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Symon [IMG] 27 Things You Never Noticed in Famous Video Games By: CRACKED Readers [IMG] 4 Ways to Enjoy Nature According to Insane Old Magazines By: Robert Brockway 1. Home 2. Tech 3. 7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About 7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About By: Eric Yosomono December 17, 2010 Add to Favorites As we have mentioned before, technological breakthroughs aren't always built upon or improved -- oftentimes they're just outright forgotten, destroyed or lost to some ridiculous accident. The same goes with military technology. Some ancient weapons were literally centuries ahead of their time yet wound up in the trash when society decided they were simply too awesome for their time. Like ... #7. 14th-Century Cruise Missiles As you're about to find out, the Chinese have a knack for inventing truly awesome things and then forgetting all about them. One of these things was the Chinese Flying Crow with Magic Fire, not to be confused with the band of the same name. The Chinese also invented tofu, but that's barely interesting enough to deserve a caption. These 14th-century weapons took inspiration from another weapon, fire-birds, which were actual birds that were outfitted with small pouches of smoldering embers around their necks and released into enemy cities. The red-hot embers would either fall out or burn through the pouches and land on rooftops, starting massive building fires. The problem with fire-birds was that the birds were alive and would fly not only into the defending city but also to the tents and siege works of the attackers, where they would burn down the camp and shit on everything. But seriously, birds are the worst. The Chinese tried to get around this problem with devices that are detailed in the awesomely named Fire Dragon Manual. The Flying Crows were dummy birds constructed with bamboo frames and paper skin, and each one contained an explosive warhead. They were launched into the air via a rocket with a range of more than 1,000 feet. When one crashed into its target, be it a ship or some building in a besieged city, the warhead detonated. While this is a terrific idea, we have to question why the bird disguise is even necessary. Hopefully it was a little less conspicuous than this picture would have us believe. The resulting explosion could apparently be seen from miles away. A smaller version, called the free-flying enemy-pounding-thunder-crash bomb (awesome) had internal timers and when launched would explode at a predetermined height, raining down spikes dipped in "tiger-poison." Made from real tigers. Forgotten Until ... This type of winged bomb wouldn't become popular in the Western world until the early 1900s -- nearly 600 years later. And it will probably be another hundred years before they achieve the pure aesthetic awesomeness of the Chinese papier-mache rocket birds. #6. Fu Go: Japanese Balloon Bombs In World War II the Japanese looked to strike the American mainland, but no plane of that period could fly across the entire Pacific, and American naval power prevented any Japanese aircraft carriers from getting close enough. In response to this challenge, the Japanese developed the Fu Go, or the balloon bombs, which were basically ICBMs that were a fraction of the cost and were developed decades before long-distance flight-guidance technology existed. The unmanned balloons could navigate the whole Pacific before dropping their payloads via an incredibly simple system of weights and altimeters. The Japanese knew that only some of the balloons would reach America, but if they were lucky, the balloon would drop its payload on a well-populated city. Otherwise it would hit a rural area and start a massive forest fire, which we're pretty sure can still be considered a win. In late autumn of 1944, the Japanese released 9,000 balloons, of which about 1,000 managed to reach the United States, some flying as far as Detroit. One even threatened the American nuclear project when the balloon landed on a high-tension line carrying power to a nuclear reactor. Shooting them down was exactly like blasting womp rats. At first the Americans were stumped as to the balloons' origin, but closer investigation of some of the debris revealed Japanese characters, which is pretty incriminating. Not wanting the Japanese to know that the balloons were actually working, the U.S. embarked on one of the most enterprising censorship campaigns of the war and covered up evidence of the damage the balloons had caused, presumably attributing all the random explosions to atomic monsters. Due to the media blackout, Japanese agents monitoring American newspapers thought their balloon high jinks were a bust and halted the program in 1945, when in reality the balloons were considered a serious threat. The Americans were also worried about reports of Japanese biological weapon technology that would be perfectly suited for use as a payload for the balloon bombs. Fortunately, an alliance of elderly men, farmers and dowdy teachers managed to fight off the Eastern Scourge. Forgotten Until ... Because of the extensive media blackout, the balloon bombs were forgotten for the next half-century, until specials on The History Channel brought them back to light. The History Channel: If It Exploded, We'll Give It a Special. As for the ability to