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Link: next Link: shortcut icon apple-touch-icon Link: canonical * You Might Be A Zombie! * Cracked Store * iPad App * Horror On Cracked * Write For Us * Login * or Register * Face Book Connect Cracked.com America's Only Humor Site Since 1958 Get the Cracked iPhone reader Agents of Cracked Season 3 Videos * Articles Browse By All Articles Movies & TV Music Celebrities Tech Sex Sports News Science History Weird World Video Games * Videos * Columnists Browse By Daniel O' Brien Soren Bowie Robert Brockway Chris Bucholz Gladstone Michael Swaim Seanbaby Cody Christina H. David Wong Jack O'Brien John Cheese Luke McKinney Brendan McGinley Adam Brown * Forums * Topics * Photoplasty * More * Cheat Sheets * LinkSTORM * Asstrology * Craptions Classics * Popular * Greatest Hits * Sketch Competition * Random Article * Get Our RSS Feed _____________________ [ Search ] [IMG] 10 Old Toys That Made Sense In Their Era (And Nowhere Else) By: Tracy V. T.D. Woodward [IMG] The 5 Reasons Marriage Scares Men (Aren't What You Think) By: John Cheese [IMG] 5 Artists Who Stopped Sucking Out of Nowhere By: Gladstone 1. Home 2. Weird World 3. The 5 Most Mind-Blowing Things That Can Be Found Underwater The 5 Most Mind-Blowing Things That Can Be Found Underwater By: Kier Harris December 03, 2011 Add to Favorites Exploring the depths via scuba or free diving is one of those things that seems really cool in theory. Then you swim around in a pool for 36 hours, go to the man-made lake you heard had a flooded town and discover a bunch of muddy brick foundations. It turns out that lakes in the Midwest are about as full of adventurous treasures as the towns around them. But, like the 28 percent of the Earth that's not covered in water, if you pick the right spot at the right time of day, you can find stuff down there that will blow your mind. For instance ... #5. Underwater Rivers and Deep Sea Lakes (With Waves) A group of amateur cave explorers discovered a river in Mexico with banks, trees and leaves just like an ordinary river, but with an additional metric shit ton of "WTF," because they were hovering 25 feet over it in scuba gear when they discovered it. Anatoly Beloshchin "We're calling it the Meta-River." While underwater water doesn't seem possible, the "river" is actually a briny mix of salt water and hydrogen sulfide. It's much more dense than regular salt water, so it sinks to the bottom and forms a distinct separation that acts and flows like a river. Anatoly Beloshchin SCU2BA diving. In addition to giving scuba divers the distinct feeling that they're flying through a landscape painting, the underwater river allows them to snap mind-blowing pictures like the series you're looking at taken by Anatoly Beloshchin. Anatoly Beloshchin Presumably not as entertaining to any fish that happened to be swimming by. Unfortunately, hydrogen sulfide is extremely toxic, so the chances of the above scuba diver pulling in some sort of meta-fish aren't great. However, there is an underwater body of water on the abyssal plain (the part out past the continental shelf where the ocean floor starts to make shit real) that is teeming with life. Deep sea lakes look like normal lakes, complete with sandy and rocky shores. Scientist call these lakes "cold seeps," but they're a hotbed for life, because apparently waterfront real estate is a hot commodity under water, too. The "rocky" shores are actually made up of hundreds of thousands of mussels. Blue Earth via Youtube Pictured: Mussel Beach on the Goo Lagoon. Even weirder, the lakes under the waves have waves of their own. Check out this video of scientists discovering the waves for the first time if you want to see something cool and hear what it sounds like when scientists lose their shit. [EMBED] #4. The Ocean's Answer to the Sarlacc You've likely seen aerial shots of these dark blue holes and assumed there was something down there accounting for the darkness. Maybe some silt or seaweed that's collected in a crater on the sea floor. In fact, those are giant sinkholes in the middle of the ocean that formed during the Ice Age the same way giant city-block-sized sinkholes form in cities today: water, chemicals, time and bureaucratic mismanagement. horslips5 This is a sign you might not live in a particularly well-run municipality. Of course, it's not totally fair to compare it to the Guatemala sinkhole that swallowed an entire city block, since it's bigger and three times deeper than that. Notice that sharp contrast from bright aquamarine to deep dark blue? That's not caused by anything dark trapped in the sinkhole. It isn't caused by anything. It's hundreds of feet of absolutely nothing but cold water straight down to whatever is below the bottom of the ocean until presumably it starts warming up as you near the center of the earth. USGS Above: Goatse via Poseidon. If you're the sort of person who immediately wants to know what the craziest goddamned thing you can do to a 600-foot ocean bottom sinkhole is, world free diving champion Guillaume Nery has you covered. He stood on the edge of the world's deepest blue hole without any sort of breathing apparatus, ignored every fiber of his being telling him he was perched on the mouth of a sarlacc and decided he wanted to touch the drain in the ocean's deep end. Guillaume Nery, Youtube Because fuck air. And it only gets eerier inside the hole, where you're forced to face the reality that you've stumbled into either a) the lair of something terrible that is going to swim by overhead and blot out the last trace of sunlight you'll ever see or b) the stomach of some sort of ocean bottom Venus flytrap designed specifically to trap and digest people who see something beautiful and feel the desire to swim down its throat. Jenny Huang, Dive Photo Guide When the bubbles get to the surface, it knows to swallow. #3. Spiders We've written about the terrors of spiders before here. And here, here, here and here. In fact, underwater seems like the one place on earth you'd actually be safe from all this horror, but you'd be wrong. And no, we don't mean spider crabs or any other sea creature that looks like a spider. We mean actual air-breathing spiders that spend as much of their lives underwater as whales and dolphins. And they do it using scuba gear that they presumably paid for with their winnings from the face hugger look-alike competition: Heidi & Hans-Jurgen Koch We have a new winner in the category of worst thing to see while opening your eyes underwater in a lake. You had a great run, skinny-dipping cousin sneaking a poop. The diving bell spider is the only spider on earth that spends almost its entire life underwater. It weaves a special bell-shaped web that catches and contains air bubbles that it brings down from the surface. The web acts like a fish's gills and filters oxygen out of the water around it, so the spider can stay under for a day or more at a time before needing to get more bubbles. It carries the bubbles down to its web by trapping them in hairs on its abdomen, as seen in this not at all terrifying picture from the New York Times: The New York Times Welcome to your new life hoping that was a crab that just scampered over your foot. The spider then takes this air bubble and transfers it over to its web, where it can lie in wait for its prey, avoiding the predatory birds above the water's surface and any pockets of your nightmares that used to be spider-free. BBC Nature "Ma'am? The spiders are coming from inside your lungs." Here's a video of one bringing the bubbles down before finally climbing inside and beginning to devour a freshly caught snack. The female diving bell spiders often construct much larger webs so that they can house their eggs. Getty "We also like to store them in your ears. While you sleep." And now you get to worry that the squishy thing you just stepped on was a nest of hatching spiders. * Prev * Page 1 of 2 * Next * Stumble Upon * facebook * reddit * twitter * Fark Recommended For Your Pleasure * [IMG] 20 Plot Twists Famous Movies Should Have Had 1,186,330 views * [IMG] 6 Tiny Things That Have Mind-Blowing Global Impacts 1,326,352 views * [IMG] The 9 Most Mind-blowing Disguises in the Animal Kingdom 1,537,671 views * [IMG] The 5 Most Mind-Blowing Coincidences of All Time 3,368,630 views * [IMG] 6 Mind-Blowing Achievements in Propaganda 1,616,858 views _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 828 Comments Recent Votes | Show Profanity 1. [IMG] undecided 01/04/12 01:45 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 it is said that every jar of peanut butter contains spiders Reply Replying to undecided _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 2. [IMG] RichMahogany 01/04/12 09:52 AM * +2 * 2 * 0 HOLY s**t THEY FOUND THE GOO LAGOON!! WE MUST WARN SPONGEBOB!! Reply Replying to RichMahogany _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 3. [IMG] PatriciaTeh 01/01/12 07:00 AM * +2 * 3 * 0 I absolutely love the birds underwater but I could've lived without knowing about the spiders. *cries* Reply Replying to PatriciaTeh _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 4. [IMG] rainyfriday 01/01/12 03:54 AM * +9 * 9 * 0 Hey, dawg. I heard you liked swimming, so we put a lake in yo lake, so you can swim while you swim. Reply Replying to rainyfriday _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 5. [IMG] floatinggirl17 12/31/11 07:34 PM * +2 * 4 * 2 The spiders are taking over, we need to destroy them while we can. Reply Replying to floatinggirl17 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 6. [IMG] Bruceperry 12/30/11 06:37 PM * -8 * 1 * 9 I am a 28-years-old uniformed guy( working in Air Force), mature and charming but still single. I am seeking one who can give me real love, so I joined in the online service --Kissinguniform.c:-)m. It's a 10-year-old club for uniformed personnel finding their intimate lovers. Well, being in military service does not mean to be lonely, you can meet the Mr. or Miss Right there. p.s. The admirers of those uniformed person are also warmly welcome there. Reply Replying to Bruceperry _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] alk3junkie 12/30/11 09:22 PM * +5 * 5 * 0 I can't find the smiley face key on my keyboard. 