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Link: next Link: shortcut icon apple-touch-icon Link: canonical * You Might Be A Zombie! * Cracked Store * iPad App * Horror On Cracked * Write For Us * Login * or Register * Face Book Connect Cracked.com America's Only Humor Site Since 1958 Get the Cracked iPhone reader Agents of Cracked Season 3 Videos * Articles Browse By All Articles Movies & TV Music Celebrities Tech Sex Sports News Science History Weird World Video Games * Videos * Columnists Browse By Daniel O' Brien Soren Bowie Robert Brockway Chris Bucholz Gladstone Michael Swaim Seanbaby Cody Christina H. 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For instance, you have the following enigmas that we believe were created for no other purpose than to fuck with future generations. #6. The Voynich Manuscript The Mystery: The Voynich manuscript is an ancient book that has thwarted all attempts at deciphering its contents. And it's not like some idiot just scribbled a bunch of nonsense on paper and went, "Figure THIS out, fuckwads." It is actually an organized book with a consistent script, discernible organization and detailed illustrations. It appears to be a real language--just one that nobody has seen before. And it really does appear to mean something. But nobody knows what. Translation: "...and when you get her to put the tennis racket in her mouth, have her stand in a fountain for a while. Then draw pictures of her." There is not even a consensus on who wrote it, or even when it was written. And we sure as fuck don't know why. Why Can't They Solve It? Could you? Look at this shit: Don't even try. Expert military code-breakers, cryptographers, mathematicians, linguists, people who get paid to find and decipher patterns, have all been left unable to decipher a single word. As you can imagine, proposed solutions have been all over the board, from reasonable to completely clownshit. Some say it's an unbreakable code that requires a key to solve. Some say it's a hoax, and a damned fine one if we do say ourselves. Some say it's glossolalia, which is the fine art of speaking or writing something you don't understand but that is being channeled to you by God or aliens or whatever (note that the word was chosen specifically to make you sound retarded when saying it). Our Guess: It's written in English, by a person who was extremely shitty at writing in English. #5. The Antikythera Mechanism The Mystery: The Antikythera mechanism is an ancient, intricate machine found in a shipwreck near Greece that dates back to about 100 BC. The Antikythera mechanism contains gears and structures that were not found in devices again for 1000 years, and only then when the Muslims and Chinese were busy inventing shit while the Europeans were busy killing each other. Why Can't They Solve It? First, no one can agree on where the Antikythera mechanism was made or who designed it. Popular belief was that it was made by the Greeks due to its instructions all being in Greek (about a million of our tax dollars were probably spent arriving at that genius conclusion) but serious research published in serious places suggested the design came from Sicily. And a billion parts with indecipherable instructions suggest it comes from Ikea. Ba-zing! The mechanism, aside from placing you at serious risk for severing a finger, was supposedly used to figure out astronomical positions. The problem with that is that at the time this thing was made, no one had yet discovered laws of gravity or how heavenly bodies moved. In other words, the Antikythera mechanism appears to have functions that no one alive at that time would have understood, and no single mechanical purpose of that era (such as navigating ships) explains the crazy number of functions and settings this machine has. Our Guess: It's a scrap from a time machine that exploded the moment it arrived in the past. #4. The Baigong Pipes The Mystery: In an area of China not known to ever contain people, let alone industry, there are three mysterious triangular openings on top of a mountain containing hundreds of ancient rusty iron pipes of unknown origin. Some of the pipes go deep into the mountain. Some of them go into a nearby salt water lake. There are more pipes in the