launch unmanned strikes from an ocean away, the Americans and Soviets both would spend the next 15 years and many billions of dollars developing the intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM), a weapon far more accurate and deadly yet not a fraction as festive as a huge cloud of fire balloons. #5. Ancient Torpedoes In the history of naval battles, there were limited means of sinking a enemy ship. You could storm it, smash it with some sort of artillery, ram it with one of your own vessels or smuggle George Clooney in as its captain. "Let's sink this bitch!" All of these meant getting dangerously close to your target and consequently risking getting sunk yourself. More than 700 years ago, the Muslims saw the folly in this and developed torpedo boats that would be able to sink a ship from a safe distance. They looked suspiciously like something designed by Cobra Commander. Sometime between 1270 and 1280, Hasan al-Rammah wrote The Book of Military Horsemanship and Ingenious War Devices. In the book, he describes a torpedo powered by a built-in rocket that could be launched against enemy ships. Using unmanned fire ships had been part of naval strategy for centuries, but they were difficult to aim and required a ship that would have to be sacrificed, sort of like a maritime suicide bomber. The al-Rammah, as the torpedo was named, was a point-and-fire weapon way cheaper and more efficient than a fire ship. When activated, the torpedo's built-in rockets would propel it through the water, and tail stabilizers would direct it to the target. A spear on the front would impale itself in the hull of an enemy ship, and then the whole damn thing would explode. Forgotten Until ... The torpedo, even in a primitive form, wouldn't be invented for another 500 years. If you think about it, it's kind of amazing that boat technology continued to advance by leaps and bounds for centuries, but the technology of strapping a bomb to a piece of metal and making it blow up said boat slowed to a crawl. You'd think the latter would be way easier. Boats have the advantage of mixing well with musical theater. And while we're on the subject ... #4. Naval Mine Around the 14th and 15th centuries, the Chinese had already mastered land mines but were getting increasingly angry at enemy junks floating safely up and down their rivers. So, as described in the aforementioned Fire Dragon Manual, Chinese warlords added sea mines to their arsenals. Supposedly, this is a picture of one. Called "submarine dragon-kings," the sea mines were submerged wrought-iron cases packed with explosives enclosed in watertight ox bladders -- basically, a grenade made from the urinary tract of a beast of burden. The explosives would stay dry, but with no oxygen, they couldn't be ignited. To solve this problem, the ancient Chinese developed an extended fuse that would run from the mine's payload through a snorkel made from goat intestines to a float on the surface disguised with duck feathers, proving that above all else, the ancient Chinese wanted their weapons to be absolutely hilarious. Case in point: the "flying-cloud thunderclap-eruptor." Another Chinese war manual describes a later model wherein the timed fuse was replaced by a remote ignition device. By using a cord pulled from the shore, the mine was activated by a flint-and-steel firing mechanism that created a spark in the submerged payload and destroyed any nearby target. Presumably the person hiding on the shore holding the other end of the cord would then blow an air horn and launch into an M.C. Hammer end-zone dance. Forgotten Until ... Somehow the technology was forgotten by the West, probably because of that whole Dark Ages thing, and there wasn't another recorded use of sea mines until the Battle of the Kegs in 1778 during the Revolutionary War -- more than 300 years later. It was totally worth the wait. * Prev * Page 1 of 2 * Next * Stumble Upon * facebook * reddit * twitter * Fark Recommended For Your Pleasure * [IMG] If History Got a Gritty Reboot 741,375 views * [IMG] 7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About 1,489,823 views * [IMG] CRACKED ROUND-UP: Not-Quite-Christmas Edition 27,876 views * [IMG] The 5 Most Insane Improvised Weapons (That Were Animals) 768,073 views * [IMG] 7 Insane Military Attempts To Weaponize Animals 969,111 views _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 664 Comments Recent Votes | Show Profanity 1. [IMG] SirDakkalot 12/17/11 05:36 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 I'm surprised Damascus steel wasn't on here. Reply Replying to SirDakkalot _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 2. [IMG] jeff... 12/17/11 12:07 PM * +3 * 4 * 0 Here in Greece, we pay tribute to "Greek fire" (or "Liquid fire" to be exact), by using the popular "Molotof cocktail" during riots...Not the same substance but the result is the same! Reply Replying to jeff... _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 3. [IMG] TheFran 12/17/11 10:07 AM * +4 * 4 * 0 > "The Farewell Tour of the Flaming Death Ship" A kickass name for a band, isn't it? Reply Replying to TheFran _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] bukchanja2 01/01/12 04:26 PM * +2 * 2 * 0 and yet another band name comment attempt... 