7. [IMG] Psyducktales 12/29/11 02:45 PM * -6 * 2 * 8 "Trees need oxygen" No, no they don't. Somebody should have paid attention in freshman biology. The formula for photosynthesis is (6)CO2+(6)H20+photon energy=C6H12O6 + (6)O2. Plants produce oxygen, not consume it. Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies Replying to Psyducktales _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Shivz 12/30/11 01:37 AM * +6 * 6 * 0 Actually, the author is correct. Plants do, in fact, take up Oxygen at night and produce CO2 (just like animals) since there is no light source present at night. Furthermore, Oxygen is an element so stating that the "trees need oxygen" is absolutely correct even if the author was referring to daytime; in that case, the "oxygen" part comes from the two atoms of Oxygen in CO2. 2. [IMG] Shivz 12/30/11 01:42 AM * +6 * 6 * 0 Perhaps, it would have been better for the author to leave out the absurdity of trees surviving in water since there are plants (kelp and seaweed) that thrive underwater in the absence of sunlight and still produce O2 AND there are specific trees (such as Mangrove trees) that germinate underwater and then rise above the water. 3. [IMG] Assduffmoovee 12/30/11 11:02 AM * 0 * 0 * 0 All living beings breathe. They breathe at all times, but during the day they make up for the dioxygen they consume with photosynthesis. Maybe you should have paid better attention in biology class. 8. [IMG] Booboobs 12/29/11 07:20 AM * +2 * 8 * 6 Uhm, we breathe air and walk around, and yet we can swim and dive perfectly fine. I don't see what's particularly amazing about it. What's the difference between that and a penguin, apart from that penguins have a better PR department? As for the underwater running river and underwater friggin' waterfall ... those ARE amazing. Although probably pretty normal to those things that live in the bottom of the ocean already ... Reply Replying to Booboobs _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 9. [IMG] stonker 12/29/11 05:21 AM * +19 * 19 * 0 Are these in the wrong order? Seems like birds swimming are less mind-blowing than sinkholes and underwater lakes. Reply Replying to stonker _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 10. [IMG] dontcare97 12/28/11 11:23 PM * +7 * 7 * 0 You know what's another bird that can be found diving under water? A f*****g penguin. Reply Replying to dontcare97 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Theroha 01/01/12 09:17 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 How many penguins do you know that can also fly? 2. [IMG] dontcare97 01/01/12 12:36 PM * +2 * 2 * 0 -theroha, all I;m saying is that birds that dive into the water aren't that rare. 11. [IMG] kingcole225 12/28/11 08:07 PM * +9 * 10 * 1 How bout the next time we talk about spiders YOU DON'T PUT UP 10,000 PICTURES Reply Replying to kingcole225 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Booboobs 12/29/11 07:21 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 How else would you fully comprehend just how insanely creepy it is that there's nowhere you can go to get away from spiders? Unless you grow wings and fly away, in which case spiders would probably evolve just so they could chase you. :D 2. [IMG] Domie 01/02/12 04:18 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 I think there is lots of people out that would be scared enough without any pictures :P 12. [IMG] FOOTBALLER285 12/27/11 11:19 PM * +3 * 3 * 0 Jumping in a sinkhole? AWESOME! Reply Replying to FOOTBALLER285 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 13. [IMG] Mr.brightside 12/27/11 01:40 PM * +6 * 7 * 0 Spiders are just awesome, Underwater spiders, trap door spiders, there is a type that gets a ball of its webbing and throws it at prey and rodeo's them. Reply Replying to Mr.brightside _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] ThisgirlLu 12/31/11 07:45 AM * +3 * 3 * 0 You really are Mr. Brightside :) 14. [IMG] iSwagga 12/27/11 05:54 AM * +9 * 22 * 13 Its amazing what god has created for us! Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies Replying to iSwagga _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Austy123 12/27/11 07:29 PM * +19 * 21 * 2 Just saying, it was kind of cruel to vote down this guy's comment just because he referenced religion. He wasn't trying to convert anyone or bash any other religions or beliefs. All he was doing was making a statement. It's kind of sad, really. 