lake, and more still running east-west along the lake shore. Some of the larger pipes are 40 cm in diameter, are of uniform size and are placed in what seems like purposeful patterns. Hey, vagina caves. So what's the big deal? Well, archaeologists have dated the pipes to a time when people were still trying to figure out how to cook meat without setting their back-hair on fire, let alone casting iron. Why Can't They Solve It? Oddly, the pipes are clean of debris despite being older than Zeus. This suggests that they were not simply shoved into the ground for the hell of it, but actually used for something. Oh, and did we mention the mountain is completely inhospitable to human life? As usual, a faction of nutjobs believes the Baigong Pipes to be an ancient astronomy lab or even spacecraft launching site left by extraterrestrials. This is possible, since the pipes contain a proportion of silica close to what occurs on Mars. Of course, the manhole cover outside your house does also, so take that with a grain of salt. Some say they are a hoax. We must politely remind those people that you can't wipe your ass in China without the government knowing, let alone set up a fucking iron forge and start burying pipes in the ground for the purpose of confusing passers-by. Our Guess: Long ago, a group of frustrated fishermen with lots and lots of spare time spent their whole lives building a plumbing system to drain that nearby lake. Then they figured they'd just walk right down there with wheelbarrows, scoop up the fish and eat like kings. * Prev * Page 1 of 2 * Next * Stumble Upon * facebook * reddit * twitter * Fark Recommended For Your Pleasure * [IMG] Horrible Fast Food Ideas (That Can't Be Too Far Off) 525,887 views * [IMG] 6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't Explain 10,773,926 views * [IMG] 6 Terrifying Diseases That Science Can't Explain 2,210,426 views * [IMG] 7 Awesome Acts of Nature (That Science Can't Explain) 1,981,187 views * [IMG] 6 Creepy Animal Behaviors That Science Can't Explain 2,728,447 views _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1162 Comments Recent Votes | Show Profanity 1. [IMG] RoboRonald10 01/03/12 05:53 PM * +1 * 1 * 1 I have a theory why all this stuff is unexplained. *Turns to scientists, and grabs one of them by the collar* GOD IS PISSED!!!! Reply Replying to RoboRonald10 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 2. [IMG] JeanLucMG 01/03/12 02:01 PM * -3 * 0 * 3 f*****g douchebag, I'm Costa Rican and I love this site but that comment was way over the line, seriously?! Bronze Age?! I'm f*****g watching this on my LAPTOP, i got a f*****g 3D HD 47" TV on my room so f**k you racist bastard! Costa Rica is just like any other city in the world right now you f*****g idiots! Surely your education must hace sucked horse shit! -with love, from Costa Rica Reply Replying to JeanLucMG _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] mifflewomfer 01/04/12 10:23 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 I do believe Costa Rica is a COUNTRY. 3. [IMG] nfinn42 01/02/12 03:28 PM * -3 * 2 * 5 "Stuff I don't understand! YOU CANT EXPLAIN THAT." article is highly bogus. Just because scientists weren't able to explain this s**t in simple enough terms so you could grasp it, doesn't mean THEY don't have a clue. P.S. good job on the implicit racism towards preconquest Native Americans. (ie., assuming that basic stonecarving that the druids and egyptians could do was beyond them.) You certainly didn't accidentally reveal that you're a smug white of Western European descent or anything. :P Reply Replying to nfinn42 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 4. [IMG] jonlambert73 12/27/11 08:53 AM * +4 * 4 * 0 I looked at the manuscript and it looks alot like 3rd grade cursive practise Reply Replying to jonlambert73 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 5. [IMG] reedseth 12/25/11 11:49 PM * -4 * 0 * 4 Terrible. In [makecash23 dot com], you can make near 1 hundred per h of on line work everyday. Reply Replying to reedseth _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 6. [IMG] kendambu 12/25/11 09:40 PM * +5 * 6 * 1 what is with the hate towards Costa Rica? I live there and we are still eagerly waiting for that glorious