4. [IMG] TriariiRising 12/15/11 01:37 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 El tigre! Reply Replying to TriariiRising _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 5. [IMG] EmpyrealFantasy 12/02/11 11:06 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 That tiger terrifies me. Reply Replying to EmpyrealFantasy _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 6. [IMG] wem72 12/02/11 12:20 AM * +3 * 4 * 1 It's amazing to me just how many people are quick to discredit anything that wasn't European, Christian, and/or American. Reply Replying to wem72 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] pirk42 01/31/12 06:02 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 cant be euro and US 7. [IMG] Zillah94 11/28/11 02:57 AM * +2 * 2 * 0 I love articles about ancient warfare and weapons. Ancient weapons and techniques were way badass Reply Replying to Zillah94 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 8. [IMG] justthefacts 11/04/11 08:10 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 The Egyptions used obsidian scalpels as medical utinciles in like 3000-2000 BC(E) maybe because they weren't weapons u didn't include them but i still think it counts Reply Replying to justthefacts _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 9. [IMG] GalenFleener 10/31/11 06:56 AM * +1 * 3 * 2 Tesla's 1890 particle beam cannon should be on here. Reply Replying to GalenFleener _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 10. [IMG] MrSubmarine 10/24/11 05:20 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 "The History Channel: If It Exploded, We'll Give It a Special." ...Truer words have never been spoken. Reply Replying to MrSubmarine _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 11. [IMG] zidan40o0 08/23/11 08:05 AM * +9 * 9 * 0 I would love to see #3 in action , lighting yourself in fire and charging through the troops while being on fire? that would look so f*****g badass. Reply Replying to zidan40o0 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 12. [IMG] jayman419 08/18/11 04:51 AM * -12 * 2 * 14 A couple hundred years from now, list-based cave carvings are going to lament humanity's loss of the lightsaber. While the Chinese were busy writing fan-fiction about old battles won by magical multi-stage rocket systems based on intestines, the rest of the world came to the natural conclusion that aiming may be preferable to random explosions and invented the gun. Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies Replying to jayman419 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] IonZone 08/24/11 04:44 AM * +11 * 11 * 0 Actually, they had guns too, cannons to be exact. 2. [IMG] Munchkinman 11/26/11 12:50 PM * +12 * 12 * 0 Goddamn, that's one hell of a swing and a miss... Not only did the Chinese have guns, they invented gunpowder and the first gunpowder weapons, back in the 9th century. 3. [IMG] Enlil 11/29/11 04:54 AM * +7 * 7 * 0 Jayman, you are the opposite of genious 13. [IMG] Solicitr 07/30/11 08:30 PM * -10 * 2 * 12 "because back then Europeans dealt in ignorance like a currency." Christ, its sad how this bullshit meme seems to be accepted and passed around unquestionably by so many people. Reply Hide All See All 7 Replies Replying to Solicitr _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] ZeldaTheSwordsman 07/31/11 06:58 PM * +13 * 13 * 0 This is Cracked, don't take lines like that too seriously. 2. [IMG] IonZone 08/24/11 04:46 AM * -13 * 1 * 14 I just wish people would realise there is no actual evidence for the so-called 'Dark-Ages'. 3. [IMG] Bintang 09/01/11 03:30 AM * 0 * 0 * 0 But, unfortunately, this is still true and widely implemented by many governmental bodies in order to maintain a certain level of 'dumb' among the people. 4. [IMG] GalenFleener 10/31/11 07:06 AM * -4 * 3 * 7 The Dark Ages (which would more accurately be called the Christian Era) would be the time between the fall of the Romam Empire and the Renaissance. All technology, literature, and most history was pretty much wiped out because psychotic Christians rampaged across the entirety of Europe, murdering anyone who was able to read and write and torching every single book that was not a bible. 5. [IMG] JumpinJax 11/01/11 11:13 AM * +5 * 6 * 1 I know! Those pesky medieval Christians with their founding universities, running schools, codifying medicine, developing engineering to the point where they could produce the cathedral... there was no Dark Age, it was invented by Renaissance writers, scientific advance was as rapid and as accepted during the so called "Dark Age" as it was during the Renaissance. 6. [IMG] Zillah94 11/28/11 02:58 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 Since when was it a meme? 7. [IMG] Enlil 11/29/11 04:59 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 Ah, Eurocentric thinking. Look up Cordoba, Andalusia. Then shut the hell up. 14. [IMG] Solicitr 07/30/11 08:20 PM * +8 * 8 * 0 "Somehow the technology was forgotten by the West, probably because of that whole Dark Ages thing" Erm, by the 14th-15th Century, the Dark Ages had been over for some 500-600 years. In fact by the end of the 15th Century Leonardo da Vinci was at work. Reply Replying to Solicitr _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] IonZone 08/24/11 04:46 AM * -5 * 8 * 13 The 'Dark-Ages' never actually happened, you won't find modern historians using the term. 2. [IMG] JRDZ1993 11/25/11 04:34 PM * +6 * 6 * 0 Yeah they tend to say early medieval period. 