on the tiny twin bed, although he wasn't sure if there was enough room for both of them in it. "Or should I go sit over there?" "Get in, silly," said Justin without hesitating. "It'll be you, me and the doughnuts, and I'm sure we'll all get along just fine." He gve Joey another grin, and this time Joey had to return it. So he handed his coffee to Justin to hold while he climbed in, not not NOT looking when he pulled the covers back enough to squirm next to Justin and take his coffee back, sort of halfway-propped on the wall at the head of the bed. "The doughnuts are all yours, kiddo," he said, opening the lid of the box. "Unless you were serious about me feeding them to you?" Justin turned his head to grin at him. "You would seriously do that?" he asked, sipping his coffee awkwardly. "Because, I mean, I wouldn't stop you ... " Joey took a drink of his own coffee, mostly just to try to keep himself from saying what he was about to say, but it didn't work. "I have a lot to make up to you," he reminded him, setting his cup down on the crate beside the bed, making sure the covers were tucked around Justin's body before climbing out of them and hauling himself up to straddle his legs. "This is a relatively painless way to start." He still felt weird being so undressed in front of him when they weren't making out, but as he picked up a doughnut and smiled at the surprise on Justin's face, he figured he'd have to get over that. Justin grinned at him again, looking more than a little bit pleased. "Let's not worry about making anything up to one another," he said. "Let's just go on from here. Because if you ask me, here is a really good place for us to be." "That sounds like something you think you're supposed to say," Joey said gently, reaching for Justin's face and rubbing his lip with his thumb until he opened his mouth. "Don't do that with me. *I'll* worry about making the things up to you I think need to be made up for. You just ... enjoy it." With that, he cocked his head and held the doughnut up for Justin to bite into. Just looked like he was going to argue with him, then he seemed to relax and licked his lips before taking a bit of the doughnut, effectively silencing himself. Which was exactly what Joey wanted him to do; he needed to make it up to Justin, for *himself*, and he didn't want Justin trying to stop him. Joey watched him chew and swallow, and smiled affectionately before leaning over to lick powdered sugar off his lips. "Now," he said, holding the doughnut up again. "Tell me something you think you're *not* supposed to say, but want to anyway." "I want you to be my boyfriend," said Justin, then opened his mouth a little wider, giving Joey puppy-dog eyes. "Can I have more?" Joey swallowed, before moving the doughnut closer to Justin's mouth. "I haven't been a boyfriend in a while," he said awkwardly as Justin ate. "I mean ... I'm not sure how to do it right anymore. I'm not even sure I ever knew what I did wrong the first time." He looked down at his lap and started pulling on a thread from his boxers. "Um. Maybe too serious for this early, huh." "You said to say it," said Justin, looking a little disappointed as he licked the sugar away himself. "Have you *ever* had a boyfriend?" "I meant what *I* was saying," Joey protested softly, putting the rest of the doughnut back in the box and wiping at Justin's mouth with the pads of his fingers. Feeling weird at letting himself be so vulnerable, but not feeling like it was wrong. "I wasn't sure if I was supposed to wait to share all that with you until ... later." He tugged at his underwear some more. "And no, I've never had a boyfriend. I wasn't ... exaggerrating, Justin, when I told you I hadn't had sex with anyone more than once since Kelly." "I don't mind if you talk about the serious stuff, Joey," said Justin, letting his hands rest at Joey's waist against his hips. "Actually, I want you to. I want us be able to do that with each other. The way we started this ... it isn't the same way a lot of relationships start. I think we *need* the serious stuff. You know?" He tilted his head at Joey when he asked that, as though genuinely wondering if he agreed. Joey closed his eyes and nodded. "That's why I said it, why I told you," he said softly. "Well, plus, and JC told me I *should* tell you. About ... being scared. So all this is kinda me trying to be brave." It wasn't helping that Justin was just *so* damn calm about it, but it was nice. "Thank you," said Justin softly, letting his hands run over Joey's boxers to his thighs then slipping his fingers just under the hem. "That makes me feel really special. That you can do that, with me." And just for a moment Joey caught a glimpse of something that reminded him of how vulnerable Justin could be, too. And how brave. "*Only* with you," Joey reminded him, watching his hands. "I mean ... I still want to impress you and seduce you." That was his one worry, that Justin wouldn't find him attractive any more after this, that it was Joey's strength and confidence that had won him over. "I hope maybe I can still do that even after admitting this to you." "Why wouldn't you?" asked Justin, quite seriously. "I mean, do you have *any* idea how impressed I am right now? That you're here? That you did something so unbelievably sweet for me? That you're strong enough to talk about these things that I know you're terrified of? God, Joey. I'm *so* fucking into you." Shifting on Justin's legs, Joey gave him a bashful smile. "Okay. Okay, good. So when I cook you dinner tonight, you won't be sitting there remembering what I wimp I acted like this morning? Promise? 'cause I *want* you to be impressed. Um. And seduced." Justin's eyes widened a little. "You're making me dinner? Like, at your place?" Joey almost laughed at that expression, but worried that Justin might take it the wrong way so he resisted the urge. "And just so you know? I'm okay with the seduction thing. More than okay." Seeing Justin unsettled, a little, helped Joey's confidence enough to wink at him. "You would be sooner or later," he promised. "Is dinner ... I mean, what's wrong? Is it because it's a school night?" Justin laughed, almost more to relieve tension than anything it looked like. "I just wasn't expecting it," he confessed. "It sounds so great. Seriously." "Seriously, okay," Joey teased, and leaned forward to get a sugary kiss from him before climbing off the bed. "I should ... probably go, now," he said more carefully. "I'm not running, I just know you have things to do, and so do I, and I'd love it if we didn't have ... distractions tonight." "Hang on," said Justin, reaching out for him, the blanket slipping down dangerously. "I want a better kiss than that before you go. And, um, are you gonna come get me? Should I just show up?" Joey looked back at him, then averted his eyes before responding. "I thought you could just come over," he chuckled despite himself. "It's not like I don't know you know where it is, and all." "What time, then?" pressed Justin. "You haven't even said yet." He moved to sit up, the blanket slipping lower still. Joey had to force himself not to look. He turned around and grabbed his clothes from where he'd laid them on the chair, knowing he