bronze age. Reply Replying to kendambu _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 7. [IMG] Muffles 12/15/11 11:59 PM * +5 * 5 * 0 The Voynich manuscript was probably commissioned by an alchemist/apothecary guy for some "secrets of the far east" appeal at his shop Reply Replying to Muffles _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 8. [IMG] Jennyfur 12/15/11 08:05 PM * +11 * 11 * 0 Just played the bloop on my computer and my dog started crying...now I'm officially creeped out! Reply Replying to Jennyfur _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 9. [IMG] OneFishTwoFish 12/15/11 03:27 PM * +3 * 4 * 0 You forgot the tides! You can't explain that! Reply Replying to OneFishTwoFish _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] AtomicRobot 12/26/11 01:08 PM * +3 * 3 * 0 Yeah. The tides roll in, the tides roll out. 'Sup with that? 2. [IMG] Jinny 12/31/11 02:22 PM * -2 * 0 * 2 Not like the moon has anything to do with it.So f**king weird,man. 10. [IMG] Chrisalator 12/15/11 01:16 PM * -1 * 2 * 3 The awkward moment when all of humanity finds the origin of the giant noise expecting something that would shatter there minds only to find that it is actually just the released constipation of a whale as it freed itself from the ocean and the shock forced the giant turd out Reply Replying to Chrisalator _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 11. [IMG] nikoharr 12/13/11 06:35 PM * -23 * 0 * 23 oNcE YOU'VE READ THE. FIRST WORD OF. THIS YOU CANT GET OUT. READ ON OR. DIE TONIGHT AT 10:35...... P.M.9 years ago. a person named Jerry got. dared to sleep. in a house that was belived. haunted.The... next day his friends. waited for him out. side the house................... They had to go inside and search for. him. They went through every room. exept the attic.He wasn't supposed to. sleep there. He was supposed to. sleep in the. living room they went into. the attic. They saw Jerry's corpse and. they just left because they were. scared. But that night they all died because. of their friend. He killed them all. for making him. sleep in that house If you. don't send this to 11 comments you. will die tonight. by Jerry. Example 1: A man. named Stewart Read this and. didn't believe it. He shut off his computer. and went through his day. That night while he was in bed he heard. something outside of his door. He got up to. look. And now he's dead. Example 2: A Girl. named Haley Read this in the. morning and she. got scared but she didn't. send it. She wanted to know if it was. true. She went to school (She was only 13. years old) and that night she died. If you don't post this on 11 comments. tonight Jerry will 'visit' you. Reply Hide All See All 5 Replies Replying to nikoharr _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] bobbiwib 12/15/11 10:50 AM * +17 * 17 * 0 Oh s**t you guys, spambots are all in good fun but if THESE people have found cracked then I am out of here 2. [IMG] JerryReynolds 12/15/11 07:05 PM * +19 * 19 * 0 But...I'm Jerry. I don't recall any of this happening. 3. [IMG] Limbo 12/16/11 12:44 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 But I live in the southern hemisphere. Do killer ghosts adhere to time difference and international datelines? 4. [IMG] JorgeEduardo 12/16/11 10:46 AM * +1 * 1 * 0 JERRY HAS SPOKEN. 5. [IMG] RoboRonald10 01/03/12 05:44 PM * +1 * 1 * 0 I read 2 weeks ago...nothing happened. 12. [IMG] Redblackdragon 12/07/11 01:26 PM * +14 * 14 * 0 Hail our lord Cthulhu. :D Reply Replying to Redblackdragon _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Nsomnia 12/27/11 11:26 AM * +2 * 2 * 0 f**k YEAH! I HOPE HE KILLS ME FIRST! CTHULHU!!!!!!1 13. [IMG] hessrockman 12/04/11 08:55 AM * +6 * 7 * 1 Take them to Egypt. Somewhere inside the Sphinx, they'll find several holes. Plug these batteries in there and the Sphinx's eyes will light up. Then it will start scooting around the desert floor making a mechanical barking sound. Best line in the whole article. Reply Replying to hessrockman _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] Daviticus 12/16/11 09:17 AM * -1 * 0 * 1 Technically, it's a paragraph. 