15. [IMG] wynne101 07/28/11 09:42 PM * +2 * 2 * 0 Obsidian blades are so sharp that they make the sharpest steel scalpels look like safety scissors under an electron microscope. Surgeons have started using obsidian scalpels instead. Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies Replying to wynne101 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] wolf11971 08/24/11 06:08 AM * -1 * 4 * 5 O Rly? That sounds great and all, but I've worked in six hospitals, and 'Surgical Grade Steel' is all that ever passed through my warehouse. Where is this magical land of yours? 2. [IMG] 11111 09/16/11 11:33 PM * +6 * 6 * 0 He is correct. Anthropologists eventually caught on to #2's findings and one had a surgeon use obsidian blades in his surgery. Obsidian blades are loads sharper. They are manufactured now, but since they are basically glass, they are not cost effective for many people. Steel will dominate for a little while longer. 3. [IMG] amphiox 10/31/11 06:16 PM * +2 * 2 * 0 Obsidian, or any stone, will never completely replace steel because of steel's flexibility, the ease with which you can make it into any shape or size without it becoming too brittle. That said, obsidian tipped blades are used in some surgeries, for specialized tasks. Corneal surgery, for example. 4. [IMG] amphiox 10/31/11 06:20 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 For context, the very best surgical grade steel can hold an edge that is only 10-15 atoms thick. But an obsidian flake can have a fracture edge ONE ATOM thick. This means, of course, that nothing will ever be made sharper, ever. But 10-15 atoms is plenty sharp enough for most surgical applications, and steel can be re-sharpened once dulled, over and over again. You could probably sharpen an obsidian blade a few times by re-knapping it, but there's a limit. 5. [IMG] JRDZ1993 11/25/11 04:36 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 So mono-blades arent just crazy sci-fi fantasy. 6. [IMG] Enlil 11/29/11 05:01 AM * +3 * 3 * 0 I hope I don't end up in a hospital where the workers say "O Rly?". The moment I hear the surgeon say "OMG!", I'm running out of there 16. [IMG] minitune 07/02/11 05:13 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 I just have to say that that tiger looks really dumb, like sum kind of inbred hill-billy. Reply Replying to minitune _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Sotalia 07/10/11 12:40 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 That "tiger" is actually a hybrid of a lion and a tiger, which is why it has that Persian cat/inbred hill-billy look to it. 2. [IMG] brianhornbuckle 07/24/11 01:17 PM * +2 * 2 * 0 Actually Sotalia couldn't be more wrong. This is Kenny, and he is an inbred white tiger, caused by the demand for such exotic animals. Go to DisinfoDOTcom and look up the story titled "Meet Kenny, An Inbred White Tiger"....You'll see the exact same picture shown here. 17. [IMG] Darkstrike95 07/01/11 11:14 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 Anyone know what happened to the 1960's neutron bomb? That bomb was destructive and advanced too. Reply Replying to Darkstrike95 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] JackNicholson 07/27/11 05:28 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 They made mostly radiation so I would assume the geneva convention B& them 2. [IMG] amphiox 10/31/11 06:21 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 It was no more advanced than any other nuclear bomb. It is no longer used/mentioned because it was banned. The way it kills all the people but leaves all the infrastructure intact to be taken over was ultimately determined to be too creepy/barbaric. (Yeah, this is compared to usual nuclear weapons. The world has always had a weird sense of creepy/barbaric). 18. [IMG] MajorDSaster 07/01/11 07:34 AM * 0 * 0 * 0 10 bonus points for the Pirates of Penzance reference. "With courage rare, and resolution manly For Death prepare, unhappy Gen'ral Stanley!" Reply Replying to MajorDSaster _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 19. [IMG] Duizhang_Lu 06/24/11 12:05 AM * 0 * 1 * 1 The fu go balloons were essentially worthless. Only six people were killed by 300 balloons. It took 50 ballons to take out one person! Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies Replying to Duizhang_Lu _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] SweetEmotion 07/30/11 07:52 AM * 0 * 1 * 1 Well a good weapon doesn't always have to rack up a huge body count; think EMP. The article said it got really close to a nuclear power plant line. a powerless America during WWII would be, well, powerless to stop Japan 2. [IMG] wolf11971 08/24/11 06:09 AM * +2 * 2 * 0 I'll bet they were cheap, easy to make, and if the Japanese had known that they were reaching the states... well... they'd probably have a million or so full-time balloon makers. There would have just been a steady stream providing cost-effective production. 3. [IMG] Snarkyone 12/21/11 05:36 AM * 0 * 0 * 0 How many balloon would it take YOU to kill a person? 4. [IMG] bukchanja2 01/01/12 04:18 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 1 20. [IMG] idlehands79 06/21/11 10:03 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 lol @ "Everything you do is stupid." caption of the Aztec and Spaniard. That pretty much sums it up. 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