probably should give Justin his damn kiss before the kid got out of the bed naked and he never left, but not able to make himself do it. "Seven? Is seven okay? Not too late, right? And, um ... anything you don't like to eat?" "Seven's good," Justin assured him, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, "and I'll eat anything you make me. JC says you're really good at Italian, like your mom." "Jesus," Joey muttered under his breath, seeing what he did out of the corner of his eye and practically turning his back on him as he tugged on his pants. Plenty baggy to hide his clichedly obvious erection. "I'm not that good," he said modestly. "But it's pretty much all I know how to do. So, um, see you then?" He was pulling on his shirt as he grabbed his wallet and keys and tried to make it to the door. "Joey," said Justin, softly but firmly, making him pause at the door. "You're running. Why?" Joey ran a hand up the frame of the door, staring at the calendar Justin had tacked up next to it, smiling when he saw "Joey" written on the date for yesterday. "Justin, I ... didn't mean to start anything when I came over here. Really. I'm trying to do this right, and I think ... seeing you, um, naked? before I'm supposed to? isn't the way to do it." It was probably the most honest thing he'd told him yet, and came out so quiet at the end he had to hope Justin heard it. "Oh," said Justin, so easily that Joey couldn't tell what he made of it. Or whether he'd even caught it all. But out of the corner of his eye he saw Justin tug the blanket over his lap. "Sorry about that. I wasn't thinking. Can I have a kiss goodbye now?" Again, it was said with an ease that Joey hadn't anticipated, though given how Justin had handled their movie date the day before he maybe should have. His shoulders relaxed and he rushed quickly over to where Justin sat, overwhelmed with affection for the frighteningly mature boy he was lucky enough to have a chance with. Bending over him, he took his face in his hands and kissed him deeply before pulling away but not letting go. "I wasn't running from you," he said seriously. "I'm not going to do that anymore. I just want to do right by you, kiddo." Justin smiled at him, his eyes bright and his expression open. "I'm glad," he said. "Because I'd keep chasing, if I had to, but it'll be nice not to." "You won't," Joey insisted, kissing him again before pulling away reluctantly. "But this is what I wanted to avoid. Let me go? Enjoy your breakfast?" "Go," said Justin, but it didn't look like it was any easier for him to let Joey go as it was for Joey to pull away. "I'll do my reading this afternoon. And I'll be over at seven. I'll see you then, okay?" "I'll be there, promise," he replied, smiling and kissing his cheek before grabbing his hand and kissing that. "Can't wait." Then he flashed what he hoped was that dazzling smile JC was talking about, and slipped out the door. Thinking he had a million and one things to do to make sure the night of *really* starting to make things up to Justin went perfectly. --- Justin had just put his boxers on and grabbed his coffee off the desk when he heard a knock at the door. Laughing to himself and wondering what Joey forgot, he reached for the knob, saying, "What, you learned how to knock?" as he opened it. "Oh," he said a moment later, sure he looked more stunned than he meant to. "Britney. Hey." "Not who you expected, apparently," she said gently, looking at Justin's bare chest and legs and taking a bit of a deep breath. And her brow was furrowed, which couldn't be good. "Do we need to talk?" Justin looked at her warily and had to wonder just what brought her to his door at such an early hour ... just moments after Joey had left. "Quite possibly," he admitted after an awkward silence. "Why do *you* think we need to talk?" "Mmm," she hummed. "Can I come in?" She didn't look upset, or anything, just wary, and since that was exactly how Justin felt, he had no reason to block her path. But he did catch her brief frown at the unmade bed before she sat primly on the chair at the desk. "So ... why I think we need to talk ... has to do with who you thought I was, before you opened the door. I think." Justin nodded and scratched at his head, looking away and thinking of the best way to handle this. Because he knew they were going to have this conversation, but he'd thought it would be him going to her. "Yeah," he said after another pause. "There's finally something to tell, so yeah. Um, you want a doughnut?" She chuckled, then looked at the bed where the doughnuts lay, curiously. "Oh, you were serious. Um. No. I'm fine, thanks." She furrowed her brow again, like she was trying to figure out where they came from without having to ask. "I saw him leave, Justin," she said eventually, sounding like she was trying not to be judgmental. Not that she had any room to talk. "And ... I didn't want to assume anything. So maybe you could explain what I saw? Not that it's any of my business, I guess, but ... " "I didn't sleep with him," said Justin immediately, feeling that was kind of an important thing, when it came to Joey. "But ... as of about half an hour ago, we're officially dating." He looked up and saw the incredulous expression that he'd been expecting. "I know what you're thinking," he said, meeting her eyes, "but there's a lot of stuff you just don't know about the whole situation. Yet." "Okay," she said slowly, looking over at the bed again. Looking like she was trying to believe Justin, but trying to reconcile what she saw with his words. "But you slept with him? And nothing ... happened?" Justin shook his head. "He showed up this morning," he said, helpless to hide the grin that crossed his face as he remembered waking up to find Joey in his bed. "With doughnuts and coffee. For breakfast." But he could see that Britney knew there was more to the story than that. "I've been trying to get him to go out with me for a while," he admitted. "And last night we ... made out some. And partway in he freaked and bailed. But ... but he came *back*. This morning." Britney just stared at him for a long moment. "He came back," she said carefully, weighing the words. "And *he* stopped you last night?" She shook her head. "Wow, that's ... great, Justin. I'm really surprised, but, like, really happy for you." Mostly she just sounded surprised. "Thanks," said Justin, smiling at her this time and not just at the memory. "I ... I feel like I kinda need your blessing on this, Brit. I know how hard it's gonna be and Joey has stuff to get past that ... well, that's just plain awful, to have happened to someone. But I ... fuck, I've totally fallen for him. And he's fallen for me back. And is so damn hard but it's *worth* it. I know it is." He smiled wider at her expression. "I know how ridiculous it sounds, him and me together, but it's just crazy enough to be right, I think." "I think you're probably right," she said softly, really surprising Justin with how quickly she agreed. "I mean, about the two of you working together." She smiled. "I just don't want to be anywhere near the lovers' quarrels, alright? 