2. [IMG] Limbo 12/16/11 08:37 PM * +4 * 4 * 0 Perhaps he meant 'line' in the ephemeral. Just cause it's got a full stop don't mean it in't a line. 14. [IMG] blizzy9 12/04/11 06:43 AM * +10 * 12 * 2 No one knows how technologically sound cultures were 3000 years ago. The batteries, pipes and weird compass looking thing could be remnants of civilizations similar to ours that simply got wiped out. Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies Replying to blizzy9 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] raelalt 12/15/11 02:20 PM * +15 * 15 * 0 And since they converted all their records to an electronic format no documentation of their existence survives. Uh oh... 2. [IMG] alekesam 12/22/11 08:59 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 Not to mention humanity has been on this rock between 40,000 to 200,000 years. Who knows what kind of sh!t people got up to back in the day. We can barely get the facts right of the last 2,000 years or so (and a third of that is debatable) let alone the 40,000 years ago humans were supposedly hanging around Austrailia/Oceania then. 3. [IMG] Drocki 01/05/12 11:34 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 It's a nice thought but I don't really think we got up to much for most of our history, because human civilization developed in a 10,000 year pocket of ridiculously mild global climate. Ice ages and really, really hot weather beforehand. Doesn't seem like a coincidence. 15. [IMG] radarpos 11/28/11 05:14 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 it's just weird Reply Replying to radarpos _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 16. [IMG] JustPhil96 11/27/11 07:46 PM * +5 * 7 * 2 The Bloop was Cloverfield taking a dump. Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies Replying to JustPhil96 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] craigm732 12/09/11 10:42 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 must've been a really big dump.. maybe he had alot of cheese or something 2. [IMG] aus_dude93 12/15/11 06:48 PM * +3 * 7 * 4 God, that movie sucked 3. [IMG] barrybomb777 01/03/12 01:54 AM * 0 * 0 * 0 Godzilla would cloverfield ass, only need a few lazer breath 17. [IMG] KathrynWarner 11/27/11 12:04 PM * +2 * 5 * 3 The Antikythera Mechanism (as I'm sure has already been mentioned) isn't a mystery for its purpose, considering the position of the stars were significant in terms of many aspects of life - celebrations and so forth. And one need not know about gravity to position the 'stars' correctly on it either: see, er, I think its inscribed circles? The occasional retrograde motion of mars at that time was explained by assuming mars rotated on a secondary orbit as well, giving it periodic backward motion across the heavens. It took extra gearing in the mechanism, but not an understanding of how the planets moved. That said, its still fricking awesome. Reply Replying to KathrynWarner _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] SeanYamazaki 12/05/11 05:31 PM * -1 * 2 * 3 Grad student detected. 18. [IMG] EdDeRs1 11/27/11 08:40 AM * -5 * 1 * 6 so Cthulhu is comeing back, now we need Deadpool, Ash (Evil Dead, i hate haveing to explain this every time) and the Undertaker and THEN we shall show that big ugly squid thing Reply Replying to EdDeRs1 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] mifflewomfer 01/04/12 10:17 PM * 0 * 0 * 0 And clint eastwood! No? Ok. 19. [IMG] WhiteHatNinja 11/24/11 05:23 AM * +5 * 5 * 0 The nude statue in #3 is near a dam in Kerala, India. I even know the sculptor who created it, and tribal actually worship it believing it to be their god. Reply Replying to WhiteHatNinja _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] paul2504 11/24/11 12:47 PM * +3 * 3 * 0 I looked for some more info on this and couldn't find anything. Any more info, like the artists name or a link? 2. [IMG] Legs 12/22/11 08:33 AM * +3 * 3 * 0 I want to know who these people are too. For....research. 20. [IMG] vanillacoke420 11/20/11 02:25 AM * 0 * 1 * 1 Also: Tides. Reply Replying to vanillacoke420 _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ [ Submit Comment ] 1. [IMG] KarrlHungus 12/03/11 12:59 PM * +6 * 7 * 1 Except tides being natural phanomena aren`t discoveries,and they are caused by the Moon`s gravitational pull. 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