2. [IMG] youlostme 12/29/11 02:47 AM * -3 * 4 * 7 You don't know that people voted it down just because he referenced religion. Maybe they voted it down because they don't think it's amazing. 3. [IMG] Booboobs 12/29/11 07:22 AM * +10 * 10 * 0 I voted it down because it's arrogant to say that all the wonders of the world were put there specifically for us. Then I voted it up again because you made me feel guilty. Damn you. 15. [IMG] GetSumNutz 12/23/11 08:10 PM * +4 * 4 * 0 Scubaception! FTW!!!! Reply Replying to GetSumNutz _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 16. [IMG] JenniferLynnGermain 12/12/11 08:57 AM * -14 * 3 * 17 Trees don't need oxygen. They breathe CO2 and breathe OUT oxygen. Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies Replying to JenniferLynnGermain _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] vertigo366 12/15/11 10:05 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 Actually, they do. Look it up ;) 2. [IMG] crystalroselle 12/22/11 06:56 PM * +3 * 3 * 0 they actually do need oxygen to survive. They use CO2 for photosynthesis *facepalm* 3. [IMG] OhMercyMe1 12/26/11 08:26 PM * -5 * 1 * 6 People don't need oxygen. They breathe Co2 and breathe OUT oxygen. Why don't you suffocate yourself and prove me right, Jennifer? 4. [IMG] SFaridV 12/27/11 06:32 AM * +4 * 5 * 1 Okay, let me clear this up for the benefit of everyone who, like myself, went to an American public school and was taught this about trees in those exact words. It's complicated, but to sum it up: To feed themselves, trees take in water, light, and carbon dioxide, right? They break down the CO2 into molecules of oxygen and sugar. (So at this point they kinda are breathing in CO2 and breathing out oxygen.) However! In order to actually use the sugar, they need to use oxygen during cellular respiration. (Cellular respiration is basically the act of releasing sweet, delicious energy from nutrients). Trees will use the oxygen from the CO2, or oxygen drawn from water through their roots, and so on. And then, cellular respiration produces CO2 as a byproduct. So yeah, trees do need oxygen to survive, and your average tree (in and of itself) will produce roughly as much CO2 from respiration and decomposition as it'll "breathe" in over the course of its lifetime. Not sure why we give kids this one-liner, other than the part where we don't have to explain the Krebs cycle to a five-year-old. 17. [IMG] canwizard 12/08/11 05:30 AM * +26 * 26 * 0 There's nowhere left to run from the spiders. Might as well just cover myself in dead moths and wait for the inevitable. Reply Hide All See All 5 Replies Replying to canwizard _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] AzaharaSuncrest 12/15/11 06:51 PM * +21 * 21 * 0 Space. We must flee to space. 2. [IMG] OhJohnNo 12/20/11 01:58 PM * +17 * 17 * 0 Wasn't a spider sent into space by NASA once? 3. [IMG] SirDakkalot 12/20/11 04:34 PM * +4 * 4 * 0 Little do we realize, the first aliens we'll meet are giant space spiders. 4. [IMG] JaminBen 12/23/11 11:30 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 f*****g spiders 5. [IMG] greendayisgreat 12/26/11 03:57 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 Oh fuck. 18. [IMG] kypzethdurron 12/07/11 09:38 AM * +2 * 4 * 2 Some of this is very interesting, but 'birds can go underwater' isn't, given penguins. What, there are a few species between penguins and kestrel? I AM MIND-BLOWN Reply Replying to kypzethdurron _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Siggy 12/21/11 07:40 AM * +6 * 6 * 0 But Penguins can't fly to. :P 19. [IMG] EsLaVida 12/07/11 05:32 AM * +24 * 24 * 0 I think #1 answers the question, "A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they live?" Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies Replying to EsLaVida _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Kiki_Ca 12/09/11 02:14 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 Awesome 2. [IMG] shawnaldo 12/25/11 04:39 PM * +12 * 12 * 0 What if a swimming bird and a flying fish fall in love? 3. [IMG] officershrute 12/26/11 02:43 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 So can a man fall in love with a cheeseburger? 4. [IMG] FreeValidity 12/28/11 11:28 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 OMG, that's the first thing that came to my mind too. 20. [IMG] The_Coon 12/06/11 11:16 PM * +6 * 6 * 0 I would jump down the hole...but only if I could take a rocket launcher down with me. Reply Replying to The_Coon _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Gusboy 12/23/11 12:20 AM * +4 * 4 * 0 Rocket launchers never work underwater though. The pistol sometimes does. 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