'Cause you guys can be downright nasty to each other." It was a good reminder, if an uncomfortable one. Justin nodded. "I know," he said, his voice getting a little quieter as he seriously thought about that. "And I know that it hasn't just stopped because we're together now. We're still a little ... volatile. But we know what things not to say now. And I mean ... even when we've been fighting we've been respecting that. So far." "So he really opened up to you?" she said curiously. "You know what's going on with him, why he is the way he is, why he does what he does? And you're ... still interested?" She sounded like that was difficult to believe, and Justin couldn't blame her. "I'm more interested that ever," he admitted. "And I can't even tell you why, really. I guess because he went through what he did and he's still hanging in there. And finally ready to deal with it. And that's just so fucking strong, you know? I mean ... I guess you don't know. But it is. And the fact that he's willing to take a chance on me when he hasn't risked himself on anyone for, like, years? That's gotta mean something." "This is just ... wow," said Britney, shaking her head. "He just seems ... so not your type. And you're so not *his* type. And I *really* can't believe you're dating before you're fucking. How did *that* happen?" "Yeah, it *is* wow," said Justin, grinning sheepishly at her with that admission. "It happened with a lot of persistence, I guess. And me saying no to him." And he watched more closely than ever for her reaction after him saying *that*. "You really think that's what did it?" she said skeptically. "Huh. Maybe. I just ... I dunno. If it was just the average person he was trying to pick up, I don't think it would matter if they said no to him. He'd cut his losses and move on. I don't think he sees you as a *challenge,* baby." "That's not what I said," he said, somewhat uncomfortably now. "I just ... we were already talking by then. We'd had dinner together. And he got scared and ... tried to get me to sleep with him instead of talk. And I said no. And I think that changed this is all. I didn't mean ... I didn't mean what you thought I meant, I guess." He looked up at her again, unsure of how she was taking it, but more importantly unsure of what she thought of him now. "Aww, babe," Britney smiled gently. "I didn't mean anything. I just don't want you to feel like he's just in this for the chase, okay? It seems like ... he was already way sprung on you. You know I know that. I'm just ... looking out for you, is all." "Thanks," he said, offering her a smile again in return. "Sorry. It's just all so new and ... still confusing. It's *not* like anything I've ever had before, but I think it might be better. Has the potential to be better. And it's *Joey*. Joey." She laughed. "Yeah, it's Joey. Big old mean commitment-phobic misogynistic -- ooh, big word -- cocky conceited Joey. What's the part that's supposed to be better, again? Not that the misogyny's a problem, I guess." She was still laughing, and obviously teasing, but Justin knew there had to be some truth behind what she was saying, too. "There's a lot of stuff behind that, Brit," he said softly, not to contradict her but just to defend Joey. "I don't expect you to believe me, given what you've seen of him, but ... well, remember how close JC is to him. So there's gotta be something there, right? And there is." But he didn't think there was a lot he could do to convince her with just words. "He's making me dinner tonight." "Oh, cool!" said Britney casually. "That's so nice. I can't see him cooking, but ... " It was her turn to look uncomfortable. "Well, I guess there's a lot about him I never got to find out. But that's cool! Are you excited?" He grinned despite her discomfort. "Yeah, I am," he said. "I'm ... still pretty stunned by it myself. But what with the not having dated since ... well, since it happened, I guess he's had a lot of time to learn." It was hard to talk around the whole Kelly situation, he was finding, especially with Britney. Especially when he needed to explain just why Joey was worth his time. "A lot of time to learn what?" Britney blinked. "Oh, the cooking? Okay." She chewed on her lip. "You're being very ... cagey. Cryptic? So there really *is* some huge cataclysmic event that made him the way he is?" She blinked again at Justin's slightly dumbfounded expression. "What? I only talk like this in the morning, promise." "Yeah, it was bad," he said after a moment of thought, considering how much to say. "Really bad. So ... I can understand why he's been scared of ... well, anyone caring. Or caring about anyone." He shrugged helplessly, and smiled at her again when he though of dinner. "But it's starting to get better." She reached for his hand. "He's lucky to have you hanging in there for him, I don't care what happened in past lives," she said firmly. "He just better *prove* himself with you. I'm ... sure he has it in him. He's ... really sweet, and gentle. But make sure he *keeps* it that way, okay?" "I think he's gonna do his best," said Justin, truly believing that. "We're both gonna do our best here now. And it's gonna be enough." "Well, okay," Britney smiled. "Alright then. *Now* I'll have one of those doughnuts. And then I'll help you pick out what to wear tonight. Deal?" Justin grinned. "You still think I'm hopelessly inept at dressing myself, don't you?" he said, grabbing the box and offering her one. He almost grabbed one for himself, then remembered the way Joey had fed him and didn't feeling like displacing that memory just yet. "No," she giggled, pulling off a piece of the doughnut and eating it before continuing to talk, mouth full. "You just better look good, boy. If he's *cooking* for you, you better know he's going to be putting on the moves. You gotta be hot enough to throw him off his game, else you'll be giving it up before you know it." She winked. "Either way, I'd definitely say forget the underwear." Justin laughed, trying to cover his embarassment. "I'm not quite sure I'm ready to go that far," he admitted. "Can't I just wear a tight T-shirt or something?" "Aww, come on," Britney needled. "Seriously. Wear those jeans ... you know which ones I mean ... and lose the boxers. You can do it. That's hot." She smiled. "And the tight tee shirt goes without saying, I think." "Are those really appropriate to go to dinner at someone's place in? I mean ... JC will probably be there or something. It probably won't even be like a real date or something. I'm making way too much out of this ... " He shook his head and stared at the doughnuts, thinking that Joey had made it sound like a date. And they were going out now. So it was for sure a date. And maybe he should take Britney's advice this time. She laughed again and ruffled his hair before grabbing another doughnut. "I can *guarantee* you JC won't be there," she promised knowingly. "This is wooing if I've ever heard it. Don't stress! Think how excited you were before you talked to me. Wear what you'll be comfortable in. It's *his* job to impress you this time, and he knows it. The underwear thing ... " She winked. "Just a bonus. For him *and* you, I think." Justin grinned at her. "You'll help me pick out a shirt that doesn't scream dork?" he confirmed, even though he knew that description didn't fit anything he owned, as far as he was concerned. "And give me a pep talk before i go over?" "Yes. Both." She smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have *got* to go to bed. Come knock when you're showered at ready to go?" "Go," he said, squeezing her shoulder and *so* very thankful she was being supportive of this. "Notice how I've tactfully avoided asking what you're doing up at this hour?" "Yes, you're a saint," she sniffed, standing up and making her way toward the door. "I'll remember this tomorrow when *you* get home." Justin chuckled in acknowledgment. "Yeah, we'll see," he said, opening the door for her. "I promise to tell you all about it." And from Britney's knowing smirk, she was expecting him to. --- Justin straightened his shirt one last time, reminding himself that it he tugged on it one more time he was gonna start stretching it out of shape. Finally -- telling himself he was being a moron for being nervous -- he slipped into the building as someone else left and headed for their door, trying not to sound hesitant as he knocked. He could hear Joey laughing as he walked to the door, and had to smile at the brief flash of surprise and quick once-over that even Joey wasn't a good enough actor to hide. "Ahhh," he said, in a deep voice, stepping back to let Justin in the apartment. "Using my own tricks against me, huh? Someone let you in?" "What, you don't think i could break into a building like this one?" said Justin as he stepped inside. "Piece of cake. It's not the first time I've gotten in, you know." He started to look around, but it was the smell that hit him before he noticed anything else. "Wow, you went all out. Showing off already?" Joey narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly as he shut the door behind them. "If you say so," he replied evenly. "But it's really more that it's easier to do something right if you're going to do it. Especially since I have to eat too." "Right," said Justin with a smrik that he tried to make into a smile as he looked at him. "The dinner's for you, and I just happened to be here, right?" He touched Joey's waist as he passed by him, though. Maybe Joey didn't want to admit he was trying to impress him, but Britney'd been right -- that was *exactly* what he was trying to do. And he kinda liked it. Before he could get too far after he'd brushed by him, though, Joey grabbed his arm and tugged him back, cupping his chin in his fingers and laying a hard, fast kiss on his mouth. "You can say hello, you know," he murmured, returning the smirk. "Hello," said Justin, pressing against his lips again before pulling away. "Missed you today. So what's for dinner anyway?" He turned his attention to the kitchen, still awkward with any kind of casual affection with Joey, and thought maybe Joey looked a little relieved at that, too. He could feel Joey behind them even though they weren't touching. "Stuffed shells," he replied, and it sounded like it was an effort to be casual for him too. "And salad and stuff, of course. And wine." His voice got closer behind Justin's ear. "You hungry?" "I'm always hungry," said Justin, adding a bit of bite to the last word. He was groping blindly through unfamiliar territory here, and wasn't sure whether the right thing to do would be to keep this up, or to just grab Joey's hand or something, the way he would have when he was still fighting for him. He turned his face into Joey's neck before speaking again. "Smells good." From that position, he could feel Joey swallow, and smiled to himself. "Good thing I made a lot, then," he heard him mumble before he pushed him away gently. "Especially since you obviously forgot to bring dessert." "What are you talking about?" said Justin with another smirk that he hoped looked braver than he felt. He gestured down at himself. "You're looking at it. And I really think you're gonna enjoy what I've done with it ... " Joey's jaw dropped just a little, and only for a second, before he snorted and rolled his eyes. "Unless you're wearing underwear made out of strawberries, I don't think that counts," he replied, making his way over to the oven and leaving Justin to stand awkwardly in the door of the kitchen. That really hadn't gone over as planned, he realized as he watched him for a moment. JC'd said that Joey was a decent cook, but Justin hadn't believed it until he saw it in action, Joey not even hesitating as he attended to everything that was going on. Which renewed his conviction that yes, Joey was trying to impress him and he had nothing to worry about. "You need any help or anything?" he finally offered, lamely. When Joey turned around, it was with a real grin this time. "Nope," he said. "Just stand there and look pretty. You can't screw that up." He pulled on an oven mitt and took a sizzling dish of pasta out before looking at Justin again. "Do you care where we eat? Your choices are here, or the living room, I guess." "Wherever you usually eat, I guess," said Justin, looking around. But there weren't really any signs that they usually ate anywhere, in particular. If they were anything like him, they ate at their desks most of the time anyway. Joey actually looked slightly uncomfortable with that. "Well," he said, serving the pasta onto the plates he had sitting out. "Okay. I mean ... there's some candles in the living room. If, y'know. You'd be okay sitting out there." "Candles?" repeated Justin, looking towards the living room. It seemed like a strange thing for Joey to say, and he wasn't sure he was reading it right at all. "Like, romantic candles?" he confirmed. "If you want them to be," Joey shrugged, turning his back to him again as he poured the wine, but not before he caught the hint of a blush. "Here," he said, pushing the glasses in Justin's hand. "Just go light them, okay? Or don't, whatever." "No, it's cool," Justin assured him, still surprised. Joey was probably a lot better prepared to seduce a girl than a guy, and he shouldn't have been surprised by that. Besides, it *was* kind of nice. He carred the glasses of wine into the living room and set them down to light the candles, which were, indeed, of the romantic variety. Joey trailed after him not long after, flipping off the lightswitch in the kitchen with his elbow as he balanced the plates in his hands. "Here you go," he said quickly, putting them down on the coffee table and then kneeling down on the floor. "Let me know if you need anything else, kiddo. Otherwise, uh ... dig in. And ... cheers." "Yeah, sure," said Justin, watching the candle flicker for a long, awkward moment instead of Joey's face. "Or I'll just get it, Whatever. I'm sure it can't be *that* hard to find my way around or anything, I did used to live in a real house with a real kitchen and everything before I moved into the dorm." Joey paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Um. Okay. Did I say something to mess up already?" He set the fork back down and took a long drink from his wine instead. "What?" said Justin, finally looking at him him. "No, no, I'm just saying. If I need more wine or whatever, I can get up." He flushed and stared back at his food. "It was just a joke is all. Sorry." When he looked back up, Joey was smirking at him. "Don't be sorry. Just ... don't worry. If you need anything else -- *especially* more wine -- " he leered, "I'll get it for you." "Yeah, yeah, you're just trying to get me drunk to have your way with me," Justin accused him, taking his first tiny bite of the pasta. "Lemme let you in on a little secret ... you don't need the wine. I'm kind of a sure thing, tonight." "Well, way to take the fun out of it," Joey retorted, but his fingers brushed against Justin's gently. "Didn't you ever learn that what guys really want is the chase? Hell, that's half of why I figured you were into *me*." Justin flushed again and turned away. "At this point I'd put a padlock on my jeans if I thought it'd turn you on. But ... no offense, but *you* never struck me as someone who liked the chase." Joey chuckled and glanced down at the crotch of Justin's jeans, almost like he could see through them. "Really?" he asked coyly, as coy as Justin expected Joey got. "Why is that, do you think? "Maybe because you never wanted what was at the end of the chase," said Justin sombrely, knowing that wasn't what Joey expected -- or wanted -- to hear but saying it anyway. "Because at the end of the chase isn't just getting laid. But isn't our chase over, Joey?" Then he smiled and nudged him and tried to lighten the mood again. "Besides, I was kinda counting on getting laid tonight." Joey gave him an indecipherable smile, and stuffed a forkful of food in his mouth. "Different kind of chase, maybe," was all he said, but he *was* smiling, and he *was* sitting closer, and he *hadn't* gotten upset with Justin for saying something like that. "Is your food okay?" "Yeah, s'good," said Justin quickly, unwilling to break the good mood now. "Really good. JC was right, you *can* cook. Glad I didn't make the mistake of taking you for Italian on our first date, it would have been hopelessly outclassed by this." Joey squinted at him, then gave him an honest, open smile. "Thanks, Justin," he said, then laughed. "You know what they say: there's two things I do well, and cooking's the other one." Justin coughed politely and grinned. "Counting on it," he said, trying to hide the fact that he was getting completely aroused by the thought of that. There was a time and a place ... and this may have been the place but it definitely wasn't the time. "Oh, um, my wine seems to be gone ... " "Seems to be, right," Joey echoed, rolling his eyes. "Wonder how that happened." He got smoothly to his feet though, more graceful than Justin ever expected he would be. "You know I can't let you drive home, in good conscience, now," he teased. "You couldn't let me drive home in good conscience *before*," Justin reminded him, still holding his empty glass. "I told you ... you don't need wine to keep me here. Um ... but it helps." He licked his lips and gave Joey an anything-but-innocent smile. Joey closed his eyes, keeping them closed longer than he needed to, before backing away. "Um. Maybe I'll just bring the whole bottle back in here," he said, and Justin could only pick out the nervous edge because he was looking for it. Kind of hoping for it. "Right," said Justin. "The more wine the better. Because hey ... maybe I'm* trying to get *you* drunk and have my way with you. God knows I've been trying for long enough." Joey opened his mouth like he was going to reply to that, then shut it quickly and shook his head, going into the kitchen and returning with the wine. Which he poured with slightly shaky hands. "Not *that* long," he said finally. "I've only known you didn't hate my guts for, like, a week." "A very *long* week," Justin reminded him. A week that had left him more emotionally drained than he ever remembered being before. But a week that had ended here, finally. He took another sip of his wine right away, appreciating it more than he was letting on."I've only known you didn't hate my guts for ... " A day? If that? "Well, that's not important." "But you know I don't, now?" Joey replied, in a deeper voice, the light from the candle flickering in his face and making his eyes look almost gold. "Just 'cause I cooked you dinner, invited you over ... ?" "I think it's a pretty good guess, after the donuts," said Justin with a smile that he *knew* had to be more confident than he felt. "And the breaking into my room and all. The dinner ... that's just gravy." "Right, the donuts," Joey muttered, and sighed heavily, winking at Justin. "Gave away my hand too soon, I guess ... are you gonna eat any more?" He gestured down at Justin's still mostly-full plate, since he hadn't taken a bite in several minutes. Justin looked down himself. "Oh ... yeah ... was just too busy staring at you I guess." He gave Joey a wink and took another bite, even though he was a lot more eager for things other than dinner now. Now that he knew it was going to happen. He hadn't been this impatient before, especially with Joey, but he was having a very strong gut reaction to him now that he knew he could have him. "Really," Joey replied, arching an eyebrow and resting his weight back on his hands. "You're very different tonight," he mused casually. "Cocky. Like when we met. What's that about, kiddo?" "Well .... shouldn't I be?" said Justin, thrown off balance at being called on it. "I mean ... You *don't* hate my guts, right? And you're giving me a chance now? And I can just relax and ... be with you?" He kept his hands to himself, even though he was just about ready to jump him right there, he was ready to "be with him" so much. Joey laughed and leaned foward. "I don't hate your guts. And ... if you *want* to look at it as me giving you a chance, I'm okay with that. It's just ... all this effort to show me what a 'sure thing' you are, and you didn't stop to wonder if *I* was ... " Justin gaped at him for a moment, stunned and hoping that he wasn't being serious. "But ... " he began. "But this morning, and last night, and ... and just, you're you. Fuck Joey ... are you saying you don't want to be with me, after all? Just say it straight up, okay? Let's not play games about it ... " Joey laughed harder. "No, no. I'm not saying I'm *not*. I just ... " He shook his head. "Just relax. I'm not playing games with you. I want to be with you. I want to try and be your boyfriend, I remember saying that very clearly." He smiled indulgently. "Relax?" Justin hesitated for another moment. "It's hard," he said finally, picking at his dinner again. "To relax, when we're together. Too much history, you know? But ... I'm trying." He was surprised to discover that he'd almost drained another glass of wine in his effort to relax. "And ... kinda looking forward to being naked with you, a lot more than I have with anyone for ... like ... EVER." Joey nodded and looked pleased, didn't quite leer as lewdly this time. "Finish your dinner, then," he yawned, pouring Justin another half-glass when he caught his look. "I'm kinda looking forward to this dessert you brought me." "Yeah, I hear I'm pretty sweet," said Justin quietly, giving Joey a smile that felt a lot shyer than before. *He* felt a lot shyer than before, suddenly, as he slowly at his dinner. "Cocky boy," Joey chuckled, wiping his mouth with his napkin, staring at Justin wihtout faltering as he watched him eat. "Britney not waiting up for you tonight?" Justin shook his head with a tiny smile. "She dressed me up and kissed me on the cheek and said she'd better not see me until morning," he said. He hoped that the subject of Britney was a safe one now, after how volatile it had been in the all along. In fact, it was where this whole thing started, he remembered. "I don't think she needed to worry," Joey admitted, stretching again and draining his glass with a smile. "I mean, she doesn't anyway. Need to worry. About you being with me." Joey looked embarrassed at that, but only briefly. "I can be a good guy." "If I didn't already know that, I wouldn't be here," murmured Justin, just loud enough for Joey to hear. "She's ... wary. But she's not telling me not to, which is a good sign. I think." He ate more of the pasta, and he *was* in fact impressed, so if that was what Joey had been trying for, he'd succeeded. Candles and all. Joey looked pleasantly surprised at that, then seemed to force the smirk back on his face. "Well. She ... " he stopped somewhat abruptly and looked away, quite obviously deciding mid-sentence not to go wherever he was about to go. "She's a good kid, she looks out for you," he said lamely instead. "Everybody needs someone like that." "Yeah," said Justin, half wondering what Joey had been planning to say and half relieved that he hadn't. There were a lot of things that it could have been that he just didn't want to hear. "She also tells me that I have no fashion sense, that I'm a prude or something and that I study too much. So it kinda balances out." Joey looked down at his clothes appraisingly, and once again Justin felt like he could *sense* he wasn't wearing underwear. "You're looking fine to me," he murmured, then glanced back up from under his eyelashes. "And ... I wouldn't call you a prude. You seemed pretty happy to be naked in broad daylight this morning when all we did was kiss ... " Justin grinned at him self-consciously, tugging at his T-shirt again. "Yeah, well, she doesn't know me so well in that area I guess," he said, thinking about that morning again with a slight flush. "I've never wanted to sleep wtih *her* after all." "Easy mistake," Joey said quietly, then crawled a little closer to Justin, hands and knees on the floor. "You know what I thought of you at first. Or ... well, what I let you believe I thought, at any rate." "I know quite a few things you thought of me at first," said Justin, trying to smile despite the subject matter. "And I know that just about all of them were wrong, too. But then, so were all the things I thought about you. Well, most of them, anyway. For instance ... you're *not* straight. Which I'm pretty happy about, really." "And Jace gives *me* shit for my gaydar," Joey retorted, scooting still closer, until he could push Justin's plate back on the table a little and run a hand up his denim-covered thigh. "So. How happy?" "In my defense, you *were* hitting on a girl at the time," said Justin, rolling toward him so Joey's hand got closer to his groin. "And I'm *quite* happy. The happiest. Time for dessert?" "You tell me," Joey murmured, watching his hand. "You brought it." He bit his lip, let his fingers curl against Justin's leg. "Did you like your dinner?" "Dinner was great," said Justin, sliding closer still and hoping Joey would take the hint. "But I think it's time for after-dinner now. I think it's *definitely* time for something a little ... different." There was no way that Joey could miss how hard he was, but that was the point. He didn't *want* Joey to miss it now. Joey glanced up quickly. "Different?" he echoed, brow furrowed but just barely before he looked back down at Justin's torso. "Different how." He reached one of his big arms around Justin's waist, resting his hand gently on the small of his back, supporting him as he moved close enough to force him to lean back into his hand. "Different from dinner," said Justin, trying to look tempting and seductive and not at all sure he was succeeding. "Though I do hope you'll still use your mouth, at least a little ... " He arched back against Joey's hand, making his arousal that much more prominent. "I think that's usually an essential part of dessert," Joey murmured, then tilted his head and kissed Justin -- suddenly, roughly, tasting like spicy wine and warm tomato sauce. His hand was firm and hot on Justin's spine and Justin could feel his fingers clench into a fist. "I'm thinking maybe I should serve dessert in the bedroom," offered Justin, closing his eyes for a moment as Joey breathed against his cheek. "I can't promise it won't drip on the sheets, though ... " He felt Joey moan almost more than he heard him, and smiled to himself. "Fuck, kid," he grunted huskily, letting him lean back even closer to the floor. "Where'd a prude like you learn to talk like that." "I've been hanging out with bad boys lately," said Justin with a slight moan of his own as Joey lowered him. "Guess it's rubbing off on me ... in all the best ways." Joey kissed him deeply again, their noses bumping as they both tried to get used to each other's feel, both struggled a little for control of the kiss. "Yeah, I like it," he murmured, reaching up to grip Justin's jaw with his other hand. "Any, uh ... dripping, yet?" "Dessert is safely contained for the moment," murmured Justin with a slight smile, kissing just the corner of Joey's mouth both tenderly and teasingly. "I can't say what'll happen when you take it out of its packaging though ... " Snorting softly against Justin's cheek, Joey pulled back and started moving his hand away, slowly enough that Justin had enough warning to brace himself with his hands before he fell backwards. "Still want to move this party back to my room?" he asked casually. Justin hesitated, looking at Joey's dark, dark eyes. "As long as we have everything we need," he said slowly as he lowered him*self* to the floor, "I'm perfectly happy right where we are ... " Joey looked almost *pained* when he let his eyes roam over Justin's body, laid out on the ground in front of him with his tee shirt hitched up a little and his erection an almost obscene bulge at the fly of his jeans. "Fuck," he hissed, resting back on his haunches. "What is it we need, exactly." "Um ... condom? At least?" offered Justin, squirming under Joey's intense gaze. "I mean ... I don't do it without, That's okay, right?" He mentally cursed himself for sounding so unsure about it, but Joey had sounded like he thought they didn't need *anything*. Joey *definitely* looked pained, then, and straightened up a little. "Oh. No. I mean ... no, of course you should use condoms. We should use a condom. But ... Justin ... " He stretched his fingers out to touch the sliver of skin on Justin's exposed tummy, and squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay. Sit up. I think we should ... need to ... um. Talk." Justin propped himself up onto his elbows but didn't go any further, staring at Joey in confusion. And dread. "Oh God," he said softly. "Oh no, Joey, please don't tell me you're having second thoughts now ... " Joey wouldn't meet his eyes. "Second thoughts?" he echoed, like he wasn't quite sure what the phrase meant. "About ... about what, exactly, Justin? I'm not ... not going anywhere. I want you to stay. And obviously I'm fucking hot for you right now, but ... " "But what?" pushed Justin desperately. "But *what*, Joey? Tell me what to do and I'll do it, I swear. I didn't fight this long and come this far just to have something stand in our way. I'm *not* letting you go. I'm not." "Justin, baby," Joey smiled finally, reaching a hand out to Justin's forehead that he had to work hard not to flinch away from. "I told you to relax. You've got me, okay? I'm not. Going. Anywhere." He bit his lip and moved his fingers up to tangle in Justin's curls. "I just ... I'm not going to fuck you tonight." "What?" said Justin softly, looking down at himself and then up at Joey again. "Why not? I mean ... do you want me to fuck you? Because I can do that, I just wasn't expecting that you would want to ... " He trailed off. "I don't understand," he said finally. Joey shook his head, and ducked a little to try and hide the smile that Justin saw appear as soon as he'd said he could fuck Joey. "No, kiddo," he said affectionately. "I'm ... trying to do the right thing, here. You've said you only sleep with people you care about, now, and I want to deserve that. I want to prove that to you. And so I figured showing you I can wait, when you think I'd sleep with anything that offered ... maybe that would prove it." "Oh," said Justin softly, and for a long while he had no idea what to say to that. He had no idea that was what was going through Joey's head. "Oh, Joey," he said finally."That's really sweet, but I'm not doing anything I'm going to regret. I already think you deserve that, I know this isn't just about the sex. Not after everything we've been through." Joey didn't look convinced, though. "Well, good, then," Joey said finally, placing a hand under one of Justin's knees and tugging his legs apart. "If it's not just about the sex, then it doesn't matter if we spend the next little while doing everything but." Smoothly, he slid into the space he'd created in front of Justin. Justin relaxed as he realized that they were still going to do *some*thing, but he was still a little hung up on the sex thing. "Are you sure, Joey?" he asked. "Because you don't have to prove anything to me, I already know that i'm not like everyone else, to you ... " "I *do* have to prove something to you," Joey protested vehemently, just like he had earlier when Justin told him they could just start fresh. "And to myself. So just ... kiss me, okay? The rest will come when it's supposed to." "As long as *I* come when I'm supposed to," muttered Justin, but it was more than half teasing now. It was to himself that Joey really had to prove that things were going to work out with Justin, and he understood that. now. He just hoped that it wasn't going to be a long process. "I won't leave you hanging, baby," Joey promised silkily, pressing him back to the floor again and draping the weight of his whole body on top of Justin's. "You'll come. Plenty. Just ... not from my dick, in that sweet little ass of yours. Not yet anyway." "Soon, I hope," said Justin plainly. As long as Joey knew that *he* was ready for it, whenever, it was pretty much all he could do. "And the other way round, too, if I have my way. But ... for now ... care to check out dessert?" "I'm just waiting for you to dish it out," Joey teased, rubbing himself calmly against Justin's hip. "I did want a little taste, at least." "Just a little?" said Justin with a mock pout at him. He *knew* what his pout did to people, even if he was constantly surprised by what the rest of him did to people. "I was kinda hoping you were gonna wanna gobble the whole thing down, once you see was I brought ... " "Well, let me see, then," Joey said patronizingly, sitting back up and trailing his hands along Justin's sides as he did -- the motion tugging his shirt up even further and Justin knew without a doubt it was entirely intentional. "I'm kind of picky about dessert sometimes." "If you tell me JC makes better dessert than me, I'm going to hit you," said Justin, only half joking. Resting his back and head on the floor, he reached down and started undoing his pants. "You know, *you* could've done this," he pointed out as he unzipped and shoved the fabric down eagerly. The gasp and look on Joey's face when he saw Justin wasn't wearing underwear was more than worth it, though. "Jesus," he muttered, licking his lips. "Jesus, Justin. That's the, uh, flimsiest packaging I've ever seen." "The easier to get into it, my dear," said Justin witha smirk as he pushed the pants down further. "So ... is dessert up to your standards?" Joey didn't even respond to him, scooting back just enough to get his hands on Justin's jeans to help push them past his knees, then hunching his shoulders to take half of Justin's cock into his mouth abruptly. "Oh!" Justin blurted out, fisting both hands so he wouldn't just grab Joey and try to fuck his mouth. It had been so long since he'd been with someone else, and to have the contact come so suddenly ... he almost couldn't take it. "Oh God, Joey. I could live with just this for a while, yeah ... " He heard Joey snort when he pulled off for a split second, but didn't have enough time to register it before his warm mouth engulfed him again -- this time accompanied with the very tip of a slick finger pressed just inside his ass. "Oh *shit*," he said, trying to move, to spread his legs more, but he was still hobbled by his pants. He should have known Joey would be *this good* -- he knew how much esperience he had, knew what Britney had told him -- but he'd thought that it would be different with guys. Apparently it wasn't. Joey pulled off again, after several seconds of blissful suction, to wipe his mouth with the back of his free hand. The finger of his other was still probing Justin's body. "Yeah, okay," he said in a throaty voice. "You do make pretty good dessert." "Was kinda hoping I would," said Justin, taking that moment to catch his breath. "Filling, too .. or I will be, anyway." He still couldn't quite managed to breath normally with Joey's finger inside him, pressing in and tugging and just generally making him feel incredible. "Want more?" "I get seconds, right?" Joey arched an eyebrow, and leaned forward like he was about to start sucking him again, before sitting back up and smirking at Justin. "I'm not really supposed to, uh ... eat out here, though," he mused. "Any ideas?" Justin couldn't help but reach up for Joey's head to tug him back down. "I promise we won't make a mess," he said, squirming helplessly. "Joey ... please ... this is cruel to poor, needy, hasn't-gotten-laid-for-months me." Joey laughed and batted at Justin's hands. "Okay, baby. Lemme take the edge off, for you, then we'll go somewhere we *can* make a mess." Winking, he bowed his head and tongued at Justin's cock before closing his lips around it and sucking hard again. "Oh God, yeah," said Justin, thankful he wasn't trying to impress Joey with his stamina right then, thankful that Joey *understood* what he was going through and wasn't going to torment him. *This* time, anyway. Another time he wouldn't have minded a bit. "Fuck. You swallow, right? Otherwise, you need to be getting off there real quick ... " Justin actually thought he was being kind of rhetorical, and so was almost in shock when Joey slipped his mouth off the tip of his cock. He'd even opened his to speak -- to say what, he had no idea -- when he was surprised again by Joey shoving his finger the rest of the way inside his body and triggering his prostate. It was enough to make him come, even though Joey's mouth was no longer on him, and he moaned softly. With a little regret, too. He opened his mouth to speak again but found there was nothing really appropriate to say to him and shut it again, closing his eyes. He felt shaky fingers pressing against his lips, sensed Joey laying down on his side next to him. "Justin," he whispered. "Justin. Are you okay, baby? Was that ... you're okay, right? Did I hurt you?" "What?" said Justin blearily, trying to process the questions. "What ... yeah. No, I'm fine. Of course I'm fine. Why would you think I'm not fine, Joey?" He blinked his eyes open at him and tried to read his expression, but it was a little hard to do when he was still coming down. "I'm just ... asking," Joey replied awkwardly, glancing down at Justin's torso. "Sorry." With the same hand he reached down between them, ran his thumb gently through the sticky white mess on his stomach, drawing indecipherable patterns. "You really shouldn't say sorry after sex," said Justin softly, starting to become fully aware of Joey beside him again. "It could give a guy a complex or something." "As opposed to lying there mute," Joey pointed out. "I guess *that's* not supposed to give a guy a complex? Especially if said guy was fully aware that he'd been a bit of a disappointment?" "Stop," said Justin softly, determined to make sure Joey knew he *wasn't* a disappointment. "Just stop, okay? I'm just *now* coming down, and I don't usually talk in the middle of orgasm is all. Okay, hon? Okay?" "Okay," Joey echoed, rolling on his back beside him, bringing his thumb up to his own mouth and sucking the juices off it idly. And then, maybe just to be annoying, murmured "sorry" again. "No," said Justin firmly. "No, Joey, *please*. Not like this. You were so fucking great at that. Is it just ... is it just that you don't know what to do, after?" He said as the idea occurred to him. "Because I can help you with that, baby, I swear." "Something like that," Joey murmured, not meeting his eyes, letting his fingers drift back to Justin's tummy. "Help how?" "Um ... " Justin hadn't really thought that far. "Help by talking with you about it, maybe?" he offered. "Help by curling up with you and not letting you go? Help by ... maybe making sure *I'm* not the only satisfied one here?" Joey's lips curled into a smile. "You *know* I'm not gonna say no, to any of that," he replied, and Justin felt like he could breathe again, especially when he rolled back closer and pressed his groin against Justin's bare hip. "I might have dessert of my own, somewhere ... " "I'm kinda hoping you do," said Justin, beginning to run his hands down Joey's body. "Not that dinner wasn't filling, but ... " He gave Joey a grin and a wink and kissed him softly. "But before we do that ... you wanna tell me what happened there? For real?" Glancing away, Joey pulled back slightly. "Sorry. I just thought ... well. There are some things I'm more comfortable with, than others. And ... " Justin was amazed at how difficult this seemed to be for Joey to say. "But if you say it didn't matter, that I didn't ... swallow, or whatever, then ... we don't have to talk about it. Really." "It *doesn't* matter," said Justin, convincing himself right in that moment that it wasn't nearly as important as he'd made it out to be. It was the only way he could ever convince *Joey* of that. "What we did was so great, Joey. But do you want to talk about it anyway, maybe?" He'd kinda imagined that their first time together was going to be just them falling into bed together and fucking each other's brains out. But it wasn't turning out that way at all, it was turning out awkward and fumbling and slow and ... a whole lot more tender and meaningful than he'd figured on. Which was kinda nice and kinda different and was just a *blazing* signal to him that he was something different to Joey than all the rest. "Can we just ... ?" Joey ground his cock against Justin's hip again, but not desperately. "I'm not trying to not talk, baby, I just ... really want to just go roll around with you on the sheets for a while ... learn your body, let you learn mine if you want ... we have all night to talk." He sucked his thumb in his mouth again, speaking around it. "And tomorrow, and the next day ... " "If I want?" said Justin with a smile, letting Joey know that that was just fine with him. "What kind of silly question is that? Of course I want." His hands continued their path down Joey's body, then, pausing at his waist. "But I think actually getting us into the bedroom right about now is a really good idea." "Any particular reason?" Joey pressed, rocking his hips a little in Justin's grip, trying to move his face closer for a kiss. "Or did I make it sound just that tempting?" "Because I really want to take all your clothes off and lay you into the bed and give you a blowjob that'll make your toes curl," said Justin simply, giving Joey his kiss. "And I want to look at you, spread out there, and know that it's only gonna be me touching you now. And touching you a *lot* if I have my way." "Ahh, my cocky little boy returns," Joey smirked, nipping at Justin's lip before he could pull away, then pushing himself up into a sitting position. "You're like a spoiled little boy that doesn't want to share, aren't you." "Yeah," admitted Justin without a touch of shame. "I am, and I'm not gonna. So ... bedroom? And I'll take care of you like you deserver?" Joey chuckled again and got to his feet, watching Justin with a raised eyebrow as they both looked down at the tangled mess of jeans around his knees. "Bedroom," he agreed, holding out his hand. "You've only got me a little frightened." "Not seriously, though, right?" said Justin as he struggled to kick the pants right off. "Not seriously scared? Because I'm not. Scary. I'm really gentle and stuff ... " He flushed when he saw the amused look on Joey's face. "Um, if you were worried." "No, not seriously scared," he said slowly, reaching around to cup Justin's bare ass and tugging their bodies together. "Just wondering what 'treat me like I deserve' was supposed to mean." "That's fair," murmured Justin, cursing himself for not remembering just how loaded those words were, between them . "I meant ... treat you good. Treat you like I would want to be treated. Does that, um, sound better, to you?" "Sounds wonderful, to me," Joey agreed, letting his fingers slide over Justin's ass and trail down the cleft, watching Justin's reaction. "I'll make sure and pay attention. For when we get seconds." Justin shivered a little bit and moved back against Joey's hand without even thinking about it. When he realized what he was doing, he gave Joey a guilty, embarassed smile and reached for his hand, tugging him toward the hall way. "I think we're never gonna run out of dessert." back